S5E12/One Mare's Worth Postmortem (1/2): I Guess I Can Talk About Moondancer Now · 4:35pm Aug 19th, 2015
The following contains massive spoilers for One Mare's Worth and Amending Fences. If you haven't read the first or watched the second, you might want to make sure you've taken care of both of those before going any further.
We cool? Cool! 
Hi, folks.
Well. That was a thing that happened, wasn't it? I promised a postmortem in the comments, but I would have penned one out even if I hadn't. Lots to get off my chest, and it starts with the episode which got this show on the road in the first place! Season 5's been on a roll and has been largely great. I've already weighed in on all but two of the episodes thus far and I don't have to again.
(Just to put minds at ease tho: yes, I liked "Make New Friends But Keep Discord" a bunch but don't have much to say about it unless someone really wants me to? It was a fun ride, assertive Fluttershy is always nice, Discord period is always nice, and if there's one thing both that episode and the ensuing fanfics taught me, it's that I could never ship them in a million billion years. Like... oh, 75% of the dynamics on this show, they work way better as friends and their in-show characterization provides zero subtext for me whatsoever.)
Some episodes, however, hit harder than others, and while the hardest-hitting episodes have managed to do so rather negatively seriously fuck the tantabus, we do have one that does the exact opposite.
Amending Fences.
Thanks, M.A. Larson. From the bottom of my heart. Thanks for being a name I can always trust so long as executive meddling doesn't railroad your ideas. 
I originally created Bookish Delight (you may know her; crazy pink-colored purple-maned donut steel OC of the uber-hipster variety) because I LOVE the super-nerdy, super-dorky kinds of characters. I find them cute, I find them badass when they get fired up or find the solution to a problem, and I find them personally relatable. Those of you who've seen me at Everfree, don't be fooled--I'm only as lovable as I am when I'm having fun and I'm completely sure I can be myself without fear of judgment. 99% of the time, I'm a total introvert even online, and someone for whom social interaction, even with friends, is simultaneously invigorating and draining. Just give me a quiet library, or IT lab, or my room, or, if I'm going outside, a nice park with nothing but singing birds and mildly overcast weather and I'm in heaven. Failing all that, I'll gladly take a cityscape full of people who are paying zero attention to me whatsoever. I love that last one to pieces in fact.
In short, yes. Moondancer speaks to me. More than unicorn!Twilight Sparkle, more than Sunset Shimmer, and about on the same level as Rarity. I've more or less learned to fake being sociable so that I can function in society and, y'know, have jobs n' stuff--but the second I get back to my sanctuary, be it my home or a hotel room, I do my best to wipe away the entire experience and recharge, and curl up with the mental stimulus of my choice.
Until last month, I thought I just had an inner Fluttershy that I was stuck with; I'm actually a bit relieved now that there's another pony out there that strikes far closer to home and which I'm okay with. Because the biggest reason for the above few paragraphs is less a compulsive shyness, and more that I've tried the other way numerous times, and it's blown up in my face often enough for me to not consider it worth it except in the most extreme of cases. My introvertedness is reason-based (as much reason-based as this sort of thing can be, anyway). That said, there are some people out there, even online, that I consider worth putting myself out there for even if it drains every reserve I've got. You know who you are.
At the same time, the specter of unicorn Twilight rears its head once more. I constantly drift between people and conversations. I drift between friendships as well. Here one day, gone the next. It's hard for me to help. Those of you who've been in PM conversations with me have witnessed it at least once--I'm very good at disappearing off the map. I've been nicknamed "The Comet" by more than one friend because I appear in a blaze of glory and I'm AWESOME and then I'm gone again and you need a telescope to keep track of me. And then I'm just very good at drifting apart. I've never been in a fandom as long as I have this one, but even my closest of friends aren't going to see or hear much of me within the next five years, I promise. It's just something that happens. 
And just like in Amending Fences, you'll have people who get it and don't sweat it too much, and people who take it personally. Moondancer's speech near the end of the episode? I've gotten it handed to me in no less than a half-dozen variations. And it does hurt, especially if you take it upon yourself to empathize with the other party. It stings. You feel their pain. But you can't do a bloody thing about it because really how were you supposed to know?
One of my favorite parts of Amending Fences is how nobody was completely in the right. Moondancer was crazy wrong to put all of those expectations on Twilight. Twilight, meanwhile, for all her smarts, was the most ignorant pony one could have come across back in those days. As much as I advocate being in your own little world, you do still have to stay cognizant of the one you actually live in. Otherwise, problems will happen down the line. She's lucky she got off this easy.
In short, I've been on both sides of the Fence That Was Amended. Meaning that this episode almost dethroned Rarity Takes Manehattan for my favorite episode of the series. In the end, however, it failed to do so for exactly one reason:
I didn't really buy Moondancer's anguish. It all just sort of slipped past me like I was made of Teflon.
Yeah, I know. I'm heartless. What can I say? 
Oh, it was written well and everything. Nothing she said or did was unconvincing in any way, I promise. I thought her performance was grand and her arc/plight was sympathetic. However, what was missing was context. Context is queen, and the most the queen was alloted in this episode was a small flashback of Moondancer and Twilight when they were fillies. We saw nothing about their friendship or about how Moondancer thought of Twilight when they were both grown enough to have their own parties--only ever told, and then told to accept the circumstances. Without context, without knowing and experiencing the stakes, without really knowing just how much Twilight showing up at that party would mean to Moondancer, it was really hard to empathize, even if it was easy to sympathize.
The way to do that in the episode proper would have been to have an extra flashback or two, set around current-age, showing just how much Moondancer valued Twilight as a friend while emphasizing Twilight not really understanding the gravity or depth of Moondancer's dedication. Then, when Moondancer had her crying speech, we would be able to have true catharsis. The episode even cheats us out of the party scene by having it be an imagined scenario of Twilight's.
Looking at it now, I'm actually really surprised Moondancer's perspective was so staunchly avoided. Presenting it would only have helped, both by driving home just how oblivious Twilight had been back in the day, while also fleshing out Moondancer's character.
Anyway, once I figured out what my sole problem was in the episode, I gladly took on the challenge of filling in the holes. Because I wanted to care about this mare who I saw so much of myself in, dangit. This mare who I waited five years to get.
This... was easier said than done.
You've seen the end product by now, and you've seen the tags on it. Real talk: my greatest failure and regret was that I wasn't able to get my message across without resorting to shipping--and sexy shipping at that! However, it wasn't for lack of trying. I really wanted something that tonally fit into the show and that could be presented to an audience of little girls; however, the more I worked at the problem of showing what Moondancer's perspective would have been like around the time of the party and during Amending Fences, the trickier I realized it was, and the more I realized just why the episode itself might have avoided trying to do so too. The trouble with working with emotions is that they never do what you want.
Let's look at the sequence of events here:
- Moondancer throws a party and invites Twilight.
- Twilight blows it off because geeky tunnel vision.
- This manages to be a catalyst that causes Moondancer to give up on friendship and become a recluse.
- When Twilight returns and brings up the event, Moondancer's response is outright hysterics, once again directly related to Twilight not showing up. Forget any of the other ponies who did show up: Twilight's sole absence was a complete heartbreaker.
Given the sequence of events, the following thought process occured:
- Given Moondancer's reactions, she would need to have a rather high opinion of Twilight Sparkle. Astronomical, even. Twilight would have to mean the world to her.
- Pre-Ponyville Twilight would also have to not have any clue about this. That Twilight cared far more about books than friends. If she had friends, they would still be of a lower priority.
- Twilight might have been amicable towards Moondancer, maybe even have been a longtime colleague, but when the chips are down and she has to choose between nerdery or friendship, it's going to be nerdery every single time. Not because she's anti-friendship, but she just doesn't see it as anything important yet. Learning? THAT'S important to her. Studying magic was her passion since she was a filly, and her identity as Princess Celestia's student was built around it.
- This meant that one would have to show the friendship shared between Twilight and Moondancer... without having it look like Twilight placed nearly as much value on said friendship as Moondancer did. If I were to use my usual brand of friendshipping and show that the two had a special unbreakable bond, then Twilight skipping the party without so much as a "tell her I'm sorry I can't make it" would look very much out of place.
- In short, to keep within both characters' canon characterizations: I would have to stress that for Twilight, friendship was incidental and barely worth concentrating on, while for Moondancer, friendship was something foreign and scary except for one shining exception that would make it all worth it.
In the end, I went with a cautionary tale about expectations. Moondancer placed an almost unhealthy amount of value on Twilight's existence and party attendance--and for her to armor her heart and hold a hysterical grudge about it for years? It was impossible for me not to think that Moondancer's affection for Twi was a full-on crush. Think about it: Moondancer had friends--not acquaintances, friends who looked out for her and everything--in the form of Minuette, Twinkleshine and Lemon Hearts, but the episode shows that those three weren't on the same plane of value as Twilight by a long shot (poor girls). Something much less emotionally stable was at stake here.
To seal the deal, I decided to chronicle Moondancer's journey towards finally making her first steps into true lesbian love friendship official. And again, she's a smart mare--she did everything right, had ponies looking out for her, had Celestia in her corner... but in the end, Moondancer's only crime was assumption. Assumption that Twilight had the same priorities that she did.
I love writing character fantasies, so the above was crazy fun. Meanwhile, if you want to break a person, show them their greatest fantasy, so real that they can taste it... just before plunging their lives into the worst possible opposite scenario, and making sure they know that this is all they will ever have to look forward to. The greater the hope, the greater the fall.
The lesson, of course, is to never hope. 
I didn't want to break Moonie's heart, much less all of yours, but I had to, in order to reconcile myself with the episode and character, and get the release from it that I wanted to. And after reading it back to myself, and then watching the episode, it worked. A little too well, actually. You can try The Experiment yourselves if you wish. A few of you are heartless enough for it to fail, but the rest of you might be surprised. 
Anyway now that the episode is patched, it will now be much easier for me to write Moondancer finding happiness like I originally wanted to all along. What form that happiness will take, I haven't decided yet. When will it happen? AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA... yeah, y'all know I don't have ETAs on fanfics. It's impossible with my life. 
It's time for me to go to work, so I've decided to cut this mega-post in half. Stay tuned for the second part, where I do a deep dive into the story itself, and lead all willing on a safari of all the hidden Easter eggs, secrets, references and theories that I slipped into this story that I am shocked nobody brought up, because there were A LOT. See you then!
~B
Bookish ain't lying. I had to edit this thing. I've never seen so many subtextual spinning plates in my life!
I have to say, I'm with you on the cometary behavior, both on the Internet and in real life. Five Internet fora, three Tumblr blogs, more real life friends than I'd like to think about... Interest wanes, opportunities to meet dwindle, and I just don't feel the impetus to maintain the connection. And goodness knows I don't initiate anything on PM conversations. I love acting as an advisor and sounding board, but reaching out to others just because? Who does that? I (Well, other people, apparently.)
So yeah, I definitely know where you're coming from. And shipping does seem like the only logical conclusion of Twilight and Moondancer's relationship. That, or a relationship that borders on worship. Either way, it was asymmetrical and more than a little worrisome.
Could barely read the post after the pic of adorable nerd pony at the top. If you suddenly get the news that lots of your followers have died of cute, you'll only have yourself to blame. (Also, Pinkie Pie will put her donut steel up against yours any day of the week.)
derpicdn.net/img/view/2015/7/30/947148.jpg
I have to agree with your conclusion that it probably wouldn't have worked otherwise.
I feel this sudden urge to write parody lyrics to a Huey Lewis song.
Fortunately, more sensible parts of my brain are holding that back, and the desire should soon pass.
Cluster of neurons: "'Lesbian love is a...' beautiful thing? Wonderful thing? And what about that next line?"
A different cluster: "Stop that. Just... just stop it."
"The lesson is: never try." -- Homer Simpson
If it makes you feel any better, most of my references breeze by uncommented as well, even the ones I don't think are that obscure.
I'll go against the grain and suggest that this was, indeed, the best part of the episode. What say you, Lemon?
derpicdn.net/img/view/2015/7/7/932292__safe_pun_lemon+hearts_amending+fences_spoiler-colon-s05e12_visual+pun_the+muppets_flaskhead+hearts_beaker_meep.jpg
Ah, well said! :V
On a serious note, I love reading these analysis blogs :B Gives us a look into your mind more than just a mere story can!
Nailed it. This show has a lot less lesbian undertones than a lot of adult fans think, but this time, they were impossible to miss. I'm glad you wrote this, because it deserved a decent treatment. (Me, praising shipping? Interesting times indeed.)
3331555
And you caught them all without missing a beat, as usual.
3331640
And oh, I loved that scene. The episode NEEDED that scene. It just needed a complement to bring it all home, you now?
Image sorcery time!
http://frank-seven.deviantart.com/art/Moondancer-544956450
http://fantasyblade.deviantart.com/art/Waiting-for-a-friend-544860896
http://pastelmistress.deviantart.com/art/When-Will-Senpai-Notice-Me-544349402
3331884
Sure, thanks. I'm just lazy and thus just let the DB URLs do the sourcing for me when it comes to blog posts if someone's that interested.
I'd make source links out of the pictures themselves but people here freak when you do that.
EDIT: Hmm. Maybe I should just start doing link compilations at the ends of posts, or in first comments. That way the cleanliness of the blog entries' layouts wouldn't have to be sacrificed...
Interesting nerdish reflection on the sociology of nerd herd behavior.
I'll have to corner you on more MD insights sometime. (and I wish I could have made it to Bronycon)
While Discord is absolutely and literally in no way ready to have a relationship, I think a crush on his part would be entirely in character.
Moon Dancer is my pony too. That terse, "there is no point in others leave me alone" is me, ages 10 to 20.
I find myself in the weird position of generally craving the attention of others while being simultaneously afraid and exhausted by it. It has made internet relationships significantly easier, because they take much less out of me. But even then, it's hard to force myself to initiate anything with someone I don't already know. I always worry I am bothering someone.
I agree about how Moondancer must have viewed Twilight. It seems hard to believe that she didn't harbour a crush on Twilight, really. really hard to believe... Must be why I have fallen for this ship so hard so quickly.
3332160
Hey, look, it's my life talking back to me.
I can't promise it ever goes away, but I can promise it gradually becomes easier to live with?
3331653
Wow, thanks, Voice. I didn't know you'd read it!
Utterly agreed.
Part of this is because we're conditioned by society (or just find it fun--guilty as charged!) to extrapolate romantic subtext in any sort of amicable interaction between sentient beings. I'm all for making your own fun and embarking on the awesome problem-solving journey of getting one character hooked up with another through a series of circumstances, but I see so many people (especially when it comes to inter-M6 shipping) insist that such-and-such canon interactions are proof positive that such and such duo of characters make for the perfect ship and noooooooooooooooooo.
The show really is called "Friendship is Magic." As in, friendship on its own, takes myriad forms and really can break through damned near all of the barriers that convention tries to tell us only idealized romantic love can. Canon shows us that (insert two ponies here) are friends. You want anything else, you have to do the work yourself.
From where I'm sitting, this is why 90% of shipfic here and everywhere else fails. Because authors all too often try to converge all of those amicable interactions under the umbrella of just one type, one image, of character relationship... and try to do so via the path of least resistance. And this is why I can't find a good Sunlight fic here to save my life.
3332320 It's bias. People see what they want to see. Some people look at Rarity and Applejack and are just convinced that "these characters belong together, they can have a wondrously happy life of love together, the show shows it all the time" and I'm all "no, the show wants to do the classic 'mismatched characters can have common ground', they can look beyond their differences and respect each other for it, but there's no way Rarity would want to live the rest of her life on a farm, or Applejack live away from the farm".
And then I wax lyrical about Twilight and Trixie, and those same people are all "Uh, don't they hate each other?"
So. Bias.
And I can see Discord and Fluttershy as a workable romantic pairing. Not a solid, healthy full-blown relationship from the get-go, but a crush born of friendship blossoming with great effort into something strange yet beautiful. It helps that they have a canonical connection already, and common ground. Beats FlutterMac by miles.
(Bias!)
Yes, this is the only logical explanation.
Rodin's massive sculpture, The Gates of Hell, when viewed from around 50 meters away, seems to have an anchor (the symbol of hope) embossed across the doors. When viewed up close, it is revealed for an illusion. The shape is only masses of the damned, writhing in torment.
Sorry for being so "cheerful," but you made me cry when I re-watched Amending Fences.
3340433
A wonderfully apt comparison, actually!
3332320 "And this is why I can't find a good Sunlight fic here to save my life.
"
Out of curiosity, and a desire to go CHALLENGE ACCEPTED, what would that look like to you?
3332320 For the most part, our culture doesn't value friendship very much. And that's too bad. But I still vividly remember my BFFs from when I was eight. I loved those girls fiercely, especially Elizabeth. It broke my heart when we moved halfway through the school year.
School aged girls love each other like that. And that's what the show is modeled on. That's who it's for.
3347854
Like the one I'm writing.
But please, feel free to contribute.
3331592
Yah. Somewhere down the line, connections become commoditized. Least that was always my thinking. Quality over quantity, y'know?