Yugimotou
Joined 31st Dec, 2012 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Very interesting. Well written with only a few errors, but I'm not going to leave you wondering what they are.
1) Make sure that we know who is doing what, and make sure that we know HOW and to WHO they are doing it to. That wasn't the biggest error, but a few things in there got pretty confusing trying to distinguish their thoughts from one another.
2) Don't jump from pony to pony, having the amount of characters you switch from and only a 1,500 word story. Ponder on their thoughts and really explain them out. Don't just switch from character to character, again, randomly. Add some reason. It would be a great way to add some length to your story.
3) We all come to the clopfic section for a reason. Add some more 'climax' into it.
Thanks for the feedback. I will work on improving those points in the future.
I think its a little rushed, but super cool story!!!!
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