Rarity and the Quest for the Bright Sapphire Gem

Rarity and Spike go to Canterlot to find the Blue Sapphire Gem. During there stay at Canterlot Rarity runs into many problems, including a kidnapping of Spike from an unknown group of bandits. She is forced to find the gem for them in return for her save departure.

Chapters (3)

Ch.1 · 28th Dec 2012 · 1,055 words
1,055
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Ch.2 · 4th Feb 2013 · 561 words
561
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Ch.3 · 22nd Mar 2013 · 1,153 words
1,153
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Comments ( 3 )

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OmniFox

OmniFox #1 · Dec 31st, 2012 · · · Ch.1 ·

Her beloved dragon? She does care!!!

Styrofoam

Styrofoam #2 · Dec 31st, 2012 · · · Ch.1 ·

This is not bad. Not bad at all.

There were a few grammar and "wall of text" issues, but it wasn't like I couldn't read it.

Also it's best to start a new paragraph whenever there is a new speaker, like so:

Using her telekinesis, Rarity opened the paper and began to read. "A Special Gold Silk by next week, who in Equestria needs silk at such short notice, uhh I despise being rushed, don't you agree opal?" The pet kitten rolled its eyes in response. "Spike get your quill ready we have a list to write." Spike nodded in return as he pulled out his scroll and quill, Rarity levitated her supplies neatly near a corner. "Do you think Twilight, would mind if I borrowed you for the rest of today? I do need the extra hand."
Spike replied "Oh don't worry about Twilight; she wont even know I'm gone, she's been to busy practicing a new spell for Celestia. So what do we need?"
Rarity put a hoof under her chin before she spoke. "In order to make this special gold silk, I need to go to Canterlot for the Bright Sapphire Gem. Come along Spike, lets head over to the train."

It just makes reading it better. I'm not grammar-Nazi-ing your fic. I like it, and I just wanna leave some tips.

TEK101

TEK101 #3 · Dec 31st, 2012 · · · Ch.1 ·

I'm not sure if the story line particularly interests me, but I will continue reading just to see. It is hard not to appreciate a story, especially when I consider I don't feel like writing. good luck with the rest!

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