Believing that the essence of Harmony is threatened, Twilight plans to remedy that through a form of extraction. As her ambitions manifest, Twilight struggles through an internal war between her harmonious plan and the consequences of her acts.
Aha, and here I leave you on a cliffhanger 'til next chapter, I'm so evil.
Yeah, this chapter was a bit of a doozy, but it was nice to get into "scientific research mode" again. And as if that last line was any indication, next chapter is gonna be a Revelation Chapter - you're gonna be learning just what Twilight's plan is - well, at least some of the details.
Oh, and that little song that Twilight was humming that I mentioned off-hand? That's actually a real song.
1676358 Thanks for letting me know, I'll go back and fix those - it's sometimes hard not to miss a spelling error or two when the chapter you're working on is over 11,000 words long.
1676469 I know I know, things just come up. *sigh* But the good news is I won't have school eating up my time in a few weeks - December 5th is when I get out for my winter break.
1676774 Glad you thought it was worth the wait - and even though it took a while, I liked being able to exploit my research more again. And make a vague song reference.
Part of me says that Twilight is going to force Fluttershy to extract her element of magic. I just dont know what to think anymore... My guesses for the remaining letters: P: pear of anguish? R: Respiratory something S: SCALP- oh, right, there already scalped. Well, what about scalding.
There was also one where the victim was hung upside down and sawed in half, I just cant remember the name. Anyways, great chapter, looking forward to the ending. You earn five moustaches!
The cliffhanger is killing me. You know cliffhangers is just another word for mentally torturing your readers? I hope it won't take you too long finishing next chapter. You get 5 .
1678809 Because grimdark can cause nightmares unless you can handle them.
1679080 You don't know what to think anymore, hmm? I think you'll be in for a surprise next chapter.
1679599 Oh believe me, I know for a fact that cliffhanger is another word for mentally torturing the readers, that's why I'm using it! Twilight isn't the only one who gets to use a form of mental torment!
Hmm. Where'd you hear that bit about magnetism distorting morality? That's weirdly cool. (This is how I keep myself from throwing up after reading this: focusing on the intriguing facts and not their horrific applications.)
1682099 I looked up the effects of magnetism on the brain, and one of the first articles that came up was one about how strong magnetism can alter one's sense of morality. So that worked out quite excellently.
>>Shadowed Rainbow hahaha, I actually like all grimdrak fic of this stupid show, makes me feel like I'm watching it in that version, DEATH, GORE, FEAR, BLOOD, HATE, BETRAYAL...ect. so far yours is the best, keep it up, make them all suffer til the end. MH HE HAHAHAHAHAHA! >=)
1803239 At least you like my fic though - if even the show-haters like my fic, I consider that an accomplishment.... even if it is for the gory aspect.
So...Only grim-dark, nothing even remotely perverted , like "The Experiments of Twilight Sparkle," and I think I know where this could be going, though I will not attempt to confirm as I hate spoilers. I have high hopes and congratulate you on your outstanding work. One of the best I have ever read, I have been desensitized for the last 3 days because of it...I am looking forward to the SATISFYING and COMPLETE ENDING to this wonderful tale. I offer my bro-hoof to a fellow whateveryoucallanadultfemalethatwatchesMLP:FiM. I hope to see the next entry shortly, as per your usual timeline minus time for work. Of course, I shall be waiting...patiently...
1887605 Funny you should mention TEOTS, as the author of it and I have talked on deviantart, and he's actually jealous because he thinks my fic is so much better, with everything being well thought-out and making sense. And that's exactly what I try to do - do as much research as possible in order to assure scientific accuracy and best grimdark potential. And I know that in all technicallity those like Rainbow Dash should have died a lot earlier from bloodloss, but in a world where there is magic and science, and where Twilight can get hit squarely on the head with an anvil and a piano and be relatively unharmed, I thinkthat can be excused.
I give you a return brohoof, and though "brony" is a gender neutral term, a lot of us female fans call ourselves pegasisters, and I generally call myself a pegasister.
And I am interested in hearing your tae on the direction you think it's going to go - if you would like, you can send a PM and tell me what you think will happen, and I won't reply to it - that way I know what you're thinking about it and you won't have any indication of possible spoilers.
1887861 Actually, that's how I got here! After finishing it I read the author's note of how he hated it and there was a much better done one, link absent, I hunted this down! I actually just 2/3 days ago got into the creepypasta pony threads (I have always been SCP and regular creepypasta wikia frequenter) after browsing my little brony on memebase, where they mentioned the story Cupcakes, and also in the comments I saw stuff about rainbow factory and, as you said, TEOTS, where someone was bragging about how it was so much better and hardcore. I read rainbow factory, then cupcakes, then TEOTS, in that order, with the stub "sparkle" as well. They seemed relatively predictable while managing to surprise me, the last just being hard to read, I realized not from terror, but how poorly it was written. Also the whole female pony rape of rarity thing seemed just too begging for a shock response and the entire thing out of place. I actually just created the account as I realized how good grimdarks like these are. As the combination of bro and pony is both specific in a common colloquial/ bastardization of "brother," obviously male, and showing a liking of Ponykind, including Pegasi, Unicorns and Earth Ponies (I consider the royal family ponies so far hard to classify). The term "Pegasister" is specific to the Pegasi race, and though it does specify gender I think that it is just for the same play on words and easy way of identification. Though with you it does not seem a problem, as you have a good taste in ponies, but everypony who likes anypony is in good taste, (RD FTW) I feel it is lacking in the broad liking of ponies and seems to be a subsection. I digress and will refer to all those who are female and prefer FS and RD etc. as Pegasisters, unless told otherwise that they prefer the term. I will think something up if those don't apply, but I will soon most likely accept the term. I like also the inclusion of inquisition-type torture and fun stuff being a history buff I appreciated the accuracy of your descriptions and also the creativity of application. As I dip in neurology/pathology/neuroscience as well as various psychosis I would complain about some of the manipulation, but she is a goddamn magic-ass unicorn! Besides that, I thought you did very well with the psychological torture. As soon as my newbie self figures out how to PM, you will be seeing a message in your inbox shortly on the topic of her plans. Sorry if I ramble, but I have had little ability to discuss these things as my closest Brony-in-arms doesn't check his email often and may not be interested in the mutilation of Fluttershy in such exquisite detail. I am not offended by it and it is admittedly uncomfortable, going into the same territory of rape that the guy behind TEOTS went in to fail and leaving me ing, but i believe there will be nothing to worry about. By Luna, this was a damned long response!
1888222 Dont worry about the long response - I actually don't mind it and find such long opinions quite engaging in this regard! I'm glad you appreciate the accuracy, as I thus know that I am doing my job right! Honestly, I'm glad I looked at the Real Life section of the High Octane Nightmare Fuel page on TV Tropes when that particular section was still around - I might never have found out about some of the chemicals and the Irukandji jellyfish if I hadn't seen that before that page was deleted!
I usually refer to myself as a pegasister, though I'm not completely opposed to calling myself a bony. Most often it's pegasister though, even though Twilight is my absolute favorite.
I do agree that what happened to Rarity in TEOTS was out of place and just there for shock value, which is why I don't include that kind of stuff in my stories - I guess you could say that Twilight mind-rapes them instead (to use a TV Tropes term) in this case.
As for how you send PMs, you click on the person's username, and then when you go to their user page there's a header with their name, blog, etc. Right beside the avatar in that header, there's an icon that looks like a letter. Click it, and that's how you send a PM!
Wow.... just wow. Of all the grimdarks that I have read, this has to be the most creepy yet frighteningly interesting one yet. I have to applaud you, this is the only grimdark that has touched my soul, and I probably won't sleep for a week. This awesome story has satisfied my thirst for Grimdarks, and I look forward to reading more chapters! Again, awesome job, 5/5 Pinkamenas for you!
1938990 Glad I was abl to touch your soul in some way, even if it was for being tremendously creepy. And hopefully I'll be able to get that next chapter up soon... let's just say that it will be the chapter where some stuff is revealed (as if you couldn't already guess by the last part of the last chapter....)
1939013 More answers revealed, huh? Well that is surely going to be interesting to read, I can tell you that. Until then, I am forced to play that horrible game called Waiting. -_-
I love this Fanfic, well written to, but at the same time i feel sad for the characters death . Why does Fluttershy have to most painful death, then the others . You also get 5 Pinkie pie's for an awesome story.
1988105 Why does Fluttershy's have to be the most painful? Well, a couple reasons: 1. Kindness is intrinsically the hardest Element to break. 2. .... It's Fluttershy, and Fluttershy getting hurt is a universal weakness of the fandom. 3. Twilight's gone extremely crazy at this point.
2079133 I still have the other one around, I just realized (eventually) that the picture wasn't quite grimdark enough, and having the radiation symbol be rainbow-colored made it seem a lot more of a non-grimdark vibe than it was. So I took a screenshot from the trailer someone made for the fic and went with that instead.
Aha, and here I leave you on a cliffhanger 'til next chapter, I'm so evil.
Yeah, this chapter was a bit of a doozy, but it was nice to get into "scientific research mode" again. And as if that last line was any indication, next chapter is gonna be a Revelation Chapter - you're gonna be learning just what Twilight's plan is - well, at least some of the details.
Oh, and that little song that Twilight was humming that I mentioned off-hand? That's actually a real song.
Sorry for the long wait, but I hope you liked it!
This is... Incredibly twisted.
Good grief, physical torture I'm fine with, but the whole screwing about mentally is disturbing.
I might read later stuff though.
1676264 Yeah, that's why I like the "screwing about mentally" stuff - you don't see that too often in grimdarks.
Also, I just noticed we both have the same avatar.
a few spelling errors here and there, but overall the story's going well. i wonder if she'll make it to Z..
1676358 Thanks for letting me know, I'll go back and fix those - it's sometimes hard not to miss a spelling error or two when the chapter you're working on is over 11,000 words long.
1676340
Indeed we do. I don't suppose Twilight is going to get her comeuppance?
1676384 Well... you'll see. There's gonna be some pretty crazy stuff happening...
You need to update quicker...
1676469 I know I know, things just come up. *sigh* But the good news is I won't have school eating up my time in a few weeks - December 5th is when I get out for my winter break.
1676524
I envy you. It's two weeks later before I get away from the evil clutches of work.
1676683 Well, I am in college, so yeah.
Oh man, this was worth the wait. Can't wait to see what's next! :D
1676774 Glad you thought it was worth the wait - and even though it took a while, I liked being able to exploit my research more again. And make a vague song reference.
1676524 Lucky, I get out Dec. 19th.
The chilling e-mail I received of an update notification to this story sends shivers down my spines...
Well, lets get readin'.
1677774 You got shivers just from the notification email, hmmm? *laughs evily*
Part of me says that Twilight is going to force Fluttershy to extract her element of magic. I just dont know what to think anymore...
My guesses for the remaining letters:
P: pear of anguish?
R: Respiratory something
S: SCALP- oh, right, there already scalped. Well, what about scalding.
There was also one where the victim was hung upside down and sawed in half, I just cant remember the name.
Anyways, great chapter, looking forward to the ending.
You earn five moustaches!
The cliffhanger is killing me. You know cliffhangers is just another word for mentally torturing your readers? I hope it won't take you too long finishing next chapter. You get 5 .
1678809 Because grimdark can cause nightmares unless you can handle them.
1679080 You don't know what to think anymore, hmm? I think you'll be in for a surprise next chapter.
1679599 Oh believe me, I know for a fact that cliffhanger is another word for mentally torturing the readers, that's why I'm using it! Twilight isn't the only one who gets to use a form of mental torment!
1679809 They're a twisted way of entertainment!
Hmm. Where'd you hear that bit about magnetism distorting morality? That's weirdly cool.
(This is how I keep myself from throwing up after reading this: focusing on the intriguing facts and not their horrific applications.)
1682099 I looked up the effects of magnetism on the brain, and one of the first articles that came up was one about how strong magnetism can alter one's sense of morality. So that worked out quite excellently.
Relevant music.
1700224 I had never heard that song before, but now that I hear it and the lyrics... that is relavent indeed.
Ok that it, I can't fight this feeling anymore *gets on one knee* MARRY ME!
1731410 Haha, guess you really like this grimdark, huh?
The only reason i read grimdark is so that i can imagine myself killing a pony in question for harming another pony like that. well done man!
1745046 I guess that means yu really want to kill Twilight then, huh?
Also, I'm a pegasister.
N- Nom nom nom. Fluttershy eats her animal friends.
R- Regurgitation. Fluttershy sees her animal friends one last time
S- second course.
1771439 gotta say, I found this comment hilarious!
>>Shadowed Rainbow hahaha, I actually like all grimdrak fic of this stupid show, makes me feel like I'm watching it in that version, DEATH, GORE, FEAR, BLOOD, HATE, BETRAYAL...ect. so far yours is the best, keep it up, make them all suffer til the end. MH HE HAHAHAHAHAHA! >=)
1786771 Well, I'm not sure why you joined the site if you think the show is stupid, but glad you like my grimdark fic anyway!
1787665 you know what they say, haters gonna hate, and hate I shall
1803239 At least you like my fic though - if even the show-haters like my fic, I consider that an accomplishment.... even if it is for the gory aspect.
I aplaude you of your sucess
1808531 Why thank you.
So...Only grim-dark, nothing even remotely perverted , like "The Experiments of Twilight Sparkle," and I think I know where this could be going, though I will not attempt to confirm as I hate spoilers. I have high hopes and congratulate you on your outstanding work. One of the best I have ever read, I have been desensitized for the last 3 days because of it...I am looking forward to the SATISFYING and COMPLETE ENDING to this wonderful tale. I offer my bro-hoof to a fellow whateveryoucallanadultfemalethatwatchesMLP:FiM. I hope to see the next entry shortly, as per your usual timeline minus time for work. Of course, I shall be waiting...patiently...
1887605 Funny you should mention TEOTS, as the author of it and I have talked on deviantart, and he's actually jealous because he thinks my fic is so much better, with everything being well thought-out and making sense. And that's exactly what I try to do - do as much research as possible in order to assure scientific accuracy and best grimdark potential. And I know that in all technicallity those like Rainbow Dash should have died a lot earlier from bloodloss, but in a world where there is magic and science, and where Twilight can get hit squarely on the head with an anvil and a piano and be relatively unharmed, I thinkthat can be excused.
I give you a return brohoof, and though "brony" is a gender neutral term, a lot of us female fans call ourselves pegasisters, and I generally call myself a pegasister.
And I am interested in hearing your tae on the direction you think it's going to go - if you would like, you can send a PM and tell me what you think will happen, and I won't reply to it - that way I know what you're thinking about it and you won't have any indication of possible spoilers.
1887861 Actually, that's how I got here! After finishing it I read the author's note of how he hated it and there was a much better done one, link absent, I hunted this down! I actually just 2/3 days ago got into the creepypasta pony threads (I have always been SCP and regular creepypasta wikia frequenter) after browsing my little brony on memebase, where they mentioned the story Cupcakes, and also in the comments I saw stuff about rainbow factory and, as you said, TEOTS, where someone was bragging about how it was so much better and hardcore. I read rainbow factory, then cupcakes, then TEOTS, in that order, with the stub "sparkle" as well. They seemed relatively predictable while managing to surprise me, the last just being hard to read, I realized not from terror, but how poorly it was written. Also the whole female pony rape of rarity thing seemed just too begging for a shock response and the entire thing out of place. I actually just created the account as I realized how good grimdarks like these are. As the combination of bro and pony is both specific in a common colloquial/ bastardization of "brother," obviously male, and showing a liking of Ponykind, including Pegasi, Unicorns and Earth Ponies (I consider the royal family ponies so far hard to classify). The term "Pegasister" is specific to the Pegasi race, and though it does specify gender I think that it is just for the same play on words and easy way of identification. Though with you it does not seem a problem, as you have a good taste in ponies, but everypony who likes anypony is in good taste, (RD FTW) I feel it is lacking in the broad liking of ponies and seems to be a subsection. I digress and will refer to all those who are female and prefer FS and RD etc. as Pegasisters, unless told otherwise that they prefer the term. I will think something up if those don't apply, but I will soon most likely accept the term. I like also the inclusion of inquisition-type torture and fun stuff being a history buff I appreciated the accuracy of your descriptions and also the creativity of application. As I dip in neurology/pathology/neuroscience as well as various psychosis I would complain about some of the manipulation, but she is a goddamn magic-ass unicorn! Besides that, I thought you did very well with the psychological torture. As soon as my newbie self figures out how to PM, you will be seeing a message in your inbox shortly on the topic of her plans. Sorry if I ramble, but I have had little ability to discuss these things as my closest Brony-in-arms doesn't check his email often and may not be interested in the mutilation of Fluttershy in such exquisite detail. I am not offended by it and it is admittedly uncomfortable, going into the same territory of rape that the guy behind TEOTS went in to fail and leaving me ing, but i believe there will be nothing to worry about. By Luna, this was a damned long response!
1888222 Dont worry about the long response - I actually don't mind it and find such long opinions quite engaging in this regard! I'm glad you appreciate the accuracy, as I thus know that I am doing my job right! Honestly, I'm glad I looked at the Real Life section of the High Octane Nightmare Fuel page on TV Tropes when that particular section was still around - I might never have found out about some of the chemicals and the Irukandji jellyfish if I hadn't seen that before that page was deleted!
I usually refer to myself as a pegasister, though I'm not completely opposed to calling myself a bony. Most often it's pegasister though, even though Twilight is my absolute favorite.
I do agree that what happened to Rarity in TEOTS was out of place and just there for shock value, which is why I don't include that kind of stuff in my stories - I guess you could say that Twilight mind-rapes them instead (to use a TV Tropes term) in this case.
As for how you send PMs, you click on the person's username, and then when you go to their user page there's a header with their name, blog, etc. Right beside the avatar in that header, there's an icon that looks like a letter. Click it, and that's how you send a PM!
Wow.... just wow. Of all the grimdarks that I have read, this has to be the most creepy yet frighteningly interesting one yet. I have to applaud you, this is the only grimdark that has touched my soul, and I probably won't sleep for a week. This awesome story has satisfied my thirst for Grimdarks, and I look forward to reading more chapters! Again, awesome job, 5/5 Pinkamenas for you!
1938990 Glad I was abl to touch your soul in some way, even if it was for being tremendously creepy. And hopefully I'll be able to get that next chapter up soon... let's just say that it will be the chapter where some stuff is revealed (as if you couldn't already guess by the last part of the last chapter....)
1939013 More answers revealed, huh? Well that is surely going to be interesting to read, I can tell you that. Until then, I am forced to play that horrible game called Waiting. -_-
1939065 Believe me, I've been there with the Waiting Game... I like going with the Jeopardy Think Music.
I love this Fanfic, well written to, but at the same time i feel sad for the characters death . Why does Fluttershy have to most painful death, then the others . You also get 5 Pinkie pie's for an awesome story.
I just noticed you change the cover pic for this, what happened to the other one?
1988105 Why does Fluttershy's have to be the most painful? Well, a couple reasons:
1. Kindness is intrinsically the hardest Element to break.
2. .... It's Fluttershy, and Fluttershy getting hurt is a universal weakness of the fandom.
3. Twilight's gone extremely crazy at this point.
2079133 I still have the other one around, I just realized (eventually) that the picture wasn't quite grimdark enough, and having the radiation symbol be rainbow-colored made it seem a lot more of a non-grimdark vibe than it was. So I took a screenshot from the trailer someone made for the fic and went with that instead.
That Figures. And Kindness is hard to break.
2093704 Eeyup.
Out of the chapters which did you have the most fun with?