Fanfic Reviews – Dark Edition · 10:33pm Mar 23rd, 2015
The document that contained most of these reviews started with “Hey, it is Halloween!” Never let it be said that I am punctual, that would be a dirty lie.
Anyway, I have a strange relationship with dark stories, since I tend to find them hilarious, but then I feel bad for laughing about people getting dismembered or stalked. What I do love, however, is proper atmosphere, but that seems as hard to find as proper romance. It is certainly a hard balancing act, trying to avoid the boring and the ridiculous..
Anyway, on to the reviews! This time around I am tackling:
A Glimmer of Hope in the Black
Faster
The Reign of Queen Twilight Sparkle
The Dark Ones
Loop
The Ultimate Alicorn
End
Fade
Falter
As a reminder, scores are on a 0~10 scale, with below 3 being where I dislike a fic, and above 8 where I can say I actually like it.
Flashgen – A Glimmer of Hope in the Black – Horror
Applejack tries to survive a mysterious event.
This is a sequel to A FLEet|ng LIght |n thE DArknEsS, a good horror fic on its own right. Despite being a good sequel, it doesn’t add much of anything to the original, being little more than an alternate PoV to the same events, going through the same things as Twilight did in the original, only in a more communal setting. Sadly, since the story has essentially the same pace and beats of the original, it is too predictable, and wastes quite a bit of time retreading old ground. The writing style is a bit different, which accounts for AJ’s personality. This is one case where the epistolary format works, effectively justifying the time skips, and you rarely feel like Applejack is writing things that she wouldn't.
My main issue is that, while it is fairly cohesive, it wanders a little too much for my tastes, with some long periods where we are just waiting for something to happen, and which serve to dampen instead of heighten the tension. This leads to the ending being somewhat of a letdown, rushing right along when I was the most invested, and although it was effective, something was lacking. However the story mostly works, managing to be creepy and atmospheric without sounding silly, and I had a good time reading it.
Why it should be read: If you liked the original and want more.
Stand out moment: How the subtle hints that not everything is what it seems are spread through the narrative.
6/10
Einhander –Faster – Fairy Tale
Rainbow Dash wishes to go faster.
While, strictly speaking, this isn’t a horror story, it is curiously reminiscent of one, given its story beats and how it uses stuff like supernatural entities and bodily horror. In that, it is much closer to old fairy tales (or a Twilight Zone episode), so I am rolling with that. While it is an interesting story that kept my attention all through, it does take refuge in some tropes I can't stand. The incidental shipping in particular is absolutely superfluous, with many other reasonable ways to keep Rainbow Dash grounded, and it is never used to good effect. Even worse, Fluttershy comes off as extremely unsympathetic to Rainbows plight, ruining any illusion that they have anything more than a passing crush. It would be ok if that was the point, but since so much of the emotional closure hangs on that, I believe their relationship was meant to be much more seriously.
In fact, this is one of those fics that fails despite some great aspects, like the chilling ending and the great voicing for Rainbow. Often enough it is deep and impactful, with fantastic imagery, but it gets bogged down in a lack of moral ambiguity in what happens to RD, which dampens much of the effect of the story. A sad thing when you consider the fic by itself, but I liked enough things to make me decide to check the sequel.
Why it should be read: For the great character voicing, and the concept itself.
Stand out moment: Rainbow’s destiny is fitting, and there are hints of a much more subtle story in the ending.
6/10
Eakin – The Reign of Queen Twilight Sparkle – Dark (Mature)
Queen Twilight Sparkle's reign, as part of the Hard Reset-verse.
Part of the Hard Reset-verse, this is an extension of the darkest timeline, the bonus chapter where Twilight never breaks from the time loop and goes insane. This is a thoroughly visceral and disgusting story, ranging from Torture Porn to Psychological Horror, and occasionally even reveling in it. However, while I wouldn't recommend this to anyone that has an instinctive aversion to such things, this fic ends up using those elements to great effect.
This thing that makes the fic work is that, for all her atrocities, there is a kernel of canon Twilight in this Twilight, and seeing just how twisted her characterization can get was interesting. This only helps sell the idea of the ending, which is incredibly dark, and effectively shows the depths of the torture this she has yet to undergo. For all her actions, it is hard not to pity her.
Sadly, it is also a very repetitive story, and there are long stretches of nothing but metaphors about just how much in denial she is. The metaphors themselves are clever, but they were used in a way that overloaded the narrative, drawing attention away from other things. There is also the fact that this will hardly be interesting for anyone not familiar with the original, but then this wasn't written as a stand-alone.
Why it should be read: If you can stomach it, this is an interesting extension of Hard Reset.
Stand out moment: How the ending re-contextualizes everything that happened before.
7/10
Aquaman – Loop – Horror
A Doctor walks around a haunted hospital.
This is the type of horror story that I enjoy, properly atmospheric and able to pull the reader in. Coupled with the great concept, it reminded me in many ways of a (good) Silent Hill game. There is never a feeling of safety, and even after you grasp the twist, you keep fearing for his safety and sanity. And, most importantly, this is far from an empty story of horror for horror sake, and instead serves as an exploration of a doctor's regrets over losing patients.
I only had two significant issues, and minor ones at that. First, I felt that the story was a bit too obvious, and could have used with some added subtlety regarding the doctor's condition, as well as the nature of the twist/mystery. Second, is that it isn't very pony, if at all. In fact, it could probably be taken as original fiction with little more than a find and replace. Still, considering how effective and engaging it was, I can safely say that none of that actually bothered me.
Why it should be read: For some high quality horror.
Stand out moment: The constant crumbling of the Doctor's sanity, as expressed through his speech.
9.5/10
Snake Staff – The Dark Ones – Dark/Sci-Fi
Imperial Warhammer 40K troops arrive on a desolate Equestria, finding a single survivor.
I have no familiarity with Warhammer 40K , other than knowing it is Humans vs. Orks in space, it pretty much coined the term "grimdark", and that you can piss its fans by saying that it is a Starcraft clone. Luckily, while I believe this would be much more interesting for a fan of that universe, I didn’t feel lost at any point during this fic, and it does a good job of explaining the relevant bits of lore. Sadly, this was otherwise a hard story to go though. It spends an inordinate amount not quite knowing where it wants to take the story, and while the way Twilight's condition evolved was believable, following her got tiring fast.
Another disappointment is the mystery of what happened to Equestria. It is something that would be shocking and interesting on another context, but given everything else here, feels rather mundane and obvious. Again, this might be different for fans of the series. There is also the whole thing about their intent of absorbing Twilight into the ranks of the Empire. I love the idea, but it is little more than sequel bait in this case, and I wish more was done with the idea. There are also a bunch of weirdly convenient situations, which seem to exist for the sake of the reader rather than an in universe reason – like failing to mention a seven inch scar until it is convenient to do so.
The sad thing is that there are plenty of interesting things – enough to make me decide to read the sequel, in fact. I really liked Interrogator Kylara's characterization, how Twilight's breakdowns were handled, and the battle descriptions. Sadly, this is lost in a sea of missed opportunities, and it was a very uneven read.
Why it should be read: For people interested in the setting, and to see Twilight handling her new surroundings.
Stand out moment: I really liked the battle for Canterlot, it was a great description of Equestria trying to fend off technologically superior forces.
3/10
Cerulean Voice – The Ultimate Alicorn – Dark
In order to defeat Tirek, Twilight tries using the Alicorn Amulet.
I wanted to read this story for the concept alone, but sadly that was all I actually got from it. Twilight going after the Alicorn Amulet would be a believable development, but this doesn't do anything more than the obvious – She defeats Tirek in a spetacular manner, then goes power hungry and becomes the oppressor of an Equestria unable to actually defy her. I should also note that the liberal usage of gore was unnecessary and didn't add anything to the story. Another issue is that it is a bit too unexciting, considering the subject matter, much in part due to pacing issues, as it drags despite being so short.
Why it should be read: For see this what if play out.
Stand out moment: Tirek's characterization was nice.
3/10
ZaleAcon – End (Reading by Scribbler) – Horror
A threat is making ponies disappear.
This is a basic horror story done right, doing a very effective job of creating a disturbing atmosphere, but not much else. Everyone is disappearing, and Twilight is hiding alone with only writing to keep her sane. Much of its success is due to how well the hopelessness of her situation is characterized. However, this is also a fairly superficial fic, in large part due to the threat being so vague and omnipresent as to be almost meaningless. I also should note that the characterization is spot on, and the epistolary format was well used. And since they are so short, I even decided to go read the other two stories in this continuity!
Why it should be read: For an atmospheric and short horror piece.
Stand out moment: I like her mental progression at the end, and how abruptly the fic ends.
6/10
ZaleAcon – Fade – Dark
A threat is making ponies disappear.
This is a fic that would be much better with a proper reading. The microphone static was a neat idea, but its effect on the story was underwhelming, and made reading a bit annoying. Otherwise, I think it doesn't do nearly as good job with the atmosphere. I think the issue here it that It tries to make us fear for her destiny, but her current situation is just so desperate that caring seems meaningless. I do feel empathy, but the text itself doesn't focus on that nearly enough. Overall, it is certainly neat, but not terribly interesting.
Why it should be read: If you liked "End".
Stand out moment: The way the character's memory seems to be confused, to the point that ever her physical
4.5/10
ZaleAcon – Falter (Reading by Scribbler) – Character Drama
A threat is making ponies disappear.
And this is the last published of the stories in this series. This one is very different from the others, not only being written in a more straightforward manner, but also not feeling like a horror story, more a story in a horror world. A part of me doesn't think that the conflict (A Doctor losing a patient and dealing with the concept of euthanasia) has much to do with this universe, even though the imagery of the abandoned hospital was a interesting way to show him dealing with his phantoms. All in all, it is a fine fic, but a bit too inconsequential for my tastes.
By the way, I love the idea of Gryphons working as surgeons in Equestria.
Why it should be read: If you liked "End".
Stand out moment: The subtle irreality of his current situation.
5.5/10
Phew.
I'm so glad I'm not the only one who had that reaction to The Ultimate Alicorn. I read it because it was in the 'Masterpeice' folder, but I could remember ignoring it based on content. So I read it, and it was one of those times where, and inoffensive as the story itself it, it genuinely felt like it'd wasted my time. There's nothing in the story that I hadn't already assumed from the blurb at the top.
Honestly, I'm getting a bit tired of reading stories like that – and I say 'stories' very loosely.
Definitely going to take a look at Loop. Aquaman's NIGEB is so far my favorite horror story on the site. Have you reviewed that story yet (how does Loop compare to it)?
2903554 I didn't review NIGEB, but it is my favourite horror fic – specially with Scribbler's reading. Loop hits some of the same notes, but it is much more subtle, and tries to apply ideas beyond just the horror. They are about the same quality, but I think that NIGEB is more effective.
2903531 I grabbed it soon after it hit EQD, as it seemed like a neat idea at the time. It is frustrating to go read this kind of thing, since it kinda spoils the idea of grabbing a fic to read on concept alone.
You've got a couple missing words in the last two reviews... intentional? c.c
2903804 100%. It was a metaphor for something or other, really high level stuff. Changed it since most people wouldn't understand it.
2903880
Clever. Best to dumb things down for the rabble, though. (I of course was immediately aware of your genius and only wished to soothe your ego.)
I very much appreciate the review. I've been waffling on and struggling with another follow-up to Glimmer, but I can say when/if it does happen, that it's going to a deviate a little bit from the last two outings, hopefully. Either way, I need to get something new done at some point...
Thanks for the plug. "Loop" started out as a /fic/ Writeoff entry I finished in its entirety (all 16k+ words) in a span of under 30 hours, so I'm definitely glad to hear the post-contest edits tightened things up in a satisfactory way. It was definitely in pretty bad shape this time last year, especially the last third that I wrote in (I want to say) the last three hours before the deadline.
Odd as it may seem, I've also always taken it as a compliment that you've pegged more than one story of mine as functional completely separate of its FiM roots. Given that my game plan for my current longform project is to beta-test it as ponyfic first before reworking it into a publishable original series, it bodes well to hear that I can spin a good story free of the confines of strict MLP canon, so to speak.
Hmmm, sad that you didn't much enjoy my story. Hopefully you might like the sequel better.