A Cloak With No Dagger

by Rusty Parker

4 - Confession

A Cloak with No Dagger
Written by: Rusty Parker
Edited by: Wanderwing
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-Chapter 4-
Confession

Darkness enveloped all as sounds rummaged all about. Echoing in what felt like an open and empty room, they sounded almost like hoof-steps and the shuffling of clothes. Try as she might, her eyes wouldn’t open. They were too heavy, and only the twisting colors of her mind were visible, as if she’d just looked into a bright light and closed her eyes. “I just don’t know, okay? She wasn’t with me for the longest time,” a familiar voice echoed not so far off, maybe even in another room.

Another, unfamiliar voice responded after a moment of hesitation. “What do you mean? You’re not her father, Mister Moonb-“The voice faded slowly into nothingness. She wanted to move, wanted to get up and to hear more, but her mind simply wouldn’t allow it. Off her mind drifted before she could do anything at all.

…

“Of course I am not her father!” he stated aggressively. The doctor tilted his head questioningly to this, seeming not to get his aggression. “Listen, Yulie is my niece, okay. Niece,” Joel stated clearly. The doctor still seemed confused, and slowly raised his right hoof to adjust his glasses slightly. He bore a shortly trimmed pink mane, which he plainly disliked. So bright was the color that most would be proud to show it off by growing it, but he seemed to take some sort of embarrassment from anyone even looking its way. The doctor had frustrated him beyond belief by not letting him see Yulie as of yet.

“Then, sir, I am afraid I cannot let you go in quite yet. The filly’s parents need to be here to see her before anything else,” he said with a tired voice. Joel felt as though he was about to pop from the pressure building in his head. He huffed a heavy breath of air out of his slightly limp jaw.

“Well that isn’t going to happen for quite some time, and I need to see her to make absolutely sure that she’s alright!” he said with a raising voice.

“Sir, I canno-“

“You think I care what you can and cannot do, you bloody fool?” he cut in, leaving the doctor wide eyed.

“Please reframe from ye-“

“Yelling? Why, because I’ll wake up the patients? Hmm? Well what if I were to yell more?” he argued, stepping forth with each question and growing ever louder.

“Sir! I need you to be quiet!” he pushed forward, nearly touching Joel on the nose with his own.

“Well then you will just have to let me see my niece, or my voice just might get even louder. I am Joel Moonbeam, brother to Frume Moonbeam, and I will not be denied the right to make one hundred percent certain that my brother’s daughter is still alright! Do I make myself clear, you blasted fool?” he said between gritting teeth. The doctor seemed scared now, his eyes growing ever wider. “I am family, the only family that isn’t currently hunched over in some dank, dark room worried sick about the very filly you are trying to keep me from so persistently. Allow me to see her and I can save everyone more grief than someone like you has come to know in his life!”

“I… um,” the doctor stuttered, his ears flattening as he pulled himself back. His white coat hanging closer to the ground, the pony seemed to want to turn and run. “Just please… try not to bother her or the other patients,” he squawked.

“I never intended to bother them; I only need to make sure she is safe,” Joel stated triumphantly as he strode past. The doctor seemed to take in a deep breath the moment his opponent had passed him by. A wicked smile crept onto the stallion’s face for only a moment before fading as he stepped through the door.

A single green gemstone lay cradled in the recess carved into the wall, radiating it’s welcoming and lush color onto the white walls in a bloom of color. The light bounced off of the metal of various devices set up to monitor the ponies that would end up in the cots should they need to be looked after specifically, but the patient that lay in the frail cot now did not have any of them hooked up to her. Head wrapped in thick bandages and blanket tucked over her form, Yulie was completely motionless. Her weak breathing seemed to barely raise her chest as she slumbered heavily.

Slowly, Joel walked over to her. As he approached, a nurse stepped in the doorway. He only took his eyes off Yulie for a moment to see that she was simply there for supervision, and then returned his attention in full to his niece. To him, the nurse might as well have not been there.

Kneeling, he looked into her closed eyes and felt himself shiver. She is going to be alright, he told himself. She’ll be just fine… she has to be. “Don’t give up on me… on her… on yourself. Please, Yulie… don’t give up, not for anything,” he shuddered. She wouldn’t want you to, would she?

There he sat, eyes wet and fears palpable, for what seemed like days. He wouldn’t leave her side until either one of them died or she woke up, he knew that the moment he stepped into the room. I can’t abandon you like I did her…

…

The light winked slowly in and out of existence as a throb ran through the back of her skull. “Hnnng,” she moaned as she clenched her eyes shut to avoid the pain that accompanied the bright light. It seemed to outshine even the brightness of the sun during a clear day, and Yulie’s head wretched as the light clawed at her head. She could hear the blood pumping between her ears as clearly as her own breathing, and somehow that only made her head feel even worse. She couldn’t do anything; it seemed, to make it stop. The migraine, as it surely was one of great strength, was the worst thing she could imagine.

After letting her head rest for an indiscernible amount of time, she finally pulled herself up. This time, when she opened her eyes, the light didn’t seem to strike her, but only sting slightly as she struggled to make out her surroundings. It wasn’t that she couldn’t see anything, but rather, she couldn’t think of what it was she was seeing. The… thing hanging from the wall had a name, and she knew what it did. She knew it was meant to tell ponies… something. And she certainly knew what all the ruins scribbled around its circular surface meant, but still, she couldn’t recall what it was called.

One thing was certain; it seemed she had become an idiot without ever having realized it. Shaking her head, she scoffed herself. How could she forget what a clock was? It was ridiculous.

Sitting up as she was, with her front hooves pushing her up between her rear legs, she took in the room slowly. Her head still throbbed heavily enough that she could hear it pumping. She pushed herself forward, a motion that would have lifted her to all fours if her legs hadn’t given out. Her head was pulsing so heavily she didn’t know if she could actually move anything. “Ahhhg” she moaned with displeasure from the uncomfortable fabric that she’d fallen face first into.

“You should rest,” someone said from beside the bed, sending a shrill of shivers down Yulie’s spine. She sat up so quickly that her head throbbed heavily, though she couldn’t care less after hearing that voice. It grated against her mind like gnarled bark, and energy quickly filled her limbs. She wanted to look to him, to turn and lash out, but instead she could only bite her lip in frustration. Get away, she wanted to scream.

The room rocked back and forth before her, and she almost fell forward again. Rocking herself backward, she lowered herself to a more stable position, her eyes glued to the cot below her. She opened her mouth, and found the dry air distasteful to her parched throat. She shut it and twisted her tongue before trying to reopen it. “Shut up,” she nearly growled, though with far less strength than she’d hoped to use. It came out as more of a yelp.

“Your mother and father have been worried sick these past few months, Yulie,” he replied, as if he hadn’t even heard her. “We all were.”

Heat built up in her head as she slowly turned to the disgusting excuse of a stallion that sat beside her cot. Silently, her eyes came to fall on him, a scowl filling her expressionless face. For a second, she only looked at him as he looked passed her with tears in his eyes. You don’t deserve to be sad for me, she thought angrily.

“I don’t care what any of you feel anymore… you… you monster!” she said below her breath with a rasp in her voice. Her head felt like it was boiling and yet she couldn’t find a single reason to care. Her legs tensed tightly as she fought back tears.

He sat there, silent as he looked into her eyes, for what felt like an hour to Yulie. Her head throbbed with pain as she stared back at him. Again, she began to feel dizzy; though this time she made no effort to change her position. She would bolt out the door if she needed to, no matter how much her body would resist. Eventually, Joel’s eyes dropped and he sighed deeply.

“I know what I am,” he said aloud, to her shock.

She blinked, certain she had dreamt him saying it. Her eyes grew wide and tears rimmed them, blurring her vision. He can’t mean that… this is a trick.

The streams from Joel’s closed eyes were glimmering now with the light in the room, and he looked truly sad for the first time she could remember. “I didn’t ever want to admit it… How could I?” he asked, his eyes opening as he addressed her. She remained silent, and by some silent consent, he turned to the small window and continued. “I am a monster… I can never forget that all my life. I did terrible things and I lost the most important thing in my life because of it. I just wanted to help her… I thought I was just giving her a push in the right direction.”

“A push?” she whispered, looking at her uncle with mixed feelings. A single tear escaped her left eye and began to roll down her cheek. “You shoved her! You may as well have put her out on a plank and told her there was only one way out. She was cornered!” Yulie said with a raising voice. Joel kept looking out the window, silent in his seat. “How could you not see that? Angie couldn’t take it!”

“Angie was the most beautiful, brilliant pony I have ever met… I never told her that because I thought she would become void and shallow in a pool of self-indulging pride.”

“So you found this to be a better alternative? She thought you and her mother hated her! More than anything she wanted you to love her and you couldn’t just do that for her? Your own daughter? Do you have any idea what that’s like?” Yulie screamed, tears dripping from her chin.

Joel remained silent for a long moment. Somepony was standing in the doorway to the room now, but they made no effort to intrude, nor did they slip away. “I am not worthy to be thought of as her father, Yulie, just like I am not worthy of being named your uncle. I would any moment, without hesitation, take her place where she lays now… How could I not see how much I’d hurt her?” Joel nearly whispered, trembling as he spoke.

Yulie drew in breathe deeply into her chest, and held it there while the pain in her skull pulsed. She couldn’t contain her emotions, and the migraine still would not show any sign of letting up. She just wanted to curl up and die for the next few hours while she waited for it all to fade from her, and yet she couldn’t take her eyes off her so called uncle. He knows, she thought, he knows and sees what he did finally. She wanted to hate him, to see him as nothing but a material obsessed freak, but his emotion was evident. He was so shamed that even now he couldn’t look her in the eyes. Sitting there, he simply looked on with empty eyes and wished he could fix what he’d done.

The air emptied from Yulie’s lungs in a deep sigh and she somehow pulled herself up on all fours. She was still in a great deal of pain, and from what she could tell, her head would never let up. Wavering, she lowered herself off the cot and stumbled past him. Joel made no move to stop her, nor did he even flinch at the sound of her hooves hitting the wood of the floor. Lightheaded as she was, the young filly made her way for the door.

“She loved you,” he said from behind her, stopping her dead in her tracks. “She loved you so much, Yulie. She wanted you to be happy, and was always thinking of things she could do to cheer you up,” he paused, his voice cracking near the end of his statement. With a gulp, he continued, “Please… don’t forget that.”

The filly shivered with emotion as a fresh coating of fluid overwhelmed her vision. Without saying a word, she walked toward the door and glanced at the pony standing in the doorway. It was Cider, who slowly stepped to the side to let her out. The mare had a concerned expression about her, and she followed Yulie down the hall as she stumbled. All in the hospital was quiet enough that she could almost hear the crackling energy in the stones that gave light to the hall.

After a while, Yulie leaned against a wall and sunk slightly, the pain in her head too immense to continue. The dressing around her head was beginning to soak with sweet, and she feared for a moment that it would come loose. She lowered herself to a sitting position, breathing heavily as she shuddered from her emotions and head alike. Cider, without a word, sat beside her and looked toward the wall across from them.

“Why did you run away, Dreary?” she asked softly. Her voice was filled with concern, but was also very soft and smooth. Yulie let out a brief chuckle at the mention of her alias, and thought for a moment. “You don’t have to tell me the whole thing… but at least let me know why you had to.”

“I was scared… Is that so hard to understand?” she asked as she curled into herself slightly. Her memories were skewed with pain, but she could still speak of the events without much trouble. Why she wanted to, she couldn’t say, but it somehow made her fell just a bit better to have someone show concern for her for once.

Cider shook her head, the bow in her ponytail bobbing with the motion. “No, it isn’t. I was scared of my family too.”

“It’s not the same,” Yulie instantly cut in.

“When is it ever the same between two ponies? We’re all different, after all,” she answered softly still. The filly couldn’t help but see her reasoning.

“I guess… but I was scared of not being good enough. It’s not like a monster was after me,” she paused, and looked in the direction of the door they’d come from. “Or at least, not the kind you’d think.”

“Perhaps… but I think I might understand more than you know. Your parents expected a lot of you?”

“Yes… way more than I could ever hope to be,” she said with sorrow. A moment passed and she shook her head slowly. “Why am I telling you this? It doesn’t matter anymore… I can’t run now,” she whispered with despair. Yulie scratched her hoof against the tiles of the floor as seconds ticked by with silence.

“Are you sure you couldn’t run anymore?” The filly pulled her head up to meet Cider’s eyes at that, a single lid lifted slightly in question. “Well, your head will get better, I think. Joel doesn’t seem to be chasing you down… so if I am right, it seems that it isn’t a matter of you being unable to run,” she said calmly. Yulie exhaled in deep breaths to keep herself from cutting in, for she knew that what the old mare was saying was true. “You don’t want to… now do you, Yulie?”

Her head went limp and she closed her eyes, breathing more erratically from the torrent of emotion. I just can’t, she thought. “I… no, I don’t want to anymore,” she admitted, her voice losing all edge. “I am so tired… so sick of lying… It all makes me feel terrible, maybe even more than living with my family.” A drip of sweet dropped from her chin after having streamed down her cheek from the now moist bandages.

She thought of it more and more, and it only seemed truer with each passing moment. She hated to lie… to be Dreary and not Yulie. She wanted so badly to be able to trust somepony… anypony, really. No matter how much it would hurt her in the end; it seemed worth the risk if she could just stop being alone already. “I’ve been so… alone since Angie left,” she whispered to herself, not caring if she was heard.

Some time passed as the light flickered gently from above them, and it started to hurt less for Yulie to keep her eyes open. It still felt like her eyes would pop out of her head, but now it wasn’t so much that she couldn’t think clearly. Cider brought her hoof to Yulie’s and, with concern that was much warmer to her than a smile could have been, she asked, “Can you tell me what happened to your cousin? Angie, I think her name was?”

A tingle ran down her spine, and her head became light with energy and pain. No! She thought she’d scream at any moment. Slowly, however, she found herself warming up to the thought. She never had shared what happened between her and Angie with anyone, not even her parents before she’d left home. Looking over to Cider, she wondered something for a few moments in silence. The red haired filly considered the option for a long while, unsure what to say… or, rather, if she should say anything at all.

If I trust her, she can hurt me more than anypony else, she thought. Her eyes met Cider’s then, and for a moment, she thought she was looking deep into her being. Blinking, the filly couldn’t find the word to describe what it felt like. She had been lying so long, and still yet was being lied to, but Cider had a different look in her eye. She seemed honest… trustworthy, almost. Relief splashed with her mind as her head cooled slightly, the pressure falling as a weight was lifted. I will trust you, then, she nodded.

“Angie… she loved to learn so much… she was so smart, I couldn’t believe how far she had gone. Nopony thought she’d ever flunk out of school, and when she did, there was no one who would give her the time of day. Uncle Joel, if that is what I can call him, was the worst of them all… he never reassured her, not even once,” she said, pausing to think as she looked around Cider toward the door they had come from.

“We were so close, Angie and I… She would tell me everything, that’s what I thought. She… She kept the worst parts to herself. I think in some way she was trying to protect me from herself, somehow. She didn’t want me to see her as being fearful, or weak. I’d never do what the others did to her, but she didn’t know that,” Yulie paused, tears filling her eyes. Cider’s frown seemed to deepen, and she pulled the filly into a hug. She flinched at first, but slowly, she was able to relax.

“She,” Yulie gasped, her emotion overcoming her again. “She couldn’t… she couldn’t take it all. She hated herself more than anyone else did, and not one of us knew it until a month after she’d come back home,” tears streaming down her face, Yulie shook as she spoke. “It wasn’t until it was too late that any of us saw it. We were all so stupid, all of us. Even me… I thought my own problems were so much worse, and she had come to me for help!” she cried.

“Yulie… I am so sorry,” Cider whispered. Something wet hit her ear, and she shuddered again.

The filly pulled herself, away, her face soaked with tears and snot. Looking up at the mare, who bore such sorrow and understand in her own eyes, she said in the midst of a gasp, “She’s gone, Cider. She’s gone forever,” Yulie cried. She pulled herself into the older mare, soaking her coat. “Angie committed suicide, and it’s all our fault!”

Author's Note:

Hey everyone, sorry it's been so long! I've been pretty distracted for a while but I recently got the fire in my belly to go and finish this chapter up. Next chapter may or may not be the last for this short, though I cannot say for sure. I hope you enjoyed reading, I apologize again for the long wait. The next one shouldn't take as long.

-Rusty Parker