Chapter XX
The Prince and the Workhorse
Part XX
Princess Celestia slept soundly, sprawled in an ocean of silk sheets and luxurious feather quilts, her angel white cheek caressed by soft pillows of finest goose down. She wore her splendid mane stuffed in a black satin snood to smother its shimmering light while she slept. Her golden tiara, the Yoke of Harmony, all the gilded raiments of her station now adorned a dressmaker’s dummy in an alcove at the far end of her vast apartments. A curtain of thick velvet shielded these, too, so that their soft glow would not disturb the royal slumber.
Though Celestia had lived for a millennium and a half, the pleasures of the flesh had lost none of their allure, neither had her appetites become twisted by the eons, as had those of more than a few beings with whom she shared the double-edged gift of immortality. Though she forewent much gratification for the sake of her subjects, she still allowed herself the occasional indulgence, and the softest silk sheets money could buy were definitely one of them.
If she had an inclination toward any vice in particular, it was gluttony. Scattered across her room were the empty, licked clean plates of a lavish six-course meal. On a silver tray beside her bed drifted the lonely crumbs of a chocolate cake, so rich its consumption would have been fatal to any mortal pony, literal “Death by Chocolate.” Her divine metabolism took it all in stride. No morsel of unwanted fat would ever find its way to her prefect waist, no cellulite would ever profane her sublime flank. She knew no indigestion, only the deep, luxuriant sleep and guiltless dreams of one who fully enjoys and appreciates the delicious things in life.
A burst of green flame exploded in the darkness and something hard whapped Celestia on the end of her muzzle.
Celestia stirred, grumbling as she navigated the fog of preconsciousness. What was Twilight doing sending her a letter at this hour? Her first inclination was to leave it until morning, but if Twilight was sending her letters in the middle of the night, it might be more important than a mere friendship lesson. If it was an emergency, she wanted to be there for her student.
She groped through the dark landscape of silk and pillows for the scroll before giving up and undoing her snood, bathing the room in the tranquil, variegated light of her mane.
She found the scroll and flicked it open, cracking the wax seal with a sweep of her hoof.
Dear Princess Celestia,
I’m so excited for the Springtime Frolic tomorrow; I can hardly sleep!
You will probably be surprised to learn that I’ve met somepony and he’s asked me to be Frolic Partners.
Don’t worry though! It’s somepony I trust very much.
Over these past few weeks, I’ve been dating the most amazing stallion I’ve ever met. He’s unpretentious and charming, thoughtful and attentive. He’s never once taken advantage of me or behaved like anything but the perfect gentlecolt. I won’t lie, I also think he’s exceptionally handsome.
I’ve never been in a relationship like this before. I’ve never really been in any relationship before, but I just know this one is special. I think he might be the one.
You’ll never guess who it is, so I’ll tell you:
It’s Prince Blueblo
Celestia couldn’t read any more because the letter burst into flames. She sat up in her bed, trembling. Godlike though she was, Celestia’s heart was still Pony. She lived and laughed and loved and longed with the best of them.
And she could get angry…
***
Shining Armor trotted briskly through the streets of Canterlot. The bright lights and jollity of the City without Sleep passed him on either side, unnoticed. He jaunted left, hurrying down a dim side street, deserted except by a gaggle of heartbreakers migrating to greener pastures on a street corner across town. They teased Shining Armor with catcalls and lascivious promises before realizing who he was and shushing each other into silence. They needn’t have worried; he was in too much of a rush to deal with them.
If the festivities building up to Ponyville’s Springtime Frolic were slightly tawdry, then the revelry in Canterlot was downright hedonistic. It was all the Royal Guard could do to keep citizens from mounting one another in the streets. Everywhere the capital was alive with parties, songs and merrymaking. A Changeling princess danced on a makeshift stage for the gold (and love energy) of a crowd of hooting colts, her twisting form flickered through a slideshow of great beauties. Sophia Sorrel, Misty Meadows, Skywishes, Rarity and Toola-Roola all waggled their flanks and blew kisses at lovestruck stallions before vanishing in a flash of green flame to make way for the next red-hot mare that would probably not appreciate her likeness used in such a manner. Up the street a ways, Shining Armor dodged a trio of unicorns that drunkenly belted verses of She was only an Earth Pony (but she knew an awful lot about how to use a Unicorn’s horn) as they staggered from tavern to tavern. He nodded to a pair of overworked royal guards as they helped a half-conscious filly into the back of a hansom cab. She repaid their kindness by vomiting all over both of them. Shining Armor winced in sympathy before turning up the Royal Promenade that led to the Palace.
Celestia was waiting for him in the gilded foyer of her apartments, undressed and flustered. Shining Armor nearly blushed when he saw her without her yoke, tiara and shoes. Of course it wasn’t her state of undress that shocked him, but her lack of composure. She seemed more naked without her royal bearing than she ever could without her golden panoply. In the warmth and closeness of her private apartments, the situation seemed almost intimate.
“Shining Armor, thank you so much for coming. I apologize for waking you at this hour,” greeted Celestia, regaining some of her regal air.
Shining Armor bowed low.
“I serve the Princesses day and night without thought of rest,” replied Shining Armor.
“And I am grateful,” Celestia tapped his shoulder with her horn, indicating that he could rise.
“I hope that my messenger didn’t disturb Cadence,” she continued.
Shining Armor gave a half-smile.
“She’s not at home tonight. Her latest invention has been demanding all her attention these past few days. You know how she gets.”
Celestia nodded.
“I’m interested to learn more, but later. Right now, I have grave news,” the Princess was once again stern.
“I beg you; tell me, your highness.”
“It’s about your sister.”
“Twilight? Is she in trouble?” Shining Armor’s ears were straight up now, flicking worriedly from side to side.
“She could be. It seems my idiot nephew, your cousin-in-law, Prince Blueblood, has somehow beguiled Twilight Sparkle into promising to be his Frolic Partner.”
Shining Armor’s eyes shot wide open, his nostrils flared.
“My sister? My Twilie?” he clenched his teeth.
“It seems so,” nodded Celestia.
Shining Armor could hardly think, could hardly talk. He shifted and pawed, dancing in place as if standing on hot coals, torn between his duties to his Princess and his duties to his sister.
“Blueblood, that oaf? Blueblood, that scoundrel?” he exclaimed.
“The same. So you can see why I called you here.”
“Of course! I’ll go to her at once! I’ll forbid her to see him again!”
Celestia silenced him with a raised hoof.
“Calm yourself, Captain. You know that won’t work. If you forbid her to see him, it will only fan the flames of her passion. It won’t help matters.”
Shining Armor took some deep breaths.
“I have to do something! She’s my sister!”
Celestia nodded again.
“This is what you will do. Pick two of your most trustworthy guards. Ideally, they should have black coats but, if that’s not feasible, have them black their coats with soot. No uniforms. No cutie marks, black those with soot as well.”
Shining Armor grunted affirmation. Celestia continued.
“They will fly to Ponyville. They will find Prince Blueblood and encourage him to return to Canterlot with them.”
“And if he refuses?”
“They will be as persuasive as they need to be,” answered Celestia.
Shining Armor nodded his understanding.
“Now, go. Twilight Sparkle is precious to both of us.”
“By your command, Princess,” Shining Armor bowed low again before departing. He galloped to the Royal Barracks as fast as his legs could carry him.
***
Princess Luna was somewhere beneath the Taurus constellation, personally fluffing the Crab Nebula with a silver afro pick. Around her, the Lunar Guard flitted between the stars, moving in shadow like the black clad running crew of a stage production. Once that sector was fully shined and polished, she mustered the squadron to move to the next star cluster.
“Good work, team! We’re almost done tonight!” said Luna “We only have Scorpio and Virgo left to do before morning.”
The squadron murmured excitedly. If they pushed hard, they might finish early!
Luna surveyed her team, smiling in satisfaction at how well everypony was working together. Her project to restore the night sky, whose care and maintenance had slipped a little during her thousand year hiatus, was going better than expected.
Two of her pegasi didn’t seem to share her enthusiasm, however. Luna noted their haggard appearance and lack of attention.
“Everypony is dismissed, except for Cassini and Galileo. You two, come here.”
The rest of the squadron dispersed to their tasks, Cassini and Galileo approached the Princess, their tired wings flapping raggedly as they struggled to stay awake.
“Why are you two still here? Where are your reliefs? The shift change was two hours ago.”
“They couldn’t make it. Moondancer says they got pulled aside by Shining Armor,” Cassini yawned. Galileo agreed, rubbing the bags beneath his eyes.
“I see. Strange, I wasn’t informed of any changes to the schedule,” said Luna “Go home, I will see to this matter personally.”
Cassini and Galileo thanked her and flew off. Too tired to return home, they found a comfy cloud on which they could wait out the night. They curled up together for warmth and were sound asleep in seconds.
***
Shining Armor hadn’t gone to bed. He was awake and pacing the floor of the barracks, impatient for the report from Skylighter and Jazzy-Belle that their mission had been successful. The arrival of Princess Luna was a complete shock.
Shining Armor squared his shoulders and bowed low.
“Good evening, majesty,” he greeted.
“Good evening, Shining Armor. As always, you are diligent and unswerving in the execution of your duties, but what has you awake at this late hour?” asked Luna, folding her wings and trotting into the flickering light of the barracks gaslamps.
“Do not let my restlessness disturb you princess, it is a matter of little consequence.”
“Your modesty is appreciated, but unnecessary,” said Luna “Whatever has you up and about must have some importance, else it needn’t have disrupted the operations of my personal retinue.”
Shining Armor faltered.
“An oversight on my part, your highness, I was not aware those guards had a prior commitment.”
“Such oversight is uncharacteristic for you, Shining Armor,” Luna frowned, her expression one of concern, not anger.
“Your highness, it will not happen again,”
“What will not happen again? Something urgent is going on and I’m interested to know.”
“Please, your majesty, I can say no more.”
“I see,” said Luna “very well. Carry on.”
Luna turned and left, launching herself into the night sky toward the palace. Shining Armor would never defy her… not unless he was under pressure from somepony as powerful as she. Maybe Celestia could answer questions Shining Armor couldn’t.
***
“YOU DID WHAT?” Luna’s Royal Canterlot Voice shook Celestia’s apartments and provoked a small flurry of activity in the hall outside. Servants and guards stood by the door, ready to render assistance if needed.
“I did what I had to do to protect Twilight! You know how important she is!” Celestia drew herself up to her full height, trying to intimidate Luna with her posture as well as her tone.
“Yes, yes. Your whole superpony scheme. I’m sure it’s of world-shattering consequence who the Kwizats Haderach dates.”
“Kefitzat Haderech, and it might very well be! After your whole… breakdown…” said Celestia “I realized that power like ours needs checks and balances.”
“Are you going to throw that in my face for the rest of my life!?” cried Luna “I was hurt, I was angry! You were being a royal bitch! I said I was sorry!”
“And what if it’s not you next time? What if it’s me? What if I go insane? What if Discord escapes and addles my mind or what if the ennui of eons gets to be too much for me and I crack? I’ve seen it happen! Best friends I’ve known for centuries suddenly decide that mortal beings are no better than playthings! Being immortal can twist even the kindest, gentlest heart. It happened to you! It could happen to me! If I decided to drop the sun on Canterlot, who could stop me? Could you?”
Luna’s face streamed with tears.
“Why do you say such things!?”
“I’m trying to make you understand how important Twilight is! She’s the next step. The world needs to learn to live without gods.”
“So what does this have to do with who she dates?”
“Being the Kefitzat Haderech isn’t just being genetically perfect; it’s a state of mind. Her first romance cannot be a disaster, it could twist her entire perspective! Centuries of work, wasted!”
“Everypony’s first romance is a disaster, that’s how things are, she needs to learn such things for herself.”
“Not with Blueblood,” Celestia’s face was stern “Not with Blueblood.”
“So, what are you going to do with him?”
“I’m going to make sure he can never harm anypony ever again. I’m going to send him away.”
Luna’s eyes widened.
“No!” she sobbed “No! No! You’re going to send him someplace where he’ll be all alone!”
“Luna-”
“No! All you ever do is think about yourself!”
Luna shouted and stomped, cracking the marble beneath her feet and sending the servants outside into a panic.
“Luna, stop this at once!”
Celestia was getting angry. She was going to send Blueblood to the moon! She was going to send her back! Back to the dark and the cold and alone!
“NOPONY SHOULD BE ALONE!” Luna screamed.
Celestia flared her wings. She had to stop Luna’s tantrum before she did something they’d both regret. Protecting Twilight was important, but her sister’s love was even more important. She couldn’t endure another rift like before.
Luna reared up on her hind legs. She stomped and flailed. Celestia reared up to match her. The sisters clashed in a tangle of hooves and horns. Luna’s glittering tiara was knocked from her head and clattered to the floor. Hot tears streamed down her cheeks onto Celestia’s coat.
“Don’t make him be alone,” she sobbed.
“Luna! Luna, you win!” Celestia put her hoof around Luna’s trembling shoulders “I won’t banish him! You’re right! I was only thinking of myself!”
Luna fell, shuddering, to the ground. Celestia lay down next to her.
“Your guards must be over Ponyville right now. Go, stop them,” said Celestia.
“Really?” Luna looked up, sniffing.
“Yes, hurry!”
Luna stood, sniffed back the rest of her tears and flared her wings. Her horn crackled with magical energy. She pictured herself standing in a transparent cube, focusing the image in her mind. She took the cube, and cubed it, simultaneously performing the same action with the magic of her horn on the spacetime around her. She vanished in an implosion of unlight, leaving a fading scar in the air like a flaw in a pane of glass.
Celestia stood. She lingered for a few seconds before vanishing as well. She had to tell Shining Armor there would be a change of plan…
***
The cogs of the Canterlot Clock Tower rumbled and churned as they ticked off the seconds.
All the universe was rhythm. The rhythm of the spheres, the rhythm of the tides, of the seasons, of breaths, of love and life and death and music and poetry.
Cadence had always been fascinated by the interplay of these rhythms.
When she was a filly, poetry and songs captivated her. She loved to compose symphonies and sonatas, to experiment with new sounds and new music. She bought a metronome to help her keep time as she worked on new material. That metronome wasn’t good enough, so she designed and built a more precise one.
The clock she had didn’t keep good time, so she built a better one.
Inventing became a hobby of hers. Everything was rhythms. The rhythm of teeth, the rhythm of springs, of gears and sprockets and screws.
Inventing new songs, inventing new machines.
The blueprints for her first big invention hung in a frame on the wall of her workshop. A recoil-powered repeating rifle she dubbed the Maxim Gun.
The blueprints for her next big invention were spread across her workbench in various stages of completion. She was close to a breakthrough, so close she could taste it!
Above her, the gears and cogs of the clock tower ticked off the seconds.
Thoughts had rhythms, too. Love and lust and loneliness. She mastered the clumsy gears and cogs of clockwork toys and turned her attention to the far more intricate clockwork of the body and brain, the quiet, imperceptible churning of thoughts and emotions. Tug on this string, somepony becomes sad. Tug on this one, he becomes happy. Tug on this one, he falls in love.
The rhythm of love, the rhythm of happiness, of sadness and lust and anger.
Inventing new ideas, inventing new emotions.
She got her cutie mark: a crystal heart with gilded filigree. Everypony thought it was for her wondrous love spell, but it was broader than that. The heart is the first timekeeper, the first beat any creature ever moves to. The original metronome. Cadence was the mistress of all things rhythmic.
Cadence consulted the thick grimorie at her side, searching for spells that could help complete her invention. The letters in the grimorie danced and strained against the paper of the page as if they were alive. They pressed close to the surface, as if they could burst their bonds of pulp and ink and flutter off into the air like insects. Cadence cooed softly to them, singing gentle songs and soothing their excited squirming so that they would stay still and legible. She added a note here and there, which would sit idly for a moment before taking on a life of its own and scampering across the page.
“Honey, are you up here?” Shining Armor called up through the trapdoor of her workroom. The sound of his voice sent the letters of the grimorie into a panic and they scurried, roachlike, onto other pages where they couldn’t be seen.
Cadence sighed. Maybe it was time to take a break anyway.
“Yes, dear!” she answered.
Shining armor mounted the stairs and poked his head through the trapdoor. He smiled when he saw her. Even worn and frazzled from lack of sleep, she was still a vision of loveliness, an eternal fountainhead of beauty that would never fade. She smiled back.
“How’s the ewe boat coming?” he asked
“U-boat. The ‘U’ is for underwater,” she said “And it’s being a complete pain in the butt. I want to use my diesel engine as the propulsion system, but the exhaust would suffocate everypony inside within minutes, not to mention there’s no new air coming in to fuel the diesel combustion.”
“So, use magic to make it go.”
“I could do that, but I’m already using so much magic to keep the air fresh for the crew, I’m worried the ambient magic field would be depleted faster than it could replenish, and then nothing onboard would work…”
Shining Armor smiled “Well, maybe you just need to take a break and you’ll get a flash of inspiration once you’re rested.”
“Maybe…” she sighed “So what brings you all the way over here at this hour?”
“Nothing. I missed you,” he gave her a kiss on the cheek “The bed was cold without you.”
Cadence kissed him back, and for half a minute, the two locked tongues. Even a year and a half later, none of the fire in their marriage had cooled, and impromptu makeout sessions were still a regular occurrence.
“You know, it’s the day of the Springtime Frolic tomorrow,” said Shining Armor once their embrace slackened enough for him to talk.
“I do know. I’ve already had the gardener plant us a special flower bed,” she fluttered her eyelashes.
“I was thinking… How would you like to spend the Frolic in Ponyville instead?” asked Shining Armor “It would give us a chance to go and visit Twilight and her friends.”
Cadence raised an eyebrow “Why would you pick the Springtime Frolic to go visit your sister?”
“Well… That’s not the only reason we need to go…” The end of Part 20…
To be continued…
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Oh dear. "It's Prince Blueblo-"
Uh oh, things are going to be coming to a head soon.
It's great! But the war machine references are a bit tack and out of wack... Other than that it's an ok chapter, with weird things going on
Nice mix of canon Cadence with your cannon Cadence.
This gonna be interesting. I was wondering how you would reconcile the two Cadences. Celestia, Celestia, Celestia....
Cadance is inventing a...hoo, hah...a Maxim machine gun? Uh...is there any reason for that? Please tell me it was just to satisfy a history-buff mindset and Cadance doesn't plan on gunning down half of Canterlot. Or starting WWI, for that matter.
Apat for that, any reason you're using the German equivalent weapons? Especially the U-boat (short for unterseebooten, or "undersea boat"). I'm just curious there.
In any case, I can see this turning into a train wreck really fast. Picture this: SA and his guards beat the crap out of Blueblood (Macintosh), Twilight walks in and freaks, magical battle ensues, and Cadance appears out of nowhere, garbed in steampunk armor and leaning on the trigger of her newly built Maxim gun.
On the other hand, that might be the best thing ever.
522839weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/puking-rainbows.jpg
That needs to happen, but it would probably be better if there was another war with the zebras.
Edit: WWWAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!! That would send it the way of FoE (unless that's your goal.)
Lol, Dune
I love your characterization in this story, especially Celestia. I hate an all-powerfull but always benevolent dictator. I like to think there are bad parts of dark and light, Luna was prone to greed, and I think Celestia is prone to self-righteousness.
Awesome! Poor Big Mac. He's gonna suffer needlessly now
522839
Cadence's Maxim gun first saw use in the field during the war with the Zebras.
I used the U-boat because the U-boat was the first successful battle submarine (all its predecessors were sort of essays in the craft).
Cadence, to the best of my knowledge, isn't planning a fascist coup against Equestria... yet.
The way I see it, she invents whatever strikes her fancy, and doesn't have a filter for her creations. Unlike with humans, who have to be careful lest their inventions fall into the wrong hands, Cadence believes with a high degree of confidence that hers will be used in the defense of Equestria and never to oppress.
It is an "arsenal of freedom" so to speak.
That's not to say nothing she invents will ever come back to bite Equestria in the ass...
This was an excellent chapter. I always love to see the interaction between the royal sisters done by different authors. The different perspectives on how they act are always interesting to see. Though, we've started ANOTHER sub-plot, haha... careful that this story doesn't collapse under its own weight, mate. When you start hitting novel-length, you hit dangerous territory.
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Don't worry, any sub plots that might have roots in this chapter aren't going to be explored until the next story.
Aside from the Cadence one, there's another blink-and-you'll-miss-it subplot seed that might blossom into its own story later on.
Seriously, i would have burned the scroll at *Prince Blu-* already.
Poor Mac and Twi, their date gonna end in a disaster i can see it coming.
Same for RD who tries to get under FS feathers...
Guess the only one who will have real fun that day will be Pinkie.^^
Poor Macintosh...
Wonder if the coming confrontation is finally gonna reveal the switch?
img.ponibooru.org/_images/9e1ca53a49415b17fc1ce6319da55eb1/175866%20-%20animated%20changeling%20headcanon_accepted%20pinkie_pie%20pinkie_pie_changeling.gif
I WANT THE FROLIC CHAPTER AND I NEED IT NOW!
"population system" -? propulsion (I believe was your intent)
The u-boat thing also stuck out for me, since we know it to have arisen in the way German compounds words together. French/Fancy seems to exist in Equestria in some form, so it isn't that unusual for German to be there as well, but it would help to establish how Cadence comes to use it for this. She is pony-Italian, so you could even have her be pony-austrian (Hapsburg?) or just have the prerequisite developments leading up to the uboat come from whatever german speaking part of Equestria exists.
Also, haha, Dune ref. Of course, the KH involved a boy being born when it should have been a girl, plus a little gene stealing from the Harkonnens (Blueblood: I'm not that bad!) - Hey, Twi, how about an overdose of salt and a bath with some fish?
Luna shone nicely in this chapter with her empathy towards the situation in Ponyville (what she knows of it). I don't expect Mac-in-Blueblood to go quietly when the guards come for him, but since he's got little control over royal magic, I'm guessing he'll be subdued quite quickly. I also can't see Blueblood-in-Mac letting his friend and original body get dragged off. Maybe we'll see 'when earth ponies attack' next chapter. Plus Tombs, now with hoof-chopping-action.
528985
Good catch with the typo, I dunno how that got switched around. Spellcheck must have snuck it in.
Can't believe I forgot to comment on this the first time around
I'm interested in how you're mixing your Cadance with canon Cadance. I also totally love the rhythm special talent deal. It's pretty cool to imagine her as a badass steampunk alicorn. I can't wait for the frolic chapter, but I'm worried for poor big mac. I'm guessing Celestia is going to have him brought to her, and then she'll realize the spell on them. Maybe Tomes would attest to it. Either way I'm excited!!
540699
The next chapter is in progress right now. Hopefully I'll have it up tonight. If not, tomorrow at the latest. It was slow going, I went through three different beginnings before choosing the one I'm going with.
541025
Oh my gosh, so soon?! That's awesome. But, seriously though, take your time. I absolutely love your writing style, and it's one of the things that make this fic amazing. And working out your options is always a good thing.
Gah, I wish I'd found this story in a week or so--I sped through it and can't wait to see how it ends! I like this slightly sexier Ponyville, and I'll echo the compliments about Tombs--great OC!
The expansion you've done on Cadence is fascinating--it makes so much sense with her name and cutie mark. I'm watching, and will be on the edge of my seat for the conclusion.
>kefitsatz haderach
Hey twilight, I need you to put your hoof in this box for a minute. . .
No! No, it isn't! Aw, DAMN IT, TWILIGHT! EVERYTHING WAS FINALLY LOOKING GOOD AND YOU TEAR IT ALL DOWN.
Holy SHIT. Celestia just gave official permission to have Blueblood maimed and dragged back to the capital against his wishes, all for having a purely consensual relationship with her student (and being a lecherous jerk in general).
She must REALLY like Risk.
Besides, who gets a cutie mark for facilitating date rape?
I mean, the CMC tried, and it was a total wash. Clearly that's just not a valid talent.
CrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapCRAP.
And being Blueblood has generated ANOTHER layer of severe problems for Big Macintosh. A layer of the sort that could cause him extreme bodily harm. Blueblood was SUCH A DICK that he's turned the entire royal establishment against him now that Mac (using his identity) is trying to do something right. This is madness!
No pony is worth this much peril. I don't even see why he LIKES Twilight so much to begin with.
So... you took a child and molded her not into her own person, but what you wanted. You thought a little purple filly was the key too... whatever utopia you seek, you horrible wretch. You think to turn someone who adores you into a fucking tool.
No. I'm done. You had me author, but really, Jesus Christ