• Published 2nd Jan 2013
  • 6,298 Views, 220 Comments

A Lamenter goes to Equestria - McCrowley

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The Heavens Ablaze

The Warp

Garvel floated for months. And the loneliness of the warp had finally started to overtake him. The severity of it made Tyranid invasions seem like a small outbreak of rodents aboard a guardsmen frigate. He was bored.

It was not a good pain.

He longed for at least a combat knife to fight these pesky little daemons. Twice already he had to resist daemons who tried to either tear apart his armor to eat him, and thrice more to resist daemons who tried to take off his codpiece to… Eat him.

There was that one particularly ravishing Daemon, who instead of trying to murder/rape him, decided to strike up conversation. They talked for hours upon hours on their lives, the galaxy as a whole and even classic literature. It had all fallen apart the moment he mentioned the Emperor…

“Oh well… That opportunity is long gone… Not to mention it is heresy…” Garvel said aimlessly as he tried to do a front flip for the fifth time; and failing. Miserably.

And flying head first into an Inquisitor’s personal craft.

“Sweet holy hymns of the Ecclesiarchy! I’m saved!” Garvel shouted. He shouted at craft, pounded its windows, and cried for holy salvation. And it came. In the form of a middle finger pressed against the window while activating the ships warp engines from the Inquisitor lord.
Fucking Lord Inquisitor.

“Well… I’m bored again. It’s been like… MINUTES since I last did something” thought Garvel out loud. He idly floated through the warp, oblivious to the various sights that would drive even the most tempered souls insane.

Suddenly a rip in reality opened up and swallowed Garvel whole, causing his stomach to do several of the tricks he had for so long tried to perfect. As he exited into real space, Garvel felt something other than vomit filling his helmet however.

“Oi Boss! We’z yah new Grotz!”

Suddenly. Xenos. Xenos everywhere.

“We’z here to make yur Suit all nioce and flash!”

Garvel wrestled with the tiny scampering Xenos, but for everyone he squashed in his hands, three more sprouted around his armor and started tinkering with it.

“Release me tiny Xenos! And STOP altering my HOLY armor!”

“But… Boss! We’z makin it so youz can lievs in deh atmo... atmos…. Goinz into deh planetz!”

“Wait what.” Sure enough, when Garvel looked past the tiny, filthy Xeno’s head, there stood a planet. “Oh Emperor, preserve me…” The moon was currently in the path of Garvel as he was soon being sucked into the Planet’s gravity. This would not be good.

Meanwhile in Canterlot…

Luna, Princess of the night and of all that beheld her realm, co-ruler of Equestria, and soon to be mother, was in a very somber mood that evening.

While she had control of the moon and certain constellations, her powers did not dictate themselves outside of their solar system. True, only the most powerful of Telescopes could tell, but her painter’s aspect of the night sky was limited, small, and ugly compared to the rest of the dark nights in the vast universe.

Her mood spiraled further down when she received the news of Twilight’s discovery of Star Swirl’s Eye’s potential magical ability.

Outside forces were beautiful and magical while hers were simple dots in the night sky!

She was on her fifth tub of ice cream when she remembered her duties as the night’s protector and moving the moon.

“By the royal… We’ve missed several HOURS! Wallowing in our own pitiful misery…” She reached out with the powers she possessed over the night and proceeded to make up for lost time very rapidly. “Ohhhhh… This is such a FOALISH mistake! I’m just glad Tia isn’t…”

“Isn’t what, little Woona?” A gulp was all that the Sun Goddess needed to lose composure and start giggling. “TIA! I can explain! I was…” Luna’s eyes drifted around the room like tracking lights on a mosquito, looking for any possible excuse. Her eyes suddenly drifted over a book and she quickly brought it over to her in an instant. “I was Reading! Yes! That’s it… Reading…”

The Elder sister trotted over with a kind playful smile upon her lips, “Fifty Shades of Hay? Ohhhhh… Little sister is pervert now is she?”

To say Luna turned red was an understatement.


In orbit

The moon had just moved Kilometers. In seconds. Even the Xenos were blinking back their surprise. It had moved KILOMETERS in SECONDS. “Am I still in the warp, tiny Xeno?”

“Ey don’ think so Boss…” The Gretchen then took a globule of its spit, held up its finger and somehow deduced that they were not in the “Weirdboyz Tunnel”. The next sound that could be heard besides laughter was the sound of Ceramite upon Ceramite as Garvel’s hand slowly dragged across his faceplate.

“HEY! Now We’z can see if youz Suit can makez it into the Planetz!” Once again, there stood the planet. It looked much like Holy Terra did before all the Cities and The Palace were built on top the land. It had several Large Continents, several oceans, and looked much like a Garden world in its prime.

But none of that was running through Garvel’s mind. Something that was running however was his heart rates. He was slowly drifting straight into a Planet. With no ship, no jump pack, no weapons, and above all, onto a possibly unknown or hostile world. That would at least explain the Greenskins…

The Codex Astartes did not support this action.

Slowly but surely the lone marine and his newly acquired entourage of tiny, scampering xenos drifted towards the planet. They soon entered the upper atmosphere and were already beginning their fiery descent. As one, all but one of the xenos caught fire, while the last put on a helmet. Above the sounds and smells of burning flesh and hair, Garvel caught notice of the final Xeno leaping from his back to the planet.

The fall was anything but relaxing. Fire’s sprouted up all over Garvel’s armor, but the extra plating the xenos gave him seemed to actually PROTECT him instead of hinder. The heat was still unbearable. Even for his altered physiology, the Space Marine was feeling the effects of the G-Forces pulled against him, the flames seemingly melting his insides, and the crushing against his chest as he fell thousands of feet to his most likely demise.


Today was as normal a day as anyone could wish. The sun was shining, the clouds were absent, and nopony had come to destroy all they held dear for at least a week now. To say the populace was anxious was an understatement.

Nopony knew what to expect, but they knew something was coming to ruin their perfect day. The only ponies not concerned were the six who had repeatedly saved the whole of Equestria, and by default Ponyville, many times before. The Clopping of their hooves against the streets and their assorted laughter was infectious, as many who were seemingly preparing for the worst would just simply smile and wave off any thoughts they had on the subject.

The six had been out since the early morning; they had a whole day planned and nothing was going to ruin that. They had already had a nice breakfast courtesy of Applejack, whom all could agree was the most amazing cook this side of Canterlot. They were now heading to that same city for some shopping for the next G.G.G (Grand Galloping Gala), which was to hold the entire city as a party event, instead of the formal castle.

So imagine their surprise when they suddenly see what looks to be a Meteor flying straight for the center of town.

“Wait… WHAT?..” Said one Twilight Sparkle, with a look of intense surprise and worry upon her face, “But… I was just looking in the sky last night!.. How could I have missed a METEOR…?”

Twilight looked to her friends to apologize for her mistake of not being able to tell them about the meteor, but her gaze was returned by stares of unbelief and one stare of complete knowing.

“Twilight… A METEOR is coming into Ponyville, and you care more about not logging it down?!” Said her more refined friend, Rarity.

‘Oh… Right!” Said a rapidly blushing Twilight, “We need to find out where it’s going, and then contain it! Alright girls! Follow that Meteor!”