The Doctor and Sweetie team up to help random strangers throughout Space and Time.
Don't really know where I'm going with this, but I'm board and feel like writing something, so here's my half-baked attempt. Gonna try and make it like a series, the story will pull itself together... I hope.
This is my first story, and I'm unsure of my writing abilities, so any helpful criticism is very appreciated.
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Well...it's a fun idea to be sure. Can't say I've seen a fanfic in which Sweetie Belle's the companion before.
But that said, though, it DOES show that this is your first story. It's very quick, blurring through the details, it doesn't have as much exposition as it probably ought to, the villain's scheme isn't explained too well, and there's a variety of spelling and grammar mistakes.
Also, when the Doc introduces himself as John Smith and so forth, I was actually expecting him to stick with that cover for far longer than he actually would, and it would only be when things went awry, or Sweetie persists in following him, that he actually comes clean and tells all, or at least as much as he ever tells a new companion. Then there's also the fact that Sweetie Belle is awfully young for this, and I think that subject should at least be addressed.
But as I said, I like the idea, and I think it has merit, so here's what I suggest you do: find yourself a proofreader who's willing to work with you and help you take what you've got a clean it up a bit, bounce ideas off of, etc., and THEN continue with whatever plans you have. It's probably best you do this first before doing anything else, because as you will no doubt quickly learn, on this site readers can be VERY unforgiving and quick to tear down. Which is really rather unfortunate, because I see so many beginner writers that have so much potential, but then get bumped off before they can really begin instead of helped get pointed in the right direction they need to go, which is, frankly, a bad way to do things. *shoots a glare at any readers who do this sort of thing*
But I certainly hope this won't be the case for you, and that you will indeed get the chance to improve and continue. I won't lie to you, it probably won't be easy, but it'll be well worth the effort if you stick with it.
I offer my services as a proof reader of sorts. I could help when ever I'm not writing on my fics.
(Haven't read yet. It's in my read later list.)
--RoamingHooves--
1873657
Yeah i know, I'm gonna keep working on it, just was trying to get the basis of the story out. And hopefully find a proofreader, which i hope won't be too hard. Thanks for your advice, it actually helped me a lot. I'll keep my options open and hopefully i can improve this story so its as great as it is in my head.
1873777
Okay, that would be awesome man, and I'd be willing to proofread your fics if you want (If you don't already have a proofreader.)
1873959 It's fine. I have a bunch of projects going on and have a bit too many editors to keep track of. I got a handle on my situation. I'll give this a once over when I get a chance and I'll PM you the edited copy.
--RoamingHooves--
sweetie as the companion that's new
While the concept of Sweetie Belle traveling with the Doctor is interesting, I don't think that you executed it properly enough. The Doctor himself has traveled with many companions over the years in the series and in the Fimfictions themselves, and oftentimes these companions have offered something to the table that could warrant them as a companion to the Doctor in more ways than one.
Martha Jones: As a medical student, her extensive knowledge of anatomy and biology has helped the Doctor on more than one occasion, including restarting his heartbeats during their first encounter. Martha would continue to follow the Doctor's advice and teachings when she went into UNIT; initially hoping to reform it for the better.
Donna Noble: After her first encounter with the Doctor on her wedding day, she would hold regrets about not tagging along with the Doctor in the TARDIS, but she was able to sort herself out and seek out anything that would warrant a visit from the Doctor. Her knowledge of the office setting would find use along with skills that she had acquired that she was able to deduce regarding the ATMOS Facilities and bring them to light.
Twilight Sparkle (From Doctor Whooves Adventures by Ponyinabox Productions): Twilight was intelligent and was able to keep up with the Doctor on a professional level, along with using her Arcane mastery to help communicate and befriend the TARDIS into heading for the moon when they encountered the Vashta Nerada in Ponyville and eventually rescuing not only Viva the last of the Lunar Ponies, but also saving Princess Celestia who was possessed by the Vashta Nerada.
Derpy Hooves/Ditzy (Doctor Whooves and Assistant): while not brilliant, Ditzy is able to keep up with her Doctor on a more emotional level, despite their first adventure being a complete flop that resulted in nothing being accomplished by them in saving the world (AKA Friendship is Magic Parts 1 and 2), she was loyal and followed her Doctor through thick-and-thin despite being short tempered with him for not providing muffins as promised, she was also quick to forgive and could coerce others by appealing to their emotions as shown when she had Silver Tongue halve the prices on his food to better provide for the downtrodden inhabitants that were constantly at war against encroaching monsters.
Amelia Pond: "The Girl Who Waited", like Derpy, Amy was able to appeal to individuals on an emotional level as shown when she was able to reverse and completely stop the countdown on an android that had enough power to destroy the earth in 1945. And was clever enough to piece together the reason why the Star Whale did not devour the children of the Starship UK.
Sweetie Belle: ...All she did was allow the Doctor into her house and give him a jackhammer, there were ways that you could use to have her become an unknowing/unwilling companion (Twilight Sparkle for example in the Doctor Whooves series by Doctor Perseus was inside of the TARDIS helping the newly regenerated Doctor lure a Dalek into the TARDIS and become electrocuted, only to have a blast from its gunstick hit the TARDIS and accidentally send her and the Doctor through time from a thousand years into the present, to just a few years back into her fillyhood before returning to Ponyville of the proper timeframe), you could've had her step inside of the TARDIS to go after the Doctor to give him something that he dropped, only to get dragged along to the next adventure when the TARDIS activated only for him to hear Sweetie after this happened.
Aside from this, I look forward to the next installment, best of luck with your proofreader there.
Sincerest Results and Finest Intent, The Ohvist.