A Tale of Two Lunas

by Everythingpossible

Discord

Princess Celestia usually didn’t get this irritated, but then again, her throne room usually wasn’t covered in six feet of liquid chocolate. It had been almost two days since she had sent her letter to Twilight, where were they? True, Discord wasn’t likely to overthrow the Kingdom of Canterlot in two days, but he wasn’t the most cordial of visitors. At least the barbaric griffins tried to cut your head off without the sarcasm.

“Oh, why so glum, princess?” The voice emerged from the depths of the olympic-size pool. Discord slowly rose from the sugary abyss, his serpentine form saturated with brown goop. Two yellow and red eyes opened, and a tongue the length of a locomotive began to lick its owner clean.

“You simply must try this, Celestia.” He said, smacking his lips, “It’s– no pun intended– divine.” Discord smiled quirkily with his mismatched teeth.

“Discord, as soon as Twilight Sparkle and the others arrive, I swear I’m going to wipe that grin off of your stupid–”

Her threat was interrupted by the opening of the great doors of the throne room. The whole “big damn heroes” entrance of the mane six was ruined profoundly by the tsunami of chocolate that assaulted them as soon as the doors flew open. They all looked significantly less badass covered in liters of liquid confection, and they all seemed thoroughly disgusted (Except for Pinkie Pie, of course). Discord chortled.

“Oh, has the heavy artillery arrived? Oh, my heavens! I am quivering in my boots!”

“You’re not wearing boots, silly!” Pinkie said, the sarcasm flying right over her head with an audible whoosh.

“You were always my favourite, Pinkie Pie”. She smiled.

“Anyway,” said Discord, turning back to the princess with a churlish expression, “I’ve had my fun. I’m sorry to leave you so soon, but I’ve got to be off before the Friendship Squad here find their magical MacGuffins and rainbow-rape me into the next season. Auf wiedersehen” He said, taking a metaphorical sledgehammer and driving it directly into the fourth wall. He then began to fly up and away, until he made contact with the roof and fell back into the chocolatey brine. “Oh, right. Forgot I can’t do that anymore. Well, anyway–” He began to fly door-wards, until the great iron portals were shut by a magical purple haze. His face again was briskly introduced to solid metal.
“Ouch.”

---

Discord lay in the centre of the throne room (now mostly devoid of chocolate), petrified in stone up to the neck, and surrounded by Princess Celestia and the mane six.

“Well, it seems like the sparkly technicolor ponies have once again triumphed against mean old Discord. Equestria is saved! I have no regrets! Do your worst, send me once again into the infinite silence of my rocky prison!” He said, hamming it up more than Brian Blessed in a well-stocked deli.

“Not so fast,” said the princess. “We’ve got a couple of questions for you.”

“Well, if you must know, I’m a Pisces, I enjoy long walks on the beach–”

“You know what I mean”.

“I am terribly afraid that I don’t”.

“Yes, you do!” she roared, “Now tell me, Where is my sister‽”

“What, Lulu is missing?” he said, intrigued. “‘Tis a shame,” he said with a sigh, “She was the fun one around here”. Princess Celestia was bemused.

“You mean– you didn’t kidnap her?”

“Kidnap her?” Discord said, barely able to contain his laughter, “Why in Equestria would I want to kidnap her, for Faust’s sake?”

“I– You–” The divine ruler of Equestria just didn’t know what to say.

“Oh, poor Celestia. Missing her wittle sister and can’t find her.” The confusion once again turned into rage.

“How did you escape‽” she asked furiously.

“It’s the most interesting story, actually. Here I am in the gardens (you need to execute your landscaper, by the way, that place is an eyesore), just minding my own nonexistence, when suddenly, this… this human comes up to me, and sets me free.” Princess Celestia looked up in sudden understanding.

“Wait– she freed you?”

“Who are you talking about?” inquired Rainbow Dash. The princess sighed.

“A few days ago, the same day that my sister disappeared, a human named Luna Lovegood appeared in the castle for unknown reasons.”

“um- what exactly is a human?” asked Fluttershy.

“A human,” Twilight chirped in before Celestia had time to respond, “is a mysterious creature that only lives in different dimensions. I’ve read that some of them are almost as intelligent as ponies”.

“That is correct. I see you have been doing your research, Twilight” the princess said. The purple unicorn blushed. “But yes, a few days ago, a human appeared in the castle. And most surprisingly, this human could perform magic”. The mane six looked shocked.

“Sorry to interrupt your little lecture, princess,” interjected Discord, “but could we make with the whole ‘eternal imprisonment’ deal? My foot’s fallen asleep.” Celestia glared down at him apathetically.

“Based on what Discord has said,” she continued, paying no heed to him, “I think this ‘Luna Lovegood’ may be some evil demon from another universe. And if I’m correct, this may be just the beginning”.

“Sounds like fun. Now, please, take me out of my misery” begged Discord.

“One more question. After she freed you, where did this human go?”

“I haven’t the faintest idea. I was occupied with turning the Grand Ballroom upside-down. You all should really see it. It’s just marvelous” he said.

“Hope you find her, anyway. Well, I’m done here. You may fire away, Miss Sparkle” said Discord, yawning, as if being transfigured into granite was now just part of his routine. Twilight looked up to her mentor for some confirmation. Princess Celestia nodded, holding back a single tear. Together, the six ponies activated the Elements of Harmony, and the draconequus was petrified, his face eternally frozen in a laughing position.

“Now then,” said Celestia, turning her attention away from the stone grin of Discord, “If this human really is what I believe, we must act without haste.” She addressed the earth ponies, the pegasi, and Rarity. “You five must take the Elements back to Ponyville. Twilight, I would like you to stay with me here, to assist me in my research.”

“Of course, Your Majesty” said Twilight Sparkle, an excited gleam in her eye.

---

Lyra had once again snuck into the cellar. The eccentric human girl still stood tied to her chair. Lyra opened the top drawer of her ancient oaken desk, and applied a pair of latex gloves to her seafoam hooves.
“Now, the fun really begins…”

Comments

[clearshot01]

Oh crap... Lyra's gonna perform either a biopsy, or a... you know what, I'm not even gonna mention the other option, it's too horrible...

[Bronze Statue]

1936352 Oh no!!! Not make Luna demonstrate the dexterity of hands by playing the piano! THE HORROR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[clearshot01]

1937682 Lol... Now I can't stop thinking of The Piano Man...

[Bronze Statue]

1937731 Sing us the song tonight....

[clearshot01]

1938843 Well, that, and the fic by The Sentient Cloud

[Bronze Statue]

1938877 Ahhhhh....

[Everythingpossible]

1937731

It's five o'clock on a Saturday...

[Philobrony]

almost as intelligent as ponies

Lass, we went to the moon. Without magic. Have you been to the moon without magic?
Call me when you have.

[6flyer]

2154948 You don't know. Lance Armstrong might've been a wizard. You just don't know!

[Sunny Smile]

Awash yeah buck yes we have>>2154948

[Zephandolf]

2966979 Ahem...Neil Armstrong...

[fluttershykindness]

WAIT.ARE YOU HINTING AT DISLESTIA? anyway let us summerize
Princess Luna at Hogwarts - told off a charecter everybody hated- eating tons of food - learning new magic - been inducted into secret society
Wizard Luna in Equestria- has had no care or food - accidently released a charecter everyone hated-
thought to be a demon - about to be expirimented on by Lyra who is fascinated by her species
REMIND ME ONCE I FINALLY FIND THAT PORTAL TO EQUESTRIA TO AVOID LYRA AND BON BONS HOUSE AT ALL COSTS

[Dragonlover553]

some of them are almost as intelligent as ponies

almost

Oh please, we're sure as hell smarter than ponies as a whole. We're both predators and prey, that gives us a massive advantage.

[ssokolow]

3878140

I'm guessing their records only cover dimensions where humans are behind the curve on scientific progress. That'd make it very easy for past generations to dismiss them as dumber to avoid having to adjust their worldview.

[Cobalt Shock]

“You’re not wearing boots, silly!” Pinkie said, the sarcasm flying right over her head with an audible whoosh.

[hmaf43]

“Anyway,” said Discord, turning back to the princess with a churlish expression, “I’ve had my fun. I’m sorry to leave you so soon, but I’ve got to be off before the Friendship Squad here find their magical MacGuffins and rainbow-rape me into the next season. Auf wiedersehen ” He said, taking a metaphorical sledgehammer and driving it directly into the fourth wall. He then began to fly up and away, until he made contact with the roof and fell back into the chocolatey brine. “Oh, right. Forgot I can’t do that anymore. Well, anyway–” He began to fly door-wards, until the great iron portals were shut by a magical purple haze. His face again was briskly introduced to solid metal. “Ouch.”

rainbow rape laserrrr!
2154948
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