Crumple-Horned Snorkacks
WHUMF.
The familiar sound of paper hitting table was all too familiar for Princess Celestia. At some point during her reign, her royal duties, apart from raising the sun each morning and lowering it each night, had somehow shifted from warring against barbaric tribes of griffins from the north and executing traitors in the public square of Canterlot to the more mundane tasks of reading, revising, drafting, approving, and signing all manner of bills, official documents, affidavits, royal pardons, et cetera. As the stack of five-hundred-plus papers for the day made contact with her desk, she couldn’t help being nostalgic for the days when Equestria was governed not by a pen, but by longsword. The calamity of yesterday did not help her suffering.
She couldn’t help think that solving the mysterious disappearance of her sister, the Princess of the Night, ranked somewhere above a petty trade treaty with Coltnada. The duty of controlling the moon was no problem, she’d already done it for centuries in her sister’s absence, however, the biarchal government couldn’t survive long with only one of its leaders present. Also, Luna was always pretty fun to have around. And then there was…..
….her.
She really defied all explanation. Celestia had heard of humans before, but she had never heard of any acting quite so….. strange. When the princess had tried to get any information out of her, she only kept going on about something called a ‘crumple-horned snorkack’, whatever that was. The only useful intel Celestia had been able to coax out of her was that her name was Luna Lovegood, that she had no idea how she suddenly appeared in the chambers of her sister, and that she attended some sort of school of magic. Celestia had been slightly confused how anyone without a horn could perform any sort of magic, but the girl seemed to be able to do it with the help of some sort of stick. Utterly confused by almost every word she said, Celestia had let the girl roam the castle while she got down to business, as she seemed like no immediate threat to the safety of Equestria, nor any help in the investigation of Luna’s disappearance.
At that moment, the light-haired girl was roaming the Canterlot Gardens. She was still wearing her school robes, as they were the only clothes she had in this universe. She also wore a pair of spectrespecs, golden glasses in the shape of two hands, with pink and blue lenses. Luna always carried a copy of the Quibbler, the wizard tabloid published by her father, Xenophilius Lovegood. She believed the Quibbler like a scripture, even though most of its articles were of dubious factuality. Currently, she was searching for said crumple-horned snorkacks, wrackspurts, grindlemoogs, or any other sort of elusive magical creature. She suddenly looked up from the Quibbler (Held upside-down) to get a better view at a certain statue. This statue was very interesting to Luna. It detailed a very odd creature, with the head of a horse, the horns of a deer and gazelle, and long, feathered and serpent-like body. Its limbs were mismatched, having a lion’s paw, an eagle’s claw, the legs of a mule and a lizard, and the tail of a dragon. Its mouth was filled with long, pointed teeth of all shapes and sizes. Luna flipped furiously through the magazine until she found an image of a creature that looked much like this statue. She looked at the picture, then at the statue, then at the picture again.
They were identical.
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Good as always! Keep up the good work!
Yeah, I can't see this going badly at all...
Woah, Luna's dad knew about Darconequui... Wonder what he thought they were called...
Firstly, Dun DUN DUUUUNNNNNNNN!!!!!
Secondly, thank you for your review of my story. I found it to be quite helpful. Perhaps I may even go back and expand each of the scenes into full-on separate chapters. But that is another discussion for another place. Now it's time for your story review, brought to you on behalf of Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story: A Tale of Two Lunas
Grammar score out of 10: 7
Pros:
You managed to make me hate Umbridge more than I already did. That takes talent.
Luna would be in Ravenclaw. It's a very good thing that Luna Lovegood was in that house as well.
Dumbledore's little quips were in-character and hilarious.
Cons:
"Said bookism."
No explanation of how Luna and Luna switched places.
Luna Lovegood's sudden appearance in Equestria doesn't seem to have shaken the VERY excitable ponies of Equestria (besides Celestia) nearly as much as it should have.
Notes Section:
I found it a very nice read, if a bit short. The grammar was very nice, but beware of said bookism. In most cases, the dialog itself should tell the reader how it was said, and synonyms for the word "said" are often unnecessary. I feel like you need a bit more explanation as to how the princess and Ms. Lovegood switched places. When you introduce characters, you describe them very nicely, but I was confused for a little bit with Umbridge's description until she was mentioned by name. A lot seems to be happening in a very short amount of time. Perhaps take some time to introduce Princess Luna to the world of Harry Potter. Also, if ponies are shocked and terrified by a zebra, imagine how they's be reacting to the presence of a human. I feel like there should be some reactions to Ms. Lovegood. I know that it seems like I'm focusing on the negatives -that's just how I tend to review things, including my own stuff. Don't take it personally, I actually really like your story, and you have earned a like, fave, and watch.
I agree with Brone Statue. You made me hate Umbridge even more. I LOVE THIS STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!
1909555
....Okay....
slowly dials number for police
Huh
just noticed this after seeing it in chapter 6...
Wat wAt waT WAT.
The word "monarchy" uses the greek prefix for "one" (mono-) so you should use a greek prefix for "two" (di-) rather than a latin one (bi-). Hence, "diarchy" and "diarchal", not "biarchy" and "biarchal".
Wikipedia has a good chart for that on the Numeral prefix page. (If you forget that name, pages like bi-, and di- redirect to it.)
I dunno how to spell draconeqqus in plural form but I din think they exist in the Potterverse.
Discord had better not be a Crumple-Horned Snorkack.
executing traitors? Come on, they didn't even execute DISCORD or TIREK.
Discord the Crumple-Horned Snorkack.
Wait until Luna Lovegood goes back and tells Hermione they are real.
4541909
I think it's
1 draconequus, 2 draconequi
but i'm not totally sure about that.
6323236 You would be correct
..... Oh bugger it!
Dun dun Duuuuuuuuuun...!
DISCORD what did you break now
Luna, you must be losing your touch.
It took you more than five minutes to find and release Discord.
5383216
At the time of initial imprisonment, neither had betrayed Equestria; they were never it's citizens to begin with.
Potterverse has its own draconeqqus or it was Discord?