To Serve Bronies

by Fuzzy Necromancer

Chapter 45

Rainbow Dash now had two pots of coffee inside her, some hay hash with eggs (made by one of her alien guests, who had never cooked it before but apparently spent a lot of time looking up fantasy-world cooking on the interweb), more hangover remedies, a Bloody Mare and some battered cod. The caffeine and nourishment had settled the pounding in her head, but the world still didn’t make any sense.

It didn’t help that the two “humans” kept talking over each other and interrupting each other. It seemed very important to the tall one, but the shorter one kept asking probing questions about her personal life. The tall human seemed to have more of a grip on the important things in the situation, but he kept spouting things about Twilight Sparkle that didn’t make any sense and would get side-tracked talking about his daughter.

Then her copy of Daring Do and the Dragon’s Blood started yelling.

“Hold that thought,” Rainbow Dash said, putting a hoof over each of their mouths. She darted over to her bookcase. This day just kept getting weirder.

She tugged the novel out. The voice seemed to be coming from just behind the cover.

“Hey, Rainbow!”

Twilight Sparkle was right there, waving up at her from the text explaining that if this book was found without its cover it was “stripped” and had been reported destroyed or lost, and A. K. Yearling had not received any royalties from its sale.

There were more shouts from the humans. “Just hold your horses!” she shouted. “I’ve got a book to answer.

“Am I still hung over?” she asked the book. “What the hay are you doing in the middle of Ahuizotl’s return arc?”

“Oh, I’m just trying out a new spell,” Twilight Sparkle said. “Isn’t it great?”

Rainbow Dash blinked again. “Um, yeah? It’s awesome? But how did you get over here? What’s-“

“Oh, I’m not here. I’m back in my library. I just spelled myself into my copy, and since it’s a verse edition, I’m also showing up in every other copy of the same book!” She beamed.

Rainbow Dash rubbed her forehead. “Well, cool! Great for you.”

“I just wanted to ask you a really big favor, and I needed to get ahold of you very quickly so-“

“Sure! Whatever it is I’ll do it,” Rainbow said hastily.

“Really? You don’t mind?”

“I pinkie promise,” Rainbow Dash said. “Now I’ve got to go see Pinkie’s friends from another world about something.”

She fluttered over to her “guests”. “Sorry about that. What were you saying about bear traps and cakes?”

“It’s not really about-“ the tall human began.

There was a loud thwack against Rainbow’s door. Another thwack came, followed by the sound of her magic doorbell.

“Hang on again,” Rainbow said, “be right back.”

She opened the door. “Hey Applejack! What’re you doing here this early in the morning?”

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “It’s late afternoon.”

“Yeah, well not everypony gets up with the roosters and cows,” Dash muttered. “So, what’s up?”

“Ahm afraid I have a mighty big favor to ask of yah. You know I don’t find asking for help very easy, you know, but this is somethin’ really important, and I reckon you’re the best pony for the job.”

Rainbow’s headache was starting to resurface. “Oh yeah?”

“I need yer help talking sense into another of our dear friends, and well, helping protect somepo-somebody. At any cost. It’s a matter of life and death,” she added, taking off her hat and pawing the ground.

“It can’t be THAT serious,” Rainbow Dash said with a sigh. The eggs and hay were starting to make a move towards the back of her throat.

“Rainbow Dash, I mean what I say.”

“If it’s that serious then yes, I Pinkie Promise. Whatever it is I’ll help you out.” She offered up a weak smile. “I just have to handle a couple of weird things that Pinkie dropped in.”

Rainbow Dash shut the door, gently, and got another pot of coffee and a bloody mare mixed up. She offered the visitors some fried hay, but the tall human said something about not being able to digest it.

“So, guys, just tell me what’s happening, slowly, one at a time. You start first tall guy.”

Rainbow sipped her coffee and started to listen. As the story turned darker, she took big gulps of the bloody mare.

Rarity.

Twilight Sparkle.

Fluttershy, well, that was kind of weird, but she could wave it off later. Maybe that’s why she was so upset when Dash told her about the fishing thing? If she was going to act like that, well, she could go kick a cloud. She wasn’t going to try making nice with Fluttershy when she was in a mood like this.

She returned to the horror, the knowledge that seeped in like blood under a locked door.

She thought about Hopestar night. It had sounded, well, fun and cool then, like an adventure novel. Kick Changeling butt. Eat bears and bulls. Win the prince. She hadn’t asked what “two-legged deers” were, but she hadn’t imagined anything like this. It’s not like they were eating other ponies, after all. She remembered how quickly Twilight and Rarity had torn through the fake bull.

The tall human, Jamal, talked about his meeting with Twilight Sparkle. He’d come to her for help. He’d raised his daughter on stories of their heroics, Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle and all their friends fighting evil and solving problems. He sounded…lost. Betrayed. Like Derpy did whenever Rainbow lost her temper and shouted at her. When he finished, she imagined lots of creatures like these, clutching little toy versions of herself and her friends, listening to their stories, creatures that lived far away from predators, on two awkward legs without even a tail for balance, with blunt teeth and blunt claws and hides so tender they needed clothes all the time and no magic.

The short human, Reiko, showed her the torn earlobe. She seemed more excited, almost happy, about getting part of her face eaten off by Rarity than scared or upset. For a moment, Rainbow Dash wondered what made a person like that, why somebody would giggle and laugh off getting a tender part of their flesh severed.

“What about that extra arm?” Rainbow asked, distracted by the claws and scales on what looked like an otherwise weak and helpless creature. “Is that normal for humans?”

“Oh, that was just a mishap at the kindergarten,” she said, with a shrug. “I think it looks cool though. My g-, my friend might like it. If I ever get back.” She returned to her story without any suggestion that being trapped in a strange world forever was upsetting to her.

Foals. Kids. It was hard to imagine an innocent little unicorn like Sweetie Belle as a ravenous carnivore, leaping up and attacking somepony.

But it wasn’t somepony, it was somebody, right?

“Is it true that Pegasi fart helium?” Reiko said, breaking off from her disjointed account of the attack.

Rainbow Dash glared at her. So did Jamal.

“Sorry, too personal. I just wondered, because-well, anyway, I was bleeding a lot and going into shock again, but the main thing was-“

Rainbow Dash heard another apple striking her door.

“Cool your jets!” Rainbow shouted. She did a double take. Applejack was there, along with big mac, and a lot of earth ponies. They had pie canons and beanbags.

“This wasn’t exactly my idea,” Applejack said, avoiding Rainbow’s gaze. “This is just a little insurance, in case things go south real fast.”

“So what was that big favor you needed from me?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Twilight Sparkle trusts you, right?” Applejack said. “I need you to talk to her. I hope to Celestia you can stop a war.”

Rainbow Dash felt hot ice crawl up her spine. Her stomach churned for reasons that had nothing to do with hangovers and hay fries.

“I just have to check one thing,” Rainbow Dash said, holding up a wing for patience. She ran back to her bookshelf and pulled out the Dragon’s Blood. “Twilight? Twilight?”

The sinking feeling grew as she stared at the blank page. There was a shimmer. Twilight appeared in black and white.

“What is it Rainbow?”

“What was that big favor you asked me to do?”

Author's Note:

Rainbow Dash makes two promises.

Comments

[Zaravan]

Now, it seems our embodiment of Loyalty must either be torn between two friends.

But perhaps, the choice is not as dire as it seems, after all, a simple promise is little of importance in the face of one's very sense of morals, justice, and simple decency.

[Eon333MS]

8313708
I agree.

[ferret]

Aha, Rainbow Dash is going to save the day, by making two pinkie promises neither of which she can keep, causing a double promise inversion cascade that sucks the universe inside out!

Yup, all part of her brilliant plan.

[Godiswithus3]

Rainbow Dash makes two promises.

Two. Contradictory promises, I might add.