Dear Pinkie Pie in Canterlot High · 4:45am Aug 2nd, 2016
I have an idea for a story. Well, it's not a story, it's more a series of short letters. Disjointed, chaotic letters. I wanted to bounce it off you guys because I can't tell if it is genius or insanity, or a little of each. Here goes:
Problems Solved By Your Favorite Interdimensional Pony Party Person
Pinkie starts an advice column in the Canterlot High school paper. It goes about as expected.
Welcome to the first Ask Pinkie Pie in our school newspaper! I would throw you a party to celebrate, but since you’re reading the paper instead of here, the best I can do is to answer all of your questions just as well as possible. So let’s get started!
Dear Pinkie Pie,
I’ve recently found this new game called Pokemon Go, and I’m enjoying it a lot, but it seems like some of my captured pokemon keep vanishing and I have to keep going out and capturing them again. Am I doing something wrong?
— Carrot
Dear Carrot,
I’m not sure. I know Fluttershy has been playing the game, but she releases all of her pokemon after she catches them, and Twilight is developing a capture/battle matrix to optimize her game, if she can ever catch one of them. Maybe you have a leak in your phone?
— Pinkie ‘Ash’ Pie
Dear Pinkie Pie,
Recently my husband has started playing this game on his phone where he catches little creatures and battles with them. He’s gotten out of the house, lost ten pounds, has twice the stamina in bed, and is turning back into the man I fell in love with. Do you think he’ll notice if I keep deleting his captured creatures so he keeps exercising?
— Cup
Dear Cup,
This is Carrot we’re talking about. You’re good.
— Pinkie
Dear Pinkie Pie,
How long do you think until Canterlot High is destroyed by some weird monster again?
— Apple Bloom
Dear Apple Bloom,
Depends. Did you sign up for the Overnight Fun Trip To The Abandoned Everfree Camp? If so, I don’t think you have to worry about it.
— Pinkie Pie
Dear Pinkie Pie,
I have found the most wonderful girl, but there seems to be something weird about her. Well, one thing in particular. Half the time when we’re kissing, her breath smells like Red Bull and the other half it smells like alfalfa. Do you know what is going on? Will this affect our relationship?
— Rapid Guardian
Dear Flash,
How open are you to a three-way? And you don’t even need to get another girlfriend.
— Pinkie Pie
Dear Pinkie Pie,
I have a date with Big Mac coming up soon, and the drugstore is all sold out of his size of…(ahem) protection. Do you think a size Large is sufficient?
— Troubled Teacher
Dear TT,
No.
— Pinkie Pie
Man, poor Flash. Not even a pseudonym can protect against Pinkie.
XD
Pinkie, you're a riot!
Wow. These are a lot more direct then your usual story ideas. I say go for it! Or maybe your just playing to much Pokemon Go.
All I want is a damn Dratini...
Okay, Flash, you're seriously asking her this question through the paper? When you know about the portal?
If anything, this should be a known and regular occurrence, although definitely one that would be... interesting for couples. Especially if the majority of Equestrians are older than their Canterlot High counterparts.
As for the concept in general, go for it. 10/10 would bug you for weekly updates.
Sweet Celestia, this is an awesome idea! I would absolutely track the heck out of such a story series!
Now, just two things:
1. What if Pinkie wasn't the only one doing a column? What if, somewhere down the line, Rarity begins writing a fashion advice column? Or Cadence taking up a version of 'Dear Prudence'
2. If you ever consider turning this into a semi-collab/guesr entry setup, I'd definitely volunteer to participate. :D
I'd read it.
Those are hilarious. You should do more.
Would read more, please write more.
10/10
You're doing the world a disservice by not writing more.
Genius and insanity are separated only by degrees of success. Given that, this is genius. By all means, keep going. Heck, I'm tempted to offer some suggestions, but I don't want to step on your toes.
This is glorious. Please continue!
Excellent idea! I have some suggestions to contribute, but I'll PM you those separately.
4127422 You mean like:
Ahem. Greetings, darlings. Pinkie Pie and the rest of the team are off on a trip this week, so she invited me to substitute for her. Admittedly, I'm not that familiar with human cultural habits, but I shall give it my best. Let's get to it, shall we?
Dear Pinkie Pie,
My boyfriend seems so erratic. He forgets things like my birthday and all of our anniversaries, but he's always so sweet that I forgive him, just to have it happen all over again. What can I do?
-- Sassy
Dear Sassaflash,
Oh, dear. I hope I got your name right. It certainly seems as if you are dating the same Caramel who is in Equestria, although for some reason, I saw him rubbing noses with Golden Harvest in the hallway just a few minutes ago. If he is just being forgetful, perhaps a gift of a schedule of some sort would be in order, as well as a few elements of intimate apparel so that you can reward the occasions when he remembers events. On the other hoof, if he is being an insensitive jerk and fooling around with other mares when he's supposed to be in your harness, something with a little more impact may be in order, perhaps in a Louisville Slugger.
-- Rarity
Genius plus insanity equals Pinkie Pie
I think she could stand be a little more random and rambling in her answers, especially as she gets the hang of running an advice column (and realizes her candy and party balloons don't work with the print press very well).
Go for it!
4127823 Exactly! That's awesome!!
Dear Pinkie
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
4127882 Dear Seether00:
According to Fluttershy, woodchucks are environmentally conscious and responsible creatures, so a woodchuck would prefer to recycle instead of just chucking the wood.
-Pinkie Pie
4127882
4128023 Heh. Accrediting contributors will be the hard part on this one, it seems.
Not sure a Pinkie advice column would work, knowing Pinkie she'd probably pop up or write answers to questions that haven't been asked yet or the answers to their Ponyville counterparts questions or simply more appropriate for their Ponyville counterparts. :)
It may be more amusing to have Sunset writing the answers perhaps showing there are still aspects of humans she doesn't understand or still approachs as a pony.
Oh man. Yes, please, write this! I'm giggling like an idiot over here!