Ghost Mike's Ponyfic Review Monday Musings #87 · 6:02pm Nov 6th, 2023
November means one core thing for me, least as Fimfiction is concerned – Jinglemas is open again for signups! Okay, really, it’s more of a December thing, as you don’t get your characters to write to until November 25th. But it’s in the air, and while the random nature of what you might get to write makes it not for everyone (they do group relevant gens and characters together, though), it remains worth consideration.
My relationship with Jinglemas is a curious one, responsible both for my first fic and three of my five published ones to date. I have a hard time letting the fics go, given how I’ve run up to the deadline each time and have thus edited them to a somewhat notable degree thereafter for the EqD featuring. Certainly an anomaly where most users, novice and veteran alike, probably don’t consider the fics past publication! 
But in lieu of how hard I find it to commit to a fic idea and actually finish it, I’ve enjoyed challenging myself with something new for me with each one. Beyond just writing with characters I wouldn’t have chosen myself (which does apply to all three).
2023 has not been a good writing year for me, between not publishing any fics thus far and progress on my Ponyfic adventure novel being far more glacial than I’d intended, making it still too early to talk about in any detail. Evidently, the rare project excepted, I still largely need external motivation (like a deadline) to do something, something that is true to a degree of other aspects of my life. So, all bets are off here. I still need to decide on what characters to ask for in the gift I’m getting, but once that’s done, I’m set on making my fourth Jinglemas fic my best yet. Starting with committing to a plot earlier rather than later, hard as it might be.
And a real treat for the recipient, of course, for that’s what matters most. That goes without saying. 
From my horse words to everyone else’s now. Bit of a shorter batch this week, after two chunky lots the last fortnight. Mostly owing to the three entries for the New Blood content I read out of curiosity (one designed to welcome new writers into the fold, though being open to accounts as old as 2020 under 100 followers meant not everyone was new new), a contest with a peculiar word cap of 4,444 words. There’s also a spooky dark comedy with a ghost, something I really should have included last week for the timing, but I never claimed to be a scheduling expert, did I? 👻 Besides, it keeps your mortals on your tippy-toes.
Also, fun fact: not including Author Spotlights, this is the first Monday Musings since #56 in April where all of the fics are new, not a single reread. Not that I think people here do anything with the Reread label beyond skim past it, but I find that interesting. Reflective of how much I’m trying to reduce my Re-Evaluate backlog, evidently! 
Also also, another fun fact – last one, I promise – I’ve now reviewed more stories than in 2022, 237 to 235. As will happen when your Ponyfic Review blog series starts in early March of its debut year. 
Closing in on the big Five-Oh-Oh Reviewed milestone!
This Week’s Spectral Stories:
The Ponyville Files by LastToTheParty
A Study in Chartreuse by Serketry
Sisters' Moon by WaywardSon
We Were Trapped in Stone, And Now We're Free by King of Madness
The Many Resurrections of Twilight Sparkle by GMBlackjack
Weekly Word Count: 27,964 Words
The Ponyville Files by LastToTheParty
Genre: Mystery, Romance
Twilight
4,444 Words
August 2023Honourable Mention in the New Blood Contest
After much consideration and persuasion, Celestial has finally granted Twilight access to the files of the Equestrian Secret Service, so she and her friends can be better prepared for things to come. Her initial dig takes a most unusual turn when she finds a crate labelled ‘PONYVILLE FILES’, all about the agents working in her town – one of whom turns out to be one of her best friends.
One of the entries for the “New Blood” contest that only allowed first-time authors with accounts back to 2020 to participate, it’s a compliment when I say you can only spot this is a debut work if you know that going in, and largely just from the lightly stilted dialogue and character thoughts throughout, which as the fic mostly concerns documents, is only really noticeable with the dialogue scene closing the fic out. Otherwise, this is succinct, well-paced, clearly structured, the works. Most importantly, the mystery of who the pony is hits the balance of something you’ll likely guess about halfway through, but off the drip-fed hints in the reports and agent codenames, not from slack, undisciplined writing.
This means the fun elements of the reports can dominate, as can the agent’s guilt at deceiving Twilight so readily. It’s the kind of concept that can play off Celestial being her chess master type too, and the final scene helps to offset any discomfort at this trope. It’s all rather seamless and creative without showing off about it, which as another common pitfall for new writers, is equally nice to see.
The other element as regards the agent doesn’t land as well, and as mentioned, the final dialogue scene is severely inauthentic in how the characters talk and communicate (it’s like a screenwriter acing the opening silent establishing scene and then floundering when they get to their first ‘talking heads’ bit). But when that’s the worst sin of a novice writer amongst the strengths, it’s a sufficiently modest li’l fic. I’m sceptical that the potential forthcoming sequel, playing into the shaky elements at the end here, won’t be as solid (unless the author’s technical technique there gets smoothed over), but that’s no slight on this.
Rating: Decent
A Study in Chartreuse by Serketry
Genre: Drama/Horror/Mystery (Alternate Universe, w/Violence & Death)
Chrysalis, Changelings, Thorax, Rarity
4,404 Words
July 20232nd place winner of the New Blood Contest
Opening days for a gallery in Canterlot can be unpredictable in the level of hoof traffic they’ll bring. Thankfully for Crackle Cosette, professional photographer, this one is effectively empty, leaving her free to look at the painting of desire. One she’s intent on leaving with, without hoofing over anything in return. For it needs to come home, to the kin of its maker. And this is a task she will not forgo for other duties that need attending to in this city.
Honestly compels me to admit this Silver Medalist isn’t from a new author as directly as most, for Serketry has been co-author on AdmiralSakai’s Extended Cut verse for several years now (of which I reviewed the third entry, Stare Master - Extended Cut, in Monday Musings #21). But this would place high in any contest. Impressive enough that Serketry has managed the act of a fully standalone story that is technically part of a larger Ponyfic Verse (and won't be for several years, if ever, given they're still only 5 stories into Season One and this entry happens at the equivalent of "Sweet and Elite", but I digress ), threading the needle of not even feeling like it's part of that verse but mildly rewarding for those who know it (okay, I read one novella, but it was enough to feel the tonal and cadence of the changelings' situation here). On its own, this one isn't even AU either.
Enough of those details, what of the fic? Well, it alternates between Chrysalis’ plan and desire to steal a seemingly ordinary painting, along with reflections of past scenes as to how the changelings ended up as they did, and why this painting matters to her. A pretty common approach on paper, and yet the end result is totally unlike anything I’ve seen. For starters, the execution uses the topic of the painting both as scene transitions and thematic layering, especially as regards its cover content, hidden content, backstory of its painter, and more besides. Unstressed social commentary about the level of importance put on art and other creative avenues, even when life-or-death priorities are on the line, links this very well to the tragedy at the core of this. That tragedy being another case of something seemingly familiar in this realm of changeling stories, yet one where the details make all the difference. I’m gobsmacked the changelings could come across as both sympathetic yet still monsters, and this would be fresh and work in 2023. Even the MLP Comic tag, there for some association and reimaging of Chrysalis’ FiENDShip comic, pays off, making the Unreliable Narrator aspects here stealthily invisible until you’re reminded of them.
Also, it’s minor, but for those occasionally put off by the posh stiffness that pokes into the writing of the Extended Cut, almost none of that here. It hits the sweet spot of being intelligent and clever, but completely involving and encapsulating in an easy manner without feeling like you need to work to get it, long as you are paying reasonable attention. Which is what I want from fics and verses like this, sure.
I have said awfully little about the actual incident of this story, and that’s as I believe it deserves to be discovered afresh. It’s a great blend of seemingly familiar approaches to a well-trodden topic that feels totally different, deftly blending and balancing tones and pacing in its depiction of mood and a perverted sense of the ethics of responsibility and justice. It even justifies its warning tags by making the story undeniably stronger for the parts that bring them. It’s an efficient and varied thing that is never less than compelling, and one that deserves to be read more, never mind the connection to an underread AU.
Rating: Pretty Good
Sisters' Moon by WaywardSon
Genre: Slice of Life
Sunny, Izzy
4,436 Words
July 2023Bonus Prize Winner in the New Blood Contest
When the sun and moon cross paths for an eclipse at the same time every year, it is known as the Sisters’ Moon. All three pony tribes celebrate it, and for the same reason, showing their love for those close to them. But nopony knows the origin of it. This fact comes to light when Sunny and her friends, celebrating their first since the reunification, realise how their prior celebration of the holiday line up down to knowing nothing else of it. She can’t help but want to know the story behind the holiday that connected them even when fear kept them apart.
This fic feels very much like a G5 episode, and I mean that as a compliment. Put another way, the normally-annoying things from MYM are corrected to feel charming, or at least be diluted in their annoyance while still having something like the same flow and feel (like the brief appearance by Sparky or Pipp being split between content and friendship). There’s a balance between simple friendship, abstract worldbuilding and a low-key feel that makes the whole affair feel right, even as it also does place a capstone on how strongly the actual end reveal can resonate.
The point to there is largely dominated by Sunny and Izzy alone (the others are only present for the celebration of the holiday itself), in the initial going and then later as they follow a lead to a different elderly pony that may have a lead. At a short length for this level of content, there are contrivances aplenty in how what she eventually tells them never came up before, but they are more of the charmingly hokey variety than the immersion-breaking sort. The chemistry between the two and the rhythm of the dialogue is, again, simple but pleasant, and carries the sunshine tone even as a bittersweet and wistful ambience begins to creep in.
The actual story behind the holiday is one of those “connecting to G4, but done more right than wrong” types, one designed to make sense and be an emotional tearjerker, and while I think it would have resonated stronger were it more abstract – perhaps everyone within only having descriptors instead of their names, like the storybook that opened FiM – it beautifully combines the mini-themes throughout under one roof, such that even a coda returning to the light affable tone, a mistake I feel, doesn’t undermine it too much.
This is, in effect, an unambitious, modest piece that manages to make the right decisions even as many of those decisions do place a ceiling on itself. Still, it’s an easy addition to the “G5 stories to recommend even for those who normally steer clear of such fics” library, and this far into the gen, there’s fewer compliments higher I can give it.
Rating: Pretty Good
P.S. WaywardSon debuted nearly two years ago with one of my favourite Gen 5 fics Late Delivery, something I heartily recommend; while I can’t say for certain my Really Good from the time would hold true today, it wouldn’t go below a strong Pretty Good.
We Were Trapped in Stone, And Now We're Free by King of Madness
Genre: Dark
Chrysalis, Sunny, Cozy Glow, Discord
3,200 Words
October 2023Sequel to We're Trapped in Stone, and We Must Scream – Reviewed here
During the whole time they were encased in stone, Chrysalis, Tirek and Cozy Glow, they could hear and see everything around them. And their emotions and mental states as the time of petrification only intensified. Now they’ve been released and are free to bask in a changed world, it’s up to them how they’ll go about it. For that kind of trauma doesn’t just fade…
Now here’s a story I’d read that I didn’t expect a sequel to, off it being a year since and the author’s typical response to the sequel requests being of the “maybe, if I have the right idea” variety. Long enough that I reread the original for a refresher: as I felt at the time, it freshens up the musty “fate of the Legion of Doom” genre by largely steering clear of the canon blame pitfall, and strikes a serviceable balance in the trio’s thoughts being anger, brooding and turmoil at their fate; it’s the right level of dark, not too much or too little, and with a purpose.
This followup (here’s where the spoilers for the first fic come in) picks up some time after the Gen 5 protagonists have freed the trio. It flips things up by breaking the format of a chapter each from the perspective of the trio, and while that is a good idea, it doesn’t lead to much. The three chapters here don’t really link into or build on one another (the second doesn’t affect the other two period and feels altogether out of place), and there’s little real sense of a narrative or character escalation or link between them, apart from the end of the first facilitating the plot of the third (which is in canon with the barely-read G5 comics, as a heads-up).
Now, this does propose differing reactions to the turmoil for the trio, though Tirek’s is a complete afterthought, little more than a cameo. Meanwhile, the thoughts and perspectives of the featured characters beyond the trio have dark elements that fit, but little real purpose is present for them, and all they end up doing is devolving the fic into the kind of “complaining about terrible canon writing” trap the first avoided (though it’s at least more inferred than stated).
This is still largely within the same wheelhouse at the first, and has many of its strengths, but you can tell it comes from a year of forced brainstorming, off the minimal connective, organic tissue between its elements. It’s the kind of grab-bag sequel that tries, for sure, but only to a mildly successful payoff.
Rating: Passable
The Many Resurrections of Twilight Sparkle by GMBlackjack
Genre: Dark/Comedy (w/Death & Gore)
Mane 6, Spike, Zecora, CMCs, Starlight Glimmer
11,480 Words
May 2019
Getting greedy at breakfast has caused Twilight Sparkle to end up dead. It’s all very sad, and her friends take it in different ways. But the one thing in common is that they decide they can’t go on, and must bring her back. Which is fine: necromancy is a branch of magic with results that are, well, not reliable, but 50% odds isn’t something to sneeze at. The problem comes from them all deciding to do it without consulting the others first. Nopony quite knows what will happen with several successful resurrections at once…
You’d better believe this is a dark comedy, though more of the comedy variety. The particular brand varies slightly, in a manner that keeps the fic largely fresh as it intercuts between characters. Rarity’s hyper-focused nature (and also having the most successful plan) is probably the most individually funny element, though the combo of Fluttershy hell-bent on wanting Twilight back even if she’s squeamish about the method Pinkie proposes, with Pinkie being cautious of the risks but having no qualms once they get going, is very nearly as mirthful. Applejack and Rainbow Dash lumbering their way through the process while drunk isn’t to my tastes as much (and Apple Bloom and Scootaloo being Frankenstein-style mad scientists is rather broad and screechy in a manner I found more irritating than funny), but it largely gets the job done.
Cutting between all of these, there are so many jokes, from Starlight’s utter indifference to Zecora’s dry wit as she partakes, to the individual personalities of the resurrected Twilights as they make do with what didn’t quite work out, to an end stinger that really shows up the mistakes the Mane 6 made in their decision. And with a healthy amount of Friendship is Witchcraft references, naturally, all largely unobtrusive.
The thing manages to remain consistently entertaining and enthralling throughout, even as it is rather slackly-paced and has a rather saggy opening. When a fic works that well the whole way, no sense to deny it a solid outcome.
Rating: Pretty Good
Spooky Summary of Scores:
Excellent: 0
Really Good: 0
Pretty Good: 3
Decent: 1
Passable: 1
Weak: 0
Bad: 0
Thank you. That was exactly the fine line I was aiming for. This being the world of fanfiction, I prefer to draw inspiration more from the comics than from the show, and the (eventual) path of EC Chrysalis will be a very different one.
5753943
I'm not sure I understand this. Only ways I can see of reading this that makes sense is the slightly more adult tone of the comics providing material better suited to the EC, or wanting to mine material barely used in fanfiction normally, for freshness. But your statement reads less as those, more as outright dismissive of the show, which I'm sure isn't what you actually mean.
Well, this was a surprise. I wasn't expecting this story to be on par when compared to the first one, so a Passable was the best I could hope for. I do feel obliged to correct an assumption though:
I don't know if you give me too much credit or too little, but 'a year of forced brainstorming' couldn't be farther from correct. This story happened the same way the first one did: the idea came to me. I thought about first story and at some point this idea for a follow up came; then a while later, I decided since a lot of people wanted a sequel, I'd just go for it and write it. I didn't expect to be writing it any more than you expected to read it.
Regardless, thanks for another review. I hope to reach Pretty Good at some point.
Happy NaJinglemasWriMo!
5753946
You're right, that did come across as vaguely grumpy. Sorry. I'll just put my cards on the table, I strongly disliked how To Where and Back Again turned out, and its repercussions followed the show all the way to its conclusion. So yes, when it comes to changelings, I am a little dismissive of the show.
5753953
).
Oh, you were comparing specific interpretations of the changelings in the different media! That’s fine, I don’t like “To Where and Back Again” and the direction the changelings were taken in either (or a lot of Season Six, more of Seven and practically all of Eight and Nine, but that’s old hat
Perhaps due to a little vagueness on your end, your initial comment came across as more of a blanket statement on the show as one unit to the comics, rather than being about specific episodes or lore. No bother.
5753953
Serketry and I don't always agree on everything; for instance exactly what ends up happening to Chrysalis is still up in the air. But, while I might be a little more forgiving of it than he was, we both agreed that the ending to TWBA was simply a mistake.
So, for the most part, I think we do both approach the situation more as "the slightly more adult tone of the comics providing material better suited to the EC, or wanting to mine material barely used in fanfiction normally, for freshness"; that the comics complement and support the show. But there are a few cases where we directly diverge from it, and the later seasons' treatment of the changelings make up a lot of those
In fact, I believe To Change a Changeling was the first time I seriously considered doing a rewrite of canon material. The first was The Movie, an outline for an alternate version of which sits on my hard drive to this day. Then TCAC got Serketry and I talking and thinking "you know, maybe we could actually do this; rework part of the show."
5753957
Oh, I remember for sure, don't worry about that. But as this story of Serketry's did not have a co-written credit for you, and not even the Edited credit of his other one, I figured it was fully his, outside of comparing notes to be compliant with the later storylines in the EC. Unless you were that involved, and such a credit was just kept off for the New Blood contest!
Oh? WABA didn't prompt it half a season earlier?
Skipping past your confused timelines here (you cite both TCAC and The Movie as your first, later contextual clues paint the Movie as first and TCAC as second, though that does mean you were behind on Season Seven at the time to see the episode second), this is freaky, for a rewrite of The Movie (my introduction to the property, don't forget) was one of the very first fanfictions I seriously considered and started working on.
To the point of an outline sitting on the bowels of my computer too. 
Now, it likely was not as fleshed-out as yours (plus some of the changes was just putting back in all the great cut content from the Art Of book that had a place), and it didn't last long between me concluding such a thing would have a limited audience, and there was too much rework involved when I could do something better and with a wider reach by just making A Movie, rather than The Movie. But that vague notion, other than a brief flirtation with a Season Five-era plot nugget, didn't morph into my ongoing Ponyfic adventure novel until late 2020.
So, The Movie prompts us both to consider reworks of it which eventually morph into much better magnum opus longworks (one novel in my case, still counts). How about that, eh?
5753952
Next month, really (or a week of November, three weeks of December, more accurately). But yep, that be it!
5753959
He'd told me some of what he was doing, and I did see the story before it went up, but, yeah. Other than that, it was completely a solo project.
Oh, yeah, sorry if that was unclear. This all happened a little while ago, but to the best of my knowledge here's how the idea progressed. I saw both To Where and To Change a Changeling not long after they first aired, and while I wasn't pleased by the endings the idea of "doing" anything with either did not occur to me. Then I saw the movie after some delay, and 'immediately' (over the course of a few weeks) wrote up an outline that I thought would've improved it. Even later I revisited To Change a Changeling (I think at about the time Season 9 was starting?) and got into a long conversation about it with Serketry, what we would change and how we'd remake it. Since the movie rewrite was still intended to be something like a TV-Y rated film project, I guess I tend to think of it as "the first rewrite but not the first EC rewrite", hence the confusion previously.
I always get a feeling for Jinglemas that I really really want my prompt now. Not my gift, the gift I am to write so I can have two months to do it instead of one. The need to quickly conceive and write an unfamiliar topic is always a good exercise, but goddamn do I want it naooooooo