What drives a pony to the brink of destruction, when life and death no longer have value? How will you maintain your personality, your identity, everything that makes you an individual as they slowly deteriorate? Vengeance is like a fire; the more you reflect on the pain, the more difficult it is to go put out the flames before it becomes an uncontrollable inferno. No pony can save you, no pony will be at your side when it is time to decide either to jump into the flames or find your sense. We are all mortal; we all have our limits. Will you take the plunge into vengeance or will you save yourself. Hoss is pulled back into the fight and must decide how he will carry out his vengeance. Will you make him a shining example of law and order? Or will you make him a renegade bounty hunter who gets results. The choice is yours. ( at the end, later stories will reflect you decisions.)
Just something I thought I'd point out, you introduced Granny Smith twice. She is green by the way, and Applejack is a mare, fillies are young ponies. Also, this is rather interesting, I'm gonna finish and then help ya out.
Hmm, you really have an interesting story here. Definitely different from the typical O.C's that tend to litter the site. I always love a good western, and you seem to have that down. As for your writing, well, it could use a little work. Some parts I had to re-read a couple of times, this can be sorted out yourself pretty easily. Just go back through and proofread out loud to yourself. As for some other things, use some more detail, it would have been nice to imagine what the saloon looked like. To be honest I kind of had to imagine Amarillo from Red Dead Redemtion. I can see progression, and it has a pretty straight forward plot from the beginning. The only thing, add more to it. More detail, actions, and scenery. I am not totally for sure what your O.C is supposed to look like, besides the typical pony creator image, which I would recommend changing or removing. A story is so much better when a character is described in depth physically and emotionally. Right now, I am barely connected to your character, give us some more of his thoughts and dialogue. That is really the only feature that is bringing this fic down is just detail in general, that and this is your first story posted (they never do so well unless they are just terrible). I really do enjoy reading a good ole western, it's been a while since I've seen one come through. If you need any help just send me a message, and I will proof read or answer any questions you have.
Final Verdict: Saddle up mother buckers, cause this ain't shitty but it ain't the greatest.
Also, surprise your audience, just make him either an outlaw or a sheriff it don't matter. He could just go back to being a rancher with an awesome story to tell. He could even be retelling a story from his past about how he met Applejack the love of his life, it don't matter. Just surprise the reader.
I'm liking this so far.
I hope he goes crazy and shoots the gang. It's what I'd do ^-^
2169555 Thank you :) stay tuned you may will get to choose the out come later