Your Summon is Pink
by 5007
Disclaimer: most ponies can't eat meat.
Chapter Three: Evaluations
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Basil took off, circling Whistling Peak once before departing for another mountain range. The old dragon had seemed rather smug about the whole ordeal and looked pleased with himself despite the fact that he had been ousted from his own nest.
"You'll have to pardon me," Seven said. "I am to report to the Princesses immediately. You all must report to Princess Luna for debriefing as soon as possible."
He saluted, putting his right hoof on his brow, and suddenly sped off before anyone could say anything.
"Impressive," Dash observed. "I wonder how he'd compare to Spitfire."
"Who?" Naruto asked.
"The Captain of the Wonderbolts," whispered Rarity. "Don't let Rainbow know you don't know much about them."
"Or I may talk your ears off," the aforementioned pegasus stage-whispered right behind the fashionista.
The white unicorn shrieked and her horn glowed a sky blue, swinging one of her scrolls at the weatherpony. Rainbow dodged the fabric roll easily, giggling like a maniac. Naruto joined in the mirth with a laugh of his own.
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It took another hour to get to the base of Whistling Peak. Six pegasus knights were standing around a skycarriage, which was attached to another half-dozen pegasi.
"Ms. Sparkle?" barked one of the knights. "We are to escort you and your friends to Canterlot immediately. The Princesses specifically required the presence of the human as well."
"I have a name," Naruto snapped before yawning. Infuriatingly, the Day Guard ignored him entirely as he opened the skycarriage door for the mares.
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The eight companions (including the rabbit) were quickly ushered into the throne room by their Day Guard escorts. Both Princesses sat on their thrones, Meteor Strike flanking Celestia's seat. Between the thrones stood Shining Armor while an opliptera in silvery, ornate armor stood to Luna's left. Seven stood next to that pony, slightly behind the larger Night Guard.
"Naruto," Celestia began as soon as the pegasi knights brought the group closer. "I have heard about your performance in your mission from Seven. I must ask: do you regret any decisions you made today?"
"No," he replied. "I don't."
Luna nodded. "Evening approaches in our world. It is surely the middle of the night if not the break of dawn in thine. Thou must be exhausted. We shall send thee to thy home and will call thee back when a final decision has been made."
"Wait, what?"
Celestia spoke up. "We need time to debrief the Bearers, review the information we have collected about you, and discuss whatever issues we may have. Rest assured, we will send Pinkie Pie to your world with you so that we can summon you back."
"But..."
Before he could voice his objections, Pinkie gave him a hug.
"It'll be okay, Naruto," she murmured. "We can still be friends if it's a no-go!"
"That's right, darling," agreed Rarity. "And you still have Lord Basil's contract regardless of the Princesses' decision."
Naruto gave an involuntary yawn before he could answer. "You're right," he finally said. "I need sleep and they need time."
"'Tis settled then," stated Luna. "Pinkamena, if thou wouldst do the honors of taking Naruto home?"
"Okie-dokie-lokie!"
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Again, Naruto had the unpleasant sensation of being collapsed into a single point before expanding while on fire. The coughing fit from the chakra smoke didn't last as long though. He looked around the room as the haze thinned. He saw his three-legged couch where he had left it near the scratched-up coffee table, both near the wall where the long-dead mold spot resided.
The ceiling had cracks in it, duct tape sealing the more prominent holes. Luckily, Naruto had been able to keep the floor clean. Relatively. The bloodstain in the carpet had been there already when he had moved in. At least the windows were intact and clean and the doors were solid, strong, and had massive deadbolts.
"This is your place?" Pinkie gasped.
"I told you yours was better than mine."
"But still! Why haven't your parents repaired the place yet?"
Naruto paused. "You're gonna want to sit down, Pinks."
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"Thank you for your report, Seven," said Captain One of the Night Guard. "Do you ladies have anything to add?"
"I do," Twilight immediately spoke up. "I saw the way he looked at the books in my library before we went on our mission..."
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The large, red wyrm approached the crater. Unlike the calderas most dragons liked to congregate in, the Scorched Sky dragons typically met in meteor crash sites.
Basil landed heavily, crumbling the loose gravel beneath his feet as thirty other dragons turned their attentions towards him.
"Brother?" began a yellow wyrm only slightly smaller than Basil. "We thought that you'd be taking a century-long slumber? Why are you awake?"
The red dragon smiled, showing all of his fangs. "Ponies, dear Cayenne. Ponies and a human."
If the other wyrms hadn't been paying attention to Basil and Cayenne, they certainly were at that point.
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Pinkie was starting to freak Naruto out. Her left eye was twitching but otherwise she was completely silent and still.
Naruto opened his mouth to say something when the mare suddenly tackled him. He found himself enveloped in an equine super-hug.
"I really hope the Princesses let you sign the contract so that we can be your family because I can't imagine the heartache of not having one. Even though I don't really speak to mine anymore, I do know that they are there to help if I ever need it," she babbled.
Naruto could hardly breathe, but he could feel the affection Pinkie wished to give him. He tried to return the hug as best as he could.
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"So he's not stupid, just uneducated," surmised Captain Meteor Strike. "What kind of schools do they have in the human world, again?"
"Apparently, ones that are far inferior to our standards," stated Celestia. "Thank you for your speculation, Twilight. Very insightful."
"Ah have somthin to add, Yer Highness," began Applejack. "Ah thought he was more stubborn than a mule at first, but lookin' back on it, I figure he puts his squadmates' lives ahead of the mission."
"Seven mentioned as much in his report," said Captain One.
"Dropping all extrapolation -" began Rainbow Dash, "- and yes, Twi, I know what that word means - I realized that he puts the lives of others ahead of his own."
"He never put himself directly in danger," retorted the opliptera captain. "It was just his shadow clones."
Rainbow bristled at that. "We already said he isn't stupid; I'm saying he's loyal to a fault."
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The valley around the crater howled with draconic laughter, scaring many of the local fauna.
Chuckling, Basil continued his story. "And guess what the human did when I agreed to their terms for leaving."
Cayenne snorted. "What?"
"He assumed that I was going to kill them as I left - which was quite the entertaining thought, I must admit. He demanded some sort of assurance that he and the ponies would live. A shrewd child, to say the least."
As the laughter died down, an old, white wyrm picked up his head. "And what did you give him?"
"I felt that such ingenuity to be able to trap me and coerce a dragon into doing what he wanted deserved a large reward. I let the little human sign my contract."
"Appropriate," said an old cerulean dragon. "Now to business: odd happenings have begun to show in our world."
"Indeed," confirmed the white. "First of all, the Titans have awoken."
Murmuring was the immediate response. After a short while, Basil spoke up.
"There is a new Sixpath Sage?"
"I believe that a human has inherited the abilities of the Sixpath, but not his wisdom."
"Agreed," stated an old orange wyrm. "Several of the Titans are behaving oddly. They are wearing a plethora of piercings now and their emotions are gone, as if they'd lost most of their personality."
"It is as if they are being controlled," continued the cerulean. "The few Titans who do not have piercings are constantly attacking those that do. Every month another Titan disappears for a week and returns with vast slabs of metal sticking out of their face."
"Needless to say, the Hellmouth to Tartarus will be completely unguarded by the end of the year," stated the white. "Without the Titans, our world could be overrun by demons."
The cerulean wyrm nodded. "We need volunteers to keep watch and not allow anything in or out."
Basil extended his wings. "I'll be the first to step forward."
The cerulean thumped her tail against the ground. "You cannot. Your contract has been signed. You could be summoned at any time. Stand down, Basil."
As Basil folded his wings, Cayenne extended hers. "I'll go. I'm among the best of the Scorched Sky when it comes to our slipscale abilities."
Three more adults volunteered. All four dragons folded their membranous wings.
"We shall meet again at this crater in three fortnights," declared the old orange dragon.
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Pinkie was still awake. The mare had been thinking about what Naruto had told her about his life. More than that, she was thinking about what he hadn't told her. She had also noticed that his apartment was lacked quality. To put it bluntly, it was a dump, even if Naruto had done his best to fix them up a bit.
She nearly gave control to the other just to avoid the heartache, but she wasn't certain that the ninja boy would understand the presence of another in her mind.
Indeed, hissed the other, but he may be more understanding than you give him credit for. Or he may not. Wait and see.
Pinkie shook her head before she noticed a silhouette moving outside the living room window through the predawn light. It was another human standing on the sill. It inched towards the bedroom window. The pink mare narrowed her eyes before creeping to the door to Naruto's room. Rather than open the door (because the boy kept the hinges rusty and squeaky as an alert system), she used some of her unique skills and squeezed herself through the crack under the door. The silhouette was making quick work of picking the lock on Naruto's bedroom window.
The lock gave a barely audible click before the window glided open. A black-robed figure wearing a stylized tiger mask made of white porcelain quickly slid into the room before silently closing the window. It stared at the sleeping form of Naruto for several long moments before nodding. As the mysterious person turned back towards the window, its vision went black as a pie was shoved into its face.
Naruto woke to the sound of a crumpling pie tin and rolled over, kunai in hand, to see Pinkie hogtieing what appeared to be an ANBU whose head was splattered with cream that obviously came from the mashed pie lying on the floor. Glad to have avoided a pointless fight with another disgruntled drunkard he took the time to slowly stretch his arms before taking a look at the pony's prisoner, he took the opportunity to look at the pony's prisoner.
"Pinkie, I think that's an ANBU," he said.
"A what now?"
"ANBU. They're like the Night Guard, but for a Kage."
"Huh," she muttered.
"Still, we need to find out if he's a Konoha ANBU or not."
The black-robed figure felt the mask come off of his face but he still couldn't see due to all of the - he quickly took a small taste of the pie filling - banana crème that made it through the eyeholes of his mask.
"Well, I don't know his face, but his mask has the Konoha leaf on it. Why are you here, Tora-san?"
He spoke quickly. "The Hokage tasked me with watching your apartment in case you returned from the summon realm. I was confirming that the slumbering body in the bed was yours, and not some thrill-seeking civilian."
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The appearance of a human boy amongst the ponies happening shortly after the Titans began to fall seemed to be too much of a coincidence to Basil. The fifteen-hundred-year-old wyrm simply loved stories and would often scry just to eavesdrop on the other summon races. The Salamander King was complaining to his children about his summoner, again, but it appeared that the rebels in Amegakure no Sato suddenly had new summons to back up their raids. The Snakes were gearing up for some sort of battle, trying to starve themselves so that they might be able to gorge themselves on their prey.
Too many coincidences. Basil couldn't help but think that all these events seemed to fit together into some form of cohesive narrative. Regardless, the humans were preparing for war. If Naruto was smart, Basil would be summoned to take down an army. If the boy was clever, the dragon would face another summon.
Basil grinned at the thought - he hadn't participated in a war since the fall of King Sombra. The wyrm was ready and willing to commit violence.
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Tenzo was glad Naruto let him go. While the boy was still a little naïve when it came to potential spies, this meant that the ANBU Captain could give his report to the Hokage.
"Enter."
Closing the door to the Hokage's office behind him, Tenzo saluted his superior with a fist to his chest.
"Please tell me you have good news," sighed the old man behind the desk before he took a long pull from his coffee mug. "And why do you have some form of white stuff staining your cloak?"
"Naruto is sleeping at his apartment while the pink pony summon watches over him. This is pie filling she used to defend him."
"Thank the kami," Hiruzen whispered.
"I don't think he's signed their contract yet," Tenzo continued. "He muttered something about some form of test they gave him."
"They're probably evaluating his performance," the Hokage said. "The pony is there to take him back when they've come to a decision."
"Oh?" Unspoken was Tenzo's question as to how the Hokage knew that.
The old man chuckled. "It is why some of the Sarutobi do not have their signatures on the Monkey Contract."
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Naruto yawned as he stretched. His alarm clock read "11:08AM" in red LED. He supposed he had slept long enough.
As his door creaked open, he saw Pinkie at the stove, cooking something in a huge wok he'd never seen before.
"Pinkie?"
"Mornin', Naruto. I'm making brunch!"
"I could just heat up some ramen - it'd be faster and less work," he replied, trying to be a good host and not make his guest do anything.
A blue eye became fixed on him as Pinkie turned her head. "Can't have you eating just ramen. Besides, all the ramen you have is meat-flavored."
"Why is that a problem?"
Pinkie let go of the wok and the spoon she was stirring with before turning around with a deadpan expression on her face.
After several seconds, Naruto's palm made a resounding "thwack" against his forehead. Pinkie laughed.
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"I am in favor of granting permission to summon us to young Naruto."
"I am not so certain, Luna. He seems rather arrogant. We'll have to see what Pinkie Pie says when she brings him back in a few hours. In the meantime, I need to take a nap."
"Sleep well, dear Sister. As in ages past, I shall watch the night."
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Naruto never knew that potatoes could taste so good. Nor did he know about oatmeal. While the fried vegetable medley Pinkie had made was kind of boring to the blonde, he ate it anyway (especially since Pinkie kept staring at him, her lips quivering and tears threatening to leave her eyes until he took a bite of it). He was also surprised that ponies could (and would) eat eggs.
"So," Pinkie began, "you say that the current Hokage is like a grandpa to you. Do you have any father figures?"
Naruto thought about it for a moment. "Not really. Kakashi-sensei might be one, but all he does is bring me fresh bowls of fruit. He's helped me with my taijutsu during our team training sessions, but he hasn't really done anything a father might. And Teuchi treats me like a favorite customer, not a son."
"Anyone other than the Ichiraku family?"
"Well, Iruka-sensei is kind of like my brother, and the Hokage's grandson, Konohamaru, is the annoying little brother I never wanted."
Pinkie giggled briefly. "But no one else?"
"Not really."
There was a knock at Naruto's door, temporarily suspending the conversation. Naruto got up and looked at a round, metal disk next to the door. He used a finger to move the disk to reveal a pipe with a mirror inside. With his other hand, he pressed a small button under the pipe to turn on a small light. Judging by the low output of said light, Pinkie realized it was a light bulb from an old oven. Hardly any lumens were produced by the bulb, but it was enough for Naruto to see in the mirror, which was reflecting what another mirror was catching from a hole down the hall, angled in such a way that Naruto could see the back of the person at the door.
After a few seconds, the woman at the door knocked again. Naruto recognized her as one of the Chuunin who commonly passed messages along from the Hokage Tower. Releasing both the disk and the button (which extinguished the bulb), he unlocked the four deadbolts on his door, and then opened it.
"Uzumaki-san," the kunoichi stated with her usual indifference. "The Hokage wishes to see you immediately. He also requests that you bring the 'pony', whatever that means."
She then simply turned around and started heading down the hall.
Shaking his head, Naruto turned to talk to Pinkie to find she was gone. He then heard another knock on his door. It was a pattern he had heard only once before. Five taps followed by two more. It made some form of rhythm Naruto had never heard of before. Double-checking the custom peephole, he saw the pink mare waiting on the other side.
Raising an eyebrow, he opened the door again. "What'd you do?"
"If she's not going to really care about talking to you, I figured she should have something to actually talk about next time."
"... what?"
He heard a loud pop coming from the first floor of the building followed by an angry cry that sounded a great deal like his name.
"The mailmares in Equestria will at least ask how their clients are doing. She seemed waaaaaay too bored when she was talking to you."
"I see," he said, though he really didn't understand. "What'd you do to her?"
"Snot-green paint bomb."
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Other ninja that saw them paused in their own roof-hopping routes to see the strangely-colored equine following the village pariah to the Hokage Tower, the seat of power in Konohagakure no Sato. Several even went through the general genjutsu dispel technique, trying to make sure that the boy wasn't trying to prank them again. The foreign ninja in the village were also confused as to Pinkie's presence, but they were less discreet in their gawking at an apparent "ninja horse" running around with a Genin.
When they arrived at the Tower, they had to jump down to street level for security purposes. The many civilians that made their living at the shops near the tower, as well as the line of petitioners, glared at Naruto, ignoring the pink pony entirely. While they had never seen a pony summon before (and few even guessed that she was a summon), they merely attributed her existence as a "damn ninja" thing and ignored her in favor of directing as much silent hate as possible towards the blond preteen.
Naruto was unfazed by their reaction, having dealt with such animosity his entire life. Pinkie, on the other hand (or hoof, in this case), was quite taken aback by the behavior of the citizens of the very city Naruto had sworn to protect. She was definitely going to report this behavior to the Princesses.
Ignoring the idiots trying to kill him with their thoughts, he simply walked right up to the only visible Chuunin guard. Said shinobi was smiling at the boy. As Naruto approached, he raised an eyebrow, silently questioning the guard's good humor. The man merely looked to the ground where a trail of sickly-green paint led into the building.
Oh, Naruto realized. He thinks that I pranked the kunoichi who came to get me.
The Chuunin was surprised to see Pinkie, but he let her pass through without a word. Naruto could hear the argument a civilian began making as he and the mare crossed the threshold into the building.
"Why does that worthless demon-child get to go ahead of me!? I'm a leading member of the Agricultural Association!"
"He had an appointment," replied the guard in an even, but vaguely threatening, tone. "I strongly suggest you stop making a ruckus."
They didn't hear the irate farmer's retort as they had gotten too far into the building. The receptionist on the first floor looked up from her paperwork long enough to tell Naruto to go right up to the Hokage's Office, but didn't really give him much attention. Pinkie took note of that and tried to make certain she'd remember the clerk's face. The secretary on the eleventh floor actually smiled at Naruto.
"Just had to cover Miss Tanaka in paint, didn't you?" she playfully jibed, shaking her head. "Go ahead and announce yourself - the Hokage's waiting for you."
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Shining entered the office of his equal in the Night Guard.
"What is it?" droned the opliptera captain, using his membranous wings to help sort his paperwork.
"Captain One," the unicorn began, "I take it that you do not approve of Naruto."
"He's too reckless, Captain Armor. He should have retreated with the Bearers back to Ponyville where they would have had a chance to bring their Militia to bear against Lord Basil."
"And potentially killed the dragon? What about the ponies in Ponyville? Do you think that we'd have zero casualties?"
One looked up from his paperwork. "Of course not. But he made risky decisions based on what intelligence he had. While his methods were effective, and produced absolutely no casualties on either side, his actions were not the product of a logical mind."
Shining Armor glared at the opliptera. One bore his fangs, revealing his transformed teeth.
"You've become colder since you ceased to be an earth pony, Thornmane."
One closed his mouth. Much like Seven, One did not like being referred to by his original name when he was working.
"My apologies, Captain," he hissed. "The transformation to opliptera changed my diet and brain chemistry. I needed to find a way to control my new hunger and aggression."
"You should listen to your instincts anyway. Some of the time," the white stallion stated evenly. "Besides, you of all ponies should know that battle plans never survive first contact with the enemy."
One's hoof traced the scar that ran over his left eye. "It's been difficult to adapt to the enchantments on this glass orb."
Shining nodded. "I'm aware that the prosthetic eyes never feel quite right, nor do they see in the entire color spectrum that our real ones do. Many veterans have complained about that to me."
The opliptera sighed. "I'll think over the human's performance again."
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"Tell me, Naruto," Hiruzen started, "why have you started pranking my messengers again?"
"That was me," Pinkie chirped. "She wasn't very enthusiastic about seeing him."
As the old man puffed a few times on his pipe, Naruto decided to speak up.
"She was insulted by that," he said. "The messengers in her world like to make small talk."
"Anyway," the mare continued, "pranking helps a ninja practice on trap-making. Why shouldn't he continue to prank those who deserve it?"
"His pranks do not attract the sort of attention that he needs," argued the Hokage before he turned to the blonde. "Your behavior prior to being assigned to Team Kakashi perpetuated the animosity that the populace had for you. It does not garner respect amongst the civilians."
"What is wrong with those meanies anyway!?" Pinkie growled as she hopped up onto the Hokage's desk to glare into the old man's face. "He's an orphan with an abnormal amount of chakra - so what? I take exception to the fact that they direct so much hate at him!"
"It is because of what he is," Hiruzen stated calmly. "And what he is is classified. Only Naruto himself has the security clearance to tell you about it."
"Pinkie," Naruto pleaded. "It's okay. Really."
"NO IT ISN'T!" she shouted, tears streaming down her face. Suddenly, her poofy hair straightened out and went limp, the sound of a deflating balloon coming from somewhere. Naruto, Hiruzen, and the hidden ANBU guard all noticed that her colors became more muted. Her demeanor had instantly switched to being calm, though her face still held some traces of emotional pain. She sighed before speaking, with a slightly different inflection to her voice.
"Well, we were going to try to hide my existence for a while longer," she stated as she stepped off of the desk. "But that plan is obviously a bust. Allow me to introduce myself: I am Pinkamena, Pinkie's coping mechanism for all the horrible things in the world." She paused, apparently in thought. "Worlds. Plural, as this is our first time in your world."
The Hokage took another long drag off of his pipe. "You are a split-personality?"
"Yes," she replied. "No one else really knows of my existence. Just you three and Pinkie."
"Three?" questioned Naruto.
"That ANBU mask on the wall there is really another ANBU."
Naruto looked at it for a few seconds, long enough for it to nod at him.
"Gah!"
Ignoring him, Hiruzen spoke to Pinkamena. "You may be able to understand Naruto's situation better than I anticipated. Rather, Pinkie will. Naruto?" That got the boy's attention. "I strongly suggest you tell her about what you are."
Naruto stared at the floor for several minutes before he looked the mare in the eyes.
"It's the worst-kept secret in Konoha. I'm a Jinchuuriki."
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"So you have a growling, grumpy voice living inside you that was once responsible for the destruction of half of Konoha. That does not excuse the behavior of those ignorant morons in the street." She turned to the Hokage as Naruto tried to process that attitude. "I imagine that the cover-up almost thirteen years ago was an intelligence nightmare."
"Indeed. But, back to the original topic, I do not approve of Naruto returning to his reign of terror. His pranks are only going to hurt his reputation in the long run."
Pinkamena snorted. "If his reputation is at the bottom of the totem-pole anyway, then pranking the village at large can't make it any worse. Besides, as long as he doesn't hurt anybody, nor impede their ability to perform their duties, nor impede his own, then he should do whatever he wishes to to relax. Regardless, you can turn it into a program to improve the security of your city."
"You make a fair point," the old man conceded. He turned to the blonde. "Naruto? Once the Chuunin Exams are over and the foreign dignitaries and ninja leave, I will approve of whatever pranks you can perform. I'll even have a budget set aside to reimburse you for whatever materials you use, within reason."
"Uhhh, okay."
All of a sudden, Pinkamena hopped up onto her hind hooves. Balancing, her ears twitched. "We are being summoned back to Canterlot."
She shook her head, the sound of a kazoo being played briefly coming from somewhere. Her hair returned to its extra-poofy state while her colors became more vibrant. Landing on all fours, Pinkie smiled at Naruto.
"Princess Luna wants to speak with us!" she cheered. Turning to the Hokage, she said, "I'm sorry, but we have to go!"
Without waiting for a reply, her tail wrapped around Naruto's waist and they disappeared in an explosion of chakra-smoke.
After a moment of silence as the smoke cleared, the old man muttered "Luna? I thought their Princess was named Celestia."
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"Before we come to a decision," Celestia began, "I wish for Pinkie to tell me about the observations she's made."
The pink mare stepped forward from her group of friends to stand next to Naruto in front of the thrones and the Captains, removing her veil from her face as she did so.
She began to recount her experiences in a very animated fashion, noting especially Naruto's living conditions and how the civilian populace in Konoha treated him (but excluding the existence of her other self). As she mentioned the glares and animosity directed at a nearly-thirteen-year-old boy, the sunlight filtering in through the windows became brighter for a brief instant.
"- and then the Hokage told me why they treated him like that. It's still a stupid reason though," she growled before switching back to an energetic tone. "I'd tell you what it is, but I respect Naruto's privacy and he's the only one allowed to do so."
"Can you give a hint?" asked Captain Meteor Strike.
"Only that he was born on the same day that a biju attacked Konoha."
Murmurs were heard amongst the guards and the mares from Ponyville. The princesses turned to one another and brought their horns together. A faint shimmer of magic passed between the horns.
They had been at it for a few minutes and the longer their spellwork was taking, the more nervous Naruto became. The deep-rooted fear of rejection tried to claw its way to the forefront of Naruto's mind. The only reason why he calmed down was that Pinkie started nuzzling his arm.
The sisters' spell ceased and they turned as one to face Naruto. Luna spoke, silencing the murmurs coming from around the room.
"All facts considered thou wouldst make for a mediocre summoner, Uzumaki Naruto. However, thy ability to learn quickly gives us reason to hope that thou wouldst be able to improve thyself with training and conditioning."
"A mitigating circumstance," continued Celestia, "is your stunted emotional growth. I personally feel that you need us for emotional reasons more than for combat effectiveness. I was unsure about it before, but now I wholly approve of having you become our summoner."
Luna's horn started shining with an indigo aura. With a crack of displaced air, a scroll materialized in front of Naruto. Guided by the moon goddess's magic, the parchment unrolled itself in front of Naruto to show a contract empty of names.
"WE PRESENT UZUMAKI NARUTO, THE FIRST PONY SUMMONER!"
"OW!" complained Shining Armor as he massaged his ears with his hooves. "A little warning next time, please."
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End Chapter Three.
Next Chapter: reading seven books at once!
Wow.... Memories... this was quite literally one of the first MLP fanfics I ever read, and if I remember correctly I read it on fanfiction.net Daym.... The memories. Can't believe I'm seeing it again.
P.S. And its just as good as I remember it
continue please, that is all i have to say. thank you and goodbye for now.
2588528
You've been reading pony fiction for only seven months?
2588612
Ehh... I didn't read much back at that point. Busy with school work. and if I remember correctly this was the 7th fanfic that I had read. and the other 6 were long and completed, took about a month each since I didn't get much time to read them.
It's been a little over a year since I first got into MLP, but a year since joining Fimfiction on august 29th
Absolutely amazing!
2588612 Please continue writing this more often. It is a great story, although I have 1 question: How are you going to merge shippuden and regular naruto together?
2588648
MAGIC!
2588528
My first PonyFic was on Fanfic.net too. It's still ongoing Lewis of Equestria is a good fic in my book. I still get your meaning though.
i likies. i likies a lot
schedule, schedule, schedule, come on schedule
Ooh, do it on thursdays, a day after a naruto manga chapter release
-Kiryu
2588811
I don't have enough free time to write that fast. I was thinking... biweekly or monthly.
I nearly squealed my self into a stupor when I saw this updated. Lets hope you give a beat down to the monster know as writers block.
Aww yeah, this updated and it was awesome. I love it! (And my fears of "FiM episodes, but Naruto'd" have been allayed.)
EW. I opened this up and immediately come face to face with some of the most horrendous gratuitous engrish i've seen in my day (which is a lot). Trying to match hadena subs for that record is not how to roll, my friend.
Again another fine chapter, I can wait for the next update and when team seven meet Pinkie, I feel that shall be bloody well hilarious.
oh god twilight is going to send herself to the hospital trying to absorb too much information at once.
Only seven? Why not the whole library? XD
2589031 Where is the Engrish you speak of? I seem to have missed it.
Good chapter. Looking forward to the next one!
Huh. How on earth did I miss one?
2588651
Well, honestly there's a huge time skip from the end of original Naruto to Shippuden, I don't think all the girls he knows would develop quite as much otherwise. *cough* Hinata got hot *cough*
Quite the fun read. I like how you modded the MLP realm to make it more compatible with the Naruverse. The unabashed use of OCs startled me a bit, but grew on me quickly once I realized that there would be actual plot significance. Reminds me of a previous crossover "Friendship Contract", except that "Your Summon is Pink" doesn't seem to need to reinvent the wheel as far as techniques go. A benefit overall, I think.
This is gonna be good.
Will Naruto be drawing any comparisons between Fluttershy and a certain shy medically-inclined ninja back home?
2589073
Correction: Gratuitous amounts of using japanese titles instead of the properly translated english ones, just because "it looks cooler". Or whatever it is. "Sandaime hokage" herp. Now Hokage I can understand, since that's a proper term as far as the series goes. Likewise using "Konoha village" or "Hidden leaf village" really makes no difference either - it's a name. However, there is ABSOLUTELY NO REASON to put the rest of it in japanese. Aside from satisfying your own raving lust for the language, I suppose. Which you shouldn't take out on your readers. But putting it in full raving japanese mode and then adding parenthesis with translation...
Ew. Ew. Ew.
In general, if something is disconnected far enough from the scene to deserve being put in parenthesis, You Don't Need It. In other cases - like the ANBU - you can simply put a few commas or whatever to explain what they are, instead of putting it in a parenthesis. It's one of the worst literary devices you can use in a work with any sort of seriousness.
Now there's also a lot of localization boops in this fic, which I'd like to touch upon briefly. Firstly, honorifics.
To take a parallel from subbing, there are usually 3 ways to go about this: Keeping honorifics, which may allow for some more nuance but makes you sound like a weaboo; ignoring honorifics, which assumes any nuance is superfluous or unnecessary to translate and may lead to some errors; and translating honorifics, which may make you sound like a bad dub at times but if done properly can go very smoothly.
Now the first thing you need to keep in mind is the fact that THIS IS NOT A SUBBED EPISODE OF AN ANIME. You cannot treat the text in the same way. There's not going to be any japanese voice-over to match the text, so any nuance or dependency from that part is straight out gone. This means the need for "authenticity" is, in my opinion, VERY much inferior to the need for proper literary devices. First and foremost of which are making your text sound good - even to people who aren't used to reading anime fansubs.
Going to stop ranting now, but you should take a serious editing run.
After Chapter 2, I was afraid this would turn into a straight reselling of Naruto with ponies interjected.
I think all my fears vanished with this chapter. Nicely done!
I'm glad to see this updated, and I can't wait for more. My only complaint is that Applejack should speak with a southern accent, not a Brooklyn street accent. For example this line:
Should be:
There were some other examples, but now I can't seem to find them.
Overall it's a great fic and I can't wait for the next chapter.
2588612 That's not so weird, i have only been an brony for 3 months.
btw Awesome story like to see it updated
Great chapter.
Something tell's me Basil won't be dissappointed when Naruto summons him.
Will the encounter with Gaara at the hospital still happen?
I'm looking forward to seeing what you do with the MLP villains in this story.
2588651 lmao xD
2589051
Twi can't perform the Kagebunshin.
2589031
(I read your other comment already.)
What's wrong with being a wiabuu? A good deal of Japanese titles and words do not have a proper English translation, so I don't bother. A good deal of English words do not have a Japanese counterpart, so they don't translate those either. I find the technique names to sound more mysterious and fluid when they remain untranslated ("Art of Body Replacement"? Really?).
Anyway, no one is forcing you to read this. While I am trying to make this story as accessible as possible to people not familiar with Naruto, there are some things I will not compromise. I had to do quite a bit of research to understand the show as well as I do, and while I will try to explain certain things (like why a girl's first kiss is important), others I will prompt people to look up on their own.
It's called Tangential Learning and...
You know what? I'm starting to sound quite haughty and arrogant. If you wish to continue this discussion, I'm willing to do so in messages (unless one of the other readers wants to read this as well).
2589062
To be explained.
2589112
STOP READING MY MIND!
2589171
One what? The character, General One?
2589186
Honestly? A three-year time-skip is too much of one to give your characters (bad Kishimoto). What's worse is that he didn't improve much over said gap (very bad Kishimoto). If I get that far (which I plan on), I'll actually cover most of the time-skip.
2589226
Thanks. I haven't read any other fics in this category of crossover simply because I didn't want to be accused of plagiarism, but it's good to know that I'm avoiding some of their problems.
2589249 2590318
Really? I tried to make her sound as close to what I hear Texans speak like.
2589327
Perhaps.
2589574
Glad to assuage your fears.
2591020
Hooooooh-boy. Whatever you do, don't read "Cupcakes".
2591414
Thanks.
Oh, Basil won't!
Probably. I think I'll need to give Naruto a reason to want to keep Gaara alive. However, killing him also has merits for plot divergence. Hmmm...
I've already hinted at that (obtusively, of course).
2592485
Naruto ponyfic.
2592485
Of course I know there are difficult things in translations like this. The main thing, however, is that you need to remember what those names are for.
In the original japanese, the names of techniques (for examples) are obvious indicators to their purpose. Yes, there is some level of cool-naming in there, but don't let that distract you from the fact that deep down, these names are there to explain to you what kind of magic these guys are doing. This becomes MORE vital when you're lacking the visuals of the anime (which sort of explain on their own), and in that situation you can't simply go all "hurr but it sounds cooler" - which is an entirely personal opinion, by the way - and ignore the fact that bar you explaining everything every time, many of your readers won't have a clue about what's going on. The elements of your story might seem straightforward and clear as glass to you, but your readers don't have the same knowledge and understanding of anything that happens as you do. And names - this I have learned the hard way - are some of the hardest things to deal with.
Like Brandon Sanderson says - when a reader understands something, he will like it more. Yes, it might sound more "mysterious and cool" to you, but what that means is that your readers will be totally in the dark some of the time. You don't want this to happen. A reader who doesn't understand what's going on is a reader that, unless you do something about it REALLY fast, will very soon jump ship and go read something else.
So sit down for a moment and think. To a reader that's not familiar with the material, which name explains the most: Kagebunshin no Jutsu or Shadow Clone Technique?
Of course, there are multiple things you have to decide about in this as well. Should I call them "techniques"? Or "jutsus"? Or even "spells"? How much can I translate, and how much can I leave untranslated?
But remember that this isn't an anime sub, and it's not (or not only, at least) anime fans reading it. And if you try just a bit harder, there are MANY more things that you can properly translate - at least in the relevant context - than things you cannot. So please, do bother. It will pay off.
I'd advise you to get an editor/proofer on this, to help working with this sort of stuff.
Eh, this seems alright in concept, but you're moving really really REALLY quickly with very little exposition.
Your issue appears to be a tendency to lay out the steps of the plot without bridging the gap between strong points. This seems to be a fairly common occurrence with writers who are trying to show and not tell, but the end result ends up being extremely bare-bones because they're actively trying to limit what they write. I find that the key aspect that an author needs to be concerned about is character interaction. You've spent a lot of time talking about movements and how people get to places and what they're doing (the "strong points of plot" that I mentioned earlier), but it is necessary for you to greatly expand the time characters spend just talking. Your people and ponies are present as puppets to act out a story, but truly living beings spend a shocking amount of time just chilling on a park bench. For example, a scene with Naruto and Pinkie just chilling on the roof of his apartment as they go over his life story would be extremely useful. This sounds boring, yes, but it won't be if you focus on action and reaction. Do not consider the subject matter, but rather consider the people who are speaking and try to make their speech interesting to listen to rather than interesting to read.
Additionally, I would strongly recommend going back and using Enma as a medium to transfer as much world building as you can, probably in the context of a meeting between Hiruzen and Jiraiya. Additionally, the idea of ponies in general being summons seems kinda odd, and I'd consider perhaps limiting the contract to a specific subset of ponies from the community. Your reasons for approving Naruto as a summoner are valid, but it feels like you could spend more time building up to the big reveal.
TL;DR: Overall, your concept is good, but you need to spend more time having people just talk to each other, rather than skipping between places to make a plot happen.
2592930
Fair points. And you're right in that I don't have any audio-visual cues to help the reader understand what is being said.
That said, I find the brony community to be a little more forgiving than the Narutards.
Yeah, that sounds like a stupid argument, but hear me out.
While I can get away with misquoting a line from MLP, mistranslating a jutsu name (even once) has gotten many Narutofic authors ostracized from their fanbase. While I don't particularly fear the wrath of idiots over the internet, I don't care too much for confrontationalism either. I find it easier to potentially confuse a brony for a short period of time (and they can always ask me for clarification) than to have to deal with the ravings of fifty-odd Narutards driving away the rest of my readers.
I can understand if you disagree with such rationalization, and wish to discontinue reading, but I hope you can forgive the quirks that come when I write about anything related to Japan.
P.S. - I'm enjoying this discussion. I apologize if you aren't.
2593301
No worries there - you're taking this a lot more sensibly than most other people I go and rant at. :)
But yeah, I understand your arguments at least - even though I can't say I agree with them. I suppose you're publishing this to some sort of naruto community as well?
2593222
Damn.
2593257
You're right. Character interaction is very important, and one of the things I desperately need to work on. Well, practice makes perfect.
Hopefully, I can get enough free time to flesh-out those scenes a bit more in the future.
2593342
Indeed. With completely different formatting tags.
Alright, 3rd chapter much better than first. Story falls into some common crossover genre pitfalls, but noting in the fic itself seems off. You still do AJ's accent so badly I want to shove an apple in her mouth every time she opens it.
2593348
If I may be so bold:
Stop writing this story.
Start a fic called "YSIP Side Stories" or something appropriate.
Focus this fic (I shall call it *$* from now on) on just ponies/people talking. It is not necessary to post *$*, only to write it.
Profit.
Seriously though, nothing makes a story mesh like character interaction. I'm a big fan of Gunslinger Girl, a manga about eleven year old girls being turned into cyborg super soldiers by the Italian Government. The idea is completely absurd and the plot effectively revolves around the assumption that Italy has gone completely to shit. But the manga is completely and utterly amazing because the characters are quite literally living, breathing people. Characters are absolutely the foundation of any work, and I would really tell you to hold everything until you have your characters living and talking to you in your head.
2592485
Feel free to PM me if you're unsure about how to make Applejack sound natural. Being from Texas myself, I'm somewhat decent at her accent. :P
Regardless, I do like your fic.
But I like reading ahead.
Well, well. Looking through your work it seems to be good enough in quality, though you do keep making a number of questionable localization decisions at times (I still can't for the life of me grasp why you don't just translate the Hokage numbers). Still, the Naruto-verse and the lingo used is admittedly quite hard to localize properly. I'll give you leave for that for the moment.
I will keep an eye on this, I think.
How nostalgic it is to see mention of a thirteen year old Naruto.
Back in my day...
2593579
I'm going to have to take you up on that.
2593375
Steps are being taken to fix it.
2593572
That's an idea with some merit. Though I can't in good conscience leave all of my other readers hanging.
I'll have to give it more thought (I'm very tired right now).
2593755
Thanks. :
2592485 Dont worry i have read plenty about it and have no reason to actually read it.
I'm really hoping for someone to casually insult one of the ponies, or for Naruto to be insulted for summoning ponies.
That would be fun.
Love this! I can't wait to see what Naruto learns from the ponies. Please update soon!
2594356
Why do you think the title is what it is?
2595290
Got two or three other things to update first.
Another enjoyable chapter hope to see more of pinkamena more please continue!