• Member Since 1st Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen May 8th, 2012

Rainbolt


Just some person whose never written a fan fic.....until now!

T

Eli Raf was just an eighteen year old brony. But, he got in the middle of a dispute on Equestria daily, opened a portal, and released the mane 6(+ spike) onto Earth. He must try to get them back to Equestria. Until then, he's going to show the ponies what it's like living on Earth.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 9 )

102022he aint a boy, I edited the 1st chap, hes 18 along with the others, except for spike he's 15

Not bad. I just never expected Rarity to stoop to the small penis jokes. :rainbowlaugh:

pinkie pie said "school is boring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

103491 lol, but that was dash who sed that, if u ever get lost with names, at the beginning of every chapter i will post a name key, okay

109262
Nah dude it's cool. I noticed my mistake 20 seconds after posting it.

A boy with flights of fancy sees one of his dreams come true. Join him, as he goes on a journey that will take him from familiar to odd.

It's a bad description but hey at least it's a description. Story is interesting- keep it up.

Things to improve upon.

-Chapters are way too short, seriously I've probably written chapters longer than this whole story combined.

- Human, while your reversal of the overplayed Human in equestria plotline was interesting it has been done much better in stories like Anthropology.

- Plotholes and general explanation, Let me put it this way, my story Grace of a swan makes more sense than this and I wrote a whole chapter about deficating on harp seals. You skip important details that not only would make your chapters longer but also easier for the reader to follow. You're story is so rushed that any hope of the mane six being in character is destroyed. Not only that, you add in meaningless crap and word it as if you think the reader will say "Of course this will happen there just isn't any better way".

- Mother fucking grammar, This may sound strange coming from a trollfic writer but face it, grammar is a very important part of every story (with the exception of most trollfics) I can't very well give a rat's ass about the plight of twilight sparkle when I keep noticing misuse of the word "there".

So I'll give you a quick lesson.
First of all quit changing from past tense to present tense in the story.
This sentence obviously isnt in your story but I'm using it as an example.
Twilight takes a book and looked out the window.
That sentence should either be " Twilight takes a book and looks out the window" or " Twilight took a book and looked out the window" not both.

Now Their,there, and they're. Their is possesive"The gummy bears grabbed THEIR chainsaws and started raising hell". They're is the compound for they are as in " I hate the beatles beavered they're godawful. There is used for every other time like " Hey sister let's make these babies sixty-nine over there under the security camera.

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