Timed Ramblings

by Midnight herald

Stasis

Dear Princess Celestia,

I know you keep telling me to drop the title since we’re technically equals now, but for this letter, I feel it’s important to address you by title. Today, I’m not writing you as Princess Twilight Sparkle of Equestria, but rather as your faithful student. And, although you’ve mentioned several times that you want me to start writing them again, this isn’t a friendship report.The truth is, I’m not sure I still belong here in Ponyville. In fact, I’m writing today to officially request a change of residency.

Now, before you write back or come to visit and try to talk me out of this, you need to know that this isn’t some rush decision. I’ve been considering this for about a year now, and I finally had to give up the ghost and act on it. Ponyville’s been hard to live in since I Ascended. There’s always a certain amount of tension whenever I walk around, to the point where I’m picking up old, bad habits like staying up for three days straight on a studying binge. Some days, I just sit at the front desk and hope against all hope that someone will come in and need a book. I hardly went outside this last month, Celestia. My friends had to drag me outside to a picnic, and I almost bolted three or four times when we were in a crowd. I’m scared to go outside, Princess. And that terrifies me. IN another few years, will I be that same, antisocial mare that I was in Canterlot, but with wings and an honorary crown? It’s hard to say.

I think the worst part of it right now is the duality of everyday living. On one side of the equation, I’m Twilight Sparkle: community leader, librarian, sometime substitute teacher at the schoolhouse, and Winter Wrap-up All-team Coordinator. On the other side, I’m Princess Twilight, Guardian of the Everfree Region, Avatar of Harmony and Balance. And no matter what operations I try, I can’t get them to cancel out. Nopony really knows which Twilight Sparkle they’re dealing with, and they don’t really understand that I’m both now. Everypony stares and whispers, and I can do no wrong or I do everything wrong, depending on who you ask.

And I should be able to say that it’s easier with my friends by my side, but that isn’t exactly true anymore. And that hurts more than anything. The girls are really supportive of me, and they have my best interests at heart, but it’s like you always told me. In theory and in practice are two completely different matters. I can tell that even they aren’t sure which Twilight they should be talking to. This blame lies entirely on my shoulders, though. I don’t know which Twilight they should be seeing.

I’ve been on edge for almost nine years now, waiting for a summons that never came. Waiting for duties that were never fully passed on. And I’m not stupid, Princess. Even the most stubborn bureaucrats couldn’t hold off an Amendment that long. I know what you’re trying to do, to help me ease into my new lifestyle. I don’t need that anymore. I know where I should be, and it’s not here. I should be by your left side and by Luna’s right, helping to shape our great nation to a brighter future. Any home that I had in Ponyville has long withered away, and it’s hurting everypony to think otherwise.

The truth is, Princess, I don’t really understand my friends anymore. And they certainly don’t understand me. You were right when you pulled them aside and reminded them gently that I was still the same Twilight Sparkle, really. And things were great for a while. But the problem is that I’m still that same old Twilight Sparkle, and they’ve moved on to bigger things. And, damned as I feel by it, I’m afraid to follow. How much change is enough change, how much is too little? I’ve lost all perspective on that when I lost a tangible day where I would not be among the living. When you have forever, what’s the point in changing with the times? When you transcend time itself, when you have the power to create and destroy worlds, to play with Creation itself, how can you continue to better yourself?

I haven’t changed much at all, for fear of losing what little familiarity I can find inside my own head. And the Twilight Sparkle from the good old days just doesn’t belong with the Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, or Rainbow Dash of today. Applejack’s busy running an expanding business while Mac takes care of his young family, and she doesn’t have the time it takes to see me much anymore. And Pinkie Pie’s been building her own shop and family slowly, fostering all those foals singlehandedly.

Rarity’s in Canterlot making a splash, as I’m sure you know, and Rainbow Dash has blown every record in the books out of the water. And Fluttershy, well, she doesn’t get into town much anymore. Every week and a half or so, Apple Bloom will stop by and make sure everything’s alright, but she’s always so busy keeping the Timberwolves and Manticores away from town, and she doesn’t really have any excuses to drop by anymore...

I guess what I’m trying to say here is that they’ve moved past the point where knowing me is of any benefit to them. Every single one of them is reaching for their best right now, and I’m the one thing holding them back. We haven’t needed the Elements in years, and I’m hurting them through their own best intentions. Rainbow Dash stops by biweekly to read together and catch up. It’s a long flight out and back, and I can always tell that she’s frustrated with me and my reclusive tendencies. And that’s just the first example I can think of. I don’t need to be here anymore, Princess. If I move on and take up my duties like I should have a long time ago, I won’t be tying them down. They can go and be whatever they want to be without worrying about how I might freak out or be lonely.

And there’s more lines in their faces than there used to be. Rainbow is still in her prime, but she’s napping and stretching a lot more than she used to. Applejack’s hips are a few decades away from going the way of Granny Smith’s, and she gets winded at the Running of the Leaves. Every day, these ponies that I care about are dying, and all I can do is watch. Good old Twilight, sitting at the library. Never turns away a friend in need, never refuses advice and counsel to those who need it, never backs down from a challenge, never ages a year. I can’t stand it, Princess. I can’t sit around watching as these wonderful ponies I know waste away and die.

Forgive me for sounding rude or inconsiderate here, Princess, but I’m certain a few millennia tend to put this sort of thing into perspective. This sounds distasteful, disrespectful, but I’m sure that after the first hundred or so ponies you know who go this way, it gets easier to watch. Not that I’m implying you don’t care about the ponies you know, or that you don’t grieve when they die, but you’ve probably been desensitized by the sheer magnitude of loss you’ve experienced. This is my first time witnessing it, and I hate every second if it.

I don’t care what you have to say about this, but I know I’m ready to take on whatever duties you throw at me. I’ve packed my bags already. It’s surprising how many things here aren’t really mine anymore. If I don’t see a chariot by noon tomorrow, I swear I’ll fly myself to the castle and demand a workload. So please, Princess. Let me do what I was destined to do. Your “kindness” in letting me stay here is tearing me apart.

Your faithful student,

Her High Majesty Twilight Sparkle, Shepherd of the Stars, Guardian of Harmony

Author's Note:

The Prompt: "Everybody’s changing, but I still feel the same."

I went WAY over time on this one, so much it almost got booted from upload... I guess I had a lot more angst over the whole princess situation than I thought.

Comments

[Silvernis]

Angst, beautiful angst! But seriously, this a perceptive look at what Twilight would be experiencing some years after her ascension. Very nice (albeit depressing).

[DarkwingSnark]

Sorry it took some time to respond to this one. Actually read it yesterday, but I needed to go back to packing. But I bookmarked the page to come back to it.

This pretty much covers my main thoughts of when Twilight was turned into an alicorn. It seemed like it would make the lessons on friendship harder for her, and in time bring nothing but pain. It is pretty much a gift and a curse. But where Celestia and Luna have each other, even as time passes them by...Twilight will see her family die. It's sort of depressing.

[Mermaid]

Yeah, it's kind of weird to imagine things remaining the same for years, kids show or not.

[Midnight herald]

2913136 yeah... I see Celestia and Luna as being solid and unflappable only because they've had centuries of practice. They've figured out who they are and they stay with it, where as Twilight is still figuring that out in many ways when she got princess'd. So that's kinda where this whole flight if fancy took me.

[Phenoix12]

Thanks for makeing me feel sad today

[Midnight herald]

3920513 You're welcome. Feel free to drop by anytime for an extra helping of downers.