All the Small Things

by Rainbolt

Chapter Four: Problems

Chapter Four: Problems

It has been 4 weeks since the ponies (and Spike) entered the real world. And lately, there have been some problems. I dont even know where to begin. I'll start with Rachael I guess. With the exceeding amount detentions she's getting, plus not handing in homework assignments, I hear rumors that she may be getting expelled. She had found an apartment to stay in, but she's trying to hide from the rent collector, which probably isn't going to last. So she's going to need a miracle if she wants to survive in the real world.

Next is Twilight, she's isn't doing to well either. She is very excellent in every subject, which doesn't surprise me, after all, she is Twilight Sparkle. But that has caused different problems for Twi. Being the smartest kid in the school makes her a prime target for bullying. I'm even sure that the teachers are getting annoyed with her. She's become an average TV school nerd. I can understand being a social outcast (being one myself at one point). But being hated by everyone in the school, with absolutly no social connection? That has to be tough.

Ramsey is next, and I dont even know where to start with her. She has become what I feared, and already knew, she would become. She became part of a group of snobby, intolerable girls that beleived they were queens. An that the school was there kingdom, ready to judge and insult anyone they felt were uncool. It even came to the saddest thing ever. To finally become one of them, she had to make the most unpopular person in the school cry. At that moment, that person was none other than Twilight. She actually went htrough with it, and sent Twi into a deep sadness.

It pains me to say this, but Shyan, is having problems too. Being the most sensitive person ever, and the shyest, she was easilly opened up to the judgemental creatures, teenagers. She was made fun of due to crying at the slightest insult, of course, being made fun of for that just hurt her more. She barely had any social skils with people, which, in other people eyes made her seem weird.

The others were affected by seeing the way that their friends changed. They could no longer take the pain of seeing their friends suffer, they wanted to go home. "Now listen, we tried it your way, but I think it's time we get back to our world!" Aj said angrily. "After finding out a week ago that we could use our magic/wings in this world, I Have been trying to calculate the area in which the most magic is coming from." said Twi. "I narrowed it down to a circular area in the middle of the woods, that I presume, is where the exit portal is." she added. "Then what are we waiting for, lets get the hell out of here" Rachael said, surprisingly hesitantly.

I was a little worried that that one hesitate would come back to haunt me, but i didn't worry to much. We all walked down to the area that Twi described. We finally found it. As they walked towards the middle to have Twi start a long range teleportation, a flash of light appeared and blinded us all. After we could see again, a human Celestia was standing there. Before any of us could say anything, she started to speak. "Thank goodness I found you, you had disappeared at the worst of times!" she said. "It seems there was still a bit of evil in my sister, she is once again rampaging through out Equestria!" she continued. "It seems that she is even more powerful than the first incident and the second combined!" before she could continue, Twi butted in. "What does that mean?" she asked. "The only thing we can do, create another element of harmony."

I know it has been a while since i posted anything, so here is my gift from me to you, chapter four. of course there is always the gift that is really horrible, like a holiday sweater with a really stupid christmascarol line on it, and the type of gift like that im giving to you is.....IM NOT POSTING CHAPTER 5 FOR ANOTHER LONG WHILE!!!!! *blows new years party horn*

Comments

[Chuckward]

Things to improve upon.

-Chapters are way too short, seriously I've probably written chapters longer than this whole story combined.

- Human, while your reversal of the overplayed Human in equestria plotline was interesting it has been done much better in stories like Anthropology.

- Plotholes and general explanation, Let me put it this way, my story Grace of a swan makes more sense than this and I wrote a whole chapter about deficating on harp seals. You skip important details that not only would make your chapters longer but also easier for the reader to follow. You're story is so rushed that any hope of the mane six being in character is destroyed. Not only that, you add in meaningless crap and word it as if you think the reader will say "Of course this will happen there just isn't any better way".

- Mother fucking grammar, This may sound strange coming from a trollfic writer but face it, grammar is a very important part of every story (with the exception of most trollfics) I can't very well give a rat's ass about the plight of twilight sparkle when I keep noticing misuse of the word "there".

So I'll give you a quick lesson.
First of all quit changing from past tense to present tense in the story.
This sentence obviously isnt in your story but I'm using it as an example.
Twilight takes a book and looked out the window.
That sentence should either be " Twilight takes a book and looks out the window" or " Twilight took a book and looked out the window" not both.

Now Their,there, and they're. Their is possesive"The gummy bears grabbed THEIR chainsaws and started raising hell". They're is the compound for they are as in " I hate the beatles beavered they're godawful. There is used for every other time like " Hey sister let's make these babies sixty-nine over there under the security camera.