You find yourself as Pinkie's special birthday present, but she likes a good game before any actual play time. Enjoy running through distractions from the residences of Ponyville as you track down your target, but will you win in the end?
2416607 Because they're not done correctly. The writers of such stories usually don't know what the hell they're doing. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I'd like to say, I'm doing good so far, and if you stick around long enough, you'll see what I mean.
And to all, I'll just say this here, I'm about 65% done with writing the story so far. All I have to do now is write and edit the remaining parts, reread it all and post it by... I'd say tomorrow.
*Half-way through reading* ಠ_ಠ "Exqueeze me?" *Reading further on* "I'm intrigued." It's not quite right, and there are some mistakes here and there, but otherwise I like it. Also, what are the guidelines for the choices?
*begins reading* Ah, this seems like a nice fic, although quite different then what I normally see *reaches halfway point* This is a clop? When did that happen? *finishes* Dafuq just happened?
Looks like this is finished! Perfect! I read, proofread, AND review all at once. To find the errors I point out, use Ctrl+F, copy what I have in quotes, then locate the error. Alright, let’s not waste any more time. Diving into the Great Pink Sea; let’s see where the G.P.S. takes us.
… “sure is weird looking” – You’ll notice you put two spaces between ‘is’ and ‘weird’… don’t ask how I saw it. … “a sly, “Awe,” and” – ‘Awe’ should be one of two variants: ‘aw’ or ‘aww’. The second isn’t deemed a real word by Microsoft Word, but it does have a definition on the Online Dictionary. “Awe” is akin to surprise, as in, “Shock and Awe”. … “the party mare” – This is the beginning of a new sentence, so capitalize ‘the’. … “a muffled chuckled.” – ‘chuckled’ should be ‘chuckle’. … “looked at pinkie, a bit” – ‘pinkie’ should be capitalized. … “It’s just that simply” – ‘simply’ should be ‘simple’. … “Pinkie gallops up the stairs and heads for the door. In an instant, she’d gone.” – ‘she’d’ should be ‘she’s’. I quoted the entire statement, because it was made in the present tense, while ‘she’d’ is in the past tense. Remember to keep a good eye on what form of tense you’re using.
Well, that’s the first chapter… So now for a review of the story so far: We have some pretty basic characters right now, but Pinkie has always been rather difficult for me to write for, personally. With that in mind, I have to say, I can definitely respect your superior writing style for her. It’s accurate, being invasive without seeming too annoying or out of character. Great balance.
Twilight’s in her Alicorn form, though she just seems like Twilight, which I’m glad about, since it’s easier to relate to her. I’m skeptical about her agreement to the rules, but I guess that a present is still a present, even if it’s “the reader”. Speaking of, the depiction of the protagonist seems rather… eager. I guess this is more for those who really like Pinkie, but for me personally, I’d rather chase a “No Wings Allowed” Rainbow Dash. Heh… Just sayin’!
Premise is believable enough to get easily immersed in, but you could have worked a few more details in store… like leaving the Library as opposed to Twilight, an Alicorn Princess, being in a bakery cellar. Again, suspension of disbelief in effect; it’s for a present. Of course, what else is there to comment on?
It’s time to catch a party pony, so crank up some good race music and let’s give this story a ride.
Founds out I am sex slave in this game....
Catch Pinkie...? If she doesn't want you to catch her you... Uh we? Are so out of luck.
All I've gotta say is good luck. The majority "choose your path" fanfictions wind up falling flat.
2416607 Because they're not done correctly. The writers of such stories usually don't know what the hell they're doing. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I'd like to say, I'm doing good so far, and if you stick around long enough, you'll see what I mean.
2416638 We'll see, I suppose. I'll thumb up, but reserve a fav for later.
2416645 Thanks a bunch!
And to all, I'll just say this here, I'm about 65% done with writing the story so far. All I have to do now is write and edit the remaining parts, reread it all and post it by... I'd say tomorrow.
*Half-way through reading*
ಠ_ಠ
"Exqueeze me?"
*Reading further on*
"I'm intrigued."
It's not quite right, and there are some mistakes here and there, but otherwise I like it.
Also, what are the guidelines for the choices?
Well this story is...
Different...
*begins reading*
Ah, this seems like a nice fic, although quite different then what I normally see
*reaches halfway point*
This is a clop? When did that happen?
*finishes*
Dafuq just happened?
Looks like this is finished! Perfect! I read, proofread, AND review all at once. To find the errors I point out, use Ctrl+F, copy what I have in quotes, then locate the error. Alright, let’s not waste any more time. Diving into the Great Pink Sea; let’s see where the G.P.S. takes us.
… “sure is weird looking” – You’ll notice you put two spaces between ‘is’ and ‘weird’… don’t ask how I saw it.
… “a sly, “Awe,” and” – ‘Awe’ should be one of two variants: ‘aw’ or ‘aww’. The second isn’t deemed a real word by Microsoft Word, but it does have a definition on the Online Dictionary. “Awe” is akin to surprise, as in, “Shock and Awe”.
… “the party mare” – This is the beginning of a new sentence, so capitalize ‘the’.
… “a muffled chuckled.” – ‘chuckled’ should be ‘chuckle’.
… “looked at pinkie, a bit” – ‘pinkie’ should be capitalized.
… “It’s just that simply” – ‘simply’ should be ‘simple’.
… “Pinkie gallops up the stairs and heads for the door. In an instant, she’d gone.” – ‘she’d’ should be ‘she’s’. I quoted the entire statement, because it was made in the present tense, while ‘she’d’ is in the past tense. Remember to keep a good eye on what form of tense you’re using.
Well, that’s the first chapter… So now for a review of the story so far: We have some pretty basic characters right now, but Pinkie has always been rather difficult for me to write for, personally. With that in mind, I have to say, I can definitely respect your superior writing style for her. It’s accurate, being invasive without seeming too annoying or out of character. Great balance.
Twilight’s in her Alicorn form, though she just seems like Twilight, which I’m glad about, since it’s easier to relate to her. I’m skeptical about her agreement to the rules, but I guess that a present is still a present, even if it’s “the reader”. Speaking of, the depiction of the protagonist seems rather… eager. I guess this is more for those who really like Pinkie, but for me personally, I’d rather chase a “No Wings Allowed” Rainbow Dash. Heh… Just sayin’!
Premise is believable enough to get easily immersed in, but you could have worked a few more details in store… like leaving the Library as opposed to Twilight, an Alicorn Princess, being in a bakery cellar. Again, suspension of disbelief in effect; it’s for a present. Of course, what else is there to comment on?
It’s time to catch a party pony, so crank up some good race music and let’s give this story a ride.
The game is on!
The first thing "I" say in this story, just funny as hell lol, so into Ponies and clopping.
I get pinkie as the prize? I thought I was the present . Personally, it wouldn't kill Twilight to put some purple on my pants, right?
2785474
I prefer crimson
Who am I gonna chose first?... O this is gonna be fun and hard... YOLO