It was a dark day in Equestria. The sky was overcast with clouds. The wind howled nonstop. However, this would not deter Twilight Sparkle from pursuing her studies. Rain or shine, she would perfect this spell, even if it meant enduring a hurricane. “Spike, read me the description once more, would you?” Her faithful dragon was just a few feet away as a safety precaution. He was always careful when spells such as these were being practiced. He didn't want to be involved in a freak accident. He didn’t feel like going down in history for suffering a particularly strange death.
“Sure, Twi,” the purple dragon responded dutifully. He took up the large, dust-covered tome into his claws from the table standing near him. He opened it, but it was with some difficulty that he found his page, for the wind incessantly tried to scatter them about. At last, he found his mark and pinned the text to the table. Spike read, “It says that for the spell to be a success, you need to imagine the object moving in your mind. Think of it as being not here, but someplace else, then imagine that place in your mind, then add the appropriate amount of power, and it should work!” He had to shout over the tempest.
Twilight gave him an exasperated look. “Spike, you understand that that makes no sense whatsoever, right?”
“Hey, I didn't write the thing.”
The mare sighed. “Oh, alright then, not here, but elsewhere, imagine where it will be, not here, but elsewhere……” She didn’t really understand, but it was worth a shot anyway. Twilight aimed her horn at a small rock in front of her and her horn began to light up. A purple aura surrounded the tiny object, and with a surge of magic, teleported it fifty feet away. The stone reemerged into reality with a crackle of lilac electricity and a small pop from the air displaced. Then, the weather began to worsen again. Thunderclaps began to echo from the high mountains to the east. Raindrops started to fall. Spike shut the book, shielding it with his body.
“Twilight, that was great and all, but maybe we should go inside now…” Spike whined, but Twilight Sparkle wasn't paying any attention. She was focused on a larger rock the size of a small tree.
“I wonder if I can move that,” she whispered to herself. She trotted over to it and again surrounded it with the same purple aura. Twilight added the proper amount of power and the rock disappeared. But it didn't apparate to where she had planned, which happened to be next to a small ravine nearby. Instead, a steady, bright ball of light emanated from the same spot where the rock had just been. Surprised, Twilight cut off her magic and stared at it.
The light began to increase in intensity, growing larger and larger until it was the size of a mighty zapapple tree. The luminosity increased, forcing the mare to first shield her eyes, and then avert her gaze entirely. Spike ran over to her and clung to her leg. The wet grass steamed and browned as if near a fire. The two started to back away for fear they might be burned alive.
Spike yelled, “Twi, we need to get out of here!” He went ignored, for she couldn’t hear anything over the cacophony of thunder and wind. Twilight stood her ground, ready for anything. She wanted to know what caused this, and she was going to find out no matter what.
Finally, the light ceased. The pair looked confused. Suddenly- BANG! A large, fiery explosion burst out of nowhere, sending Twilight and Spike hurtling through the air! Bits of metal and molten slag spewed into the field, carving up the grass and starting small conflagrations. What looked like a metallic wing soared passed Twilight, barely missing her head before it embedded itself into the ground just a few feet away! Smaller bits and pieces of debris fell down around her and Spike. Finally, a large iron-gray box landed next to the wing. It clanged and rolled as it impacted the surface, is if it had been travelling at a great speed.
As Twilight looked up to examine the scene around her, she gasped. Where the light had been, there now was only a crater. There was scattered debris everywhere, although she couldn’t fathom from what. The wing that had flow past her was scorched, as if burnt by a great fire. Twilight looked at the edge of the crater and saw something trying to crawl out. Its shape was unknown to her, but in her heart, she knew that it needed help.
Frantic, she turned to her assistant. "Spike, there's something in the crater. We’ve got to help it!” She galloped towards the shape.
Spike had missed it and responded, “How could anything have survived that, Twilight?” He followed her regardless.
“We still need to find out what it is and what happened!” she shot back to her companion as she reached the wreckage and started digging through it with hooves and horn. As she came closer, she saw that whatever it was hadn't been totally destroyed by the blast and subsequent impact. It was black with a heavy coat of soot, and had burn marks which looked like they could have come from lightning strikes. She got closer for a better look. It stirred. Its leg twitched, and a limb rose. Its skin was metallic and the limb ended in a weird paw with what reminded the unicorn of five long toes. The eyes were replaced with a single large piece of something reflective and amber.
“H-Help....m-me…” it pleased in a tired, croaking whisper. It then dropped the limb, falling to move no more.
Alt. Title: THIS IS MARCUS! 838: Moar Halo Fics
1776843, Sorry, I liked what i came up with. If it's another fan-fiction though, I've never heard of it.
Oh look, another Halo fic.
Hooray.
It's pretty good. The only downside is the spelling errors, but the story is the important thing not the grammar, so keep up the good work.
its Aura not ora, just thought you ought to know *passes out*
Review for Chapter 1
It's far too short! The characters are written well enough, but by the time I manage to get myself into the story, it comes to dead halt. 1000 words is enough space for a sizable poem, or drabble, but it is not even remotely sufficient for a multipart prose series where you are trying to tell a complex story. As a general rule, 2000 words is roughly the minimum that should be put into a single chapter. If your chapters are too small, then your overall narrative is drastically weakened. What's worse than being too short is when the segments seem disjointed.
You did an alright job on the characters and dialogue. However, I find it very very odd that Twilight Sparkle's first reaction to an aircraft suddenly appearing out of thin air and violently carving out a crater is to go looking for survivors. She just seems to accept and deal with it far too quickly; there's not even a moment of hesitation, shock, or indecision. It almost seems like witnessing random air disasters are an absolutely routine occurrence for her, as if there's usually at least one every other week, and she's eager to help look for survivors because her life is otherwise utter tedium.
Now, here is some good news. I am finding the story engaging and will continue to read on. Your formatting and verbiage are fine. I haven't felt the urge to facepalm or drink. The extreme rush and rather odd character behavior do seriously hurt this, though. I can only award it 2/5 flutteryays.
You know I served in the pony wars of 74 we didn't have any of these magics and guns all we had was guts. Guts and a spoon
P.s. who ever gets this reference I will post a picture of blue blood abuse so funny shit will coat the house of your wall hint I changed it a little
2298614 is that from Halo 2 when Sgt Johnson says they didn't have any tanks and that they had a rock and a stick for a whole platoon and that they had to share the rock?
2298614 Plants vs Zombies? The Imitator Plant?
2# hummm
2055812 I know this is really late but from what we've seen in the show, Twilight does have to deal with some form of disaster every week. I'm not sure if you knew this and were making a joke but I did find it kinda funny, as it reminded me of several other fics whose characters said something along the lines of "isn't it strange how many weird accidents/disasters roll through town every other week since Twilight moved here?"
well anyway 5/5 for that, be it clever joke or funny coincedence.
4271970 ...Need a hug? :|
Holy throne!
7449355 the warp maybe???