• Member Since 26th Oct, 2012
  • offline last seen Apr 22nd, 2013

sapphiresong


T

The long-forgotten tale of a love, loss, and adventure. Told from the perspectives of Discord, Celestia, and Luna over 1,000 years ago. This story explores the life and relationship shared by the Alicorn princesses and the lord of chaos.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 4 )

You have a terrifying amount of mechanical errors. Capitalization, run on sentence and comma use for the most part.

A careful re-scan should clear those up. I'm vaguely curious as what you might do with it, but it all seemed too practical. There was nothing that felt out of place, but there was also nothing that was added on for charm or fun. Given the series of events, Discord lives in a forest then Celestia and Luna take him home, there wasn't too much else. I found myself skipping over some parts in a desperate search for a reason to like this beyond it's premise.

1928757 Charm and fun? :unsuresweetie: I don't recall adding any tags that would imply those were required. I don't mean to be rude, but if you're looking for comedy than follow a story with one such tag. Besides, did you even read the scene with Celestia and Luna? I may not have the best sense of humor, but wasn't that at least a little charming? :pinkiesad2:

Comment posted by CDFA deleted Jan 13th, 2013

1928953 I take care to say explain such a complex issue with something so simple as a single word like "bland".

"Charm and Fun" is my way of saying the story has a likability to it. Even a sad or dark story can have charm and be "fun" (maybe I have a very liberal understanding of the term) Granted, I did enjoy the sisters' banter the most out of any other aspect of the story and wanting to see them talk more was what kept me reading to the end.

All stories have certain driving elements. "My Little Dashie" runs solely off of relationship building and barely has a plot until the very end. "Moonbound" runs off plot points and twisty turns to make it compelling. "Six Brides for Two Sisters" just has a ridiculous premise and impeccably charming writing

This story appears like it will be a combination of character relationships and plot points to bring them out. As in the parts that people want to read about are how the three interact. Unfortunately, this, painfully necessary, part of the story needs something to float it until you can get to the likable parts.

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