Ghost Mike's Ponyfic Review Monday Musings #21 · 5:00pm Jul 25th, 2022
We’re already starting to see dividends of my efforts on reading more longer stories, albeit small dividends: this is not the week with the longest word count (that still belongs to my first G5-fics only week, right before Tell Your Tale debuted), but it is only the second week to break 40,000 words. Moreso, it includes the first story over 30,000 words long.
Look, I’m a busy spirit, and reading and reviewing stories takes a fair bit more time then just reading them casually. You all understand, I’m sure. And that longer story, it’s a doozy. Mostly because I have elected, in my infinite wisdom, to read the 3rd entry in a series without reading the first two.
There is a reason. Maybe not the best reason, but a reason nonetheless.
Anyhoo, let’s not dwell on my mental state, that way lies madness. Presumably you’re here for some Ponyfic reading goodness. Let’s get to it!
This Week’s Spectral Stories:
Roller-Ponies by Quoterific
Echoes of a Song by Loganberry
In Your Dreams by fluttermoontree
Ponies Being Slowly Eviscerated to Death in a Big Rusty Meat Grinder by shortskirtsandexplosions
Stare Master - Extended Cut by AdmiralSakai and Serketry
Weekly Word Count: 41,538 Words
Roller-Ponies by Quoterific
Genre: Slice of Life/Comedy
Sunny, Hitch, Zipp, Izzy, Pipp
1,938 Words
March 2022
Sunny really wants to introduce her friends to her favourite pastime unrelated to all ponies being friends or restoring magic – skating! She’s even gone so far as to arrange gear for them all, on the justification of helping with her deliveries for the day. Of course, it would be foolish to assume they’ll all be as gifted as she is, given her years of practice.
By this point, I’m running out of fresh things to say about Quoterific’s speedily-rattled-off li’l G5 fics (and yes, I don’t mean to dwell there, but even aside from them freely admitting these fics are usually inspired by the art they use for the cover, they have every feeling of being conceived and written too quickly to think it over). It’s not lacking in cuteness, but it’s very plain, telly, understated, and doing little beyond presenting the raw facts of what happens. In this case, beyond the easily-predictable range of how well her friends take to skating, it just shifts between moments robotically, with the plot not even feeling like a cohesive whole, and erratically jumps between thoughts, real-time events and recaps after the fact with little rhyme or reason. Sometimes, in these fics, the characterisation and/or comedy is reasonable, but not so here – there isn’t a single line of dialogue that any fan couldn’t do in their sleep, and the given tone of a character shifts weirdly too (Hitch goes from embarrassed to… something else in one sentence a few times).
As always, the intention is nice. Roller skating is awesome and the depiction of technique here feels reasonable. Plus, the overall light sentiment does feel somewhat akin to what we’ll probably get from G5 going forward. Quoterific just needs to strip out the fluff (as you might guess, only Sunny and Hitch really matter to this story), think about what characters are actually feeling at every moment, and commit to one tone and prose style. And, if it’s a comedy fic (which this isn’t, tag be darned), lean into that far more than they think is necessary, to produce something properly funny.
Rating: Weak
Echoes of a Song by Loganberry
Genre: Sad/Slice of Life
Fluttershy, Rarity
1,000 Words
May 2022
The first word likely to spring to mind when describing Fluttershy is kindness. Yet she doesn’t always see it that way, not with some of the things she once did. One day, over tea with Rarity, her sharp friend detecting something’s pecking at her mind, she decides to tell of an act of cruelty that still haunts her.
This is a fic making maximum use of the short word length prescribed by the Thousand Words contest; the bulk of it, and especially the first half, is peppered with clipped little statements and thoughts taking full advantage of how well Rarity and Fluttershy know each other. These do quite a lot to build tension and to establish character and place. As the short conversation progresses, it has Fluttershy being her meek-yet-strong self as only she can, and I must admit, the details of what she tells weren’t what I was expecting, yet they fit perfectly; content intensity notwithstanding, I could fully see Fluttershy in the show being like this.
That’s enough to recommend the fic; that it fits the length and has great economic character and moments strung along is just icing on the cake. It’s still only a thousand words slip of a thing, but I just found it really effective in how economical it was. If Loganberry can whip out this after very nearly a year off from Ponyfic writing, I dearly hope he won’t make us wait so long for his next batch of horsewords.
Rating: Really Good
In Your Dreams by fluttermoontree
Genre: Romance/Slice of Life/Random
Twilight, Celestia, Spike, Luna
4,819 Words
June 2022
It was bad enough Spike had to be roused in the middle of night when Twilight entered a panic at the loss of a letter she’d planned to send to the Princess. The only thing that could be worse is if, while they’re both searching for it separately, Spike sees what he thinks is it and sends it to Celestia on Twilight’s behalf. It’s not as though that scroll was instead a private fantasy about Twilight’s unrequited hopes and dreams for a pony she could never have.
As they say, “a ghost reads Ponyfic. The reviewer must be spirit enough to admit he is that ghost”. Thus, I lead with my bias: among the “normal” Ponyfic ships (i.e. those with enough quantity in stories to not count as a fringe or crack ship), there are few that are more of an instant turnoff for me than TwilightxCelestia. Mostly it’s Celestia being a mother figure, I’m guessing, for while I find TwilightxLuna overrated by its fans, who tend to be quite impassioned, I can get into a well-written take on that easily enough. That, and their characters and personalities do not feel romantically right together (while, again, Twilight and Luna do), and of course, Celestia is so, so much older (while, y’know, Luna is comparatively young, omitting her millennium of banishment - okay, I’ll stop bringing up Luna). That said, I tried my best to evaluate this one impartially, especially as it’s by a new user making their fanfic debut, albeit one who’s shot out of the gate with a first-time featuring, here and scouted on Equestria Daily. Which hey, congrats! That’s really nice.
Things start off promisingly, with the characterisation of Twilight and Spike in this between-seasons-two-and-three space feeling right at home. There are some telltale signs of a green writer, but they’re counterbalanced by signs of some experience and keen observations too. In fact, for the first chapter, I was as onboard as one could be to this ship, mostly because the first chapter is more the setup.
Then comes the issue: the fic plays into the groan-inducing notion that Celestia has been harbouring the same feelings for Twilight and couldn’t bring herself to speak up either, and thus the second chapter is just an exercise in wallowing through tired romantic cliche in the pair’s interaction and owning up to their feelings, with the winning strengths of nice, subtle characterisation and side moments in the fic’s early passages largely absent for this boilerplate. And then, the subtle theme of tragedy and immortality being a romantic curse for Celestia, with everyone else being immortal - the fic can’t leave well enough alone, ending on a line that it’s all for naught because of future events. Yes, we know that, and it undercuts the fic, but stating it explicitly just undercuts it even more.
Even were I impartial on the ship, I’d still find the fic lacking due to the on-rails direction of the second chapter, if still a little more forgiving due to it being a debut entry. I think fluttermoontree has writing chops, and if all the attention to this debut fic boosts their confidence and future output, all the better. Flavouring up their future plot directions and playing the story less by algorithm is the next step for them: couple that with characterisation strengths here, and they’ll be one to watch out for.
Rating: Weak
Ponies Being Slowly Eviscerated to Death in a Big Rusty Meat Grinder by shortskirtsandexplosions
Genre: Slice of Life (really Comedy/Dark)
Rainbow Dash, Mane 6
3,604 Words
March 2020Chapter 1 listened to via StraightToThePointStudio's reading
Rainbow Dash, in her infinite wisdom, decides to write a novella. And not just any novella, but one that tackles the very pony condition and what it means to be alive. A work this insightful is set to capture the hearts of the nation, but just to be sure, she gives it to her friends to proofread. It would be polite to say they don’t quite share her enthusiasm.
Stories of the “Rainbow Dash writes a terrible story and her friends have to let her down gently” variety have been a common sight ever since her aside in Spike At Your Service (and probably since Read It and Weep), so it takes a lot to stand out. This one, at least, doesn’t opt for the typical failing being lewd sexy material, abysmal technical prose, or an adventure story with literally just mindless “awesome” action. Nope, instead it’s Rainbow Dash writing what amounts to a snuff novel. Believe it or not, this does manage to freshen the material and the range of the Mane 5’s reactions up somewhat. Not fully, and half of them are still by algorithm. But there’s enough freshness to keep the material engaging.
Beyond that, Rainbow’s exasperation at the others’ reactions (well, really Rarity, whom we start out with and who dominates the story’s first half) has enough of a unique voice to keep it not too stale. The jokes within make it reasonably funny (Pinkie’s being the most obvious, though watch out for brief appearances from Angel and Twilight - honestly the name of Rainbow Dash’s main character may be the best part). And of course, Rainbow Dash’s ultimate failing is not the choices she made in writing the thing, but her inability to take criticism and reflect and improve.
I’ll concede, despite being very well-worn material, this is done well and uniquely enough to stand out. Whether you see it as a riff on Cupcakes-style fics (but in a way that sounds much better than it sounds) or simply a better-than-usual take on the “Rainbow Dash is a terrible writer” story, it’s a charmingly weird crackfic.
Rating: Decent
Stare Master - Extended Cut by AdmiralSakai and Serketry
Genre: Adventure/Drama/Mystery (Alt. Universe, with Violence/Death)
Spike, Fluttershy, Twilight, Applejack, CMCs
30,178 Words
July 2021Sequel to Feeling Pinkie Keen - Extended Cut
Part of the Friendship Is Magic - Extended Cut series
Twilight Sparkle had been none too pleased about all the recent thefts from her excavation. And she’s not the only one. Course, that’s peanuts next to when she goes missing. In the midst of other disappearances, thefts, savergery, and the minimal help from higher authority, Spike is doing his level-best to keep her work operating, all while struggling to sway the efforts of others into finding her. What’s important to others matters not in the wake of that. Meanwhile, Fluttershy wants to keep secluded, but frequently finds herself roped into more and more disturbing situations.
You may be wondering what I am doing, reviewing the 3rd entry in a series where I haven’t even read the first two. A good question, my friends. For the uninitiated, the Extended Cut series, co-written by AdmiralSakai and Serketry and published on the former’s account (hereafter, I will address them collectively as “the authors”), which began as yet another fanfic redo on the two-parter introduction to Friendship Is Magic, is a dramatic, realistic, intricate, complex overhaul of basically the whole show, even if it’s only five stories into its Season 1 currently. The initial story has received much acclaim and praise from many corners for being perhaps one of the best reimaginings of the show’s opening two episodes, and future stories have allegedly kept to the reasons why: this is a series with a realistic slant of intelligence to both the events therein and how the characters think, act and approach situations, behaving far beyond the shackles of a children’s show. As I understand it, stories alternate between being largely original with some of the trappings of their namesake episode, being a reasonably good-faith interpretation of their original events into this context, or a mixture.
Now, as to why I’m reading the third entry in isolation? Numerous tepid fanfic redos of the show’s opening have worn me out on that subject matter, to the extent that even this one has been sitting on my backlog for well over a year. I was also reluctant to invest even reading time, much less reviewing time, into a series with stories that seemed, from the outside, to be much longer, or at least much denser, than needed. Hence why I was content to wait until the series was done, or had at least reached a good, season-ending pausing point. The true nail in the coffin was the snail’s pace speed at which the series was coming out at, relative to the partly-admirable, partly-ludicrous ambitions of the authors. I had expressed these opinions in the comments of PaulAsaran’s reviews of some of them, and was at first encouraged to give that opening two-parter a go, as it (allegedly) stands well enough as a solo story. Problem is, my schedule can barely afford the space for novellas currently, and when I get to novels, it’ll be the shorter variety of the 50-70K kind. An 112K story would still be quite a long time off getting read. Then Serketry suggested reading this story, as it was their shortest and would give me enough of a feel for the series. After a few months of it loitering around the top of my reading backlog, always getting put off for just another week, I eventually decided to just roll with it, and see what would happen.
The moral of this story is: AdmiralSekai, if you’re infuriated at how lost I am at all the in-universe shorthand here that assumes readership of the prior stories, take it up with your writing partner. 
So, what of this actual story? It’s a mystery, naturally enough. Not of the aspects retained from the episode, we already know that; the authors merge that with the numerous thefts taking place, which allows this to sustain tension and intrigue for pretty much the whole runtime, given Twilight goes missing after the first scene. Indeed, the bulk of this story is original material with only relatively token nods to the events of the original episode; it’s only in the last third, when Fluttershy takes custody of the CMCs, that the events of Stare Master factor in. That sounds awfully dysfunctional, and I can see it being a disaster for other stories in the series (and from others’ comments, I strongly suspect it is for Feeling Pinkie Keen, the second one). Yet here, it actually works well, and hits a great balance of feeling like a satisfying recontextualisation of that episode into this universe. I don’t want to under stress the importance of this, for sans that, this story does sometimes feel beholden tightly to series obligations.
For though the fic doesn’t skimp on satisfying character work, especially as regards Fluttershy and Spike, the true focal characters, and does have a concrete story, a lot of it seems dedicated to fleshing out lore and worldbuilding from previous instalments, or laying groundwork for future ones to do the same. Obviously, coming in blind, this stuck out to me far more, what with the intricate layers of different types of guards, investigation bodies, and the seemingly endless number of OCs and existing show characters in positions within these organisations, and while they do largely come across as characters, the sheer number means only Twilight’s direct subordinate made a lasting impression. Now, I’d resigned myself to a bit of this, and at no point was I overtly lost; it helps that I have a feeling for the types of tropes and stories the authors are evoking with these elements. But I was certainly just rolling with large chunks of it, assuming it would all make sense at the end. Which it does, mostly; the few things that aren’t solved at the mystery’s end are clearly intended to be lingering questions for future stories. Nonetheless, given how quickly most ponies early on write off Twilight’s disappearance (easily the story’s biggest objective flaw, though one admitted as such by AdmiralSekai in retrospect, given how easily Twilight not being found in the Everfree regardless of the search efforts would be believable; I see no reason to dwell there), and that the actual narrative momentum focused on what is ostensibly the core mystery only reinvigorates itself in the home stretch and resolves itself fairly quickly, you are always aware the fic has bigger concerns. How much of that is amplified by the fic’s unwillingness to explain concepts or words (it’s been a while since I’ve read a fic where I had to look up this many words), I’ll let you decide. It certainly is a fic where you’re made keenly aware it’s written by a PhD, and not in the most comforting, flattering way. I remain unsure if this series is being a bit too ambitious and complex for its own good at times.
Thankfully, even if broader series stories and lore remains a key focus, the core character work here is really solid, well more than enough to keep one captivated. Even given how reworkings of canon characters’ personalities in series reinterpretations are a dime-a-dozen, these stand out. The Mane 4 members generally just seem more mature and intelligent, given their limited roles here, and of course the same is true of Twilight, being offscreen for 90% of the story. But even in isolation, I still got a feel for them in this world. The true achievement here, naturally, belongs to Spike and Fluttershy. I’d already known this series’ portrayal of Spike as a mature, capable assistant who can more than handle things with and without Twilight around was one of its stronger selling points (It feels naturalistic too, given who’s assistant he is), and this amply shows that, given how much he has to handle in her absence. You can feel how much he’s straining to keep things going while also struggling against the resistance to redouble efforts on finding her, and he never panics, always doing what he can with what he’s got. That he manages to hold it together is credible, even as it’s all picking away at a kid who’s more intelligent and capable then most of the guards he interacts with.
Naturally, though, this story really belongs to Fluttershy. One of its masterstrokes is using her as the focal point to most of the stories’ mystery scenes, and the subtle character work done this way helps ground the story and make it feel cohesive (or, put another way; it makes the overcooked groundwork for future stories only a mild annoyance rather then an active detriment). In essence, this Fluttershy is an introvert rather than shy, hesitating to do things never out of reluctance or fear but instead from a desire to listen, to be considerate of potentially better options. And she rises to action in a snap whenever it’s called of her. While she isn’t really the character we know, there’s not an aspect of her that feels out of place, be it her profession as a ranger, a makeshift druid (and this actually feels fresh, given how the animal communication is done here), or even that she is a highly respected pony by others. For fear of turning this into a laundry list description of her, I’ll leave it at that, but I can’t see any reader being less than impressed.
This has already long since turned into my longest review of a fic yet, so: the only real complaints here were Twilight’s search being called off super quick (it does point to a no-nonsense approach by most characters that isn’t exactly Friendship Is Magic, if you will) and somewhat overwrought broader series groundwork (though as mentioned, heavily mitigated into being only a mild annoyance). Everything else falls under being a taste issue or me not knowing the prior stories’ context and events. It’s gripping, it’s captivating, it’s smart (occasionally a little too much so), and it’s concrete. For this series, the authors clearly have the writing chops to fulfil their ambitions on a story-by-story basis, and while I remain 100% convinced the series will peter out long before it reaches a satisfactory stopping point, let alone an actual concrete finish, if this one is an accurate barometer of the series, they are delivering, and then some, thus far.
Rating: Really Good, with the caveat that my assumptions about prior stories clearing up most lacking context here tipped it into this rating; were I actually incorporating lack of context into this, the rating would be a strong Pretty Good.
One last thing. Me, I intend to get to the series’ opening novel soon enough, once I have the capabilities for reading and reviewing stories of that length, even though, given my stipulations about ongoing series with a future outlook this dubious, I don’t currently intend to read further until it reaches a satisfying stopping point. For new readers, if this story, world, characters and writing quality sounds captivating enough, just start from the series’ beginning. I’m convinced it’s worth it.
Spooky Summary of Scores:
Excellent: 0
Really Good: 2
Pretty Good: 0
Decent: 1
Passable: 0
Weak: 2
Bad: 0
Tell Your Tale: Commentary Corner
You know, when I said that more critter-focused stories could be a good direction for Tell Your Tale (well, a less infuriating one, anyway)… having them actually talk English (via Hitch’s POV, as he can understand them), in lazy cartoon accents (snarky American Kid and prim Brit), and caught up in a dispute over a bush of berries isn’t exactly what I had in mind. Turns out when you have your non-verbal critters speak, they feel just as flat, sketchy, smeary and boring as the ponies. And these are the unicorn racoons and pegasus snails, we couldn’t even get the critters we like. Yawn.
Honestly, Yawn is a pretty succinct summary for this one. After a rote “Hitch is Useless” joke in him mapping and packing hard for a trip to dig up some special berries for baking… while Sunny is just standing by said bush in their garden, we get introduced to the lead racoonicorn and pegasnail, identifiable by styled hats and military-parody badges/ribbons (and yes, that is the actual species names) who spout off reasons why the berry bush (Schmoogleberry; these get worse) is theirs. Cocky Hitch says he can handle this as a negotiator, and while Sunny’s getting apples, the two animals assemble their forces of half-a-dozen, military parody style (with a toothless “snails are slow” gag as they trail across the ground - winged snails, need I add). Hitch sets a rotating schedule for the animals, cue montage of each kind sneaking in when it’s not their turn in increasingly meaner, more ruthless ways. To a bouncy rap pop VO number that is just as sleepy as the rest of the short.
Sunny returns to Hitch in a crying panic while the critters are in food-flinging mode, she suggests having them find some common ground. Hitch sets up a table for them to talk, and, well… I’m just gonna quote the episode.
Hitch: “Aw, come on now, there’s gotta be something you both –”
Lead Racoonicorn: “Unless it’s got to do with baking, I don’t want to hear about it.”
Lead Pegasnail [gasps]: “Baking? I also love to bake!”
[Both smile with tears and rush in for a hug]
That is literally how it happens. 0-to-100 in two lines, no buildup. The only mention of baking beforehand was by Sunny, once, before we even saw the critters. This isn’t even “not-trying” on the writing level, that’s being too generous. This may be one of the highest cases of tonal whiplash from the “resolution”, and ending it on the joke of the critters chasing Sunny and Hitch away when they ask for berries themselves doesn’t alleviate that.
Really, I have nothing else to add, this is just a textbook sampling of most of Tell Your Tale’s flaws. Reconfiguring the critters into cartoon military with rote accents, over a misunderstanding, isn’t cute or funny. The conventions of made-up names continue to be daycare-level (you’d think it would take a lot to stand out in a generation where Sparky Sparkeroni – where is he, anyway – is a canonical name, yet this episode manages it). And for all that TYT and MYM have been heavy on dumping on Hitch, this manages to be the worst yet: he can’t even handle the area of his talent right, and needs Sunny to solve it in one sentence. It’s a butt-monkey treatment ten times worse than anything Spike even got.
And again: it’s not cute or funny. There are many shorts with worse writing than this, but I don’t know that any have honestly felt so directly infantile. This has zilch for anyone old enough to be in Kindergarten.
TOLERABLE
- Alicorn Issues (Ep. 14)
- Foal Me Once (Ep. 7)
- The Game Is Ahoof (Ep. 12)
- Queens for a Day (Ep. 17)
On Your Cutie Marks (Ep. 18)
"NORMAL"-LEVEL BAD
- Mane Melody (Ep. 5)
- The Unboxing of Izzy (Ep. 6)
- Zipp Gets Her Wings (Ep. 3) * Originally titled Zipp’s Flight School.
- Neighfever (Ep. 16)
- MARETIME BAY DAY 2.0 [sic] (Ep. 11)
Making a Foal of Me (Ep. 15)
BROKEN WRITING IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT
- Sisters Take Flight (Ep. 1)
- Lost In Translation [sic] (Ep. 19) NEW
- IT’S T.U.E.S. DAY [sic] (Ep. 9)
- A Home to Share (Ep. 2)
- Sunny-Day Dinners (Ep. 10)
Nightmare Roomate [sic] (Ep. 4)
VILE WEED
- Dumpster Diving (Ep. 13)
- Clip Trot (Ep. 8)
I definitely thought the State Master EC was one of the better ones, particularly for its depictions of Fluttershy and Spike. I should be reading the Boast Busters one before too long, relatively speaking.
That Fluttershy story has my interest. I think I'll add it to my lists.
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Indeed, and prior to me reading it, my impressions purely from the cover packaging, and your reviews, of the EC of Feeling Pinkie Keen, this and Griffon the Brush Off, was that this looked the most appealing.
You'll be all caught-up then! And thus begins the wait…
Ha, that's two (really short) Fluttershy stories I've inadvertently shoved onto your backlog in the last month. But given the length, this one came by its rating honestly. For any story only 1,000 words to linger in the mind past reading it is achievement enough, and this one did that and then some.
Thank you! I'm really pleased that Echoes of a Song came over well to most readers, since (as you already know) I love Fluttershy/Rarity friendshipping and I wish there had been more of it in the show. And I hope I won't leave the next story a year, either...
Well dang, thanks for the mostly glowing endorsement!
The fact that you weren't too lost means we did our job reintroducing recurring OCs and concepts just well enough to be understood, but not overbearing. I hope.
That is an issue we've been working on since we published Friendship is Magic; each successive entry has been slightly toned down from our original... academic paper feel.
Thank you. The Admiral has the most fun writing Twilight's character, while I've grown rather fond of writing Fluttershy's.
Well, while it's no certainty we'll finish this series, we have three ECs in parallel production as of this review, so you should be seeing something new... eh, sometime. We prioritize quality of speed, sometimes detrimentally so.
Well, I've already read Logan's excellent story, and as for the Extendedcutiverse... huh.
I've got the first one marked as read, but not rated on my reading list. That's weird. I just checked, and the whole series (so far) is on my kindle... also not marked on my list. Obviously, mistakes were made. I think I'll bump the first one up to the top and give it a shot after I finish the one I'm on now. After all, it seems like the exact sort of thing I'd enjoy, and long doesn't bother me if it's good long.
Holy crap, you actually did it! You actually reviewed an Extended Cut story!
Yeah, sometimes he does stuff like that. Only very rarely does it blow up in my face, though, and this is not one of those times.
I was actually expecting you to keep to your original statement and not read any of them until we were done with Season 1. The prospect of more reviews was even something that motivated me greatly to keep putting stories out- meaning that, now that I've gotten them early, I am free to write even slower!
I kid.
I'm just gratified that I got another good review, really. And a long one. I like reading long, detailed ones.
And the pace of these stories should pick up over time, as I complete other unrelated projects.
That's another review that assigns great significance to, of all ponies, Captain Marigold. I really don't know why she's taken on such an outsized presence in readers' minds when her original purpose was just to speak for the Royal Guard contingent, but... good for me, I guess?
Yeah, it ticks me off to no end that I let that happen, especially when, in retrospect, it would've been so easy to do this properly. Twilight cannot be found because she's in the Everfree. Why can't ponies find Leafspring, who is outside the Everfree, or put a watch on the chicken coops? Because Spike is pulling every patrol away to search for Twilight in the Everfree! It pretty much writes itself!
As I said in the PaulAsaran review:
I'll be interested to see what you think of the earlier installments. I actually sometimes really enjoy going through a creative work out-of-order; there's that "aha!" moment of figuring out what prior events are actually referring to.
5675098
Oh, believe me buddy, you're going to love this series.
That, I know for a fact, both from this story, what I've seen of the rest, and your tastes. That and your marked love for indulgent world building. Which hey, I do too! I just tend to love it more when I have better context and it's organically integrated to the best of its ability. Which this was, mostly.
And even 112K isn't really that long, to clarify; it's just currently too long for a reviewer committed to five stories a week. Besides, in reviewing one entry and giving my approval, I think I've done my recommendation job. Especially with that last paragraph encouraging people to just go for the first entry, despite being a blind recommendation! A fic's good if it'll convince one on the merits of other entries by its lonesome.
5675111
Honestly, this is not a downside for me.
At one point, I honestly considered doing a series of review posts entitled Fic Reviews for Intelligent Readers—probably because I felt that I hadn't pissed off enough people hereabouts.
5675109
5675097
Was very looking forward to how the two of you would respond! To avoid confusion, I'll separate responses to your two comments, except when responding to basically the same thing, or addressing you both. Though I'm sure you'll both want to read the lot.
AdmiralSakai:
After Serketry's suggestion, and looking at your current outline for the next few entries, I deduced that waiting that long would take several years, at least. And I did actually want to read the series, despite my doubting tone in the past. That many people whose opinion I respect acclaiming it have to be onto something. I figured I owed you two, given how doubtful I'd publicly been.
I mean, I can't comment on how much of her was known from prior stories, and what role she played there. Maybe it established her greatly, maybe she was just a peripheral player before this one. But here, it's honestly just a screentime thing (well, the written equivalent). Characters like the Lunar Guard, and its main pony Vortex, and numerous others cycle in and out, popping up in a scene or two, while others like Shutterfly and Leafspring are more plot points then characters in this instalment specifically, due to being almost completely offscreen characters. Marigold was just a constant presence and someone I could get a feel for beyond a few surface-level traits. Obviously a long series like this will cycle characters in the spotlight (like, I'm assuming Fluttershy did more here then in the prior two stories combined).
Though as regards her being meant to be the spokepony for the whole Royal Guard, perhaps that's what we're responding to.
I mean, you've mentioned the fix twice now. The fic's still in its early days of traffic, as each subsequent instalment will always give a little boost to prior ones. There's little reason you and Serketry can't just make the necessary revisions to this. Yes, it's been live for a whole year, but as mentioned, you will get more traffic over time, there's still merit to improving it for future audiences.
It's has it merits; I still remember seeing Kung Fu Panda 2 without having seen the first and being blown away. Okay, yes, it's still a kids' animated film, not exactly the complexity you're striving for here, but the artistry in its rich vision of Ancient China just encapsulated me heavily anyway.
As for this, my reviewer obligations have basically changed how I read fics. Ordinarily, I'd be less bothered about reading a middle entry first, but when I have to discuss it publicly, of course I'm going to be nervous that I might come across as having no idea what I'm talking about.
Serketry:
Mostly. As mentioned, having a feel for the kind of organisations and bodies you were evoking helped, as did the broad story and lore types. Honestly, it was less the OCs that threw me, and more some existing show characters. When Amethyst Star came along and was… whatever position she was, that was a more distracting head-scratcher then anything done regarding Vortex or Marigold. Not that she really has much of a personality from the show, but with OCs, there's a comfort in knowing you're probably not missing much because they're new, or knowing 100% that anything you're missing which actually matters must be explained somewhere. In any case, I don't hold any of that against this story: me jumping in with this one is akin to leaping into the 5th episode of an ongoing anime.
Indeed. How much of that is to do with you becoming a co-author starting with Feeling Pinkie Keen, whereas AdmiralSakai wrote the first by his lonesome (at least, going by the story's long description), well, that's a question for another day.
EDIT: Okay, you were there from Day 1, never mind.
I couldn't really get a bead on Twilight in this one, given she spent 90% of it offpage, and the main scene she did have at the start was all-business. But I kind of got a vibe that she has a bit of a sarcastic and not-overtly-sincere streak? At least, when there isn't serious business afoot. Perhaps it's just a side effect of how this series doesn't dwell on its emotional characters moments. Oh, it has them, and they are important and done well, but then it moves on. I'm thinking of how quick Twilight and Spike's reunion was in particular. I'm sure this is just the vibe resulting both from the massive story and plot focus for the series, and the ambitions to be realistic and intelligent beyond what the TV-Y show was doing. Real people, after all, aren't as nakedly sincere and sentimental as the show's characters. Frankly, I don't know if it's something I'm 100% for, at least as strong as it is here. But we'll see.
I know I've banged on in enough places about my doubts regarding this series' ambitions, and I'm sure it got tiring. I get that, I do. And for what it's worth, if this story is any indication, the cliffhanger's aren't so deadly that one can't live without them. I can actually see myself reading these at a pace similar to Paul, and perhaps catching up to you in time, rather than waiting forever on Season 1 to finish. Understandably, given how many stories I read, I prefer to read a whole series in quick succession, to be sure I don't miss anything. But, for the most part, this series has struck me as being one I can read an entry of, then come to the next several months later and be mostly fine. I mean, that's how most of your viewers are at this stage, you have to be building them with that in mind at least somewhat.
It's more that I've seen far too many ambitious fan projects fall by the wayside, some before they've even started (and I've been involved in a few, mostly long before Pony, though one was indeed an MLP rework of Seasons 8/9 that never went anywhere, despite lofty ambitions). I'm sure you two understand my doubt – I've internalised that possibility of petering out enough that even as I'm working on an adventure fic that could start a series, it's being 100% build to be a standalone entry at the same time.
In essence, I was never being pessimistic, only realistic. And always looking forward to being surprised. Hopefully that came across. Checking AdmiralSakai's blog, I see there are seven more EC stories planned for Season 1 (one of them being the Nightmare Rarity arc from the comics)*. And honestly? Seeing your work thus far, and the outlines for the next few, and knowing your dedication, I think you will get Season 1 done. And if you do, that's an achievement unto itself. Whatever the fate of it beyond that, that'll be enough to make me happy.
* That's with the caveat that I have no idea what The Last Flight of the EAS Bellerophon is, and as it's not accounted for in the Season 1 planning blog, I didn't include it in the count above.
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Oh, he was heavily involved. Maybe not quite as heavily as he is now, but he saw every word before it got published. He just didn't have an account back then, so there was no place to credit him. It did, however, take us both a while to find our footing literarily. That process is probably still ongoing.
I read the first EC story and also reviewed it. I remember being intrigued by the concept, but felt that the execution was overall lacking - yet also, I had the feeling that what the series essentially needed was more written experience, which a first-story cannot do on its own (unless you're really lucky). For all my gripes with the first, I'm glad that the subsequent stories in that series have continued, and perhaps even have transcended the problems I found with the original.