Chapter 1
The Start of a Family
It was a bright and sunny day in Equestria and the Cutie Mark Crusaders were up to their usual antics of trying to earn their cutie marks. Today they were in the woods again at Scootaloo’s request to try to earn their ziplining cutie marks. Of course the trio had already tried this and truth be told, Scootaloo just liked feeling like she was flying. As the trio set off down the line, Fluttershy happened to be walking by the end of it. When the crusaders crashed, she wasn’t too far off and came to see what the noise was.
“Oh my goodness are you girls alright? Are you hurt? Can you walk?” Fluttershy, being herself was naturally worried about the fillies. Two of them were her friends’ little sisters and Scootaloo, well she wasn’t exactly sure. But she was important to Rainbow Dash so she had to do something!
Of course the crusaders were once again covered in pine needles and tree sap, and stuck together. “We’re ok!” They replied in unison, allowing Fluttershy to sigh in relief.
Sweetie Belle spoke up, being the most prim and proper of the fillies, “We’re just covered in tree sap again,” She groaned in desperation, “If I go like this Rarity will kill me!”
Apple Bloom was the next to speak up, tossing out a solution. “Awww hush Sweetie Belle, we can just go back to tha farm and hose off before ya head home. Ain’t gonna take us long. Though getting back to the farm from here will take a bit of time since we’re all stuck together.”
“Well if you want you can come back to my house and take a bath.” Fluttershy offered in her delicate tone of voice. “It’s not too far from here and my floors are naturally treated against pine resin so you can’t harm the floor if you wanted to.”
“Are ya sure Fluttershy? I wouldn’t want ta intrude into your house.”
“Oh it’s fine. I’ve done more than my fair share of foalsitting so I’m pretty darn good at bathing fillies.”
The Cutie Mark Crusaders looked at each and decided it couldn’t hurt to take a bath and followed Fluttershy back to her cottage and up the stairs to her bathroom. It had a large old fashioned tub. As she filled it up and added bubbles the CMC conversed between themselves about the next ideas they could try for their cutie marks.
“Alright everypony in.” Fluttershy instructed, picking up the trio with ease and slowly dropping them into the bubbles. “Now who wants to get washed up first?” She asked cheerfully, though she didn’t get a response. “Well Sweetie Belle thanks for volunteering.”
“Wait I didn’t say anything!” She cried out, but it was already too late as Fluttershy quickly washed her hair and body. She was picked up out of the tub and quickly dried off with a towel. “Well that didn’t take long.”
“Of course it didn’t,” Fluttershy replied in a singsongy voice, “I told you I’m good at bathing fillies didn’t I?” She giggled to herself and moved onto her next target, Apple Bloom. Apple Bloom, having been washed by Applejack and Big Mac when she was younger, didn’t say a word. The more she cooperated, the sooner she’s be out and dried off, and be able to put her hair back up. “Scootaloo, stay still. This will only take a minute.” She grabbed a hold of Scootaloo, who tried to squirm away. “Oh Scootaloo, you’ve always been so feisty.” And even with Scootaloo squirming she was clean in a jiffy. “Now how was that? Everypony feel better?”
The crusaders nodded their heads in agreement, even Scootaloo who had tried to fight it. “Thanks Fluttershy!” They all said, trotting out of the bathroom.
Fluttershy pulled the plug and followed them out of the room. “Oh girls before you go I have a favor to ask.” She got down in front of them and took a deep breath. “So my parents are going to come visit me in two weeks and I haven’t exactly been the most honest with them when I left Cloudsdale. I kinda told them I had a foal a few years ago so if it isn’t too much trouble, can I borrow one of you girls for a few days in two weeks? Take your time answering, I’ll need to know in a week though.”
Naturally, the little fillies in front of her were confused and walked out without really saying anything. Applebloom politely declined the offer, as she and Applejack were going to Manehatten for a possible business deal with an upscale restaurant. “Ahm sorry Fluttershy, me and my sis are headed to Manehatten in a week. I ain’t even gonna be here to help ya.”
“Oh that’s ok Apple Bloom. Thank you very much for answering me though.” Fluttershy replied as Apple Bloom left. “Oh well, maybe Sweetie Belle or Scootaloo will agree to it.” she thought Sweetie Belle had already left and Scootaloo simply shook her head no as Apple Bloom left. Naturally she was rather upset, as it was easy to offend or upset, but she wasn’t too discouraged. Later that day she checked with Applejack about Apple Bloom’s excuse and it did check out. From the farm she headed to Rarity’s boutique and headed inside to ask her friend.
“Hey Rarity, is Sweetie Belle available for me to borrow for a day in two weeks? It’s kind of important.” She asked, having already been invited in by Rarity.
“Oh I’m sorry Fluttershy, I won’t even have her in two weeks. My parents are taking her on a vacation and she’ll be gone for three weeks to Canterlot, Manehatten, Phillydelphia, and I think even Coltsdale too.” Rarity sincerely, “Though I am rather curious about why you need Sweetie Belle of all ponies.”
“Well my parents are coming to visit in two weeks and I kinda lied to them and said I had a foal a few years ago so I need a filly or a colt to look after for a few days. And don’t ask about that…. My dad said he was going to drag me home to Cloudsdale if I didn’t have a foal or a partner here. I think he wants his little girl back, especially since my brother moved out not too long ago."
Rarity relented and gave her friend a hug. “Getting back to the reason you came here, I can’t help you with the filly situation; though if there’s anything else that I can do certainly let me know.”
“Thanks Rarity. I don’t know what I’m going to do without a filly for a few days, but it’s nice to know my friend has my back. Well I’m off for now, Rarity.” She waved goodbye to her friend and headed back to her cottage.
Fluttershy spent the week preparing her cottage for her parents. She cleaned up the living room where her couch was and arranged things to make it look like she had a child to take care of. She sighed sadly, knowing none of the crusaders had agreed to be her filly for a week; they didn’t even know what she had planned for them! Though Sweetie Belle and Applebloom had good reasons, and she couldn’t be mad at them. Suddenly she remembered something; Scootaloo hadn’t come back and given her an answer. Today was the day she had asked them to reply by, so maybe she’d be surprised.
And surprised she would soon be, as Scootaloo was walking up the path to her cottage. She extended her hoof and knocked on the door. “Fluttershy? Are you home?” She called out to whom she assumed would be no one. She felt awkward for even thinking about this, and even more so when she knocked on the door just now.
Fluttershy heard the knock and immediately assumed it was Applejack stopping by to drop Winona off for the few weeks she was going to be gone if she hadn’t gotten Big Mac to take care of her. But to her surprise it was the young orange filly looking rather embarrassed on her doorstep. “Scootaloo, what are you doing here?” She asked, not really expecting her to come back. “Did you need something?” She was sure she wasn’t here to take her up on her offer.
“Ummm yeah….” Scootaloo started out. Her entire body was shaking about what she was about to do. Her throat was tight and it was starting to get hard to breathe. She just needed to get it out and over with. It’d be a good idea right? “I came here to…ya know…. Take you up on your offer. I’ll be your filly.” She closed her eyes, as she blushed. This was way more embarrassing than crashing while trying to pull off a cool trick on her scooter.
Fluttershy was rather surprised. “Are you sure Scootaloo? I’m sure you have better things to do with your time.”
“Not really, Apple Bloom is leaving in an hour for Manehatten and Sweetie Belle left yesterday for her vacation. On top of that, I just got fired from my job yesterday so I have nothing but time.” Scootaloo replied, sitting down while still shaking, as she was nervous.
“You had a job? Why in Equestria would a filly your age have a job? I thought there were laws against fillies your age from working besides at a family business.” Fluttershy picked up the orange filly and took her to the kitchen table. There was no sense in making her filly for the week stand outside forever.
“It’s…. a long story. I’ll tell you later if you really want to know.” Scootaloo seemed rather ashamed at this, but the mood was ruined when her stomach grumbled rather loudly.
“Oh my, that was rather loud, Scootaloo you must be starving. When was the last time you ate something?” Fluttershy asked, bringing the orange filly into her cottage.
“I think the last time I ate was….probably two days ago.” Scootaloo replied, not thinking this was odd in the slightest. It hadn’t occurred to her that she wasn’t exactly ordinary by any means.
“Two days? Why aren’t your parents feeding you? That’s horrible!” Fluttershy was aghast at the situation. She couldn’t believe a pony would leave their filly to fend for themselves like this. “Who are your parents anyway? I don’t even think I’ve seen you with anypony besides the other crusaders really. Or with Rainbow Dash, but even then…”
Scootaloo couldn’t hold it in, as this was a really touchy subject for her. Tears formed in her eyes and she began to cry quite loudly, after all she was just a filly. “I-I-I-I don’t have parents! They’re dead! They’ve been dead for years!” She had been sitting at Fluttershy’s table in the kitchen, but she hopped out of her chair and ran to the door. Forgetting it was closed and with tears in her eyes, she ran into the door.
Fluttershy followed her to the door, being too far away to stop her from running into the door. She picked up the obviously upset and hurt filly and hugged her tightly. “Shhhh, it’s ok Scootaloo. Calm down. Mama’s here for you sweetie. Let it all out.” Fluttershy didn’t have a clue what was going on with Scootaloo, but things were starting to make sense a bit. “Come on, let’s fill that belly first ok? Then we can talk all of this out.” She knew, especially when dealing with normally emotionally uptight ponies like Applejack, a full belly usually made them just like a teddy bear.
Scootaloo wasn’t going to complain about free food. She was rather happy to hear that there was going to be food. “Can you hold me Fluttershy?” She was feeling rather unsecure about herself. She had just revealed her darkest secret to a pony she was familiar with, but hadn’t really associated with before. “I don’t feel so good.”
Fluttershy picked up the young, crying filly and took her back to the table. She held her for a few minutes, until she stopped crying audibly. It wasn’t everyday that a filly you’ve seen almost every day tells you she’s been homeless and alone for years. How could nopony have noticed? But that wasn’t the immediate issue. If she wanted to know anything about the filly, a full stomach had to come first. Especially if she hadn’t eaten since Wednesday, that’d be just cruel. “Don’t worry Scootaloo, mommy will make it all better ok? Just sit tight and I’ll make you a nice dinner.” She set her new little filly down at the table she had jumped from and went straight to work fixing a nice dinner. Fluttershy really didn’t care for the processed foods other ponies ate. She preferred natural ingredients, as was to be expected with her communion with nature. The only real processed food she even bought was cheese, since it had to be made, but she always bought it from local farms. She wished that Applejack would try to make cheese with the milk her cows made but she hadn’t convinced her at all. It wasn’t much, but she figured elegance could wait for later. Scootaloo just needed decent food in her developing body. She took out a glass for her new filly and poured some apple juice into. “Alright Scootaloo, dinner is served.” She placed the plate containing a small salad and sandwich down in front of her along with the glass of juice.
Scootaloo had kept her head down, still crying silently about her past. It had always been a troubling subject for her, and she preferred to keep it quiet. As Fluttershy set the food down on the table, she lifted her head and looked at it. “Is this all…for me?” She’d never been treated like this before. Of course she had been served before but she’d had been at a restaurant or Sugarcube Corner, or at a friend’s house. But never had she been treated like this alone.
“Of course silly. You are supposed to be my daughter aren’t you?” Fluttershy responded, patting her on the head. “Eat up, I know you have to be starving with the way your stomach was growling.” Fluttershy turned around to make herself some food. By the time she turned around, Scootaloo had already finished off her entire plate and her juice. “Oh my, Scootaloo, are you already done?”
Scootaloo had been used to eating rather quickly, and had scarfed down her food. “Is that a bad thing?” She asked, hoping not to have upset the mare who had taken her in.
“Of course not silly. Are you still hungry? I can still make you some more food.” Fluttershy ruffled Scootaloo’s mane, giggling slightly.
Scootaloo didn’t know exactly what to make of this but she wasn’t full yet. “I’d like some more food please. I’m not full yet.” She felt she should be reserved at Fluttershy’s house. The quiet pony exuded an air of grace and calmness so she felt rather quiet herself.
“Of course sweetie. Want another sandwich or some more salad?”
“Can I have both?” Scootaloo felt embarrassed asking for so much food, but she still felt like there was a hole in her stomach where food should be. She didn’t want to be greedy by any means, but maybe, just maybe Fluttershy wouldn’t think she was.
Fluttershy didn’t say a word but simply went about making the food for her little filly, humming all the while. She placed the next plate in front of Scootaloo. This time the portion sizes were much larger, to try and accommodate the filly’s appetite.
Scootaloo was rather pleased with the portion sizes and went to work on her meal. She didn’t take long to finish the salad or the sandwich and burped when she finished. “Thanks Fluttershy!” She felt more upbeat now, especially with a full stomach.
“You’re most welcome. Though I would appreciate it if you would call me mommy or mom. You are supposed to be my daughter now.” Fluttershy responded to her filly, booping her gently on the nose, to which the young filly giggled a bit in response. “Now it is getting late so let’s get you bathed and ready for bed. How’s that sound?”
Scootaloo thought to herself for a moment. Besides the bath last week after the crusaders had been completely coated in tree sap, she hadn’t had a decent bath in weeks. Most of the time she needed to bathe, she’d sneak into Sweet Apple Acres and use the hose to rinse herself off or go to one of the many creeks on the property. “A bath sounds really nice to be honest. It’d be nice to relax and not worry about animals at a creek or waking anypony up…” Thinking a bit ahead, she didn’t realize where she would sleep. Normally she’d share a bed with her friends if she stayed over, and thankfully they never wanted to come to her house. But that still loomed in her mind until Fluttershy picked her up.
Fluttershy scooped up Scootaloo and carried her to the bathroom. “Scootaloo, you didn’t bring anything here did you?” She hoped she hadn’t crossed a line or anything, but she had to make sure she didn’t misplace anything.
Scootaloo shook her head, “Besides my scooter, helmet, and my saddlebags, I don’t have much of anything. I had a pillow once but it got nasty and torn up so I had to throw it out. Washing it…. didn’t go exactly as I had planned.” She didn’t seem too awkward about the subject, and freely admitted to basically not having a home.
Fluttershy just kept quiet and set her new ‘daughter’ onto the floor of the bathroom and began to draw her bath. She waited till the temperature was just right and checked it herself. “Alright Scootaloo hop in and I’ll let you soak for a bit before I come back get you all clean. Be right back~” Fluttershy went off the bedroom to prepare the bed for both her and her new little filly.
Scootaloo sank into the bath. It felt really amazing to be surrounded by warm water like this. She completely submerged herself, soaking her coat and mane. “Is this what a home feels like?” She thought to herself. ”It feels pretty nice. I don’t ever want to leave…” She was lost in thought when Fluttershy returned.
“Enjoying your bath Scootaloo? Looks like you are.” Fluttershy giggled a bit at how much Scootaloo appeared to be enjoying a warm bath. “Well let’s get you cleaned up and dressed for bed.” Before Scootaloo could say anything in return, Fluttershy was already at work washing her mane. Her touch was firm but gentle, and even with the aches on her body; Fluttershy hadn’t hit a single one. Soon the bath was finished and Fluttershy pulled her out of the bath and dried her off.
“Alright little filly, come with me to my bedroom. You’ll be sleeping with me, if that’s ok with you.” Fluttershy stopped herself and made sure not to force Scootaloo to do anything she didn’t want to. “If you want to sleep alone that’s fine too. I won’t feel bad.”
Scootaloo didn’t even have to think about her choice. “I wanna sleep with you!” She said, almost instantaneously. Her cheeks turned a rosy red color, showing her embarrassment quite well. “Is your bed big enough though?” Scootaloo inquired a bit about the bed, though yawning soon after.
“Oh it’s plenty big. Applejack made it big enough for two full grown ponies plus a filly.” Fluttershy answered, somewhat hinting at something, which was lost on the tired filly. She picked her up and laid her onto her back. “Stay here and don’t move one bit. Momma’s gonna be back in a just a second ok?” Fluttershy hovered over to the other side of the room and quickly returned with several items in her hooves that she put down beside Scootaloo. She picked up a white rectangle, creating a small crinkling noise as she did so.
Scootaloo had heard this sound before. She couldn’t quite place it though. It was familiar, and she knew she had heard it when she was at SugarCube Corner. Was it something Pinkie had? No, that couldn’t be it, but Pinkie had something to do with it. After a few seconds more of thinking she finally realized what the object in Fluttershy’s hooves was. “Is that a d-d-diaper?” Her eyes went from normal, to being completely wide-eyed, and looking at Fluttershy to looking away, embarrassed for some reason.
“Mhmm, it is. I figured it might help you get into your role as my daughter if we had some point to start from, which includes foalhood.” Fluttershy didn’t seem awkward at all, considering she was about to diaper a filly she had just ‘borrowed’ for a week. She didn’t even stop to ask her if it was ok, and she proceed to unfold the diaper and slide it under Scootaloo’s flank making sure to pull her tail through properly.
Scootaloo honestly wasn’t about to fight it. Sure this was odd to her, but for once in her life she had a mother, or at least a mother figure, taking care of her. She couldn’t even remember a day when she wasn’t at the orphanage or homeless. She sneezed as the powder hit her nose and before she knew it, the diaper was taped up snugly around her waist. She got to her feet and looked back at her newly diapered flank. “Well it’s not as bad as I thought it would be. I thought I’d be more embarrassed than this.” She commented, not feeling a speck of shame or embarrassment anymore. Sure it was a little bit awkward, but then again, Fluttershy had already gotten more out of her in a few hours than her friends had ever known.
“Well then it’s time for bed. Would you like some milk to help you sleep?” She asked, to which Scootaloo nodded her head with a yawn. “I think somepony is going to sleep very well tonight. Especially after a nice warm bottle of milk. Milk always makes little fillies sleepy and helps them sleep through the night.” Fluttershy sounded just like a mother now, especially with a small orange filly in her arms. Setting Scootaloo back at the kitchen table she warmed up some milk in a saucepan, making sure it wasn’t too warm to burn her mouth. After three minutes or so, she poured the milk into a bottle and secured the top. She hovered over to Scootaloo, picking her up once more and cradling her in her arms. Without warning, she gently popped the nipple of the bottle into the young filly’s mouth, which was great with an instant suckling action. She could tell that Scootaloo was enjoying the bottle, making her feel quite happy. Soon the little diapered filly was asleep in her arms, finishing off the last of the bottle. She set the bottle aside, picking up a purple pacifier and replacing the nipple of the bottle with it. As tired as she was, the pacifier wasn’t rejected. It was almost welcomed, if she thought about it. “Sleep well Scootaloo. Mommy will be right here with you.” Fluttershy said softly, kissing her daughter on the forehead.
Fluttershy curled up in bed and Scootaloo immediately sought the warmth of her new mother. The yellow pegasus couldn’t help but smile as she brought the blankets up over the two of them. This was the start of her family.
This is cute. I like it.
so there's not going to be any dark in this is right?
static.quickmeme.com/media/social/qm.gif
Aw this is so nice. I feel sorry for both Fluttershy and Scootaloo hope their situations improve.
This might be the best non Rainbow Dash fic involving Scootalove.
2281955
There's going to be a bit of a dark backstory, but that'll be at the very end of the story as an epilogue or final chapter.
Pretty good.
Even if the opening is a bit cliche.
So far so good. I don't think I've seen a Fluttershy adopts Scoots before. Most of them are Rainbow Dash.
I think more explaination is needed for why the diaper and pacifer are being used on a kindergardener
2283050
It's in there. A great way to bond with a child is to actually treat them like a child. Basically be with them from infancy. Basic child psychology.
2283170
While I understand where you wanted to go with this, I think the diaper and pacifier thing was...uh...a bit weird. You simply don't use either of those on a child anywhere close to Scoot's age and it really makes fluttershy look borderline crazy. Unless she's supposed to be crazy that is...
I like this, but that romance tag is confusing me a little.
This story was cute, And I liked it.
Now for some critiques... as always when I post a a critique, I have to say that this is solely my opinion and you are not obligated to act on anything that I suggest. I am just trying to help, so keep that in mind when reading this.
I saw a few grammatical errors like use of the word "Are" instead of "Is" and other similar problems. To solve this, I recommend reading your story out loud to yourself instead of in your head, it helps because you can actually hear the error better than you would in your head.
I noted that each paragraph (Though it could just be the settings on my computer) had no spacing between them, it went like this:
Generic Example Paragraph1
Paragraph one continuation.
Generic Example Paragraph2
Paragraph two continuation.
That is not really a problem, but it looks more aesthetically pleasing if you put a space between the two paragraphs.
I also noted that Fluttershy seemed a bit out of character, again this is just my opinion, but she seemed too confident. I don't really have any suggestions for that one other than try to make her less confident... if you want, that is.
And finally, from personal writing experience and the experience of my older brother, who specializes in 'darker/unhappy' back stories, try not to flesh it out too much, because it turns people away, but don't make it to vague either, I find that if you can strike a balance where the reader is sympathetic to the character, but not so much dark/unhappiness that the reader is thinking "Oh, now the writer is just torturing so and so."
Anyways, I hope my suggestions help and again, it's just my opinion and you do not need to even read it if you don't want too... but if you are this far then... I guess you did read it... so... I hope it helps.
2283515
Patience XD And no, it doesn't involve Scootaloo with Fluttershy.
2283538
And it won't be fleshed out too much. It's a necessary evil in my mind (I've got pretty much this entire story mapped out, just need to write it.) It'll become clearer in later chapters.
2283690 While I wouldn't have had a problem with that, thank you for the info.
Now...
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/279/040/d98.png
2283700
I appreciate that picture. Hmmm *strokes my non existant moustache* I do hope to have the next chapter out in about a week, time permitting.
Very good so far I look forward to the next chapter
“Well my parents are coming to visit in two weeks and I kinda lied to them and said I had a foal a few years ago so I need a filly or a colt to look after for a few days otherwise my dad is gonna beat me again!” Well that escalated quickly. The same comment goes to Scootaloo's reveal about her not having parents. Honestly, that's the biggest problem with the story. There isn't enough buildup for anything. This is especially problematic for these two big reveals because offering up such key pieces if information radically changes how we view these characters but the lack of buildup means that it never really sinks in. Parental abuse or abandonment is not something that people divulge easily and how you presented it feels too sudden and jarring. Maybe the idea was to make it come off as a surprise but really I wasn't so much shock as I was confused. Buildup doesn't necessarily mean broadcasting it on a speaker phone there are subtle forms of it. The lack of buildup also hurts the growth of Fluttershy and Scootaloo's relationship because it feels to sudden for them to start acting like mother and daughter. So, to make a long criticism short, like a storm cloud you need to collect energy and then at the right moment strike like lightning.
Although, don't get me wrong I liked the story. It was cute, the premise is interesting, and overall I like how Fluttershy and Scootaloo were characterized. I just feel that there is a lot of potential to this story and I want to help offer up criticism to improve it.
2285616
Honestly, I'm used to characterizing Scootaloo as homeless and an orphan through many other fanfics I've written so I might be a little numb to it.
As to Fluttershy's little outburst, I picture her as cracking rather easily so information may or may not come out whether she wants to or not.
All things being said, I do appreciate the criticism
That escalated fairly quickly. Especially "Oh yeah, I need a filly". "Oh yeah, I was abused terribly". "Oh yeah, put this diaper on".
Those parts made me do a doubletake and felt really quick.
(Edit: Basically, what 2285616 said, because it's better worded than what I said)
Not sure if want, but will stick around just in case.
well, i must say. you have certainly left me wondering how this is going to go. i have theories, and questions. you've definitely grabbed my attention
My feelings on this are... Mixed. I like the story, I like the idea, and I like the cuteness, but the diaper part was pretty creepy to me. If the baby treatment is only a one time thing it's fine, but I'll start to get worried for Fluttershy's sanity if she does it all week.
How old is Scootaloo in this fic?
2303713
Can be whatever you want her to be, but I imagined about 8-10. More leaning towards 8. Later chapters will explain why.
Sounds good so far. Can't wait to see more chapters in the future!
should be insecure
This was a really good story death shadow er.. I mean amaradash it's nice to see that you rp and write fanfiction
2335111
Typo XD
This is so cute! I love the idea of one of the Cutie Mark Crusaders (or all three of them) being diapered and babied. I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes and whether or not Scootaloo will want to be Fluttershy's foal forever and ever.
aww..that's very sweet..
Interesting concept. It's nice to see something d'awww-worthy involving Scootaloo and somepony other than Rainbow Dash (although I love those stories too).
One comment. Scootaloo says she hasn't had a bath in weeks. She had one just a week prior at Fluttershy's. There were some grammatical issues too, but I think other commenters have pointed those out.
2407245
One flaw XD I never really caught that, and I had 3 different people proofread this for content. Though the bath Fluttershy gave them wouldn't be considered a proper bath. It was more like if your mom told you to go hose off the mud all over you.
But I do appreciate your input :3
My, my, diapers, we meet again, but a good story none the less.
2407388
I think any bath by Fluttershy would count as a proper bath.
I'm not averse to editing if you want me to look at subsequent chapters.
I am a mysterious stranger, you have never seen me anywhere else before.... WOoooOOooo
It's....different I'll give you that.
I like it. I'll be looking forward to the next chapter with much anticipation
Was this inspired by the Fluttershy arc of The End of Ponies by any chance?
Well anyway... Moving on to the actual story. To be honest, I really don't like the way you are writing
this. You do kind of have that emotional build up, but you are only showing it through rather quick one or
two sentence long statements. Basically, I feel like as if you are telling me that the characters are having
these emotions, but never actually give me details on the reasoning behind it. I want to know more about
what is happening in the characters minds. I was actually going to say more here but I'm really tired at the
moment and my brain just sort of derped on me.
I'm sorry... I just don't really feel that emotionally connected with the characters when you are just brushing
over everything. I actually really like the concept, just the execution is rather lacking.
2454147
That comment is noted and appreciated. I've been told that a few times and I'm working on it. It's just sometimes I feel that I'd be boring the reader with too much backstory/thoughts/etc so I might not put enough in. Constructive criticism is always welcome.
And it certainly was not. I've never heard of that story XD
2455083
Never heard of it?! Oh dear... You have been missing out!
The End of Ponies is a massive over 500,000 word long monstrosity of awesomeness.
If there is a fic that can teach you in the ways of character build up, it's that one.
2455313
Well right now I'm currently reworking the first chapter to be a little bit better. There's more explanation and a bit more character development and thoughts. Though some of it I am intentionally leaving out for later chapters.
Absolutely amazing. Can't wait to read more!
Sooooo... This isn't complete, the suspense is painful.
2539535
I've been absent on a lack of time. I've got the next chapter planned out, but not written. Just finished the semester today, hopefully I might have a bit of time. And the suspense is killing me as well. I wish I had more time to write this. Also, rewriting a bit of the first chapter to be more thorough.
2539648 Dont Worry dude, hopefully the wait will be long, but will be worth
I love seeing Scoots get the love she deserves. Keep it going!
Please update!
I'm not sure what you added in the rewrite, but you did not have a section where Fluttershy tells Scootaloo to come back in a week. So the reader was not expecting Fluttershy to expect her... not a big flaw but I think something was deleted maybe?
wtf am i missing something diapers ???? that might be one of the creepyest things ive ever see so casuely droped into a story up till then is was ok now iam kinda worried
Ok ... down to brass tacks.
This story was rather good uptil Scoots going back to Flutters. Not to say that it was bad. But Flutters repeatedly calling herself Momma was a bit odd. And can you explain the diapers? That made no sense, unless she was to ask / find out if Scoots had accidents at night. Heck I knew cousins [not telling names] who had problems at night till they were 10. But just coming right out and saying "Here Scoots! You're in a new place; New Environment; Here put on these potentially super embarrassing diapers on since it shows that I don't trust you not to mess up the bed." [At least that's how it comes out as].
All in all ... I'm withholding judgement as I look at the other chapters.
Kinda weird but adorable nonetheless. MOAR!!!!!!
this is cute in an odd way