Chapter II
THE PRINCE AND THE WORKHORSE
PART II
DISCHORD 3
7 As the Princesses cowered in the cave, the Spirit of Harmony appeared to them in the form of a great, burning heart. The Spirit spake to the Royal Sisters and He said:
8 “I have seen the affliction of my little ponies and have come down to deliver them from the hands of Discord. 9 Take the Tiara from thy crest and the Golden Necklace from thy throat. With them, you will work my Wonders!”
10 The Sisters did so, and their trappings became blessed by the Spirit of Harmony and became Elements of Harmony.
And the Spirit of Harmony spake 11 “Now, spread thy wings and fly to your ponies. You will use the Elements of Harmony to cast Discord from my sight.”
12 And Luna spake:
“But, we are Unicorns, we have no wings!”
The Sprit of Harmony spake again “Spread thy wings!”
13 And the sisters looked and saw that they had wings, and Celestia wept, for she thought that she had been transformed into a Pegasus, but it was not so. 14 The sisters looked again and saw that they possessed both wings and horns. The Royal Sisters realized that this was a Miracle and they prostrated themselves to the Spirit of Harmony.
-The Official Biography of the Royal Sisters (Equestrian Standard Version)
Big Macintosh sighed and closed the book, doing his best not to ruffle the gilded edges with his broad hooves. Reading was difficult for him. He had to sound the hard words out loud.
When he was a young colt, he hadn’t been to much school. He’d become the stallion of the house at an early age. The orchard always needed work and Granny Smith couldn’t do it alone, so school had fallen by the wayside. When his younger sister, Applejack, was old enough she’d been able to help some and Macintosh had more time to attend classes at the local schoolhouse. It was hard. He was older than everypony and embarrassed to admit he couldn’t read or write. Discouraged by the taunting of the younger ponies, he decided that maybe school just wasn’t for him.
Then he met Cherilee. She was as beautiful as a fresh-picked apple. Her purple coat reminded him of the luscious, dewy grapes that grew in the Apple family vineyards and she wore her mane kinked like the exotic rock and roll showponies in the posters on his wall. She was exciting and electrifying. Big Mac fell hopelessly in love.
She wanted to be a teacher. Someday, she would teach at the schoolhouse.
“Ah wish you taught there now.” he said “I think it would be easy to learn if you was my teacher.”
“You, you’re still in school?”
Big Macintosh wished he could melt into the floor. He was sure Cherilee would laugh at him, but she didn’t. He told her his story, about the runaway tornado that had killed his parents and about his grandmother’s infirmity. The days spent on the farm, exercising his body but not his mind. Cherilee was touched, she would teach him to read. He spent long days in the orchards and long nights next to Cherilee, sounding out new words and plodding through books sentence by sentence.
Big Macintosh graduated from his basic education. In his class photo, he towered over the foals in his class like a mountain, but he was grinning from ear to ear all the same.
“Ah couldn’t have done it without you, Cherilee…”
“I only helped you along Big Mac. I knew you could do it. I’m just happy I could help a friend.”
“Cherilee, have you ever thought about being more than friends with me?…”
He put a hoof across her shoulder. Her muscles tensed and Big Mac realized something wasn’t right.
“Big Mac, you’re a wonderful colt…” she began.
It went downhill from there.
“… And so I’m saving myself for somepony special. You’re very dear to me, but you’re not the one.” Cherilee’s eyes welled up with tears “Please, please tell me you understand.”
“Eeyup.” Big Macintosh didn’t shed a single tear, but inside he thought he would drop dead on the spot.
Big Macintosh and Cherilee didn’t see each other much after that. Big Mac threw himself into his work and his family. He had too much to worry about on the farm to think about love. If maybe a young filly cast a flirtatious glance his way, he pretended he hadn’t seen and went right on working.
Then she arrived in Ponyville. She literally dropped out of the sky in a golden chariot. She was exotic, she was electrifying, she was purple. Her name was Twilight Sparkle and Big Macintosh fell hopelessly in love.
He picked Celestia’s Biography up in his mouth and walked it over to the sparse bookshelf. The narrow shelf held one other book, long overdue from the Ponyville library, and a lumpy doll with yarn hair and button eyes. The doll was hideous, but it was Twilight’s and so it was precious. The book was Atlas Bucked, checked out six months ago in the delusional hope that picking the thickest book in the library would impress her. She’d stamped it without comment, without even looking at him, and he’d just stood there looking like a stupid hayseed.
Big Mac slid the biography onto the shelf. The sun was getting high in the sky and he’d wasted enough time reading.
***
Big Mac had errands to run in town. He donned his yoke, hitched himself to the applecart, and set off at a quick trot for Ponyville. His baby sister Applebloom and her two friends were trying some new scheme today and he knew Applejack would be getting impatient for a break from minding them.
He arrived just after midday. The bright pastels of the fachwerk homes and shops made the town common look as if it were in perpetual Easter. Everypony greeted him as he walked up the cobbled main street and he gave them all courteous nods in response. He picked up the pace when he saw Applejack frantically chasing after Applebloom’s unicorn friend, Sweetie Belle, who was speeding around, hamster-wheel style, inside an out-of-control apple bushel. Applebloom was trying to juggle apples and Scootaloo, the stubby winged Pagasus foal, was pitching them to her.
Big Mac put a hoof to his mouth and blew a piercing whistle that stopped all the traffic in the square. Applebloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo zipped up and took their places in front of him. One. Two. Three.
“Hi Big Macintosh!”
“Good afternoon, Mr. Big Macintosh!”
“Whaddup Big Macintosh?”
“Afternoon, ladies. Y’all been good fer Applejack?”
The three fillies grinned like li’l angels. Meaning, of course, they’d behaved like nothing of the kind.
“Thank Celestia y’all got here when ya did, Big Mac. Ah was goin’ plum loco keepin’ after these girls.” said Applejack , catching her breath.
“What, these girls?” Macintosh chuckled.
“We’re the Cutie Mark Crusader Lemonade Sellers today!” Scootaloo piped up. She motioned proudly towards a ramshackle lemonade stand set up a few feet from the Apple kiosk. Lemon pulp and sugar were scattered everywhere.
“Ah kin see that. Y’all gettin’ much business?”
“Well, we were, but then we broke our stirrin’ spoon and Scootaloo tried mixin’ the lemonade with her tail.” Applebloom shot Scootaloo a dirty look. Scootaloo rolled her eyes. “Business kind of dropped off after that… Luckily, we had Applejack over here to play with durin’ the lull!” Applebloom grinned.
“And now y’all have Big Mac ta play with.” Applejack added desperately.
“Well, not quite yet.” said Big Mac “Ah still have a few bushels of apples ah gotta deliver t-”
“Ah’ll take care of those for ya big bro. Heh heh. You just relax with Applebloom and her friends.”
“If yer sure. The cart’s pretty-”
Applejack was already hitching herself up to the cart “No problem a-tall.”
“Heavy.”
Before Big Mac could argue further, Applejack was already puffing her way up the street and out of sight. He didn’t have time to ruminate on the matter, the Cutie Mark Crusaders were already back to destroying the apple kiosk with their antics.
***
A few hours later, Big Mac had gotten everything cleaned up. The CMCs were sitting quietly behind the counter of their lemonade stand and their product now didn’t have quite so many pink hairs floating in it. They still weren’t getting any business though.
Scootaloo sighed theatrically “Agh!! I’m bored! Why doesn’t anypony want some lemonade!?”
Big Mac stood up from his shady spot next to the kiosk.
“You know, sometimes sellin’ stuff isn’t just waitin’ for folks to come by. Ponies don’t always know what they want until you tell them they want it.”
“That’s easy for you to say, you’ve made like, a hundred sales without even saying a word!” groaned Applebloom.
“Well, everypony likes apples.”
Sweetie Belle took a sip from a glass of lemonade and immediately made a face.
“So who likes lemons?” she grimaced.
“Well, lots of folks. Y’all just gotta find yer target market.”
“What’s that mean?”
“Figure out ahead of time who buys yer stuff the most, then bring the stuff to them.”
Blank looks from the three fillies.
“If nopony buys lemonade, how’re we supposed to know who buys lemonade? You’re just talking in circles!” Scootaloo dropped her head to the plywood counter of the lemonade stand.
Big Mac opened his mouth to reply when Applebloom jumped up in front of his face.
“Oooh, ooh! Big Mac, do you think he’d buy some lemonade!?” she pointed wildly at the stranger trotting up the street in their direction.
Big Macintosh cocked his head at the strange sight.
“Eeyup. Ah reckon that feller would buy just about anything…”
***
“I daresay, Tombs, but we’re turning a lot of heads. I think my ensemble is a hit!” Blueblood crowed as he strode into Ponyville.
“It’s certainly striking, sir.”
It certainly was. Blueblood looked like a Nightmare Night costume of an Appleoosan cowpony. Large price tags dangled from his ten gallon hat and faux-leather vest, he wore clownishly oversized aviator sunglasses and the less said about the flankless chaps, the better.
“One thing I’ve often wondered, Tombs, why do boots have these sticky out parts in front? I daresay it makes it difficult to walk.” Blueblood waggled his forehoof, clad in a monstrously tacky snakeskin boot, to illustrate.
“Those are called ‘toes’ sir. I believe they’re to facilitate the removal of the boot. If the boots were straight up and down, one would have nothing to pull against.”
Blueblood stepped on one toe of his boot with the other, pulling his hoof out with ease before stuffing it back in.
“Why not just take them off with magic?”
“I hesitate to remind sir that Earth Ponies don’t have magic, and sir did insist the salesman dress him in traditional Earth Pony attire…”
“No magic. Of course. The poor things. Oh well, can’t be helped.” Blueblood shifted his hooves awkwardly in the large boots and strode onward.
“Such a quaint little town. I do look forward to experiencing some of the local color…” Blueblood mused.
“Hey, Mister! Y’all want some lemonade!?” a red and yellow blur exploded out of nowhere.
“Egads!” Blueblood was knocked flat on his back by the force of the tiny creature’s tackle “What’s happening, Tombs?”
“I believe sir has encountered some of the local color…”
“Well get it off me!”
***
Applebloom stood on the stranger’s chest and pushed her face to his.
“Hey mister! I asked y’all if you were gonna buy some lemonade!”
Tombs gave a small “ah-hem.”
“Excuse me young miss, but would you mind terribly stepping down off his highness?”
“His highness!?” Applebloom exclaimed “Yer royalty!?”
Blueblood’s pupils contracted to pinpoints and he sat bolt upright, catapulting Applebloom off his chest and sending her sailing across the square.
“No! No! No! He didn’t say ‘highness’… he said… ‘shyness’… I’m very shy.”
Big Mac walked up and offered his hoof. Blueblood took it gladly and righted himself.
“No need to be shy, partner. It’s obvious yer a stranger in these parts, we do well by strangers in Ponyville.”
Blueblood grinned sheepishly.
“Stranger?” he asked, blowing his ridiculous hat’s price tag out of his face “What makes you say that?”
Macintosh looked Blueblood up and down from the top of his giant hat to the toes of his boots.
“Just a hunch, really. So what’s yer name, stranger?”
Blueblood placed a hoof on his chest and cleared his throat.
“Greetings, I am Prince Blfffff-” Blueblood stuffed his hooves in his mouth to stifle the rest of his introduction.
“Prince What?”
“Did I say ‘prince?’”
“Yer a prince!?” Applebloom was back, no worse for her flight, and hopping excitedly in Blueblood’s face.
“No! No! My name is Prince…ton… Princeton. Umm… Princeton… Charmington.”
“Yer name is ‘Princeton Charmington’?” Big Mac raised an eyebrow.
“Yes!” Blueblood smiled “And this is my… chum… Tombs…ton.”
Blueblood gestured to Tombs, whose expression was carefully unreadable.
“Tombstone?” Applebloom asked.
“Little Miss may call me ‘Tombs’ for short.” said Tombs.
“Yes…” said Blueblood “Tombs! My buddy.” he threw a heavy hoof around Tombs’s shoulder and squeezed him like a rubber duck. Tombs broke away instantly and straightened himself.
“I prefer ‘gentlecolt’s gentlecolt’.”
Big Macintosh nodded in understanding. So that’s what they were calling themselves these days.
“So, Mr. Charmington what can ah do fer you?”
“Wanna buy some lemonade!? It’s refreshin’!” Applebloom butted in.
Blueblood chuckled warmly.
“Why certainly, little filly, it’s been a long journey and I could certainly use some refreshment.”
“Yeee haw!” Applebloom’s shrill cry of joy sent shivers through Blueblood’s spine and made his hackles stand on end.
Within seconds, the three fillies had poured a glass of lemonade, fought briefly over who would carry it, placed it on Sweetie Belle’s head and scampered back to Blueblood.
Blueblood lifted the glass with his magic and raised it to his lips, but halted mid sip when he noticed the long, pink hair drifting in the cloudy water. He spat what he had drank discreetly back into the glass and lowered it.
The wide smiles on the little fillies’ faces faded a little.
“You know, on second thought. What I need isn’t really refreshment. I’ve come here from a faraway place to make a name for myself and what I really need is a… What did you call it, Tombs?”
“A job, sir.”
“Yes! A ‘job’. Do you know where I can acquire one?”
The Cutie Mark Crusaders all shared puzzled looks.
Applebloom spoke up “Sorry mister, we ain’t hirin’ at the moment.”
Scootaloo sighed impatiently “You know what, he can have my spot. I gotta get going anyway. Today’s when Sugarcube Corner usually throws out all their stale muffins and I wanna get there before the birds get into them.”
“Huh?” Applebloom and Sweetie Belle asked together.
“Gotta scoot!” Scootaloo zipped behind the lemonade stand, jumped on her scooter and was away with a buzz of her tiny wings.
Blueblood smiled expectantly “So, does this mean I have a ‘job’?”
Applebloom gave the idea a few seconds consideration.
“Alright, but we’re dockin’ yer first paycheck fer the cost of that lemonade.”
“I don’t know what that means, but… Capital!” Blueblood cheered.
Big Mac stepped in between Applebloom and her new employee.
“Alright Applebloom, I think y’all have bothered the gentlecolt enough, now.” he turned to Blueblood “Mister, I thank ye kindly fer indulgin’ the little’uns, but you don’t need t’ trouble yerself. Ah’m sure a fancy feller like yerself has important places t’ be.”
“Oh no, it’s no trouble. I’d be happy to ‘work’.”
Big Mac examined Blueblood again, a bit more carefully this time.
“Well, it’s yer valuable time.” he said after some consideration “If y’all really have nothing better to do than spend all day playin’ at a child’s lemonade stand, ah ain’t gonna stop ya.”
“Hooray!” Blueblood and Applebloom cheered together.
***
Applebloom and Sweetie Belle got Blueblood set up behind the stand, gave him a hastily folded paper hat and tied Scootaloo’s apron around his neck, which on Blueblood looked more like a bib.
“There. Now, let’s sell some Lemonade!” Sweetie Belle declared.
“Aren’t you excited, Tombs?”
“Elated, sir.” Tombs said over the top of a newspaper in a nearby shady spot.
“So, how does ‘selling lemonade’ work?” Blueblood asked the two fillies.
“Well, ponies come by and if they’re thirsty, they buy lemonade… I think.” Sweetie Belle explained.
Blueblood nodded and folded his hooves on top of the counter to wait for customers.
Before long, Twilight Sparkle came trotting up the street, suspending a large stack of books ahead of her with her magic. Big Macintosh noticed her right away and sat up straighter in his spot behind the apple cart. Twilight spotted the group and wandered over to investigate the strange sight of the white unicorn sitting between the two little fillies behind the lemonade stand.
“Hi there, girls! Who’s your friend?” she asked, allowing the books to drift down to Earth.
“Hey, Twilight! This here’s mah new temp. He’s fillin’ in fer Scootaloo. His name’s Princeton Charmington.” Applebloom gestured over to the shady spot where Tombs had set up with a spot of tea and his newspaper “And that over there’s his gentlecolt friend.”
Tombs sank lower behind his newspaper.
Twilight studied “Princeton” and the flankless chaps. A look of realization crossed her face.
“Well, pleased to meet you! I’m Twilight Sparkle and may I say ‘good for you’.”
Blueblood assumed her comment referred to his new “job” of which he was quite proud.
“Thank you! And charmed… Have we met somewhere before?”
“I don’t believe so…”
Twilight had actually met the prince several times, as they both resided in Canterlot palace until recently, but at the moment she couldn’t see past the giant sunglasses and paper hat.
Blueblood bowed low and kissed Twilight’s hoof, eliciting a nervous giggle from Twilight.
“Is that Fleur De Lis’s Citrus Coat Shampoo I smell? You’re certainly a filly with good taste! I prefer the Herbal Rinse myself, though Tombs doesn’t care much for it.”
Twilight giggled again and the two quickly fell into easy conversation about the latest grooming products.
Big Macintosh felt his temper rise slightly at the sight of the two hitting it off so quickly. He fought down the jealous urges as best he could, but eventually surrendered to the impulse to butt in.
“Hey Twilight… I really like yer mane. Did you get it done up?”
Twilight and Blueblood both stared at Macintosh for several awkward seconds.
Twilight finally answered.
“Um, no... Spike just cut it with a bowl.”
“Well it looks mighty nice all the same.” a bead of nervous sweat trickled down Big Mac’s nose.
“Er… Thanks. By the way, Atlas Bucked is overdue. Don’t forget to drop it off at the library as soon as you can.”
Macintosh’s shoulders drooped.
“Eeyup…”
"Oh and, Big Macintosh?"
Big Macintosh perked up his ears.
"You haven't seen Rainbow Dash around at all, have you?" Twilight asked, scanning the sky.
"Nnope." his ears drooped again.
"That's too bad..."
Twilight gathered up her books, gave the group a brisk goodbye, and trotted away.
Big Macintosh watched her until she disappeared around the corner, then heaved a heavy sigh.
***
The sun began to dip close to the hills and business in the square had lulled nearly to a stop. Sweetie Belle’s parents had stopped by to pick her up an hour ago and now it was just the Apple siblings, Tombs and Blueblood. Applebloom gave a terrific yawn and rested her head on the pile of unsqueezed lemons.
The Prince got bored and walked over to the Apple kiosk, where Big Mac had just completed a transaction with Junebug.
“Thanks, Big Macintosh” Junebug said in a singsong voice, fluttering her eyelashes at him.
Big Mac just nodded in response.
Blueblood sidled over after Junebug trotted away.
“I say, did you see the way that mare was looking at you?”
“Nnope.”
“Egads! You must be blind. If a mare ever gave me a look like that, she and I would swiftly be getting more acquainted, if you know what I mean…” Blueblood winked.
Macintosh blinked.
“Nnope.”
“Really? You must be joking! All day long I’ve watched fillies practically throw themselves at you. You really haven’t noticed?”
Big Mac shook his head.
“You never wondered why practically all your customers are mares?”
“Nnope.”
“That one with the carrots on her flank stopped by three times.”
Big Mac gave it some thought.
“Ah s’pect she just likes apples.”
Blueblood chuckled “You poor stallion, it’s tragically obvious it wasn’t your apples she was after…”
Big Mac blinked a few times, then went back to minding the kiosk. Blueblood clucked his tongue in disappointment.
The sound of wagon wheels on cobblestone echoed through the town square and interrupted Blueblood’s train of thought. Big Mac perked up his ears.
“My word, is that… a Zebra?” Blueblood asked.
“Eeyup.” Macintosh nodded “Evenin’ miss Zecora, what brings you ‘round?”
Zecora the Zebra smiled and nodded a greeting. Behind her, she pulled a small stand piled high with exotic goods; strange herbs hung in clumps from the sunshade while bottles and phials of all shapes and sizes rattled on foldaway shelves.
“Now that my presence no longer scares, I thought I might come to town with my wares.” she rhymed.
“Ah applaud yer entrepreneurial spirit, miss Zecora, but it’s almost sundown. Ah don’t s’pect y’all will get much business.”
“It’s almost sundown, that much is right, but my customers tend to do their shopping at night.”
“Oh yes?” said Blueblood, walking up to join the conversation “And what do you sell, dear crone?”
Zecora wrinkled her nose at Blueblood’s comment, but answered.
“I carry many cures and tonics on these racks, but my biggest business is aphrodisiacs.”
Blueblood coughed into his hoof. Big Mac pretended to be very interested in something up in the sky.
“So nothing I would need, then.” Blueblood declared, a little too loudly. Zecora rolled her eyes.
He gave the cart a furtive once-over, satisfied that there was nothing to interest him until a glint of gold caught his eye.
“Wait, what’s this?” Blueblood used his magic to pluck a small, velvet pillow from amidst the strange gourds and shoots. On the pillow rested a pair of golden horseshoes.
Zecora stepped up quickly and grabbed the pillow with her mouth. She paced it carefully back on her stand.
“Those, alas, are not for sale. Each magic shoe carries a fateful tale.”
“Magic horseshoes?”
“Legends tell a fateful story
Of a pony, proud and hoary.
Fed up with his life of riches
Did these golden horseshoes purchase
For they held a special spell
To free him from his gilded hell
For should another pony freely choose
Each could walk a mile in the others’ shoes.”
Blueblood spent several long seconds pondering the subtext of the poem before giving up.
“In plain English, please?”
“These shoes, when by two ponies worn
From their bodies, souls are torn
They are then swapped each with the other
So each can look out from the eyes of another.”
Blueblood scratched his chin with his hoof.
“So they swap bodies?”
Zecora nodded rather than compose another rhyming couplet.
“Hmmmmmmmmm” Blueblood scratched his chin harder and his thoughts began to churn with the possibilities.
***
While Zecora finished setting up her stand, Big Mac was folding the applecart up for the night. He picked up the snoozing Applebloom by the scruff of her neck and laid her across his back. Applebloom yawned groggily, but was asleep again in the blink of an eye. Big Mac adjusted her slightly so that she wouldn’t slip, smiled in satisfaction at a day well spent, then turned to leave for home.
He’d barely trotted a few steps when he noticed the clip clop of hoofsteps on the cobblestones behind him. Big Macintosh turned to see Prince Blueblood standing just a few feet away, grinning sheepishly. Big Mac shook his head, turned around and started down the street again.
Clip clop clip clop.
Big Macintosh stopped again and looked over his shoulder. Prince blueblood was standing a little closer this time, still wearing that same nervous grin. Big Mac peered at Blueblood for a moment before turning and walking again.
Clip clop.
Big Mac stopped and whipped his head around, catching Blueblood frozen in mid stride. Without taking his eyes from the prince, Big Mac took an exploratory step. Blueblood matched it. Big Mac gave up an exasperated sigh.
“Y’all don’t have any place to stay, do you?”
“Er, well…” Blueblood coughed “If you’re offering…”
Big Mac fought a brief internal battle with his sense of hospitality, but it was fruitless. His ears drooped and his mouth formed the words independently of his desires.
“I can setcha up someplace if y’all follow me.”
He turned once more and started back down the street.
“Capital! Come along, Tombs.”
Tombs rousted quickly from his station beneath a tree (where he had been napping discreetly) and took his place by his master’s side. Together, the quartet made their way out of Ponyville and down the long dirt road towards Sweet Apple Acres…
END OF PART II
TO BE CONTINUED…
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This is a great story! Looking forward to the next chapters!
Interesting story. While Blueblood not an honourable and noble pony, he's not just simple jerk as many others portray him. So, nice job here)
"Twilight studied “Princeton” and the flankless chaps. A look of realization crossed her face.
“Well, pleased to meet you! I’m Twilight Sparkle and may I say ‘good for you’.”
Blueblood assumed her comment referred to his new “job” of which he was quite proud."
What did she realize? why did she congratulate him?
179890
He's dressed up like a gaudy caricature of a cowboy, wearing the equivalent of, pardon me, "assless chaps". And Applebloom introduced his valet as his "gentlecolt friend".
It's fairly safe to say she thinks he's gay and Tombs is his boyfriend.
Big MacIntosh thinks the same, actually.
180076
GOOD STORY SON, AWESOME STORY SON MEGASUPERIFICLY AWESOME BRAH!
Edit: That lemonade stand thing plus the giant hat, flankless pants, boots, and giant aviators, that part was buckin' funny.
Great chapter! Amazing! I love Big Mac.
However, they do mention that Big Macintosh is in fact quite smart in the show, especially in mathematics.
http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3pgjmb/
Well, I have to say that you are doing a pretty good job filling in the personalities of the main characters as you go along here. You did a pretty good job building up the portrayal of Big Macintosh so we have a reasonable idea of what is going on behind the laconic stallion's face we see on the show. I'd have to question the lack of book smarts a bit though, since at least a couple of times in the show it's been mentioned in passing that Big Mac handles the books for the farm, so unless he's an idiot savant where it comes to mathematics he's got a pretty decent education, though I will allow that a delayed graduation due to time constraints from the farm work could be a valid path to take. I can certainly see why he'd be interested in Twilight, if highly educated and intellectual mares are his turn-on. But I am not sure that I believe he's as oblivious to mare's attention as you make him out to be. While Applejack was away in Manehatten doing her walkabout, Big Mac and Granny Smith would have been handling everything on the farm, and given Granny's procivities, I can't believe that on market days she wouldn't have been pointing out every mare that showed attention to her grandcolt, either to tease him about how popular he was with the mares, or to suggest ones that might make a good future Mrs. Apple. (Actually, I suspect that the years of dealing with that before Applejack came back to work on the farm is exactly why Big Mac's so stoic in the show; he trained himself not to show any tells so he could work without the constant teasing from his family.) However, I'll accept your version as a plot point divergence for the sake of the story, let's see where you decide to take it.
Now, the rest of the chapter's all pretty much stock encounter with the cutie mark crusaders and Prince Blue... er, Princeton Charmington. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Sweetie_Belle_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Scootaloo_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Applebloom_lolface.png I realise that Tombs is too much the personal valet to point out personal flaws unless asked, but I would have hoped that he knew enough about popular culture to step in when his master was making the clothing purchases to interject at least a gentle suggestion in sartorial matters. The fact that he didn't suggest to me that he's having his own personal joke on his employer at this time, and getting private lols from watching the socially inept noble making an absolute idiot of himself to everyone he meets. With that outfit, I can see why every adult he is encountering is drawing certain conclusions about Blueblood, and the few times he engages in any detailed conversations, he only furthers that idea. This is obviously going to be one of those ongoing comedic points, though I would imagine that even Mr. Dense will end up looking around at the rest of Ponyville's residents and take a hit from the clue by four after a while.
And moving on to the final plot point unveiled, I'll grant that Zecora's a logical character to use to introduce a rare mystical item that teaches a spiritual lesson (it's pretty much her stock in trade when it comes to canon show appearances), but if she's bringing her cart to town so townsponies don't have to make the trip into the Everfree to her home (and I can actually believe that once she got the approval of the Mane Six demonstrated publicly, she would have been getting customers), it doesn't follow that she'd have brought something with her that she didn't intend to sell, unless perhaps it was a Zebrica artifact from the Canterlot museum collection that she was identifying as a courtesy for Twilight. After all, we know that Twilight continually studies, and having a Zebra friend, I'm sure that she'd have ongoing research to learn as much as she could about Zebra culture since she wouldn't want to monopolize Zecora's time with interviews every day.
Ok, end result for this chapter. I'll give you reasonably high marks for the character interactions and setting up a dynamic scene that draws us into the events in our mind's eye. You've got decent characterization for the main characters, and enough stock reactions from the background characters to keep them believable in the way they react to one another. Big Mac is somewhat out of character with respect to what we know of him from canon, but I'll accept divergence for the sake of developing a story point, as long as it stays consistent. If Tombs isn't having a private prank on his oblivious employer, he should turn in his gentlecolt's valet card, and if he is, I would expect him to play it up a bit more just to help sell the idea that Blueblood's a cuddlecolt. And while the horseshoes on the cart is a pretty obvious Checkov's Gun, it's so jarring in the location it needs at least a little additional scene time to establish why Zecora would have a non-salable item tucked in the middle of the sales items like that, or even why someone who specializes in herbalism would even have said artifacts in her possession in the first place. It's not a deal breaker, but I'll have to rule it insufficient setup as presented.
I didn't really see any developments in this chapter I wouldn't have expected, and honestly the chapter overall could almost fit in as a scene in a canon show if they ever decide to try this route with Blueblood. Just a little more work, and I'd say you've got gold.
That poem was just amazing, seldom do I see people write stuff like that
I'm pretty sure you mean: "He spent long days in the orchards"
Awww, poor Mac. Loved by all the mares in town, except the ones he likes.
Twilight seemed to be a little cold toward him, though. That's weird. Hmmm...
Blueblood, have you ever even cracked open a book on Ponyville? Just act natural, don't do this.
Aphrodisiac... oh no. No no no no!
Lol. Am I the only one who noticed this?