Part I
Chapter 1
Rebirth
I woke up, slowly regaining my senses. My eyes were still shut but at least I could hear the wind. It felt weird; I couldn't move my body at all. I opened my eyes and immediately felt my head pulsing with pain. My vision was blurred but I could tell that it was still night outside. The wave of pain from my head was spreading to my whole body and I lost touch with reality as I passed out again.
After what felt like mere seconds, I regained consciousness. I noticed that a previous source of light had moved across the sky. It had to be the moon, which meant that I’d been out for hours.
Why does it hurt so much?
It felt like my whole body had been disassembled and put back together. I tried to move but I could only feel my muscles tense slightly, causing even more pain.
“Good, I'm not paralyzed, at least not totally,” I thought, regaining some hope.
The only thing I could remember was heading back to my hotel, then getting attacked in a dark alley. Shivers went down my spine as I recalled the pain and damage that I took in the fight. After that, I was talking to a strange, dark figure, fragments of the conversation coming back to me every now and then.
No, had to be a dream; I am still here, alive. They must have thrown me in a park somewhere.
I could tell that my body was shivering as the cold wind passed over it. “God, did they take my clothes? Why do I feel so cold?” I tried to move my head over the damp grass beneath me but I felt my neck muscles swollen and hot with pain. “Damn, I'm pretty fucked up”. Even my breathing was heavy as I struggled to keep up every time I tried to move. I mostly kept my eyes closed and trying to open them felt like a challenge itself.
The only idea that crossed my mind at that point was to get someone's attention. I slowly opened my mouth and tried to call for help. A muffled sound that I could barely hear myself came out.
“Shit, I will freeze to death here. No, can’t give up now - just need to keep trying . . .”
And so I kept calling and moaning, getting louder and louder with each attempt. I had to take small breaks every time I tried to shout, and felt completely spent after a while. The last attempts were just loud groans, slightly resembling the word ‘help’. My heart started jumping in my chest when I noticed a small light in the distance. With my last bit of strength I let out a final groan, then passed out from exhaustion.
Something - or someone - started touching me, voices bouncing in my head. I had finally been found. My only thought was that I was going to be safe and warm soon enough, my friends probably searching for me by then. I felt myself being picked up and carried away, and my awareness was lost again.
Warmth. My body was lying in what seemed to be a harsh bed, covered by a fairly rough sheet. Hospital was the first place that came in my mind.
I opened my eyes but immediately closed them in terror. The image was still being processed by my brain as a number of factors made my heart skip several beats. I was not in a hospital, but rather in a wooden shack of some sort. The light source was composed of several lamps and the bed I thought I was lying on was actually the floor covered by a thick coat of hay.
“This can’t be. Where the hell am I?”
I heard some distant voices and then strange footsteps coming towards me. They suddenly stopped and a few moments later I reopened my eyes, curiosity taking over. In front of me, looking directly into my eyes was a strange . . . creature. It looked like a small young horse but the body proportions were all wrong. The animal's facial expressions betrayed actual worry at first, but after a few seconds it smiled at me. It then quickly turned around and galloped out of the barn into a small room, its door closing behind it.
My mind was putting all the pieces together but I still couldn't believe it. My heart was pumping mad with excitement and fear at the same time. With blood rushing through my veins and with the help of an adrenaline surge, I tried moving my head again, tilting it down. This time it worked and I could see to my left side. I noticed I was covered in what seemed to be a rag, but soon my eyes fell on something even stranger that was poking out of it. It looked like a hoof.
My mind exploded with all the implications, theories and ideas of what was happening to me. My brain went into overdrive and I felt my heart beating even faster from what could be described as a genuine panic attack. Soon I passed out again.
“What the hell is wrong with me?” was the first thought that came to my mind as soon as I regained consciousness. It had to be the fourth time it happened since I had woken up after the attack. I opened my eyes again and soon I found that the hoof was still there.
“Ok, time to find out the truth. Come on, Alex, wiggle . . . your . . . finger”.
I tensed what had to be my hand muscles, and the hoof twitched a bit. Repeating the exercise a couple of times made me realize the fact that the hoof was indeed my hand.
"Of all the things...why me?"
A sudden realization hit me: I was no longer in London. That dream . . . had I really died? Did Death actually read my mind when it asked me where my heart belonged? The answer that came to me then was not my real home. It was, naively, Equestria, a land I longed to live in, both in my night and day dreams. Was I really sent here? The wave of questions kept crashing against my worn-out mind as I tried to make sense of it all.
It had to be dream, it just had to. I didn't want to continue misleading myself and enable my mind in that surreal figure of my imagination. But somehow, that was exactly what I was doing.
With another effort I managed to move my head back in an attempt to take a glimpse around the shed, but a hard object stopped it in its track. A strange jolt passed through my body from that contact. The only thing I could see was a support beam several inches away, but then my eyes noticed something else: a horn. My horn.
I’m a unicorn.
A strange feeling of happiness filled me as I had always admired unicorn ponies and magic. Realizing I was one made this all feel like a dream come true. But a dream nonetheless; I still couldn't let myself ignore that fact, as it was the only thing that probably separated me from plunging into insanity.
Sounds of movement and more voices could be heard. Out of the door the little pony had gone through came two other, grown ponies. They seemed to be of the earth type, having no wings or horns. Their manes were brown and it all seemed so strange compared to the animated counterpart. It looked so realistic, so fitting, so . . . normal.
“Kazooie, are you sure this was a good idea?” the mare asked in clear English.
“Yes dear, I didn’t want to risk harming him by taking him all the way into town. He seems like he’s been through a lot.”
The stallion came closer and through some sort of reflex, my eyes fell on his flank and I noticed that his cutie mark was made out of three wheat stalks. "Why am I feeding this delusion?"
“Go outside dear, and wait for Bonnie and Twilight,” the stallion said to his wife.
My heart skipped another beat when I heard that name and my eyes slowly widened at the stallion in front of me.
“It’s okay, we mean no harm. I found ya out near my field after I heard some strange noises in the night.” His calm voice made me relax a little bit, and he continued.
”I came outside and started searching for what made those noises. I found you on the ground passed out, so I brought you here on my back.”
He reached out to a bucket near me and grabbed a soaked cloth. Gently, he placed it on my forehead, around my horn. I shivered from the cold water the cloth was soaked in.
“It’s alright. We need to lower your fever,“ he said softly.
I then realized that my back was soggy with cold sweat, but somehow I still couldn’t feel the heat. It must have been a big fever.
“I’ve sent Bonnie to get help. You need special care, and Miss Twilight’s house is close to our farm. She is a truly gifted unicorn, you probably heard of her.”
“Probably heard of her?” My mind protested, but I immediately calmed down. “Why is my mind doing this to me? Of course I’ve heard of her . . . and soon I will see her too, even if just as a figment of my imagination,” I thought.
“Thank . . . you,” I whispered faintly to the earth stallion.
“Save your strength, young one,” he told me.
Those last two words suddenly reminded me of how that being addressed me in my dream. Somehow I felt that what I was going through wasn't a dream after all. It all seemed so real, and the pain was definitely a testimony to it. So I decided to go along with it and see how far my imagination could take me . . .
Suddenly the barn door opened. Through it came the farmer's wife and the small filly that had smiled at me. Following them was Twilight. She was actually there, the real Twilight Sparkle! She seemed tired but at the same time curious about the reason she was called to the farm in the middle of the night.
As she approached Kazooie and me, I stared at her, trying to take in all her features. She was exactly like in the show, but this was all real and more detailed, as I noticed several strands of hair standing out out of her two-tone mane. The young mare must have woken her up and I started to fear that she would hate me for that.
“Miss Twilight, I am so happy to see that you came to help. I didn’t know who to turn to,” the earth pony said to her.
“It’s ok,” she responded quickly. “It’s good that you called me now, he is probably very ill from what I’ve heard.”
Twilight then approached me slowly, her eyes darting from me to Kazooie.
“So you just found him in the middle of a grass field?”
“Yes, I was awake at the time and heard some strange noises. I soon found him lying on the ground, passed out in a hot fever. He can barely talk and I don’t think he should anyway. I haven't seen him before in Ponyville though. ”
“Me neither,” Twilight said thoughtfully, still studying me.
Her horn glowed a soft and beautiful purple as she took the sheets off of me. She then carefully inspected me but when her sight reached what was supposed to be my flank, her head tilted a little in surprise.
“Strange cutie mark . . .” For a few moments she looked back into my eyes, trying to figure out what to do. “But that’s not the point. He seems unharmed on the exterior but his fever concerns me. Only very sick ponies get this hot.”
Great, I’m going to die again.
I started wondering what would happen in that case. I really didn't feel like having a chat with Death again, dream or not.
“I need to examine him in detail to find out what’s wrong. Is it okay if I take him back to my house? I have a spare room with a bed I can put him in for the night.”
“By all means, Miss Twilight,” the earth pony responded. “If you need anything let us know. I don’t want to lose this fella; he seems like a nice stallion.”
Kazooie then leaned down towards me with the intention of putting me on his back.
“No need for that, I can carry him,” she nervously said.
“Are you sure, miss?”
“Yes, it’s better if I do it my way, so he won’t move a lot.”
I looked at the earth pony with great appreciation in my eyes. Without him I probably wouldn’t have made it through the night. He smiled at me, beaming with genuine kindness and goodwill.
“You’ll be fine; you have an Element of Harmony taking care of you. Do come and visit us once you get well,” he said, giving me a wink.
I noticed Twilight was blushing from the compliment, but soon her horn started glowing again and then I had the weirdest feeling in my life. My body was engulfed in a dim purple glow and I felt like hundreds of hands were gently lifting me from the ground. She reassured the earth pony and his family that I would be okay and slowly walked towards the barn’s door.
I was trailing behind her, in the same position in which I lain on the ground. My body was hovering two feet above the ground, surrounded in her magic. It was an amazing feeling yet I felt weak and helpless, at the mercy of a mare. Her presence was calming me though and I took a deep breath, relaxing for the first time that night.
As we approached Ponyville, I started to recognize some houses. I didn’t know exactly who they belonged to but I definitely remembered the architecture. These were the real deal and the details were astonishing. Most of them were made out of wood, and some had amazing carvings on them. The rooftops were either twisted or tilted in strange ways, but overall the houses still seemed sturdy and secure. Each home was uniquely decorated and painted and the windows were of different shapes and sizes, no house resembling the other. This was indeed Ponyville, so different from what I'd imagined it to be, but so familiar at the same time.
It was probably still midnight so no other ponies were out on the streets. The wind was still blowing slowly but Twilight's magic protected me from the cold.
“We're almost there. My house is right around the corner,” her calm voice filled my ears.
I could see the tree-house getting closer and closer. I still couldn’t believe what I’d been through in the past hours, as I was about to enter the house of none other than Twilight Sparkle. Needless to say my heart rate was everywhere. We reached the wooden door with a round arch and the knob slowly turned, surrounded by magic.
“Here we are! This is Ponyville’s library; I live here with my dragon assistant, Spike,” she said, walking inside and levitating me behind her. “But don’t worry, I've had him since he was hatched and he wouldn’t harm anypony that means well. He is probably still sleeping in his room, but when you get better I will bring him up so you can meet him.”
“As much as I appreciate your good manners and all, I still feel like I'm half dead inside,” I thought, slightly irritated. She went up the stairs, keeping me perfectly afloat behind her.
“I will put you in a spare room; it has a soft and cozy bed, and I can take better care of you since my room is right next to yours.”
“Now you’re speaking my language,” I thought, smiling at the idea of a warm bed. “Wait, what?! Take better care of me? Oh my god this is so weird. Haven’t you heard of hospitals? I need to visit one!”
I remembered that Ponyville had doctors, nurses and even a hospital. Why didn’t she take me there?
We reached the top of the stairways and I recognized her room’s door. Next to it was another, smaller door. Twilight opened it with her magic and flew me across. The room was small but had a medium-sized bed, a small table and, unsurprisingly, a bookshelf.
She realized the sheets were dusty and with a soft glow of her horn, the window opened and the bed sheets flew outside, stopping a few feet away from the house. She shook the dust off and brought them back, all in record time. Her magic sure was stronger in . . . reality, that word suddenly taking on a whole different meaning.
The purple unicorn then levitated me above the bed and placed me onto its soft surface. She then approached my bed and I noticed a book hovering near her head.
“I do hope that’s not a bedtime story book,” I thought, not being sure about what she had in mind.
Her horn suddenly started glowing again and I felt a touch on my forehead. That made me jolt a little as my horn reacted to her magic, passing a strange sensation into my head.
“It’s alright; I'm just taking your temperature,” she said, as the book opened in front of her to a specific page. “Don’t worry, I have knowledge in advanced medical treatment. Just . . . not a lot of practice. But I know what I’m doing,” she said quickly with a cute fake smile on her face.
That unicorn was my only chance, and knowing how much she liked books assured me in a strange way.
“You are still burning for some reason. I'll perform a diagnosis spell on you,” she said nervously. ”You won’t feel a thing and I need to do this to find out what’s wrong so I can nurse you back to health.”
“Okay . . .” I slowly muttered.
Twilight then took a last look in what seemed to be a medical book and then she put it on the table. Her horn started glowing again, and to my surprise she leaned towards me, touching it against my shoulder. A new sensation engulfed me and I felt a mild warmth spreading down across my body. As it went through my chest and back I felt it going inside me, piercing my skin. It was indeed painless but it sure felt weird. I closed my eyes and pressed my head further into the soft pillow, as Twilight’s magic was slowly searching inside my body.
“Can you say that she’s . . . feeling me up?” I chuckled inside a bit but quickly threw that thought away.
Her magic had passed the chest area and eventually reached my stomach.
“Is she scanning . . . my whole body?” I wondered, starting to blush uncontrollably.
She soon reached my thigh area as I felt her magic passing though my body like an MRI scanner. Twilight then hesitated for a moment, and as I looked at her I noticed she was blushing as well, her eyes shut in concentration. Luckily my privacy was preserved as the wave of magic quickly made its way down my hind legs, leaving the area under my belly alone.
“Ohh, I’ll laugh my ass off from inside my grave if it turned out I had a bad urinary tract infection or something, and she didn’t pick it up just so I could have my dignity intact.” Even in those circumstances I somehow managed to take everything with a joke alongside of it.
After reaching my hooves, the magic wave returned to my flank. She seemed to be quite ‘interested’ in my cutie mark and I soon felt energy piercing the skin around it, engulfing the whole top area. Was she trying to scan my cutie mark? What was my cutie mark anyway?
Suddenly, as Twilight’s magic went through it, I felt the air in my lungs freezing, a very cold and familiar chill taking over my whole body. In the same time, a deafening scream pierced my mind. I shot open my eyes, feeling as if I was waking up from a nightmare, my heart beating furiously in my chest. Twilight had stepped back from the bed and I could see fear on her face, while her sight darted from my flank to my eyes. She must have heard the same scream as I did.
“I . . . don’t know what happened,” she said, a sense of panic in her voice. “It’s like - I don’t . . . I have never done this on a cutie mark before. I probably shouldn’t have done it in the first place. I’m so sorry,” her voice steadily became calm again, but still a bit nervous. “Fortunately, I couldn’t find anything wrong with you . . . at this moment. Your body’s immune system is just reacting to something bad you had. It seems to be just a late fever. Wait right here.”
She turned away and left the room, leaving the door opened.
“Well that was weird.”
I needed to see my cutie mark; maybe it was something from my world only I could understand. As soon as I tried to raise my head, pain struck me again in the neck muscles so I just collapsed it back into the pillow.
“This is worse than I thought. It’s like I never used my body befor- oww . . .”
Where did my new body come from anyway? Was this whole experience like a physical rebirth? I needed to get in shape but for now, I felt tired like I never had before in my whole life.
Twilight soon returned with a small bottle in her mouth and a hovering glass of water behind her.
“Here, you need to take these; they will calm your fever and make you sleep well.”
I slowly nodded and the purple unicorn unscrewed the medicine bottle cap and took two small pills out with her magic. She hovered them to my mouth and I opened it slightly, as much as I could. They slowly went in, a stream of water from the nearby glass following them. Having water magically being poured into my mouth was probably the third weirdest thing that had happened to me that day, after the hovering trip and the magic MRI scan. My jaw felt warm with her magic as it slowly closed.
“This is so humiliating. I feel like an incapable patient.” I had to admit though that I didn’t mind the overwhelming attention coming from the purple mare.
My nostrils picked up a strange smell, something resembling sunflower. Was it her scent? It felt so warm and my whole body was melting from that strange little pleasure.
“It could be her freaky magic drugs…” the last thought passed through my mind as I fell into the deepest sleep I had in years.
End of chapter 1
I like the story so far. The first chapter didn't really captivate me, to be honest, but the second chapter left me wanting more. If English isn't your first language, you might want to consider getting a friend to edit this for you. Though you might want to be more detailed about the surroundings and environment, to help the readers feel as if they're there.
woo, I'm wanting more of this :)
Pretty good. Tracking.
Feedback is welcomed? Very well then!
So first I'd like to say that this is a very interesting story so far. It's written pretty well (except for some errors but I'll get on that later), you've given the character a real sense of...err...character, and have tried to make it as believeable as possible while still being in the magical land of Equestria. The premise is interesting and by chapter two you've captured the reader's attention. That was actually a really smart move on your part, I probably would not have tracked this if it had not been for the second chapter.
However, you seem to have an issue with phrasing. Sometimes a sentence came off as wonky (or didn't make sense) and that's something you could definitely aim to improve on. As far as spelling errors, you're pretty solid, it's mostly grammatical errors.
Another thing that I would like to add is that you probably should change chapter one's title into a prologue and change chapter two (obviously) into chapter one, because that's when the story really begins.
All in all, for a first fanfiction, this is great. It's clear you've put in a lot of effort and it shows. You may want to seek out someone who is more familiar with english and have them help you spruce up the story just a bit. Keep it up, you've got my track.
106111 Thanks ! I will work more on that !
106129 106136
I am glad to hear that. As long as I have even one person interested in this, I will keep writing on it.
So excited about this, hopefully everything turns out as I imagined it !
106143 Thanks for reading and also for the feedback !
I am aware of the phrasing issues and will get around fixing them as soon as I have the opportunity !
Strangely, I messed up my sleep cycle during this holiday to the extend that I ended up writing these 2 chapters in 2 different mornings (4-5 AM)
Good, I like it
its the most
wierd
depressing-
-LY AWESOME STORY EVAH!
You might have seen this somewhere, but oh well. MOOOAAARR! !!!!!!!
Also, Alex/Twilight shipping?
Thanks everyone for the comments and tracks ! Now you made me stick to it ! I Promise I won't let you guys down !
106386
that sounds strange lol
Unfortunately I can not confirm or dismiss any rumors that might arise from this fic.
Everything related to "Stairway to Equestria" will only be found on this page. I will never reveal chapter/plot spoilers or fragments through any other source.
Nice You've got a tracker!
-Glassed
Please oh please tell me the next chapter will be released soon? I mean, I'm fine if I have to wait, but I'd really like to see where you going with this.
Have to say that I was a bit skeptical about the description - I don't normally like 'oh I'm a pony now' stories - but you've held my interest so far.
106452 I know how it feels. I felt the same pain (exponentially larger) for every "It takes a Village" chapter.
I though that if I had someone that wanted to read my silly story they won't have to wait that long... But I realized that if you want a decent story, it takes time. It's either 1 chapter every 2-3 days ( small, rushed and with with tons of mistakes or plot wholes) or one every 5-7 days, with some quality in it.
I am as eager as some of you and my head's been filled with scenes, plot twists and characters in the last 2 days but I can't lay it down as fast as I would like to. Again, English is not my first language and believe it or not, I am not a writer (as in not even amateur writer). My English literature reading is almost 0, I hate the ones in my own language so I don't even know how people consider something I write to be good... In the same time I am frighten by stupid mistakes I seem to make and no matter how much I re-read my chapters, I still can't find them all :((
But hopefully everything will turn out fine... With that in mind, expect a new chapter in 3-4 days, as I am still in my holiday break
Also I am looking for pre-readers and proofreaders ! (desperately)
106492
Despite the fact that english is not your first writer, you've surpassed a lot of stories on here, no foolin'. Also, don't get bummed out by mistakes and editing. My editor and I always find some new mistake we had missed, and no matter how many times we go over something, that's always the case. What happens is, you become familiarised with the story, so your brain tends to gloss over things you might not have noticed. It's best to write out a story, go back over and search for some errors, then wait a few days and come back to it. You'll be surprised with how much stuff you'll find. Reading a story out loud also helps.
Don't get yourself down, you're doing just fine, it's all a learning experience is it not?
106514
Despite the fact that english is not your first language...my bad...silly typos
I'd be willing to proofread, if you need someone. My mom's an English teacher and my whole family read a lot, so you might say I've picked up some skill with the language
dude! BROHOOF!
chzbronies.files.wordpress.com/2012/01/9cc1a604-949d-42c2-a71e-56bb3c946bc0.gif
Well, it's certainly interesting. Gonna track this, I think. (Just don't make the rookie mistake of making yourself OP or anything crazy like that. That's the fastest way to shoot yourself in the foot. Starting out sick is a good start, but there has to be more things you won't be able to do, ect. That's all I'll say for now! It helps that we, and he/you, to an extent, knows that it's a self-insert, so that should help a bit.)
~ Moonstone, Minstrel of Equestria
I like how this is going so far. I'll give it a track.
106512 Do you have any plans to have a section of a chapter that is dedicated to his real world funeral? I think it would be interesting to see how it plays out and who would actually attend, since he doesn't seem like he knew a lot of people outside his tight-knit group of friends and family.
107022 your comment made me realize how lonely I am in real life
As I previously said, I can't say anything about what is going to happen in the fic.
Thanks for reading !
fitbootcamps.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/mr-meltdown-magic-pilll.jpg
Magic drugs...
107028 Also while reading this fanfic, and many others like it, the after life and you getting to chose your heaven, the only thing I can think of this The Five People you Meet in Heaven. It says that heaven isn't a place like most people think it is, above the ground with God and everything good, you get a choice when you die to choose where you want to spend eternity.
107062 Thanks for reading !
As you can see though in the first chapter, my approach is a little bit different.
I also received some PMs asking me about this whole death/life thing.To clarify, this will be a long fic, and I will make sure that by the time the story ends, all questions shall be answered, in the chapters and nowhere else
mmkay i havent read this but if it follows that old "turnd-into-a-pony" trope, im not reading past the first chapter
I must sir, this is quite the captivating fic. I really look forward to reading more!
107078 I am liking this story you've got going. But there is one thing I would like to ask. Will you be keeping the mystery as to how and why he is in Equestria? I'm liking the air of mystery around his near-death or fatal experience. Intersting
107241 Thanks for reading !
I said it but I will say it again (as people don't read all the comments so its fine, I am still sane )
Unfortunately I can not confirm or dismiss any rumors that might arise from this fic.
Everything related to "Stairway to Equestria" will only be found on this page. I will never reveal chapter/plot spoilers or fragments through any other source.
Rest assured, this will be a long fic, and I will make sure that by the time the story ends, all questions shall be answered, in the chapters and nowhere else.
ok, usually i hate it when they get turned into ponies, but this im ok with, I'm tracking, you're winning
107278
Wow, thanks ! I thought I lost you there
You won't be disappointed !
i actually like stories where people turn into ponies fav and tracking keep it up
Love it! Totally tracking
Wow!! I'm really liking this so far. Keep up the good work.
I must mirror CosmicAfro's praise, you write very well compared to other stories I have seen here (from people who I think call English their first language). Though, one thing did irk me. The RMI machine would be called an MRI machine, Magnetic Resonance Imager versus a Resonance Magnetic Imager (stupid English and its backward ways).
I like you story and if you want, I could be a proofreader for you. I read it and tell you the mistakes I see. Also I suggest what other people do which is get more proofreaders for better results.
I really want to know what Alex's cutie mark is going to be, what is he going to do now that he is homeless and jobless since he is a new world. Good luck,
-66
When I first read this I thought "Potential. People are going to like this in a chapter or two."
Hoooooooooly crap. You didn't need that extra chapter.
I am very seriously considering reading this based on the title alone.
And since I'm sick and can't do anything but read, and I am soon out of fics...
Good story so far.
The cutie mark is probably an old fashioned game controller..
No job, no home. That's a hell of a heaven!
Maybe he could 'invent' the role playing card game.
Lovely second chapter, that's for sure!
Everything seems to be of excellent quality, except for one thing; please make his thought be in cursive or something? It gets slightly confusing when he thinks and someone else speaks right afterwards/forwards, etc. It hasn't created any particular problems yet, but I'm willing to bet that it will.
Also, damn you cliffhangers; I want to know his cutie mark!
Oh, and lastly; I presume ponies speak english in this fic. Does that mean they will be curious when the "I-person" in the fic is capable of speaking romanian?
Anyhow, I hope this fic updates regurarely ^^
108288 thanks for reading !
About the thinking bit, as you can see, he slowly starts speaking in chapter 2, so that won't be a problem in the future.
As for the language Alex speaks, it's English. He (me) was in UK, studying ... in English
Hah. "Could you say she was feelin' me up?"
Epic.
I want to feel meh u-
Nevermind.
It would be nice if Alex's thoughts were in italics, would be easier to understand.
Just two questions: Does Alex resemble you in any way? What colour are you?
108883 I MEAN WHAT COLOUR IS PONY YOU.
108317
Yeah, but you mentioned somewhere that he's romanian. I therefore presume he knows how to speak his own native language, yes? xD
It probably won't have an effect on the fic itself much, but I sometimes tend to fuss over details like that for no good reason xD
A little swearing in romanian would add a little character though, if he's the kind of person that swears. (I of course assume that you are romanian too, given the non-mainstream choice of land, and as such you can probably speak it fluently xD )
Ok, this is interesting. Story could be really good or could crash and burn spectacularly. So either I get a train wreck or a good read. I guess I'll be staying here then.
Also I was curious, the premise/opening is the same one that a good majority of HiE fics take but, I feel like something is different. A good different. Anyone else feel the same way or can articulate it better?
Auto-tracked for obvious reasons.
108992 Yes, Romanian is my native language, although strangely, I don't tend to use it out loud in situations of panic/anger. I do slip away the occasional "Da" instead of "Yes" but that's all.
109020 Indeed I agree to your first statement but I do hope I will get it right
As for the premise, it is indeed similar to other HiE fics out there but all I can say for now is that you are right, it is different.
Mystery, as you can see, plays a big part in my fic and all I can advise my readers is to carefully read the fic, there are a lot of implications in even the smallest details.
Love stories such as these! You've done far better than I would ever do, and my first language is english!