To Serve Bronies

by Fuzzy Necromancer

Dragon Meats

Pinkie Pie was having a VERY rough night. The temporarily less-than-friendly relations between Sterling and Blues had been the easiest-peasiest Pinkie Party snafu to un-snafu. (Snafu was a funny word.) It was times like this she wished there was another pony with a comparable party planning capacity and maybe similar singing skills and a food themed cutie mark. As it was, she'd sent out emergency Pinkie Party participation signals to part-time assistant party planners everywhere east of Las Pegasus.
“I'm glad to see you two getting along at least,” Pinkie Pie said to Butterhooves and Zephyr. She tried to stay positive and present a countenance of complete party perfection. “I'm just going to check up on the refreshing refreshments and see if the gin fizzes are fizzy enough and make sure the chocolate lava cake doesn't erupt, okay? I'll check in with two of my best friends later!”
Pinkie darted over to the interspecies concession stands. Ever since her brush with the gryphon-made eclair and chocolate moose, and her experiences with forensic procedures and due process, she'd become curious about the culinary traditions of other lands and creatures. She supposed that dragons should have a natural affinity for cooking and baking since they didn't need special tools or kitchens to roast food, although maybe the flame wasn't at the right temperature to heat food easily, and if they had to puff out all that fire for half an hour they might get out of breath, although of course it would be much simpler if they just used the flame to start a fire with a pile of sticks but then ponies could already do the same thing with matches so maybe it wasn't that handy-dandy after all. Still, she wanted to try some dragon cuisine.

Pinkie Pie plopped her bits down on the counter. “A plate of dragon dumplings, if you please, Ms. Marge” she said, keeping all the jitters and nerves out of her bright happy voice. Party planning needed a lot of food to fuel the process, and she'd been on her hooves all evening.

Marge the dragon served out a cabbage-leaf bowl with the dainty delicacies. The dragon also gave her a free cup of red tea to wash it down, although it wasn't much more than lukewarm, but maybe dragons liked their food hot and their drinks tepid. She bit into the first dumpling. It had some kind of root-based flower, maybe potato flour or turnip flower, with just a hint of ginger and honey. The filling had a few chili slices mixed into the thicker bulk, with a rich, tough texture. She wasn't sure what it reminded her of, maybe eggplant or seitan, and it tasted a bit like tofu dogs but without mustard or ketchup. After she gobbled up the other dumplings, she felt less peckish than she had before. That was unusual when she ate anything less than a bucketful of anything.

“These have a really good texture, and they're really filling, Marge. I don't think I've had something this hunger-sating since the turnip-greens-and-bulgar-wheat-eating-contest over in Canterlot.” She smacked her lips. “What's the recipe?”

“They're dragon dumplings,” Marge said, slowly and carefully, as if there was something she thought Pinkie hadn't understood. Maybe Marge was just talking slowly because Pinkie Pie moved too fast for her.

“I mean, what's 'em? Sauteed seitan? Eggplant stir-fry? Pulverized deep-fried bean curd with a sprinkle of nutmeg? Processed peanuts? Galvinized goat cheese?”

“My great uncle Tyrannus,” Marge said. “Well, that and some ghost peppers, wrapped in a parsnip-pudding bread coating.” She frowned and counted on her claws. “Also a little candied ginger, for contrasting flavor.”

Pinkie Pie nodded. “I thought I tasted something sweet and gingery there. You really are a great cook, Marge, and I hope you're getting plenty of business at my p-”

Pinkie's tail and main shot out straight into the air. She leaned over, and her hair curled around to drive into the ground like a stake and lifted her up to eye-level with Marge the dragon.

“C-could you just repeat that first ingredient, I'm pretty sure I couldn't have possibly heard right.” She said with a little giggle that almost didn't sound forced.

“They're traditional dragon funeral meats,” Marge explained, her tail twitching back and forth, her voice low and soothing. “When a dragon died, their body is divided up and shared amongst friends and relatives so they can feel an enduring connection to their loved ones and process their grief on a visceral level. Dear old Tyrannus was always interested in interspecies harmony, so I thought this would be an appropriate way to give him a sendoff while sharing a little taste of dragon culture with equines.” She frowned. “Did I say something wrong?”

Pinkie Pie was sweating, but she smiled wide. “Nope, not at all! That's okey-dokey Loki. Just, m-maybe you might wanna put up a list of ingredients in case somepony has a food allergy to parsnips.” She swallowed. “Or something.”

Pinkie Pie darted off and ordered a pitcher of blueberry-gin smoothie from Wilbeforth the Gryphon, and drank it as quickly as she could without getting brain-freeze. She'd never heard anything about this from Spike, but then he was raised by ponies and unfamiliar with draconic customs. Back at Marge's food stall, lots of unicorns were lining up for second helpings.

Maybe this party was a bit of a mistake. Marge the dragon certainly proved that different creatures had different attitudes to food and other living things, and maybe the unicorn point-of-view was one that couldn't be easily swayed with good non-human food, a bowl of punch and a singsong. Maybe there were too many things about her close friends that she didn't really know, and she couldn't...

Pinkie noticed her pitcher was empty. She paid for the drink and handed the empty pitcher back to the gryphon. What she needed was some good hot food and spicy drinks to warm her up. She hopped over to the stand with zombie pepper enchiladas and extra-spicy Bloody Mares.

Author's Note:

Pinkie Pie tries some dragon dumplings and gets a taste of cultural relativism.

Comments

[Seether00]

waste not, want not.

[RadicalDishonesty]

... Pinkie your plan is bollocks, and you need an escape plan for your human friend.

[Eon333MS]

Ugh! Stop teasing us!

Just kidding do what you want but gotta say this chapter felt a little creepy, probably for good reason.

[Red Bomber]

I hope Marge intervenes if the unicorns try to eat our human protagonist by saying that she was only serving dragon meat because her uncle died of "natural" old age not when he was still alive. Because I'm pretty sure that the other species is there to show that even though they could eat ponies, they're not going to because they are all intelligent species and are above such things. If Pinkie could remember this then maybe she could help curb the problem before it escalates too quickly. Unless she was worrying about that this will break out into a fight that would damage the current interspecies relationship that everyone has with each other.

[ferret]

6478117
Frankly, her plan is awesome, the single greatest force in Equestria now stopping its utter ruin as a freezing crypt. It's not so good at saving the humans, but it's a really good plan to have a supreme culinary cross culture partypalooza (even if she doesn't realize it). Enough "earth ponies" try those tasty dragon dumplings, and they won't have any excuse to be afraid of unicorns anymore, thus putting a cork in the apocalypse.

Definitely not good for humans though. If the ponies aren't murdered with extreme prejudice by ice demons, it's only a matter of time until Twilight finds her way to our planet...