The Prince and the Workhorse

by fellstorm

Chapter V

The Prince and the Workhorse

Part V

Big Mac sat down outside the library and hung his head with a heavy sigh. He’d blown his big chance at love… again. Or rather, Blueblood had blown it for him. There was nothing to do now but figure out how to get his body back so that he could spend the rest of his life plowing and harvesting.

Tombs cleared his throat. Once again, the dapper valet had made his approach completely undetected. Big Macintosh raised his ears to indicate he was listening, even if he didn’t feel like looking anypony in the eye at the moment.

“It is always darkest before the proverbial dawn, sir,” Tombs offered.

Big Mac just sighed again.

“Far be it for me to pry, sir,” Tombs began with practiced nonchalance “But does sir really care about this young mare?”

Big Mac nodded. He wanted her more than he’d ever wanted anypony… even Cherilee.

“Well then, if you’ll forgive the liberty, I am surprised sir is giving up so easily.”

Big Mac looked up. Tombs looked back, his expression as deadpan as ever, but there was encouraging warmth behind his eyes.

“You heard what she said. She doesn’t want anythin’ t’do with me.”

Tombs cleared his throat.

“If sir recalls, those weren’t her exact words. It seems that most of her animosity stems from something sir… sorry, something the Prince did to offend her good friend ‘Rarity’. If sir can make amends for that, it might alleviate some of her enmity.”

Big Macintosh considered this, but his shoulders sagged once more.

“How can I apologize for somethin’ I don’t even know I’ve done?”

Tombs allowed himself the slightest smile.

“Forgive me sir, but I flatter myself that I might be of some assistance in that regard. While the Prince may not remember the names of his dalliances after two years, or even two hours, I have kept detailed notes on all of them.”

Big Macintosh raised an eyebrow.

Tombs swallowed a self-conscious cough.

“Though the Prince doesn’t realize it, his behavior among the mares of Cantorlot causes quite a bit of turmoil in the court. I often find myself smoothing things over for him after the fact. Thorough record keeping is essential to the smooth functioning of the Prince’s life… and mine.”

Big Macintosh nodded. Tombs continued.

“If memory serves, Miss Rarity is the unicorn mare of impeccable taste and refinement that caused such a stir this last season in Canterlot. She is still the toast of the Cantorlot elite, though her favor has cooled somewhat since her sponsor, Fancypants discovered some disingenuity regarding the Wonderbolts’ trainer. Prior to that, she was at the center of some commotion during the last Grand Galloping Gala. It was the same week that the Prince made the ill-advised choice of reading I Hope They Serve Beer in Tartarus and took it into his head that the best way to entice a member of the fair sex was to behave a complete boor. Needless to say, the evening ended with disastrous consequences for both the Prince and Miss Rarity’s gown.”

“Her gown was ruined?” asked Big Mac, suddenly tense. Publicly humiliating Rarity was bad enough, but if Blueblood was responsible for ruining one of her beautiful gowns…

“Covered in cake, I believe,” finished Tombs.

Big Macintosh slumped to the ground. It was hopeless!

“No one has truly lost until they admit defeat,” said Tombs “If sir is going to pay Miss Rarity a visit, he should look presentable, and I fear that mares of Rarity’s caliber rarely look fondly on grass stains…”

Tombs coaxed Big Macintosh up off the ground and brushed the dust from his white coat and the grass clippings from his flank.

Big Macintosh nodded his thanks and the two of them headed back into town.

***

Big Macintosh and Tombs found Carousel Boutique open for business, but it wasn’t Rarity running the shop. A cream-colored Pegasus with a flowing pink mane paced the sales floor. She started at the sound of the door chime.

“W-welcome to Carousel Boutique!” she stuttered. The poor filly was obviously uncomfortable at the sight of not just one, but two strange ponies. Big Mac knew Fluttershy well enough to know how shy she was around longtime friends, much less strangers. He wanted to give her some kind of sign that it was all right, but worried that whatever he said would only increase her anxiety. He simply nodded a greeting.

Tombs stepped forward and doffed his bowler cap to the young filly.

“Good afternoon, miss. Please allow me to present Mr. Princeton Charmington.”

“Oh, hello,” she made little circles on the linoleum with her hoof and hid her face behind her long pink tresses.

“My master is looking for a miss Rarity. Is this her establishment?”

“No, er… yes… I mean. That is to say it is her shop but she’s not in.”

“Oh, dear. When do you expect her to return?”

Fluttershy squeaked a little and cast her eyes downward.

“Sorry, I didn’t quite catch that.” Tombs leaned forward.

“She won’t be back tonight, she was called away by something urgent,” Fluttershy explained, her voice barely above a whisper “She asked me to mind the shop until closing time. I’m so sorry!”

Tombs took a step back.

“It’s quite all right miss...?”

“Murmur.”

“Beg pardon?”

“Fluttershy,” interjected Big Macintosh.

Fluttershy nodded, retreating further behind her bangs. Tombs turned back to her.

“Miss Fluttershy, did miss Rarity say where she was going?”

Fluttershy nodded and murmured something about a “soiree.”

“She went to a soiree?” asked Tombs, leaning in closer to hear.

Fluttershy nodded. She opened her mouth to add something, but then closed it after examining the newcomers a little more fully.

Big Macintosh caught Tombs’s eye and motioned for them to leave. If they stayed much longer, Fluttershy was liable to pass out. She was already shivering as if she’d stepped out of a cold shower and Big Macintosh couldn’t bear to put her through any more excitement.

Big Mac gave Fluttershy his warmest, most encouraging smile as he turned to leave. She shrank back from him, but managed a weak smile in return and even waggled a forehoof in goodbye at the pair after they turned around.

***

“What nice ponies.” Fluttershy said to herself “I’m not usually comfortable opening up like that. I hope I didn’t spoil their surprise…” She peeked out the window and watched them as they made their way up the boulevard. Once she was sure they were gone, she sighed a sigh of deep relief, checked over both shoulders and surreptitiously flipped the sign on the front window from “Open” to “Closed.”

***

“So, miss Rarity was apparently invited to a party of some kind,” mused Tombs “Do you know of any festivities going on?”

“Nnope,” Big Macintosh shook his head. He hadn’t heard of any party going on, but he knew who would know.

“If there’s a party goin’ on, it’s probably happenin’ at Sugarcube Corner,” he said, turning to lead the way. Tombs followed and before too long, the pair found themselves in front of a massive gingerbread house.

The architecture of Ponyville was as eclectic and multicolored as its populace and Sugarcube Corner was no exception. Built on a prime location looking out on the town common, there was no mistaking Sugarcube Corner as the go-to spot for sugary treats. The building itself looked good enough to eat! Pillars and posts painted like peppermint sticks supported a roof of gingerbread shingles and vanilla icing gutters. The whole affair was crowned by an immense strawberry cupcake whose promise of sugary goodness threatened to send even the most health conscious ponies into diabetic comas. It’s no wonder Ponyville’s premier party pony, Pinkie Pie, principally preferred it as the playground of the perpetual party that was her life.

Unfortunately, there was no party and no Pinkie Pie. Mr. Cake, the shop’s proprietor, was very sorry but he was already closing up for the day and maybe if they tried back tomorrow they would have better luck. He shooed the pair out the door and locked and bolted it behind them.

Tombs brushed the dust from Big Mac’s coat and then this own.

Most of the other shops on the town common were closing early, too. The novelty shop was already shuttered tight while the Aloe and Lotus, the beautician twins, drew the curtains across the front windows of the Ponyville Day Spa.

“Sir, is this normal behavior for shopkeepers in Ponyville?” he asked.

Big Macintosh shook his head. He was flummoxed. The midday siesta was long over and on a normal day these would be peak business hours. Seeing Aloe and Lotus did give him a spark of hope, however. Big Mac crossed the square and nosed open the door of the Day Spa.

***

The bell above the door chimed as Big Macintosh and Tombs stepped into the darkened lobby of the spa. The only light came from a pair of gas lamps behind the counter and the eerie quiet was punctuated by the babbling of several fountains. Aloe and Lotus were nowhere to be seen. Tombs seemed apprehensive at the idea of walking right into the spa when its owners were obviously closing up.

“Sir, is it quite likely that miss Rarity would be here of all places?”

In answer, Big Macintosh pointed to the “List of Services Available” behind the counter. Item number seven was simply “The Rarity (120 Bits).”

Tombs mouthed a silent “Oh.”

Both pricked up their ears to the sound of hoofsteps from the back room behind the counter and Aloe’s voice (or was it Lotus?) drifting around the corner.

“Yes, I’m sure it was the bell,” she said in her curious, angular accent.

Somepony else said something inaudible.

“No we cancelled all the appointments for this evening,” she said over her shoulder as she stepped into view.

It was Aloe, her vivid pink coat was bright even in the dim light and it stood in eye scorching contrast to her fluorescent blue mane and tail.

“I’m sorry gentlecolts, we are closiieeeyowza!” she exclaimed once she got a good look at Big Macintosh.

Big Mac started and took a step back. Aloe was positively vibrating with energy, she squealed and called back to her sister in an excited tangle of foreign syllables. She was answered by another, apparently incredulous string of syllables that kicked off a completely incomprehensible argument that lasted several exchanges before Aloe disappeared into the back room.

Big Mac turned to Tombs.

“What was all that noise?” he asked.

“If sir is inquiring as to what language they were speaking, I believe it was Manipuri, although I’m not fluent in that particular dialect. They did seem to indicate that they recognized you, sir.”

Big Mac just stared.

“Before my tenure with his highness, I served in the Princess’s Royal Armored Cavalry and did two tours in Manipuria. I might have picked up a word or two…”

Tombs trailed off as Aloe returned to the desk, trailed by her sister, Lotus. Lotus was the spitting image of her sister, except her coat was blue and her mane was pink. Both looked at Big Macintosh with awe.

“Oh, your highness! This is really a great honor!” said Lotus, avoiding a smug look from Aloe.

“Yes, we are overjoyed that you should patronize our humble establishment,” added Aloe.

The pair bowed deeply before breaking into excited squeals like a couple of fillies at a Backstreet Colts concert.

“We were just closing up, but of course we can stay open to service you, your majesty!” Lotus offered.

Tombs stepped forward “We’re most grateful, but that’s not-”

Aloe cut him off, grabbing a magazine from a stack by the counter in her mouth and shoving it in Big Macintosh’s face.

“You were amazing in last month’s Narcissist Fair!” she said, holding the book open to a glossy, two page spread of Prince Blueblood lounging on a crimson divan and sporting a smart black bowtie.

“To say nothing of your appearance in PlayMare!” Lotus chimed in. A centerfold page flapped down from the magazine she carried in her mouth. It appeared to be Prince Blueblood in the exact same pose on the exact same divan, only in this image the bowtie was absent. Lotus blushed, the red in her cheeks standing out visibly through her blue coat. Blueblood’s impish grin leered up from the centerfold at Big Macintosh. He felt a little sick…

“Ohh, those hooves! That mane!” cooed Aloe.

“That Coat! That horn!” swooned Lotus.

“I could do such things with that mane that the world has never seen!”

“Please just give us a few hours! You will leave this place shining like Celestia herself!”

Big Mac backed away from the starstruck fillies.

“Ladies, please,” he said, letting his princely accent slip “Ah’m just here lookin’ fer Rarity.”

The twins deflated like balloons.

“Of course,” sighed the sisters, together.

“Miss Rarity has not been here today,” said Aloe.

“Do you know where she might be?” asked Tombs.

“Oh, no doubt she will be at the-” Lotus was interrupted by a hasty jab thrown by her sister.

The pair bickered in Manipuri before going silent and casting a hasty glance back at Big Mac.

Aloe narrowed her eyes.

“I’m sorry, your highness. Where did you say you were staying?”

“Sweet Apple Acres.” Big Mac answered.

The twins conferred again before turning back to Big Mac and Tombs.

“We’re sorry. We don’t know where she is. You will have to stop by another time!” said Aloe, planting her forehead on Big Mac’s shoulder and pushing as hard as she could. Big Mac let her scootch him back out the door. Tombs let himself out.

“Thank you, come again!” called Lotus. They slammed the door and Big Mac and Tombs heard the distinct sound of bolts being drawn.

“Curiouser and curiouser…” mused Tombs.

Big Macintosh sat down on the cobblestones and heaved another heavy sigh. What was going on?

Tombs sidles up next to him and looked up past the thatched roofs of Ponyville at the clock tower. It was nearly three thirty.

“Sir, while I recognize your personal investment in finding miss Rarity, might I recommend a temporary detour to the train station?” asked Tombs

Big Mac gave Tombs a quizzical look.

“The Prince’s luggage is still waiting to be claimed and with the shops all closing at this early hour, there is no guarantee the station will remain open either,” Tombs continued “the Prince’s ‘necessities’ comprise a fairly comprehensive inventory. I fear the fees for storing it will quickly become prohibitive, particularly if the Prince stays true to his vow never to accept another cent of allowance from her Majesty, Celestia...”

Big Macintosh looked up and down the square, his eyes straining as if he expected to see Rarity’s elegant purple tail disappearing into a shop or down a boulevard.

Tombs spoke up again.

“Sometimes the best cure for frustration is to withdraw and recuperate. I expect miss Rarity will turn up when you least expect it, sir.”

Big Macintosh nodded and numbly followed Tombs up to the train station.

***

The stationmaster was overjoyed to see Tombs and Big Mac when they knocked on his door. The Station was little more than a raised wooden platform and office on the edge of town and the Prince had brought with him a caravan’s worth of bags and suitcases that nearly crowded everypony out of the building. Tombs paid the storage fees and secured the help of a few porters while Big Mac arranged for transportation back to Sweet Apple Acres.

The sun was dipping behind the hills as the carriage bearing a sullen Big Macintosh, Tombs and half a ton of matching luggage trundled up the dirt road to the farm.

After such an exhausting, disappointing and frankly just out and out crazy day, Big Macintosh wanted nothing more than to collapse onto his bed and feel sorry for himself for the rest of the evening. He nudged open the door to the barn. Applejack had already snuffed the lamps for the night and the sky was brooding and overcast, so naturally he didn’t see the cannon until it was right in front of his face.

Wait. Cannon?

The explosion of confetti shrapnel blasted Big Macintosh straight out through the barn doors and onto his back. In the barn, lights blazed and a pink blob bounced in his direction through the settling cloud of streamers. Through a haze of tinnitus he heard a high-pitched voice squeal:

“Were you surprised!?”End of Part 5

To be continued…

Comments

[Screwy]

[Adithompson]

phew I thought I quot on us

[Big Mac.]

hehe its getting funnier by the chapter looking forward to seeing what happens next.
i have but one question will big mac and prince whatshisname ever switch back?
any way keep on writin

[Dysons_Fear]

This is great. New chapters can't come out fast enough. A hearty MOAR! I render unto you good sir/mdam

[LawnmowerJoe]

I love this story. It reminds me of P.G. Wodehouse's books somewhat.

[Aegis Shield]

You've certainly got ME invested in this fascinating story! Lots of great detail and whimsy, and it certainly makes me wonder how it will all go if he can ever find Rarity, haha!

[Nopony in Particular]

Oh Pinkie, Y U so ?

[Paladin Redflare]

FUUUUAAAARRRRK

[trufla]

Well, I can't say that Blueblood is getting a chance to learn much yet, but I definitely have to give this chapter with Big Mac full marks. It was a classic "locate a character" wander through town, and our misplace Apple got a chance to see some familiar characters from a fresh perspective. It's just too bad that once again he was so concentrated on his quest to locate Rarity that he really wasn't paying any attention to most of the reactions he was getting. It's really getting easier to see just how this particular version of Mac has been so oblivious to the mares all these years.

The scene at the spa was particularly interesting. I would not have anticipated Blueblood posing for any magazine shoot, though I suppose that if it were going to happen, Narcissist Fair makes sense, and given that his only vocation seems to be chasing the mares, a spread in Playmare is only another way of advertising himself. Of course, it's just another nail in the coffin as far as Mac's concerned regarding his swapmate. That, and the later discovery of just how much luggage the fop travels with. I imagine that he was getting flashbacks to the last time Rarity asked him to help move her luggage to the station for a trip to Canterlot. (Oh, and the absolute disappointment for Aloe and Lotus when they found out that "Blueblood" was only looking for Rarity. Big Mac really ought to remember that and point the fop in their direction at least once when everything is said and done, just as a kindness to his fellow Ponyville comrades.) I can see where Big Mac could be looking at a lot of PR issues before things settle down again.

Now, as far as the party goes, that is going off about as expected. Big Mac knows what Pinkie does to newcomers to town, but with his concentration on other matters, I perfectly understand where he would have spaced out on remembering just how Pinkie was acting right up to the point where he took the party cannon greeting head on. Fortunately, this wasn't the full weaponized version Pinkie deployed against the Changelings, but given that she probably remembers Blueblood, I would imagine that she'd have boosted things a bit, even if her Pinkie Sense was telling her that what she saw wasn't who she saw. I actually hope that Blueblood was watching this from the sidelines and got some idea of what he could have been facing... just as a little warning for the future.

Let's see where you take this next, I am definitely enjoying it now.

[SFaccountant]

Really, how did he NOT see this coming?