Chapter X
The Prince and the Workhorse
Part X
Big Mac and Rainbow Dash stood facing each other on Fluttershy’s doorstep. A cool wind rustled in the treetops and birdsong drifted through the air. This was Big Macintosh’s chance to talk to Rainbow Dash and get to the bottom of her odd behavior.
“So how’re you?” asked Rainbow Dash, the copy of Hard Stallions tucked under her wing, the bottom half of the magazine stuck out from beneath her feathers. A big, buff stallion leered out from the cover.
“I’m doing fine,” said Big Mac “But I’m really more interested in how you’re doing.”
Rainbow Dash fluttered her wings lightly.
“I’m doing great! Just sharing some girl time with my chums. Drooling over pictures of awesome hunks. You know how it is. I’m sure you and your guy friends look at filly mags all the time.”
“Nnope,” Big Mac shook his head.
“Oh… well it’s great! My friends and I are having a blast,” Rainbow pawed at the ground “Well, not Twilight, obviously but, you know how she is.”
Big Mac just blinked at her. Rainbow scratched one forehoof with the other.
“So Fluttershy’s not home, huh?”
“Nnope.”
“Bummer. I was really hoping to hang out… Share some girl time, you know?”
Big Mac steeled himself. He didn’t want to do it, but his sister taught him that sometimes the best way to help a friend was to walk with them, even if they path they walked was unpleasant.
“I’ll hang out with you,” he offered.
Rainbow Dash faltered.
“Uhh, I dunno. I was planning on looking at raunchy stallion pics.”
“That’s cool.”
Ugh…
“It is!?” she took a step back “I mean… it is?”
Big Mac nodded.
Rainbow Dash laughed. Big Mac didn’t. Rainbow trotted up and glanced over both shoulders.
“Aren’t you afraid I’ll think you’re gay?” she asked, her voice low, barely above a whisper.
“Nnope.”
Rainbow Dash didn’t have a response for that.
So far, nopony had been interested in hanging out and looking at Hard Stallions with her. There was no point in looking at them alone… right? It was the sort of thing friends shared with one another, maybe over drinks and cigars. Of course, there was no reason why she couldn’t enjoy them alone, too. It was what she went for all the time. She didn’t even read the articles. Nope, it was just stallions, stallions, stallions all the time for her. Twenty-four, seven. Fluttershyintheshower. Stallions. Stallions. Stallions! And wieners! There was nothing she wanted more than to jam her face into some filly’s flank and…
Sorry. That was supposed to say “colt”…
Anyway, she was getting a bit off track. The point was: if this big, fit looking unicorn prince and his big horn (which totally reminded her of a willy and not of Rarity or Twilight) wanted to hang out with her while she got worked up looking at Hard Stallions then she guessed she couldn’t be held responsible when she inevitably jumped his bones because she was so totally horny for him.
“Ok, well… You wanna look at it here?” Rainbow offered.
Big Mac looked around and shrugged. There was nopony else nearby. Here was fine.
Rainbow Dash let the magazine drop from her wing and she opened it up on Fluttershy’s doormat.
Big Mac flinched. The magazine had opened automatically to a heavily muscled palomino Pegasus flaring his wings and not looking very aerodynamic.
“Oh, wow,” said Rainbow Dash “You see he’s got great wing structure, but there’s too much arc to his crest. You also want more of a slope to the shoulder if you want to get up to the really high speeds.”
Big Mac nodded.
“Plus… look at that!” Rainbow gestured to the palomino’s proud stallionhood.
Big Mac nodded again.
“Impressive, huh?”
“Eeyup…” it honestly didn’t seem altogether impressive to Big Macintosh, but he didn’t really look at it. Rainbow Dash couldn’t bring herself to look directly at it either.
After a few seconds of awkward silence, she turned the page. A draft pony of prodigious bulk gleamed wetly up at them sweating, presumably, with the exertion of pulling a load of cinderblocks around in front of a backdrop of a construction site all day.
“Oh, gosh. This guy!” Rainbow Dash trailed off “This guy…”
“This guy’s gonna give himself a hernia,” said Big Mac.
Rainbow Dash looked up from the magazine.
“What?”
Big Mac pointed, planting his hoof over the glossy photo.
“The way he’s hauling those cinderblocks around. He’s carrying the weight too high up on his neck. Ya gotta let yer shoulders do the work. If he keeps pulling like that, he’s gonna seriously injure himself.”
“Huh…” said Rainbow Dash “How do you know so much about hauling stuff?”
Big Mac shrugged. Rainbow Dash turned the page.
“Now this is hot…” she said.
“Is that supposed to be a jungle?” asked Big Mac.
A stallion in jungle khakis pranced between potted plants while a stuffed parrot dangled on a nearby string.
Rainbow Dash couldn’t help but snort out a bubble of laughter.
“Well, that one’s not great…” she smiled, turning the page. A caramel colored colt in a leather jacket and cowboy hat grinned nervously at the camera.
“Holy…”
“Hey, I know that guy!” said Rainbow Dash “That’s…”
“Cousin Braeburn…” Big Mac dropped down to his haunches. You could have knocked him over with a feather. He looked again to make sure he wasn’t mistaken. Sure enuff. Little cousin Braeburn. The two had played together as foals. He’d known Braeburn since he was knee high to a rattlesnake. To see his own cousin like this, forehooves up on a barrel of prop apples in front of a cardboard sunset… it was… it was a lot to process.
At least he’s doin’ the Apple Family proud… He thought. The thought was so unexpected and silly that Big Macintosh burst out laughing. The laugh caught Rainbow off guard, but she soon found herself laughing, too.
“Oh, Celestia!” Rainbow laughed “That’s priceless! I wonder if Applejack knows about this?”
Rainbow’s laughter faded.
“Hey… how do you know Braeburn?”
“Uhh… Applejack showed me pictures,” answered Big Macintosh.
Rainbow started laughing again.
“Oh, boy! I bet she never showed you pictures like these, huh?”
“Nnope.”
Big Mac’s response elicited another wild round of laughter from Rainbow Dash, who flopped over on her back and kicked her hooves in the air.
After that, the two spent another half hour flipping through Hard Stallions and having a great time making fun of the ridiculous poses, scenarios and short stories that accompanied each photo spread. Before long, the magazine lay completely forgotten on Fluttershy’s doorstep and the pair were lost in conversation. Rainbow Dash did most of the talking and Big Mac did most of the listening, but it felt good to stand and talk with the bombastic mare. Big Macintosh had never really gotten to know Rainbow Dash, and she was really full of fun and interesting stories once you got past her brash, and sometimes arrogant, exterior.
As the afternoon wore on, the two ended up on the riverbank, chewing cattails and watching the ducks bob for fish in the little stream beneath Fluttershy’s cottage.
“… and it was the biggest explosion I’d ever seen!” Rainbow Dash gestured wildly to illustrate the climax of her recent trip to the grocery store.
“Uh huh…” answered Big Mac, looking up at the sky and chewing thoughtfully on his cattail.
Rainbow Dash sat back down and looked at him. She watched his soft lips working the cattail and the subtle rise and fall of his barrel chest. Her eyes ran over the mottled, bluish grey spots around his stifles (usually dyed white by the Prince to match the rest of his coat) and the wild, blonde tangle of his mane. It was soft and long like a mare’s, shining like cornsilk.
She moistened her lips.
“Prince Blueblood…”
Big Mac looked over. Rainbow Dash kissed him. Clumsily, inexpertly, desperately. He felt her tongue force his lips apart and run over his teeth. He struggled. Rainbow held his forelegs with surprising strength.
“Blueblood, please,” she begged, her brilliant rose eyes shimmered in the afternoon sun.
“Please,” she repeated, “I need this. You don’t know how much I need this.”
Big Mac tried to talk, tried to object but found himself getting excited in spite of the situation. Rainbow Dash pressed her small, sleek body to his and kissed him again. Her kisses were hot and wet with tears.
“Prince Blueblood!” she cried.
“Prince Blueblood!”
“Prince Blueblood!”
That wasn’t Rainbow Dash’s voice.
Big Mac shoved Rainbow to one side and quelled her beating wings to look over her shoulder.
Twilight Sparkle glared down at them from atop the little footbridge that ran over the stream, a terrible anger burning in her eyes.
“Twilight!” yelled Big Mac.
“What?” Rainbow snorted angrily “My name’s not…” she turned “Twilight…”
Twilight scraped the ground with her hoof, posturing herself as if to charge and skewer the two fornicators like a pony shishkebab. Rainbow Dash glared up defiantly at her friend and straddled Big Mac’s chest.
Twilight huffed.
“I can see you haven’t changed after all, your highness!” she sneered.
“No! Twilight! You don’t understand! I… She…”
“As for you, Rainbow, I thought you had more horse sense. Creeps like him will always break your heart.”
“No!” Big Mac stretched his foreleg out at her, but she was gone in an explosion of angry purple sparks that sizzled and died on the wet grass. The afterimage of her departure lingered on his retinas like a camera flash. He watched it until it faded. Rainbow Dash was still straddling him, the heat of her thighs and chest contrasted with the cool of the grass beneath his back. The tableau would have looked good in Hard Stallions if both of them didn’t look so miserable. Rainbow nuzzled his neck. The heat of her breath brought him back to life and he bucked, knocking Rainbow Dash away with more force than he intended. She tumbled on the lawn, cursing angrily.
Rainbow Dash staggered to her feet. Big Mac rushed to her.
“Rainbow Dash, I’m sorry.”
“What in Tartarus is wrong with you?” she stomped.
“It was an accident!”
“I throw myself at you and you just… you just… spurn me?”
“No!”
“I’m not good enough for you? Not sexy enough?” she ranted.
A new, cruel expression crossed her face.
“Or maybe you don’t like mares! I should’ve guessed! You’d rather spend time with that fruity butler of yours! No wonder you were so excited to read pornos with me!”
She hissed through her teeth.
“You’re nothing…” her breath came in deep, rumbling drags “Nothing but a…”
Fillyfooler
“Faggot!”
“Rainbow Dash…”
“Colt Cuddler!” she yelled, stomping her feet in the grass, digging little divots with her hooves.
Big Mac stepped forward. He raised a hoof to calm her but she recoiled from him.
“Go take a flying feather at a doughnut, colt cuddler!” she was off in the air with a stroke of her mighty wings. Within seconds, she was out of sight.
Big Macintosh was left all alone.
***
Blueblood, on the other hoof was doing quite well. In spite of the earlier excitement, business in the square had eventually returned to normal, and excited chatter and rumors brought even more mares to the apple stand, where business was brisk and the gold bits were piling high in the cashbox. Tombs broke open a roll of quarter-bit coins for change while Blueblood kept the apples flowing.
After his misadventure with Banana Split, Blueblood was a little more cautious when dealing with his customers. He kept the line moving and conversation to a minimum. At first.
A well-proportioned and toothsome unicorn filly named Minuette hung about the cart after making her purchase and stretched her conversation out with Blueblood even as he was conducting transactions with other customers.
She worked at the glassworks, her specialty was hourglasses (“see my cutie mark? Tee hee!”) and she was actually off early. It was a shame her boyfriend was out of town or she could hang out with him. As it was, she had nothing to do. She really needed to get a new manecut, didn’t he think? Did her fetlocks look too long, or should she grow them out? Oh, she loved apples. They were great because they were so healthy and she had to watch her figure, see how she was starting to get paunchy? No? Well wasn’t that kind of him to say so!
Tombs listened with disapproval and Blueblood succumbed more and more to the siren song the light-blue mare was whispering in his ear.
“Sir, this bushel is nearly empty,” said Tombs.
Blueblood looked over from Minuette.
“Well go fetch another one from the cart, Tombs.”
“If you’ll forgive me, sir, I’m rather occupied with keeping up with the customers.”
“Well once you’re finished with this one just toddle along and snag another bushel or two, eh?” said Blueblood, a bit impatiently.
“Very good, sir.”
“So who’s your friend?” asked Minuette, taking notice of Tombs for the first time.
“Oh, him?” Blueblood looked over, also giving the appearance of noticing Tombs for the first time “That’s Prince Blueblood’s valet.”
“Isn’t it pronounced ‘valay’?”
“Only when if he were parking a carriage, ma’m” interjected Tombs.
“Don’t correct the girl, Tombs,” said Blueblood “that’s rude.”
“Forgive me, sir,” Tombs doffed his bowler hat to Minuette “Ma’m.”
He turned back to his work. Minuette tittered.
“Oh it’s alright. I think you’re charming,” she said.
“It is kind of you to say, ma’m,” Tombs smiled at her and returned his attention to the queue.
Minuette tittered again.
“So, back to me…” said Blueblood.
“Oh, it’s alright, Big Mac. I should get going. Nice talking to you, though. Goodbye, Tombs!”
Tombs nodded his goodbye and doffed his bowler again.
“I guess I’ll go get the apples now,” Blueblood huffed off for the cart in a sour mood. He unloaded the next bushel (there was only one other bushel of apples left) and balanced it carefully on his back. It wobbled precariously and he watched his feet as he took careful steps back to the apple stand.
He was so busy watching his hooves that he wasn’t watching the small, lavender unicorn crossing the street backwards, her face buried in a map of the town. The two collided. The lilac unicorn went down like a dove beneath a sack of flour and Blueblood tumbled, too, sending apples rolling all over the square.
“I say!” sputtered Blueblood, looking wildly around. Something twitched underneath him and he looked down.
“I say!” he said again, jumping up and helping the half-squashed filly to her feet.
“Oh!” she cried once she’d regained her balance “I’m so sorry! I wasn’t looking where I was going and…”
“It’s quite alright miss...?”
“Eulalie,” her voice was soft, like a dove’s, but with an underlying playfulness that was almost brash in its way.
She fluttered her long eyelashes at him. Long eyelashes and big, blue eyes. She had a long, carmine-red mane that tumbled down over her shoulders in soft curls and bounced with the slightest motion of her body.
“That’s a lovely name, Eulalie.”
She blushed, the reddening of her cheeks just visible through the fine lilac hairs on her face. He spotted her map.
“Were were you trying to get to?” he asked.
“Oh, any public house or hotel,” she answered “I’m moving to Ponyville, but I don’t have any place to stay until the painters finish with my apartment.”
“Oh, no!” Blueblood put a hoof across his chest.
“Oh, yes!” answered Eulalie “And I can’t sleep in my shop, there’s no furniture in there yet! No bed or anything!”
“You run a shop?”
“Well, I’m opening one. Down on Saddle street. The location isn’t the best, but it’s all I could afford.”
“What’s your line?”
Eulalie snickered.
“Can’t you guess?” she wiggled her flank. Blueblood took his eyes off hers and looked back at her waggling backside. Her cutie mark was a black pair of panties with pink frills.
“You sell underwear?” he guessed.
“All kinds of lingerie. Sell and design. You should stop by when we open.”
“Well, I don’t know if I’m exactly your target market…” Blueblood chuckled.
“Well, maybe you could buy some as a present for your wife,” she smiled.
“Oh, I’m not married.”
“I thought you looked a bit young. Your filly friend, then?”
“I’m not what you would call, ‘presently attached’,” said Blueblood.
Eulalie tutted.
“That’s too bad. I was hoping to see more of you.” She pulled a card from a cloth satchel around her neck and levitated it over to him with her magic. It read in fancy script
Eulalie’s
Purveyor of fine delicates and underthings
Eulalie tucked the card into the collar of his yoke and gathered up her map.
“I hope you find an excuse to stop by, soon,” she winked coquettishly and pranced off, waggling her hindquarters so that her cutie mark slid in an out of sight with each sway of her well-rounded flank.
Somepony stumbled on a cluster of apples and their angered cursing brought Blueblood back into the real world. He righted the bushel and started gathering apples, pausing to watch Eulalie as she crossed the other side of the square and out of sight.
***
The sun was just beginning to set and the gossamer edges of Princess Luna’s majestic night had just begun to climb the Eastern horizon when Fluttershy finally returned home from frolicking all day with her woodland friends, giving them their weekly brush and floss. It was a painstaking process that took all day, but when all the little squirrels smiled their big, bright shiny smiles at her and chattered with their minty fresh breath, her heart just soared. She made a graceful landing at the edge of the cobblestone footpath at the bottom of the hillock and trotted, humming a merry little tune, the rest of the way to her door.
Something crinkled under her hoof and she looked down.
Somepony had left a magazine on her front porch. The back cover was an ad for Applesolute Vodka. The front was…
Fluttershy gasped and recoiled from the magazine as if it were a serpent. She tucked her wings close and hid behind her bangs, peeking out to scan the area. She glanced cautiously around, half expecting somepony to leap out and yell “gotcha!”
She didn’t like surprises.
Nopony jumped out.
Fluttershy relaxed bit by bit and eventually worked up the courage to prod the magazine with her hoof. It didn’t bite or explode. She looked down at it again.
The Hard Stallion on the cover winked up at her, a massive, black bar jutted out from between his hips and stretched out to cover part of his forelegs.
Fluttershy looked around again, picked the magazine up in her mouth and tucked it securely beneath her dainty wing, adjusting it with her nose so that not an inch of it was visible. She opened the door and backed slowly into her cottage, her wide eyes shifting slyly.The end of Part 10
To be continued…
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Poor big Mac...
You need to stop being so unfair to Big Mac...
let him make SOME progress with Twilight.
But otherwise really liked it! I knew RD played for the other team. Also, please tell me some drama is going to result from Braeburn's decision to pose for that magazine...
347610
oh, okay.
349327
If it makes you feel any better, it wasn't just a throwaway gag. I have a plan.
Good lord, RD is so far back in the closet she's hit her "hating" phase. Interesting to see how that'll blossom later, I hope.
I do have a bit of worry for the lingerie shop fillie. If, by canon, we've seen that most ponies get their cutie marks at a young age, what was her childhood like that landed her with a pair of lacie undies on her flank like that? I hope nothing in appropriate... I'm prolly just over-analyzing too much...
I look forward to the next part, this is becoming its own series!
353800
I honestly hadn't considered the whole "she got her racy cutie mark as a filly" angle, though perhaps the cutie magic is capable of some extrapolation beyond the innocent experience of a young filly.
Cutie magic is, in fact, one of the things I'm hoping to explore later on (if not in this story, then in a fanfic that shares the same continuity.)
353361
I was a bit tongue-in-cheek about my reaction to Big Mac's Twilight disappointments. I don't like it when romantic arcs move too fast, and there's no build-up, so it's nice that it's taking a while here, but it is starting to get a bit frustrating how long it's taking!
But I'd expect it would take Twilight a while to warm up to who she believes in Prince Blueblood, and there'd be some missteps.
Also, happy to hear the Braeburn thing will be developed more! I've been laughing about that all day. Can't wait to find out where that goes!
Also, Dashie's actions/thoughts in this chapter remind me of this:
http://askstraightbraeburn.tumblr.com/post/16993441251/gosh-darn-twins-gettin-me-all-confused-and-all
BLUEBLOOD STOP DOING THAT!!!!!! I really should stop screaming at my monitor screen.
Oh Rainbow...
Braeburn's bit made me chuckle!
Big Mac's honestly trying to be a good friend, but I don't think that he expected things to go where they did with Rainbow Dash, and then adding in Twilight showing up at (Rarity mode ON
) The Worst Possible Moment! (Rarity mode OFF
), and the poor guy can't catch a break... Well, other than the collateral "good" point that he's now had an opportunity to do just as much damage to Blueblood's reputation as Blueblood's been doing to his today.
And Rainbow Dash... that mare's so deep in the closet it's not funny. Although, considering relative size issues, if Mac had been a bit more ready on the trigger I suspect that she'd have gotten an experience to turn her off stallions for a long time to come (sort of like Banana Split did last chapter,) since I'd have to question if Big Mac's got any experience with mares for that side of things, either. Fortunately, (?) Twilight showed up at just the right time to freeze things out; creating massive bad feelings and leaving erroneous impressions all around, but stopping the action nonetheless.
So, we've got sort of a karmic tit for tat at the moment. Looks like anytime something happens by one to damage the other's reputation, there's a reciprocal event that creates similar reputation damage to the other, whether they intend it or not. That's too convenient to be anything but a side effect of the golden horseshoes, I suspect. And I would imagine that conversely, they'll need to learn how to work positively for their perceived reputations before there's any chance the horseshoes will release the two of them. Looks like a good design for a mystic artifact if it's intended to teach life lessons.
dl.dropbox.com/u/51891677/the_great_and_powerful_trixie_approved_by_ambris-d4ivli5.png
And finally, the magazine. The horrendously lurid magazine with all the terribly faked poses intended just to achieve maximum display of the one part of a stallion so mares can fantasize over them. The tacky magazine that obviously pays good cash if an Apple family member turned up in its pages (I'm sure that Big Mac will have a quiet word with Braeburn at the next Apple Family Reunion.) The sexually explicit smut fest that Fluttershy's carefully collected and slipped into her home with.... dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_rainbowderp_flip.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_TwilightWut.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_O_O.png
*sigh* It's always the quiet ones you have to be the most on the alert for, isn't it.
I hear the faintest hint of rockslide upslope. Let's see what happens in the next chapter.
Lol fluttershy. Well at least the magazine found somepony who appreciates it
And the drama! Big Mac and Twi need to hit it off, and Dash needs to accept herself. And Braeburn - I guess the apple harvest was weak one year and he needed to er supplement his income 
On the one hoof, Big Mac managed to unintentionally piss off both Twilight and Rainbow, both of whom only got angry because they genuinely like him.
On the OTHER hoof, he did it while in Blueblood's body, so he's pretty much off the hook that he didn't deserve to be on anyhow.
And hey, if things with Twilight never take off, it seems Dash is pretty fun to hang/make out with.
It's always the quiet ones...