Friendship is Card Games: Wonderbolts Academy · 1:49pm Dec 6th, 2015
What? You didn’t think it was over, did you? I still have almost half of Season 3 to blather about and make into cards, starting with Dash’s once-a-season step towards getting into the Wonderbolts.
I’m not being cute there; the subplot does seem to advance meaningfully in one episode every season. “Sonic Rainboom” put her on their radar, “Hurricane Fluttershy” demonstrated Dash’s determination and leadership skills to Spitfire, this episode gets her in on the ground floor, “Testing Testing 1-2-3” sees her get into the reserves, and “Rarity Investigates” has her fly in an actual Wonderbolts show. It’s nice to see the consistency.
It does make sense that Dash would have a mailbox on the ground; not every mailpony is a pegasus, after all… though the one that delivers the letter is. Go figure.
Judging by the pink trees, it seems to be spring. The struggle to forge a coherent timeline of Friendship is Magic continues. (And you aren’t helping, Starlight!)
It’s funny. Twilight not having wings isn’t nearly as strange to me as not seeing Discord in the window of Fluttershy’s cottage during the theme.
Why is the captain of the Wonderbolts doing the drill sergeant routine again? Oh, right, so the writers don’t have to introduce another new character. 
Yes, Lightning Dust, backtalk your superior officer. Surely no part of this plan could possibly go wrong.
Lightning Dust may have a lot of horrible qualities, but one thing I do like about her is that she demonstrates that the “contrail” effect isn’t exclusive to Rainbow Dash. Any pegasus with sufficient speed can pull it off. It’s likely a manifestation of an extreme amount of flight magic in use, similar to the overglow unicorns display during great magical expenditure (cf. “Boast Busters.”)
Show of hands: Who else treats their commonly visited websites like Pinkie Pie treats that mailbox?
Also, this kind of ridiculous, irrational worry is why I sometimes ship Twinkie, and why I really, really shouldn’t. As long as the two of them worry out of phase with one another, they’d each be able to guide the other back to something that resembles sanity. But if they’re both worried at the same time? Well, we actually saw what happens then. Yaks declare war on Equestria.
It is said that the Dizzitron was forged on Mount Badidea, from the nightmares of OSHA inspectors.
Spitfire is autographing (autohoofing?) pictures of Soarin’. Wrap your head around that one.
What’s with the eyebrow, Spitfire? The wingpony is clearly injured, while the lead pony zips off unconcerned. This is not a good thing. The Wonderbolts really don’t come off as positive role models. That’s the power of good PR, folks.
This actually brings to mind a bit of headcanon that I adore: Lightning Dust may related to Wind Rider. It’d certainly explain her skill, sense of entitlement, and personal philosophy. Who knows how much she picked up from old Uncle Wind?
I have to wonder, why are the obstacle clouds pink? I guess there’s something special in that mix beyond water. Cotton candy sugar, maybe?
Lightning Dust is as capable of thinking in three dimensions as Khan. Or there’s some mandated altitude they have to maintain for that portion of the course, but that’s never specified.
It’s not a race, but the Dust-Dash team still managed a record time. I guess they’re just that good, or the Wonderbolts are so competitive that they have no concept of not timing things. I think it’s an essential part of pegasus mentality and/or culture. No wonder Fluttershy feels like an outcast.
I do love how Lightning Dust—or as I like to call her, Fast Horse 2: Horse Faster—is basically a blend of Season 1 and negative-fanon Rainbow Dash. Everything wrong with Dash, real or imagined, in one convenient package. (Naturally, Indigo Zap is Fast Horse 3: Horse Fast with a Human.)
Cloudbusting? Not sure how that ties into Wonderbolt training. And how is that one stallion keeping track of an entire sky worth of cadets?
Cherry Berry could not have been happy when she heard what happened to the balloon. Lightning Dust made a powerful enemy that day. Well, she made a lot of powerful enemies that day. A shame they cut that scene where she’s repentant.
Rainbow’s rescue maneuver is very interesting. Apparently, when sufficiently compressed, clouds are solid for anypony. Traces of pegasus DNA in their genomes? Pegasus magic hypercompressing the substance into a universal solid? Some combination of the two, or something else besides? I’m not sure, but I like coming up with explanations for it.
Oh, Fluttershy. No one blames you for forgetting you have wings.
… Okay, Cloudchaser is judging you like a Supreme Court justice, but still, I don’t blame you.
That sequence as Dash is leaving Spitfire’s office, as the righteous indignation drains out of her and she realizes just what she’s done, just how big a bridge she’s burned… Fantastic.
And thus begins Dash’s slow quest to turn the Wonderbolts into an outfit she feels is worthy of accepting her into its ranks. Good luck, Rainbow. You’re going to need it.
Oh, and for those of you paying attention to the cards, this marks the completion of two cycles involving three-color wedges. Athletic Agility completes the “get better with enemy-colored permanents” spells, along with Mental Dissonance, Wild Surmise, Pink Punch, and Stress Test. Elite Mesa caps off the wedge land cycle I (and everyone else who played during Alara Block) came up with years before Khans of Tarkir, along with Shaman's Refuge, Eclectic Village, Diarchs’ Citadel and Changeling Hive. Of course, there are a lot more besides those. Let’s get to them:
Resign in Disgust 1W
Instant
Exile target creature if its controller sacrificed a creature this turn.
Cycling 2 (2, Discard this card: Draw a card.)
“If this is what the Wonderbolts stand for, then I don’t want any part of it.”
—Rainbow Dash, to Spitfire
Training Course 1W
Enchantment
3W: Put a +1/+1 counter on each creature you control. Activate this ability only any time you could cast a sorcery.
The Wonderbolts train their bodies, minds, and magic to be the best fliers in all of Equestria.
Wonderbolt Reveiller 2W
Creature — Pegasus Soldier
Flying
Whenever a creature attacks you or a planeswalker you control, you may pay W. If you do, untap target creature you control.
”If you aren’t out of bed by that first note, you’d better be dead or crippled.”
—Spitfire, Wonderbolt captain
2/1
Mass Spinout 3W
Instant
Mass Spinout deals damage to each attacking creature equal to the number of attacking creatures.
”Dodge, you bunch of feather dusters, dodge!”
—Spitfire, Wonderbolt captain
Nimbounce U
Instant
Replicate U (When you cast this spell, copy it for each time you paid its replicate cost. You may choose new targets for the copies.)
Return target creature you own to your hand.
Long Absence 2U
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
At the beginning of your upkeep, put Long Absence and enchanted creature on top of their owners’ libraries, then those players shuffle their libraries.
”Pinkie’s fretting is ridiculous. Who could forget a friend just by leaving for a different place?”
—Twilight Sparkle, Bearer of Magic
Cloudsculpt 2UU
Instant
Target land you control becomes a copy of target non-Aura permanent in addition to its other types until end of turn.
”You get a lot of lulls during weather duty. Shaping clouds is a great way to pass the time.”
—Rainbow Dash, Bearer of Loyalty
Wonderbolt Skywatcher 3U
Creature — Pegasus Soldier
Flying
Creatures your opponents control with flying get -1/-0.
”Bogeys inbound at one o’ clock, five o’ clock, nine o’ clock, and right moon-banished now.”
2/2
Ego Boost 3B
Instant
As an additional cost to cast Ego Boost, sacrifice any number of creatures.
Target creature gets +X/+X until end of turn, where X is the total power of the sacrificed creatures.
”Either you’re number one or you don’t matter.”
—Lightning Dust, Wonderbolt cadet
Athletic Agility R
Instant
Target creature gains first strike until end of turn. If you control a white or blue permanent, that creature instead gains double strike until end of turn.
Speed and agility are the birthright of every pegasus.
Dangerous Maneuver R
Instant
Target creature gets +4/-1 until end of turn.
No risk, no reward.
Contest of Speed 1RR
Instant
Until end of turn, up to two target creatures each get +2/+0 and gain first strike and haste.
Most pegasi live for competition against worthy opponents, forming friendly rivalries at the drop of a hat.
Eardrum Buster 3R
Creature — Pony Citizen
Amplify 1 (As this creature enters the battlefield, put a +1/+1 counter on it for each Pony and/or Citizen card you reveal from your hand.)
R, T, Remove a +1/+1 counter from Eardrum Buster: Copy target instant or sorcery spell. You may choose new targets for the copy.
1/1
Ætherhead Squad 4R
Creature — Pegasus Soldier
Flying
Whenever another creature enters the battlefield, Ætherhead Squad deals 2 damage to that creature.
”I don’t know what unicorns put in this stuff, but it’s got more kick than any cloud you’ll ever see.”
3/2
Care Package 2GG
Sorcery
You gain 6 life.
Draw a card.
”Nothing says, ‘Please don’t forget about us, assuming you haven’t already’ like a cake.”
—Pinkie Pie, Bearer of Laughter
Dizzitron 5
Artifact
4, T: Tap target creature. It doesn't untap during its controller's next untap step.
”It will make you very, very dizzy.”
—Spitfire, Wonderbolt captain
Cyclone Engine 6
Artifact Creature — Construct
Flying
Whenever Cyclone Engine blocks or becomes blocked by a creature, that creature gets -2/-0 until end of turn.
The Wonderbolts train using some of Equestria’s most sophisticated weather technology.
3/5
Pinkie’s Embrace UB
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets -2/-2 and loses flying.
Love and affection inextricably mixed with the crushing power of a born rock farmer.
Academy Record RW
Enchantment
Creatures you control get +1/+1.
Whenever a player casts a spell with converted mana cost greater than the number of fame counters on Academy Record, that player gains control of Academy Record and puts a fame counter on it.
Renegade Flier 3(br)
Creature — Pegasus Rogue
Flying
Renegade Flier can only attack alone.
”I don’t need the Wonderbolts, I don’t need a wingpony, and I don’t need your feathering sympathy.”
4/2
Colossal Cloudbiter 4(rw)G
Creature — Pegasus Soldier
Flying, trample
Whenever Colossal Cloudbiter deals combat damage to a player, that player sacrifices an enchantment.
”YEAH!”
4/4
Scouring Vortex XGW
Instant
Destroy each enchantment with converted mana cost X or less. Scouring Vortex deals X damage to each creature with flying.
”Any weather crew can make a tornado. How hard can it be to control one?”
—Lightning Dust, Wonderbolt cadet
Elite Mesa
Land
Elite Mesa enters the battlefield tapped.
T: Add R, W, or U to your mana pool.
Where the best train to get even better.
I was hoping for a card named "Danger Zone"
Also, many LOLs at "Long Absence".
...Yeeeeouch, flavortext Twi.
I can totally see Pinkie accidentally hugging somebody so hard that they die.
Also, that DBZ abridged reference.
*Raises han, then goes back to check up on his notifications and group updates*
This has had me thinking. I was reading a bad fic recently (Crafted by a noted anti-brony who shall not be named) and in it, Fluttershy was asking about using their "superior powers" and "skills gained from those powers" considered cheating. Of course, one of the first ponies to say no to is...
Rainbow Dash.
Well, I was agreeing at first, then I thouight about it. Maybe in season 1 yeah, because of her match with Applejack, but she has had grown since then. And thne this episode reminded me that she is a mare who likes to push her limits, to go beyond the possible and break the rules. Would she really want to be a pony who uses superieor skills against opponents that have no chance to win? No, because she wants a challenge, she wants to find a new limit to hit
And this
Makes me wonder if she will be happy with the bolts? Or if she will spend time with them, and think
And then quit to find a new limit to hit.
Hm...Maybe that's how they made the roads that Spike can walk on in "Cutie Re-mark."
I think she's Twilight's employee. You know, Twilight is a rich Canterlot pony, her parents got her a balloon when she told them she was moving away so she could get around. Twilight is no Filthy Rich but she can see opportunity and appreciates a pony with a business sense so she hired somepony to look after the balloon and rent it out to other ponies in Ponyville.
After all:
I never liked any of this, because the much simpler explanation is that Twilight cast the cloud walking spell on them before they left for a pegasus settlement, just like she did in Sonic Rainboom, it's probably in her checklist for such a trip. Why wait until it's potentially too late for it?
Pegasi can still punch through clouds if they are going fast enough, which we see all the time though out the series, so the cloud compression was probably to prevent that, rather than any more exotic application of magic (we see that colt racing RD get stuck in a cloud column when she got her cutie mark, and those look like they are some kind of denser structures)
I like their different expressions when they are falling and to see who is flailing and who is screaming and all. Twilight, Rarity and Pinkie are in full panic mode, AJ looks resigned to her fate. Fluttershy just looks flabbergasted.
Never enuff Twinkie.
I'll go get Mr. Numbers. Don't think I won't.
(I probably won't.)
Good to see that you're still making these in the "off" season.
Cool that you made the tri-land non-plane specific.
It could just as well been Jeskai related. Did you make this card before Khans block?
The flavor text for Long Absence is just...
It suddenly occurs to me that lightning and dust do not actually have anything to do with each other, and that her name only makes sense as a veiled reference to performance-enhancing drugs
Did everyone already know this but me?
3597147 Um, dust in the air generating static is how lightning is formed.
Who, indeed?
On Cloudsculpting -- did you ever read that Ballard story about the guys with the glider who were doing this in the Arizona desert?
Not that hard actually. Well, to give OSHA inspectors nightmares.
Just leave a couple empty canisters of finish close to the saws.
Of course, you don't really want to do that.
I find it amusing that Renegade Flier is the exact opposite colours of the original Exalted mechanic (though they since added Black Exalted creatures). I was also mildly confused as to why Academy REcord mentioned counters with no way to put them on it, then I read a little more closely.
One of the thinsg I remember most about this episode is watching "Military Bronies React to Wornderbolt Academy," and the instant Lightning Dust talks back, all of them stare at their screen incredulously. BlackGryph0n also mutters "she's dead. she's so dead." (or something like that)
3597085 3597090 3597147 3597300
One of my favorite things about going back to older episodes with knowledge of what's to come is the opportunity for these little moments of irony.
And no, Jordan, I hadn't ever heard of that story before you mentioned. Thanks for bringing it to my attention, though. Anyone else who wants to read it can find it here.
3597101
Judging by how little she seems to think about the cadets' well-being, Spitfire is about on par with abridged Piccolo. She'll get results, but you are not going to enjoy the process.
3597104
Yeah, trouncing an opponent who doesn't have a hope of victory doesn't seem like something Dash would enjoy nowadays. As for her post-Wonderbolts career...
With hookers! And blackjack!"3597116
Entirely possible. The clouds did darken as Dash compressed them.
3597573
Obivious joke in 3...2...1
With Blackjack you say?
pre01.deviantart.net/9a73/th/pre/f/2015/338/d/a/blackjack_says_bravo__sgnd_by_adog0718-d9j1vj2.png
I can get behind that!
No, bad Blackjack
3597120
It is Twalit Sperkul's bluun. "Twilight-owned, Cherry-operated" seems to be the usual course of events.
I suppose a cloudwalking spell would be a simpler explanation. Honestly, I was so caught up in hypothesizing about pony genetics and the behavior of pegasus magic-infused water vapor that I never applied Occam's Razor.
And yeah, you've got to love how much the animators put into each episode. I was finding new details in "Crusaders of the Lost Mark" in the eighth rewatch. (What can I say? I love seeing blind commentators react to the cutiesynthesis scene.)
3597128
The thing is, I also ship CheesePie. It's just that I love the mad chemistry that Twilight and Pinkie have as they play off of one another's instabilities.
3597138
As I noted in the pre-card commentary, pretty much everyone anticipated wedge lands from the moment their counterparts were printed in Shards of Alara. The Wonderbolts Academy made for a perfect site for the RWU land.
3597401
Workplace safety hazards are distressingly easy to come by, which is how they could afford to make the Dizzitron so tremendous.
3597492
There's a big difference between being the people's exalted champion and being a lone wolf after alienated any possible allies.
And yeah, this episode made for a fantastic Military Bronies React. Jake the Army Guy going full drill sergeant makes me laugh in a way that demonstrates how I should not serve in any kind of armed force.
3597583
Damn it, Starlight, what did I say about not helping!?
The problem is that we're dealing with the sort of brutal competition that seems to mark Pegasus society. This is the downside of the proud warrior race pony.
That was wonderful.
I think I would run Gavony Township over Training Course probably 9 times out of 10.
There is so much potential for fun in Cloudsculpt.
I feel like Athletic Agility and Dangerous Maneuver are kind of meant to go together, both mechanically and flavorfully.
I know who likes Academy Record (why isn't there a goat emoticon?)
Also, unrelated to the above, I recently found something incredible that I think you'll enjoy (though I say this knowing nothing about your taste in music)
3597741
Indeed. Shades of Pegasopolis yet linger in pegasus culture, for good and for ill. Probably more than the other tribes, especially in a place as inevitably culturally isolated as Cloudsdale.
3598687
The balancing is tricky with Training Course. Allowing the ability to be single-turn repeatable and monocolored means I have to adjust a lot of knobs. I think that one would require playtesting to find the sweet spot.
I'm a sucker for copy effects and changing permanent types. Cloudsculpt is almost pure indulgence in that sense.
Zedruu needs to be in Equestria at some point. Rarity and she can have a generosity-off.
I love the Madoka soundtrack, jazz, and remixes in general, so you definitely got the optimal audience for that link. And that art is fantastically dapper. Thanks for it!
3598706 The person who uploaded it also uploads lots of orchestral covers of music from various anime, generally with some pretty snazzy art. It's pretty incredible, overall
3598706 Yep. Growing up in Qo'noS in the sky is why Fluttershy has as many issues as she has. If she had been exposed to ponies whose guiding philosophy is not 'Win or die', she'd be more confident.
3599313
"I'd rather smile and make friends with the gagh, if that's okay with you."
I would imagine that the Wonderbolts would need to be familiar with weather for a number of reasons, primarily that natural weather would present a hazard to an airborne force, and knowing how to disperse it could be vital to mission success. It could also be that the Wonderbolts are the general hazardous weather clean-up crew, since Hurricane Fluttershy showed that they have ties to the weather industry, and Spitfire must've been there for some reason, even if she didn't actually do anything. Maybe she was there to kill the hurricane if the Ponyville weather team ever lost control of it.
3614601
Entirely valid points. Thank you for them.
3615271
oi64.tinypic.com/2ugo0vn.jpg