Dafaq did I just read?

2418740 A chapter taken from the 2nd person view where the main character fingers Aj, after licking her flank to determine if it tasted like apples.

Uh...

2418740
I'm with you...
When exactly did this become clop?
*rereads first two chapters*
Hmm, it hints at it, and gets dangerously close in the first chapter, but here...
If I wanted clop I would have gone in search of it.
*gets up, attempts to open door, finds it locked*
Damn door.
*smashes door with crowbar, leaves in a slow-mo awesomeness scene while the room explodes from the satchel charge left behind*

Good god, "I" seem to have an insatiable lust for ponies...

Alright, going to Chapter 3. I gotta say, the premise is holding strong, and your style of writing is incredibly immersive. I’m enjoying myself immensely with the plot, alone! It’s made even better with the character portrayal!

… “Where in Tarnation” – ‘tarnation’ is an actual word, despite MSWord saying it isn’t. It’s a substitute for ‘damnation’. I guess… a censored variation? A-Anyways, remove the capitalization.
… “walts in here” – ‘walts’ should be ‘waltz’, as in, the dance.
… “and possible get” – ‘possible’ should be ‘possibly’.

Erm, side-thing, real quick: The request? Totally something I’d do, not only for curiosity, but the idea of cutie marks having various tastes. Seriously, she wouldn’t be the only one! “Pussy”? Screw that, her NAME is Applejack! What if she tasted like the alcoholic beverage!? OR THE CEREAL!? There are some things you’ve just… got to know. :photofinish:

… “She blushed and says” – Not an error technically, but again, given the tense you’re using, ‘blushed’ should be ‘blushes’.
… “One last finger, just what she wants was send in” – I want to say “‘send’ should be ‘sent’”, but ‘was’ should also be ‘is’ and a comma should be placed between ‘wants’ and the word that will come after it (was/is). It’s a quick plethora of errors, but I’ll be damned if I’ll just let it slip through a story like a worm in an apple.
… “your pokers about” – I’ve never heard of fingers being referred to as ‘pokers’. I’ll give it to you, but… I tentatively request a change… perhaps ‘small, slender appendages’, ‘fingers’, or… well, I haven’t heard many other words for ‘fingers’, either… Looking further, you DID say ‘fingers’ seconds later, but perhaps…
… “not wanting your fingers to leave at all” – This could be replaced with “not quite ready to relinquish the feeling of your touch inside her”… Wait, now I’m just being invasive. S-Sorry.
… “her tongue wrap around” – ‘wrap’ should be ‘wrapping’.

Well, this certainly went to a rather… interesting place: A BARN!!!

All jokes aside, I found Applejack to be rather easily accepting, when it came to her portrayal in this particular chapter. By which, I mean that it was easy to imagine her doing these sorts of things. Curiosity feeding off of you for a very, very long time will simply ferment in the mind, after all… until something comes around to alleviate it, or in this case, someONE.

Her accent was believable without seeming too stereotypical. If I went into how much I admired your character portrayal abilities, your ego would swell bigger than a hot air balloon. In contrast to that, I have to address a lack of ‘feelings’ in this chapter. It seems that, once things start happening, you forget where you’ve placed the protagonist. This IS a barn, so it’s likely dirty on the ground. You could have a least had the protagonist dust the dirt off of them from the barn floor.

I better get moving to the next chapter, though, since there’s plenty left.

I just had to make it up to her, got dangit. I never thought it'd go so far!

2418740
A complex sequence of ones and zeros in a stretch of code over a mile long conform and fed through your moniter to generate words of a chapter in a story.

2969589
Aka fucked if I know

LOL, I think I have a new headcanon
Now I am curious, what do Cutie Marks taste like?

... Appuls

Nice job!

LOL, I think I have a new headcanon
Now I am curious, what do Cutie Marks taste like?

... Appuls

Nice job!