Chaotic Chess
>The warp
Just as planned.
The culmination of hundreds of years of shaping and trickery were finally paying off. These particular mortals were to be instrumental in his plan for chaos in this particular world. He knew that what the Imperium’s definition of “Chaos” had been boring since its first inception. It was time for some… Change.
Two pillows materialized before his throne, one significantly larger than the other, with a snap of his fingers.
If there was one thing he was good at, it was planning. No one in the entire universe could best him in that aspect, not even those who served him with foresight of the future.
“Three… Two… One…” as soon as the countdown ended, two near deafening cracks echoed throughout the throne room. Two objects began a steep and hearty descent towards the base of the throne. Both were flailing about hopelessly, thinking doing so would suddenly grant them wings.
Just as planned, the pillows had been spawned in the exact locations needed to catch the two falling creatures. With one almighty THUD and a small pomf beside it, it was now time to start explaining.
“Hello, mortals… You may not know me. But I most certainly know you.” The two creatures were still recovering from their fall, but as the voice spoke, they sought to identify it.
And identify it they did. A short gasp erupted from the smaller of the two creatures, as small lavender equine with a protrusion emitting from its forehead. And the speaker was most certainly a sight to behold. A being with the height of at least three Astartes tall, or about the size of a two story Equestrian home. But the height isn’t what frightened the small Unicorn, no. It was the sheer evil emanating from the creature, not to even mention the countless faces occasionally springing up from the armor and uttering a noiseless scream of pain.
The creatures head arched down towards the two, its beak twisting into something of a smile. The fear in the eyes of the small one he could literally smell, and even the Astartes feared his presence. The creature fluffed his feathers with a twist of his arms, preparing to speak to the two.
“Hello, my little mortals. You may not know me… But I know you,” The creature purred both physically and psychically. The small equine suddenly doubled over, hooves clutching the side of her head, screaming like a howling banshee in pain.
The creature was confused, his eyebrows scrunched and his head tilted slightly. Most sentient species responded with surprise, but very few responded with pain.
“Ah… I see… You are a very powerful psyker aren’t you? I anticipated you to be powerful… But never in this regard. I shall stop speaking as I normally do, for I need you alive.” A soft chuckle emanated from behind the beak, “For now.” A wave of his taloned hand and a wave of benevolent warp energy rolled over the small one, healing her mind from his invasions.
The Astartes before him was still as stoic as he was when he fell from the sky, not having moved a singular inch. But such was expected of the Anathema’s pet projects. He had his fun with this one already, but now he was to fit his purposes.
The purple one was beginning to come back to the mortal plane, her headache the only reminder of the severe pain she had experienced. “As I was saying before I was so… Rudely interrupted” he said with a glare. If he hadn’t know better, he would have sworn that she had blushed and mouthed the words “sorry”.
“I know who you two are… But let us go around this merry circle and introduce ourselves to each other? Hmmm?” He smiled once again, but this time much more caring than they expected.
>The Warp
You are Twilight Sparkle, and what the BUCK is going on?! The last thing you remember, you were powering a spell to investigate any magic sources from the constellation, and now, you’re sitting on a lush pillow in front of… SOMETHING. And that something had just wreaked havoc inside your mind just by talking. And now he wants to introduce someone.
But it said you two… Is someone else here...? You look to your side, at first seeing a pillow much larger than yours. But as your eyes slowly drifted upwards towards the colossal hunk of metal sitting next to her. This thing is covered in SOMETHING black, and as it starts dripping down with a familiar texture, you can only assume it can be… No. Don’t think of that, you are sitting here, somewhere you do not know where, and you are being asked to introduce yourself.
With a deep breath in, you prepare yourself mentally and physically. “Hello, I am Twilight Sparkle. I am the personal student of Princess Celestia, and I arrived here after-“
“No Miss Sparkle, you arrived here at MY bidding”, the creature suddenly exclaimed, its voice a mix between a caring father figure and that of nails on a chalk board. You wince at the sudden correction, not used to being scolded as such.
You idly play with your hooves, waiting for the other to introduce himself, and maybe alleviate some of your fears. But it just sits there, glaring at what Celestia knows what. As soon as you are preparing to speak to him, you hear a low rumbling. A rumbling from the thing. It stood up with speed befitting Rainbow Dash, and ran head first at the other creature. The smell of ozone permeated from the larger creature right before it struck the metal thing down with lightning! Lightning had SHOT from its TALONS! The metal creature flew back at least ten feet, and crashed into the floor with the force of a train car.
Your mind reeling from the aspect of non-unicorns using magic, you almost miss the quiet words from the metal creature.
“I… Am Garvel. Sergeant of… The Lamenter’s 5th company. I… Am… The Emperor’s servant… and not your plaything DAEMON…” Daemon? Daemons are only an old filly’s tale. There was no way this other thing could be a-
“How VERY observant of you, Space marine… But I must inform you, I am not a daemon.” His raven like head craned down till his beak was straight in front of Garvel’s face, or at least what you assumed to be his face. “I am far more than that. I am Tzeentch. Lord of change, Master of fate, and king of magic. Every step you make is something I had planned; Your rise, your fall, and your future elevation. You serve chaos now, whelp. But for the betterment of man and…” he slowly looked in your direction, “Pony kind…”
The thing, who had identified himself as Garvel, suddenly took interest in your presence, and the sheer amount of hatred in his gaze made you sink into your pillow with hopes of being invisible. And just as quickly as he had before, he stood up, his walking reminiscent of parade patterns you had seen from being raised up in Canterlot.
But that didn’t surprise you, nor did it hold you attention for long. You were in the presence of a GOD. A being of which you had seemingly dismissed as fiction for the longest portion of your life, as had many others that you knew. And he was the god of MAGIC. The smile on your face would only grow in size as he looked towards you and smiled in return.
“Yes Miss Sparkle, you heard that correctly. I am a God, and one whose power over magic is unrivaled.” You prepare yourself for the barrage of questions you intend to ask this deity, but before you can he holds up a hand. “Before you ask questions, I need to detail my reasons for summoning you two.”
Disappointed, you slowly return to the pillow laid out for you, not realizing how far you had left it in an attempt to get closer to the action and Tzeentch. You slump down, feeling disappointed but still keep our head up to listen.
“Well. As I explained already, I am Tzeentch.” His claws snapped, summoning a glass with some form of liquid as he relaxed back into his throne. “I am the master of fate and a god of Chaos.”
Wait. Chaos? Like Discord? That could only mean trouble…
“Yes Miss Sparkle, like Discord. Except I am his master, and he has revolted. I wish to bring him back into the family… By any means necessary.” A quick glance at Garvel confirmed your suspicions. He was a warrior. That was blood coating and dripping from his mustard yellow armor. A LOT of blood. You hold back the urge to empty three days of food onto the floor. You instead let out a gag and hold up our hoof.
“Discord knows of my wishes for him to return to my side, for he is second amongst my creations in levels of power.”
“He has abused this power, to rebel against me and claim lordship over your world, and sealing it from my sight.”
Tzeentch took a swig of the drink he had held aloft with magic. “So now you know my plan. Two pawns in my hand have their goals, and they shall achieve them.”
He snapped his claws. One last noise, one last bright light, then finally. Blackness.
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So Twilight may become a Chaos Sorcerer now? ... Yep. Certain doom will soon befall Equestria. Again, great job, Twilight.
1911522 Aren't they all chaos psykers?
They can pray to their corpse emperor if they wish, but they utterly belong to Chaos 
1911528 Sorry, ment Chaos Sorcerer. I like to think of them as the evil version of Psykers.
1911549 Sorcerer, psyker, pussy... They all mean the same to me
You're all bio-mass anyway!
Cheers to a good chapter!
1913418 I am daemon
and far beyond your concepts of morality. And thank you! I appreciate it! 
trust me nobody is worse than me!
I would like to thank you all for the positive input
I would also love to hear any other criticism you may have. Constructive if possible
1915449 Challenge accepted
Very interesting.
1918273 Thank you
I'm doing my best
In my 40k/MLP Head-cannon I always like to think of Discord as being an Avatar of Malal.
1945291 Malal: the god of irrelevant hipster bullshit
But that does give me a few ideas...
1948975
I'm always pleased when my inane ramblings get people's cogs turning.
1951837 I take everything in
Like a sponge!
There are some issues in both chapters here. First, there are some minor proofreading errors, such as punctuation, but you seem aware of that already. And I'm not digging the ">Greentext" format of announcing locations. Any of the actual typeface formatting (bold, italic, underline) would work better. And Verlax is right that you should separate the scene change in chapter 1 better. Try a "hr" in square brackets "[]" for a horizontal rule.
As for the story itself, there are other things. In chapter 2, Twilight's part is suddenly in the second person perspective. That was very jarring. Second person, in the hands of anyone but a skilled professional, is the hallmark of an amateur writer. Just go back to third person, like the first Twilight scene.
And what's with Tzeentch? The Warp is inherently corrupting and evil, and the Dark Gods are bad, bad guys. Granted, of all the Ruinous Powers, Tzeentch is the most capricious, and his convoluted plans could conceivably include helping Space Marines and kindly ponies. Or he's just lying. These are all possible. But I have trouble believing that he's actually helping here because he's suddenly a nice guy.
Despite all that, this story isn't bad. I'd take some of the more enthusiastic praise with a grain of salt, but it's not bad. Keep working on it.
1968256 I like >greentext though...
But that Horizontal line will come in handy eventually! I think
Twilight is going to be... Confusing at times
Deal with it 
It helps my overall writing if I switch perspectives every now and then...
Tzeentch is... Tzeentch
Parts of the story will be revealed in later chapters and his involvement and plans will unfold to the brightest characters.
And thank you for the salt
Pain is my pleasure 
PORN FOR THE PORN GOD!
1968530
Just so you know, my way of "dealing with" stories that I feel are making grave design mistakes against my advice is to stop reading them. Fair warning.
1968549 I will try to do my best then...
1968555
Just saying. You don't have to do whatever some random reader says, but I'm try to be helpful, and I like to think I know a little about writing. Or at the very least, I know when I don't like something, so I felt I would be remiss not to tell you. I critique stories I'd like to see improved upon, so that I might enjoy them more. Your creative impulse should not be beholden to my or anyone else's enjoyment by any means, but your ability to evaluate criticisms, incorporate those you agree with and consider those you don't, is an important skill for a writer.
So, you can have two options, each with two reasons. First, you can incorporate my suggestions. The good reason would be because I convinced you they were sound ideas that would improve your story. The bad reason would be because you're afraid I won't like it if you don't. Second, you can discount my suggestions. The good reason would be because you carefully considered them, and decided that they didn't have enough merit to take action on. The bad reason would be be because you didn't consider them at all. Up to you.
1968649
Can't I choose all four???
I was really hoping for Korne nothing says FUN! like a dameon bursting from the innards of your friends (puts on Insane German doctor Voice)OOH and zee fires and zee screaming it makes me squee vith excitement!But at any rate Discord an agent of CHAOS i always kept my 40k away from my MLP i mean my inquisitors would just shoot them all,
but i digress i love discord and i like where this is going i rater enjoy MLP X 40K this one is different in a good way it has me longing for more. Dont tell the Emperor im having so much fun with CHAOS
I guess you're not going the route where Discord is long-missing Malal or one of his lesser Demons w/ this story.
A few problems:
1. I doubt Tzeentch would be so open. Subtlety is what most of his plans run on.
2. Tzeentch doesn't have any end goals for his plan: success means stagnation.
3. Discord has neither the mannerisms or the appearance of any daemon belonging to the 4 Chaos Gods. If he is a warp entity, he is probably more or less independent from the Big 4.
It's amusing how you think that, because he is a god of magic that he is automatically benevolent. Apparently you forgot all about Sombra and Nightmare Moon and Discord. Of course, Tzeench's idea of Chaos would literally rip your sanity and soul to shreds for his amusement.
4195175
1. Tzeentch will be as open as it takes for his plan to move along.
2. Tzeentch is thought to plot constantly because, if any of his plans were actually completed, he would cease to exist. Success means death, so he just wants things to happen. He doesn't care what, so long as there is change.
3. If Discord is a greater daemon of Tzeentch, then it stands to reason (lol) that he could take whatever form he wishes.
4216760 Note that Tzeentch is also the god of hope.
I'm only gonna say this once
JUST AS PLANNED
Tzeentch?! DEATH TO THE HERETIC!
THERE IS ONLY 1 god THE BLOOD GOD. BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD
8331322
ONLY PAPA NURGLE IS THE GOD