The Department of Mysteries
The velveteen British sky slowly faded from orange, to red, to purple, and finally into a deep and infinite blue void. Stars broke through like tiny holes in the fabric of the universe. Only a slim crescent of light reflected off of the silver moon. Below, the trees swayed gently under the influence of a gentle spring breeze. The serenity of the scene seemed unfit for such a dangerous quest.
Three slender figures rode in the sky against the wind. Hermione and Neville rode one thestral, Harry and Ginny another, and, much to his dismay, Ron Weasley was perched on Luna’s back, clutching with trepidation to her lustrous fur. The thestrals, lacking substantial muscle mass, quickly fell behind the alicorn, after which she was required to proceed at a slower pace. She had been simply caught up in the majesty of flight, something she hadn’t fully enjoyed for quite some time. A feeling of ecstasy came over her as the air flew across her feathers, her eyes shining in the faint moonlight. This was her night.
A few hours later, they landed in a vacant street in London. While the other four quickly dismounted, Ron remained attached to Luna, his knuckles white as they maintained their death grip.
“We’re here, Ron. You can get off of me now”.
Ron said nothing, murmuring slowly and silently, shuddering from the cold air and paralyzed by acrophobia. Slowly releasing his purchase of her fur, he silently fell over sideways, hitting the pavement with a dull moan. Sighing, Luna magically lifted the traumatized boy, his semi-conscious inert body hovering inches over the street.
The motley crew piled into a neglected red telephone booth, clearly not designed for six. Luna, the largest of the group, was shoved back into a corner. Hermione, who was closest to the receiver, typed the combination (6-2-4-4-2) into the disconnected telephone. A young woman’s voice magically chirped from seemingly nowhere.
“Welcome to the Ministry of Magic. Please state your name and business”.
“Hermione Granger, Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Ginny Weasley, Neville Longbottom, and– er– Princess Luna. We’re here to save someone, unless your Ministry can do it first!”
“Thank you” the voice said. “Visitors, please take your badges and attach them to the front of your robes.”
Hermione awkwardly distributed the metal cards distributed from the coin return slot. Luna, seeing nowhere to place hers, discarded it immediately.
After a long trek down to the lowest level of the Ministry, guided by Harry, the group found themselves in front of a large, black door with silver knob in its centre. Harry Potter attempted to open it, but it was locked.
“Alohomora!” he said, brandishing his wand. The door did not yield. Harry went through every possible spell in his mind, but came up empty. After they realized the dire situation they had fallen into, someone spoke from behind.
“Stand back”.
The students turned around to see Luna wearing a grim expression. As they slowly edged around the narrow hallway to what they conceived to be a safe distance, she approached to door.
“You know some sort of ancient, obscure spell to get it open?” Neville asked, both curious and a bit afraid.
Without hesitation, the princess telekinetically drew a long object from her vaporous mane. It was a wooden pole, with the blade of an axe and a long, sharp spike.
“The bloody hell is that!?” Ron ejaculated.
“A halberd” she said, juxtaposing the medieval weapon against the sealed entrance. Smiling, she politely introduced blade to door. She chipped away at the portal with a precise percussion.
“A princess—thunk—must be—thunk—prepared for—thunk—anything” she said, forcefully punctuating every syllable with intercourse of iron and oak. After about a dozen impacts, the door split in half, sending wooden fragments flying in every direction. Gently sheathing her weapon back into the infinite void, she bolted through the defeated entryway, followed by the five robed students.
Opening another door in the seemingly infinite labyrinth, the group came into a large, circular room. At the centre of this room, illuminated dimly by candles floating in midair was a large archway of stone. A long shroud of hung under it, ethereally rippling in a wind that wasn’t there. The six stood there for a long time, transfixed by this mysterious object.
“I… I can hear voices…” Harry said suddenly.
The group turned to the young wizard, bewildered. He continued to be mesmerized by the archway.
“Harry… are you okay?” Hermione said.
“I… I think maybe we should go back…” Neville added.
“I can hear them too”.
The group abruptly turned again to Luna, both shocked and confused. She alone stood there, austerely gazing deep into the void without a trace of fear.
“What… what are they?” Harry asked.
“The voices of the dead”.
After wandering through the maze of rooms for what seemed an incalculable amount of time, the small group finally arrived in a long, dark hallway, filled with long, tall shelves, full of glass orbs of all shapes and sizes.
“Are you sure this is it?” Ron asked Harry.
“Yes”. He and Luna chimed in at the same time, and then looked at each other.
They walked around this massive space for what seemed like hours, until Ron stopped suddenly in front of one of the shelves.
“Come on Ron, we don’t have much time” Hermione said.
“Harry… this one’s got your name on it” he said, nervously pointing to a foggy globe perched on a metal stand.
Harry rushed back, and read the engraved message on the shelf in horror. He slowly extended his hands to grasp it, and lifted it in front of his face. From a distance, it seemed like there was someone whispering, just below audible range. Harry’s eyes widened with revelation.
“Harry…” Hermione said empathetically, placing her hand on his shoulder, “we might be too late”.
“On the contrary, you’re all right on time”.
They looked around to find the source of the voice. To their horror, a tall, robed figure emerged from the darkness in front of them, wearing a lustrous silver mask. Removing his disguise, Lucius Malfoy smiled maliciously.
“What are you doing here!? Where is Voldemort!?” Harry screamed, his voice quivering in frustration and fear.
“Hand me the prophecy, Potter.”
“Where is Sirius?”
“The Prophecy, Potter; then all will be clear”.
“WHERE IS SIRIUS!?” Harry shouted, breathing heavily.
“I’m afraid that Mister Black will not be joining us”.
“WHERE IS HE!?”
“The Prophecy, Potter. Give me the Prophecy.”
“No.”
“Accio Pro–” he began to say, until a heavy, metallic object suddenly came from nowhere and struck him in the temple, knocking him off of his feet.
“Run!” someone shouted.
Lucius quickly got up, seeing the projectile that had struck him on the floor. It was an ornate silver slipper, obviously not shaped for any human foot. Furling his brow in anger, Malfoy set off after the group.
Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Ginny, and Luna ran through the desolate hallway, until two more masked figures appeared from the void, standing directly in their path. They turned around to run the other way, but quickly noticed themselves surrounded. Lucius Malfoy appeared, stepping through two Death Eaters to confront the group. Harry stepped forward to face him, but Malfoy just pushed him aside, instead staring directly at Luna. Defensively, she spread her wings to compensate for her slight disadvantage of height.
“You think you can save him?” he said, brandishing the discarded slipper in his hand, throwing it aside. It clinked as it ricocheted off the floor, vanishing into the abyss.
“As a matter of fact, I do” she said sardonically.
Outraged, Lucius backhanded her in the muzzle, and firmly grasped her jaw, peering directly into her eyes.
“The Dark Lord will make quick work of you” he hissed.
“Yeah, well, fuck you too”.
Desperately trying to keep composed, Lucius raised a long, crooked wand to her neck, and turned to a horrified Harry Potter.
“Give me the Prophecy, boy, or the horse dies”.
Luna looked at Harry, and Harry at Luna, and there was an instant comprehension between the two. Harry nodded, and slowly stepped towards the incandescent Malfoy, orb in hand. As he was holding out the object to the Death Eater’s twisted, trembling hand, however, a brilliant flash emerging from her horn blinded them both. Seizing her opportunity, Princess Luna broke free of Malfoy’s grasp, magically summoning a shockwave that threw all of the robed figures to the ground. Harry pocketed the Prophecy as the ragtag gang sped off again, shielded by a mystical blue aura generated by the alicorn.
Soon, the group found themselves again in the room with the mysterious archway, pursued by the Death Eaters. A ferocious battle ensued, spells flying wildly like fireworks about the room. Just when they were cornered, surrounded by their adversaries in front of the veil, a door opened behind them. Looking around, they saw Sirius Black standing in the doorway with mad eyes. Quickly, he fired a spell at the Death Eaters as he rushed into the room, shortly followed by Mad-Eye Moody, Remus Lupin, and Nymphadora Tonks. The sight of familiar, friendly faces brought relief to Harry, Ron, Ginny, Neville, Hermione, and Luna. Taking advantage of their opponents’ surprise, they all simultaneously launched spells at them, sending at least half toppling over.
Luna continued fighting in front of the archway, the sounds of hexes, curses, and the restless deceased polluting the air. She soon found herself adjacent to Sirius.
“Nice to see you again–” she said, pausing to fire a disarming spell at an approaching Death Eater, “Sirius”.
“The pleasure is–” he answered, whipping out a flash of blue-green light with his wand at another, “–all mine”.
“Avada Kedavra!”
Luna only had milliseconds to act after hearing the harsh words exit Lucius Malfoy’s mouth. In slow-motion, she saw the bolt of sickly green approach them. Thinking at the speed of light, she swiftly bucked Sirius Black away just as she was hit. The momentum of the spell caused her to fly sideways, and the black nothingness behind the cloak swallowed her whole. The raging skirmish seemed to pause momentarily as all in the room looked on astonished as the princess was thrown into nonexistence. Breaking the silence, Malfoy laughed a dry, heartless laugh as he slowly approached Black, immobilized on the stone floor.
“Who will save you now, Sirius?” he said mockingly.
As he raised his wand to finish the man off for good, Sirius noticed something strange happen. Lucius’ eyes were frozen, staring into the distance. A new appendage sprouted from his neck. The pointed iron spike plunged itself directly through his windpipe and out the other side, blood gently rippling from the open wound. As it was retracted, the Death Eater’s lips foamed red, and his eyes continued to search the infinity for something that wasn’t there. He unceremoniously collapsed forward, his blonde hair matted with red.
Lucius Malfoy was dead.
Luna scabbarded her weapon once more as she casually walked out of the black veil. Sirius, sitting up, looked upon in both horror and awe.
“I have a terrible problem of not dying when I’m supposed to,” she said, cracking a smile.
The sudden death of their commander weakened the Death Eaters significantly, to the point where they were easily defeated by the five students, four Order members, and Luna. The group was now gathered in the main hall of the Ministry, waiting for the proper authorities to arrive. The Death Eaters, now unconscious, sat tied up near one of the fireplaces. Malfoy’s corpse was covered in a black shroud and left on the floor. Suddenly, there was an explosion far down the hall. The calm group looked down to see what had caused the disturbance. Lord Voldemort emerged from the grey cloud of dust. Wands were raised, warnings were made, but with a wave of his hand the Dark Lord threw the group of wizards to the side, leaving only Luna seated on the floor, delicately cleaning and polishing her polearm. She looked up to the pale-faced wizard, not looking terrified or shocked, just slightly irked. Voldemort stood a few meters away, wand raised into striking position.
“It seems to kill Potter, I must kill you first” he said coldly.
“Yeah, good luck with that” she said, putting away her weapon and nonchalantly standing up, stretching her limbs.
“Do you imagine this is some sort of game?” he said.
“No, but if it is, you’re definitely losing”.
Without saying anything, Voldemort thrashed his wand, throwing out a burst of energy. Luna dodged it.
“I have been told you will be a worthy adversary”.
“Come at me, bro”.
There was a rapid dialogue of spells, curses and hexes. Harry and the rest could not help but watch helplessly from the side, prevented from interfering by some protective spell. The two duelers slowly circled each other in the heat of battle, matching every assault perfectly. Finally, there was a temporary pause in combat.
“Your move” she said.
Frowning with all of his might, Voldemort theatrically whipped his wand about his body before lashing it forward.
“AVADA KEDAVRA!”
A lime-coloured flare flew through the dead air. Smiling, Luna summoned forth all of the energy she could, before releasing it all in a mighty burst of midnight blue. The spells met in midair, and something strange happened. Instead of merely bouncing off one another, or canceling each other out, they combined, fibers of pure magical energy intertwining into a single point. Two blue-green flashes emerged from this singularity, striking both Voldemort and Luna directly. Their face were paralyzed in anguish as they were overcome with a bright light. The unfortunate spectators had to shield their eyes until the light subsided. When they looked upon the scene again, their jaws dropped in unison as they noticed two charred spots on the clean marble where two great sorcerers once stood.
They were gone.
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Luna at Hogwarts, Luna in Canterlot...
20,000 words...
Must read now.
Little question here: Is it weird that 20,000 words takes me like an hour to read?
Correction: Make that two hours. I blame this 'social life' thing I have, I really outta get rid of it sometime.
And yeah, don't nobody fuck with Luna, cuz Luna gonna fuck you up!
I love the whole immortality luna has, makes reactions to surviving deadly curses priceless
Princess Luna VS Voldemort + music from one of the videos below =
ULTIMATE EPICNESS p.s. What is a pony? A miserable little pile of harmony. But enough talk, HAVE AT YOU!
2166792 Thank you for the awesome accompaniment!
AND THANK YOU FOR THE AWESOME STORY!
2167070 you're very welcome
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT
2167401All of my yes. ALL OF IT
“Yeah, well, fuck you too”.
Okay, fuck this. I don't even.
2167401 ...why is Uncle-mode Jane reading an empty book?
(For all quotes)
And that point is when you should run! SCREAMING FOR YOUR LIVES!
Wait, did they just...
oh crap
HOLY FRICK FRACK LUNA JUST KILLED SOMEBODY.
https://youtu.be/WH0z00t8OlM