120 years after the war, a young trader and his friends are given an incredible task from and unsuspecting source that will change the face of the Equestrian wasteland forever. Question is, will it be for better? or for worse?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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And then I got to this chapter and was like. "Oh. She's the antagonist. OOPS."
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""Well, how about you and I go somewhere quiet and... what did carlotta say it like?" I leaned up to his ear as he threatened to change his whole coat to red. "spend some 'quality time' together?" I whispered soflty into it his ear, giving the tip a little lick as I drew away slowly. Brass seemed to shudder before flopping over with a deep sigh, seemingly in shock on the floor."
Hot.
""
" Sky eyed him curiously before gazing back at me.
"Wow, you finally snapped and murdered him. I applaud you on lasting this long. Hey Carlotta! I owe you 50 caps!" "
Lawl.
This is freaking GLORIOUS!!!
... Really?
*Alicorn
Extra quotation marks. That's not dialog in there.
Alright, this feels so incredibly rushed along. Now, I will admit that FO:E, PH, and Heroes all do tend towards some in-depth navel gazing, but this is skipping by so quickly it's hard for me to follow what's actually going on.
This is pretty morally inconsiderate, but wouldn't a newly-decimated town be a great place for "prospecting" for a fine prospector like Backlash? I would have argued he's probably too busy with the 42 case if he didn't try to chase down that spritebot.
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It would be a great place to prospect if he weren't too busy going after 42. And I'm not to sure it's morally inconsiderate, seeing as that's what all scavengers do. Everything they find technically belonged to somepony else at some point in time!
This story accelerates into the epic story line really quickly. I have a little bit of difficulty being convinced of the reality of the situation, and the party got pulled together kind of quickly. Steel rangers, Pegasi, and Griffons are all rather exotic backgrounds, and having a descendant of pinkie pie is the most exotic of all of them. If the element of s-Laughter is as big of a threat as it seems, it seems a little bit weird for the merchant to be the ones who go after her. Afterall, he seems to be build up to be a less than confident protagonist who was still figuring out his groove. Even with his lack of confidence, he still gets the party cannon, magic flak armor, a sky-wagon, and a small army. For only being at the end of chapter 2, a lot of stuff has happened.
Even with all those complaints, I kinda like the characters. The banter is fun, and the comedic commentary is appreciated. I like the "It didn't work, but try it again 23 times and maybe something different will happen", because I remember exactly where that is in Fallout 2. Even though the story has made me reach for believing things, the set up for the story is a good one. Pinkie pie makes a good villain, the table is set, we have some nice pieces on the field, shenanigans will surely ensue. I am looking forward to reading more. Your story setup has a lot of things that are similar to what I have been planning with my own story, but take a different approach to how they are handled.
My only problem with meeting DJPON3 is, how did he become a myth figure in 80 years from this story to Little Pip's adventure? I mean, Ten Pony Tower is visited by a lot of Wastelanders, why didn't any of them say, "Yeah, I met the DJ, he's a pretty cool guy."
Nice to know I’m not the only one that puts Es after everything
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Yeah, it's a habit that took me quite some time to get over! I hope you've been enjoying the story!
NOPE
I'M OUT