CYOA: Good news for bad fanfic · 9:24pm Jan 10th, 2014
1.
Hey guys! "My Harshwhinnial!"
If you're now thrashing on the floor, bleeding from the eyes, subtract 2 HP and go to Section 2.
If you're unhurt by direct application of memetological warfare agents, go to Section 5.
2.
I've got some news! It's great news! But first I should ask … uh. You do like "My Harshwhinnial", right?
(lie) "It's the pinnacle of western literature!" — go to Section 3.
"YOU BASTARD, I HAD JUST GOTTEN THAT EYE-BLEEDING STOPPED" — go to Section 4.
3.
Then you'll love this! There's a new chapter out … a new chapter by a guest author! In fact, Fuzzyfurvert has so masterfully captured the essence of Luther Blissett's masterpiece that I've taken him on as a co-author! This means that "My Harshwhinnial" may actually (gasp) start updating again on a semi-regular basis!
"That's the best thing ever! Also, uncontrollable vomiting is a sign of great respect among my people!" — go to Section 6.
"AAAGHSKLAGLHALGGH I CAN'T KEEP UP THIS CHARADE YOUR STORY SUCKS" — go to Section 4.
4.
Oh … um, well, then I've still got good news! Remember when I mentioned that TheAuthorGl1m0 wrote a MiSTing of the story? He's finished the second part of that, and now you can savor his descent into madness as he writhes in the glorious agony of chapters 7-11!
(lie) "I cannot respond to your revelation because I have already clicked through to read the story and/or MiSTing!" — go to Section 6.
"I think all this exposure to eldritch horror is mutating my brain. Could you say the story title again?" — go to Section 1.
5.
Wait a second. Harshwhinnimmunity is an ability only possessed by filthy traitorous mutants. Have you registered that mutation with Friend Computer?
(lie) "Yes." — go to Section 6.
(truth) "Yes." — go to Section 6.
"No." — go to Section 6.
"But YOU just said 'My Harshwhinnial' without taking damage, and YOU'RE not a registered mutant!" — go to Section 7.
6.
Gasp! Shock and horror! That's exactly the sort of lie a FILTHY MUTANT TRAITOR would tell! *BLAM!*
Mark off one clone and return to Section 1.
7.
"Uhhhhh …" the narrator stammers.
You interrupt him and draw your laspistol. "FILTHY MUTANT TRAITOR!" *BLAM!*
Congratulations, you win!
10 000 geek points for Paranoia reference. 2 500 geek points for Choose Your Own Adventure format. 2 500 geek points for being able to shoot the narrator.
TOTAL.... 15 000 geek points.
RANK UP! New rank: Master Sargent Geek Sargent of The Shooty Persons Extreme
UNLOCKED.... Mighty Cluebringer
UNLOCKED.... Mighty Cluebringer Cluebat Skin
UNLOCKED.... Greater Nerdling Summon
UNLOCKED.... Mystery Science Theater Upgrade. Mystery Science Theater 4000 now available.
It looks like you're a Communist traitor. Would you like to help?
A. Here are the names of my co-conspirators.
B. Just terminate me now.
Remember:
The Computer Is Your Friend!
The Computer is happy.
The Computer is crazy.
The Computer will help you become happy.
This will drive you crazy.
Actually, I just have resist meme 20. I suppose being from a different RPG system might count as a mutation, but I'm the one holding the smoking laspistol, so nyeh.
Color me leery. I have my doubts that new authors can match your original scrupulous attention to word choice and grammar and spelling.
What, no Prim Hemline guest appearance?
1703139
> RANK UP! New rank: Master Sargent Geek Sargent of The Shooty Persons Extreme
Oh, sweet! My Geek Rank has been stuck at Gunhaver for months. Now I'll be able to afford that new playset!
(Those Greater Nerdlings are awesome against the midboss, too.)
1703347
I would argue with your logic, but the last time I started debating the rules I lost three clones.
1705746
Don't forget my equally scrupulous attention to plot, narrative consistency, and helpful author's notes. That's a heck of a standard to live down to.
1709952
You didn't see her in the background as Harshwhinnia flew past her house in Chapter 16?
1713365
Man, how did I miss that