Timed Ramblings

by Midnight herald

WTF?

“This week on Pimp my Homestead, we visit the idyllic, sleepy town of Ponyville. It’s a quaint sort of place, with thatch-roof cottages and a lot of small businesses all vying for customers. The biggest source of trade for this little hamlet is without a doubt Sweet Apple Acres, a large family-run orchard with a certain charming rustic feel to both its workings and inhabitants, where I will work my magic.

“In short, this is the most boring place I’ve ever laid eyes on. I’m your host Discord, and we’re gonna SHAKE THINGS UP!”

“S’cuse me … sir, but can I help you?”

“Are you a Miss Applejack?”

“Umm... yeah. Who’s asking?”

“Discord. I’m here to tell you it’s your lucky day! You’re on Pimp my Homestead, and we’ll give you a renovation free of charge or taxation.”

“Aw, shucks, Mr. Discord. That’s mighty kind of you to offer, but I don’t think we need any o’ that...”

“Oh, but I insist. Please? I’ve got to, it’s in my contract! … Just stop staring at me like that!”

“You listen here, mister! I ain’t got time for some namby-pambies be running ‘round fixing up my ancestral home for their own chuckles. So you jes’ turn around and march on out, else I’m gonna kick y’all out myself, y’hear?”

“Oh, Ms. Applejack, it won’t take that long at all. Why, It’ll be done as soon as I snap my fingers. Then I’ll be on my way, and I’ll never trouble you again.”

“Fine. Do yer thing and leave.”

…......

….....

“I’m waitin’, Mr. Discord. c’mon, work your mojo and skedaddle.”

“I was trying to bring out my artistic side... And.... I-DE-aaaa....”

*SNAP*

“What in Sam Hill did ya do to my farm?! Put it back how it was!”

“But do you see how much space you save when you don’t have to follow Euclidean designs? That’s a whole new cornfield for you, if you want it!”

….....

“Oh, think of the possibilities here! Work with me, Applejack! You’ll be a landmark now! Tourists love this kind of kooky stuff. I can see it already - Ponyville: Chaos capital of the World!”

“Nnope!”

“Well, whatcha gonna do, huh? Sue me?”

“I’m grabbing the girls and we’ll throw some Harmony on yer ass, bucko.”

“Harmony? Pfft! As if that could stop me!”

“Suppose we’ll see at that, Mister Discord. Suppose we’ll see.”

Author's Note:

Prompt 434: Reimagine My Little Pony as a home and garden show

I cannot for the life of me explain where this fever-dream came from.

Comments

[Mermaid]

Well the cool fever dreams are like that. Nice.