Good Luck to You

by PotatoManiac

My Last Chance

When we arrived at the treehouse, I was surprised at who I met. Applejack and Pinkie Pie were already there, but standing in between them, was Princess Celestia herself. I was speechless for a moment. “Hello there, Derpin Kin. I have something urgent to talk to you about.” She said. Jake was silent; he just sat and watched. “Uhm.. Yes?” I said back. “I know where you and your friend are from. I really suggest you head back.” She said. “How come?” I asked. “The portal that you and your friend had fallen into is the rarest thing in Equestria. You two found the first one, the last one will be upon us shortly.” She explained to us. “What in the hay are they talking about?” Applejack whispered to Pinkie Pie. Pinkie shrugged back. “So what you’re saying is; if we miss the last portal, we’ll never see our families again?” Jake said from behind me. “I’m afraid not.” Celestia replied back. Before anypony could say anything else, there was a deep rumble and a bright flash of light.

The second portal was directly in front of us. Everypony in the room turned and stared at the portal. I thought to myself. I didn’t even have a family. I had nothing to look forward to if I went back. “Well… I guess we’d better get going.” Said Jake, as he walked up to the portal. He turned to me and motioned to me to follow him. I looked down and scratched my hoof against the floor. “I.. I’m going to stay here.” I said. Jake nodded. He probably understood, since he knew that my dad left yesterday. “Bye, then.” he said. “Bye.” I replied back to him. Jake stepped through the portal, and there was a bright flash, then him and the portal were gone. There was a moment of silence. “Sorry about your friend.” Princess Celestia said. “YAY! NEW PONY!” Pinkie blurted out, then tackled me to the ground unexpectedly. “I recon you’ll fit in around here nicely.” Applejack said.

I had then remembered the last words I ever heard my dad say. “Good luck.” It may have been the last thing I would expect 24 hours ago, but that’s what exactly came out of this. I would now live my live as me; Derpin Kin.

Comments

[Oatmeal Are You Crazy]

Plz longer chapters

[Oatmeal Are You Crazy]

Ima dumbass its done....

[Elastas]

Everything you wrote, could be better. Being quite frank. The entirety of what you have now, could be a whole chapter, or half of one considering the lack of detail. Like most stories, it has potential. I am not damning you to the bowels of hell where writers are doomed to never lift a pen or click a key ever again, it is merely a reader wanting to give you advice on improving the quality of what you do have. If it is any consolation, the title is a catch. You had me there. All I can tell you is to condense what you have now, and improve on the next go a bit. Take your time.

[Mobius of the Moon]

Being honest I'll say this could have been better. And longer. But it's still pretty good. 4.5 stars for you! Although really, you shoulc continue.

[Mobius of the Moon]

should not shoulc.