When Reginald Hawkins, US Navy pilot returning from Anti-Submarine Warfare exercises, is blown off course by a sudden, powerful storm. He finds himself stranded, alone, wounded and without help in a world that he least expected to be in. Least of all, he did not expect to be in a world full of magic.
And talking ponies.
But is this collision between two worlds a random roll of the galactic die, or something that was planned?
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Fact Check: Navy Warrant Officers are SENIOR personnel. Officers are the ones who get to be pilot; Not the Warrants. Warrant Officers are Sirs, not Chiefs.
2121669
Thanks, I'll go edit that right now. I wasn't sure, so I went with my gut feeling on that.
No Problem. All in all it has the makings of a good story.
Research.
I say this again and again when people try to write things they know nothing about. You need to research the things you don’t know, or adjust the story to something you do know.
There are quite a few issues with how the main character is acting if he were military.
For one, they were flying VERY close to Bermuda, and last time I checked there weren't any conflicts between Great Britain and the US, so in the area he crashed (it would not be that far fetched to say they could be blown 50 miles off course in a storm) would be on friendly little Bermuda.
So you have him crash land on what would most likely be a ‘friendly’ country, then abandon the very expensive government property (which he is responsible for) and hide not only himself but also his wounded crew-mate (who he is also responsible for) from what could very likely be either rescue personal or local civilians checking on the crash.
Do you see where I find great issue with his actions?
Is it absolutely necessary that the main character be military personnel on a military aircraft?
Would it really damage the story that much to instead have the main character as a Civilian pilot taking tourists/clients to/from a destination like Bermuda?
Other Options...
1: Civilian pilot taking tourists. He would be responsible for their safety. He could possibly own the aircraft he is flying, or could be under contract from a tourist agency to fly one of theirs.
2: Civilian pilot taking clients. He would likely be contracted from the owners of the aircraft to fly them wherever they want to go. He would NOT be responsible for anything other than keeping the aircraft in as good a shape as possible while it is in the air.
Does it NEED to be a helicopter?
Yes, I get that the Seahawk is a cool chopper and all, but does it absolutely have to be a helicopter rather than fixed wing aircraft?
If it needs to be a helicopter it could just as easily be a much smaller helicopter ferrying folks from a private yacht to land and back, or island hopping in the Bahamas. Both types of travel aren’t that uncommon and would make sense as to why he was there.
Just some things to think about.
2122141
Thanks for the input!
2122141
You had a good point there, but it was lost to your ramblings on about how the author should have writen the story the way you like it.
Never leave a man behind....
Well aside from what FicCritic said, great story (personally i like accuracy but it doesn't really matter much to me.)
Please update soon... i want to see what transpires.
2138019
Hahaha, I'll do my best. I'm in AmeriCops NCCC right now, and I don't have a lot of free time. But I'll try to write when I can
2138030
Well, talk about speedy reply... YES!
No comment other than this
very good story.
The Seahawk has wheels, not skids for its landing gear. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:MH-60R.jpg
Other than that, you seem to have your facts straight. Good story so far!
2247138
THE ONE DETAIL I SCREW UP.
Thanks for the head up, fix is in the pipe.
Herm, talk about fatal error, i started to wonder why i haven't seen a update *looks at faves, realizes i never faved this story* But i have now corrected my error
Wait, Why isn't there more? I need more, I want more, MORE MORE MORE! LET IT POUR!
My apologies to everyone who has been expecting more for this story. The notebook that I used for this story was stolen along with my backpack that I used. Along with this, I have had some serious issues with trying to re-create future chapters for the story purely from memory, finding time in my days to write out the chapters, and finding motivation during my days as well.
I'm sorry for taking so long everyone. I'm doing the best I can to get the story back on track.