To Serve Bronies

by Fuzzy Necromancer

Nervous Dragons and Shy Humans

Twilight Sparkle trotted up to Spike's cot. She had to wait a few more hours for an auspicious time to cast the spell. Spike had buried his face in a comic, but his tail was curled defensively and his toe-claws dug into the bedding.

“How's my number one assistant doing?” Twilight Sparkle said gently.

Spike mumbled something that might have been “fine”.

“Anything interesting happening in Maretropolis?”

“Humdrum got himself in trouble again,” Spike said in a listless voice. “The Power Ponies cornered Minister Sinister, but they had to stop to save Humdrum from a seven-headed Serpent of the Sacred Grove. He got away on a holy gliding cobra while they tried to figure out which head had swallowed him and cut him lose before he reached the main stomach.”

“That's quite a plot development,” Twilight Sparkle said. She wasn't always the best at social cues, but something suggested that Spike wasn't really concerned about recent events in a comic he'd reread a dozen times.

Twilight Sparkle let the silence stretch out a little. Cold breezes ruffled the leaves of the library.

“Ever think about Nightmare Moon?” Spike said.

“Well, of course,” Twilight said, wrong-hoofed by the sudden shift in topic. “I helped redeem Princess Luna with the elements of harmony after all.”

“I mean, the idea of Nightmare Moon. I know you've fought off a lot of tough bad guys and ravenous monsters,” Spike waved at the recently updated copy of Twilight Sparkle's Fearsome Folio, “but those were real, normal things like power-hungry unicorn despots and bears and manticores.”

“So what makes Nightmare Moon that much worse than the primordial spirit of chaos or a cranky Ursa Minor?” Twilight Sparkle said.

“She was 'just an old pony's tale',” Spike said, making finger quotes and rolling his eyes at the innocence of his past self. “She was a way of explaining the odd shape of shadows in the moon, or a story you told little foals when they were greedy or mean.” He turned a page of the comic without looking at it, or meeting Twilight Sparkle's eye. “Now it turns out she was real, in a big, scary way. She tried to switch of the sun.” He scratched at the wicker-work of his cot. “I'm not stupid. I can guess what would happen if there was no light all the time. Everything gets colder, plants stop growing, and everything would fall apart, like in that Hearth Warming Eve play.”

“Well, we beat Nightmare Moon,” Twilight Sparkle said, patting him with a hoof, and not sure where Spike was going with this.
“I remember back at Canterlot, Moon Dancer told me about human battle engines. As soon as they figured out how to make wheels, they could cart around big, heavy, nasty things. They used creeper vines soaked in copperhead venom like giant rubber bands, and string and wood, and dragon gallstones, so they had these huge contraptions that could launch weapons too big for any one human to lift. They kept the weapons out of spellcasting range, and the flaming gallstones were charged with too much dragon magic for a unicorn spell to shift them, and that's how they broke down Hopestar Tower!” He flung the comic book away.

“How can you feel safe around something like that? How do a bunch of hairless monkey-rats smash a big castle that stood up to a changeling seige?” He stood and looked out the window. “I thought Moondancer was just making up a story to scare me, or maybe to explain why the original Platinum Empire broke up. You know how snobby some of those canterlot unicorns can be,” he said with a sigh. “But Nightmare Moon is real, and humans are real. So why can't a castle-breaking battle machine that throws flaming chunks of dragon be real?” He blew his nose on a corner of blanket. “Suppose they've all been working away in this scary place on the far side of Tartarus, where everyone fights each other to stay alive and locks up elders with glacuoma, building bigger, scarier, cleverer machines?”

Twilight Sparkle walked around to face Spike, moving slow enough so he could wipe his eyes and pretend he hadn't been crying.
“Does the human downstairs have any giant war machines or scary tools?” Twilight Sparkle said.

“No,” Spike sniffled.

“Did a whole army of screaming humans with necklaces of unicorn-horn and dragonteeth spears come charging out of the Everfree Forest to burn ponyville to the ground?”

“I guess not,” Spike said, mixing nervousness with stubborn sulk.

“Even if a thousand humans came charging out of the Tartarus portal with demonskin shields and individual brimstone catapults, loaded with acid-filled hydra bladders, do you think I'd like them harm a single scale on my little hatchling's head?” Twilight said, giving him a reassuring nuzzle.

“C-cut it out!” he said, trying not to smile. “I'm not little anymore.”

The doorbell rang.

“Why don't I get this one,” Twilight Sparkle said. “And here's some more...comfortable reading,” she added, levitating a copy of The Tales of Clover the Clever into his hands, one with woodcut illustrations.

#

Fluttershy waited in front of the door and thought about knocking. It was just possible that Twilight Sparkle had heard the doorbell, and she would answer soon. She'd hate to sound impatient. Anyway, she was the one that was late, forgetting all about the quail eggs and other little delicacies her dear friend Twilight Sparkle had asked her for.

The door snapped open. Twilight Sparkle poked her head out. She looked...different. There was something about the way she held her tail, or something desperate in her eyes. She'd gotten a bit odd like this when she decided to moniter everything, or when she wanted to create a friendship lesson so that Princess Celestia wouldn't fail her.

“Is everything alright? I'm sorry that I didn't get here earlier, but I was taking care of the spawning cycle. N-not that I'm trying to make excuses or anything. I'll get you something else to make it up to you, I mean, if that's what you want. I hope that's okay.”

“Oh it's fine,” Twilight Sparkle laughed. “I'm just glad that you could do me a favor. I was so lost in my research I didn't even remember.”

“Y-your sure it's okay?” Fluttershy asked.

“Of course. These quail eggs will make an,” she wiped her mouth with a hoof, “excellent sauce.”

“Is that Fluttershy?” a strange voice called from within the tree-library.

Fluttershy blinked. It didn't sound like a pony voice, or a donkey, or a dragon. If it was another pony, she would fly away as fast as she could, but this sounded like a new creature.

“Um, hello?” Fluttershy said softly.

A strange biped poked its head up from the basement. It tottered towards her on two legs, without tail to balance it. It had short, blunt shiny claws, forlegs that ended differently than its hindlegs, and a very dark brown nearly-hairless skin.

“Hi, I'm Jamal,” the animal said. “I'm a human, from New Jersey.”

Fluttershy goggled.

“It's very shy. I'll see if he can talk to you later. Right now we have some very important experiments to conduct,” Twilight Sparkle said.

She slammed the door shut.

Author's Note:

Spike contemplates the nature of fiction and reality, and advanced human combat. Fluttershy drops of the ingredients for a special sauce.

Comments

[Seether00]

Why has no one been nibbled on yet?

[DominiusTWD]

fluttershy knows about unicorns desire for human flesh i bet

[Fuzzy Necromancer]

4850503

I refer you to the chapters "a taste of humanity" and "magic kindergarten".

[Seether00]

4850647

That was a long time ago. I am hungry again.

[ferret]

4850503

She needs to prepare the sauce first. She's no barbarian like Lyra or Rarity.

[Red Bomber]

Let's hope Fluttershy actually helps him when things get weird between Jamal and Fluttershy.

[The Serpent Mage]

and advanced human combat.

Welp, this made me laugh almost as hard as this story in general.

building bigger, scarier, cleverer machines?”

If Spike is afraid of catapults, then he'd be scared shitless at the idea of weapons firing small projectiles at supersonic speeds, let alone tanks, jet fighters, warships, and mobile artillery.