Hearts and Hooves Day
Bob sat and stared at the newspaper, after he passed out on Cadance’s back, the rest of the night was a bit of a blur for him. He just knew that Luna got dragged off with Chrysalis, despite the two of them agreeing to cuddle together and relax after the stress and joy of a successful concert. The human was now a few thousand bits richer, thanks to the ticket sales alone. With Filthy Rich being Bob’s main retailer for his albums, that would soon rake in more bits than he could ever hope to find a use for. What Bob does remember was waking up to Shining Armor peering down on him with a big smile on his face…
When the two males started cuddling was beyond him, but Bob didn’t particularly mind one bit. At least in a world of magical ponies, he still has at least one older brother to look up to… Even if that older brother couldn’t be around all the time because he had to immediately leave at noon with Cadance to go rule a whole kingdom. The human hadn’t heard from Luna since she got dragged away by Chrysalis, so that was how the human’s morning went the following evening.
The newspaper finally stopped by today, and Bob was currently reading what the press thought of his work.
Though there was a mixed reception amongst the nobles of Canterlot, Princess Celestia seems to be a huge fan of Bob the Human’s band that he had formed with her younger sister. With the fun atmosphere that the concert held, along with help from Octavia Melody, a world renowned cellist, it was truly a remarkable experience. While the genre of ‘swing music’ is rather new as Mr. Bob had come up with it seemingly on the spot; it already has a growing number of fans in Canterlot and Ponyville.
What seems truly remarkable is the level of skill that Bob possessed with any of the instruments that he actually played on stage. In an interview, Octavia says the following:
“While Bob’s ability to play a violin is by no means Equus shattering, the fact that he was able to improve so quickly is shocking. While I can play an assortment of string instruments, those are all fairly similar to each other. Meanwhile, I believe Bob’s range of instruments does not stop with what he’s played on stage if that drum machine he loves to use is any indicator. He has to know how to play the drums, or else he wouldn’t have the machine, for instance. Though the ones he does not play on stage are probably the instruments he is not very confident in playing.”
Bob chuckled at how on the nose Octavia was with that.
“How did you feel about Bob making a song that ‘called you out’ as he said on stage?” Was the next question in the interview.
“I found it rather silly, but I do understand why. Given how much Bob improved with string instruments, after I made a comment on his skills with the violin being subpar, I figured that was a fun little jab at me. Obviously the two of us have nothing against each other. In fact, this morning, Bob found my hotel room and spent some time with myself and Vinyl. And to empathize that there was no bad blood between us. It ended with the two of us using him as a pillow and him scratching our ears. Really, from what I keep hearing about how most of Equestria sees him, I expected Bob to be less of a sweetheart.
“Get on his good side, and he’s one of the nicest… humans you’ll ever meet. Well, the only human you’ll ever meet, given what he said last night.” That was as far into the interview that Bob wanted to read; he just wanted to make sure he and Tavi were still cool… Perhaps he should poke at Vinyl next, nothing serious, just make fun of her for using Electronics in her music. It would be funny and a bit ironic given his own reliance on a drum machine to perform on stage, or his speech about using a computer to make music back home, and it would give him an excuse to work with the DJ.
After all, that day he spent over at Tavi and Vinyl’s hotel was pretty fun.
Then he got to the section that really made his day; the parts about Luna.
Many say that they knew of Princess Luna, but thought of her as the mean one of the two sisters. Bob chuckled at the photo shown with the article. It was when Luna got done singing Paint the Moon Red, and she was so happy and so shaky that she couldn’t stand. There were a few more photos of some of the dance moves the two of them shared while singing the song, and even more while the two cuddled and tried to ‘whisper’ to each other while Luna accidentally held the microphone too close to them to have a private conversation.
He read a few more reviews and deflated slightly. A vast majority of the more snobbish ponies that came for Octavia were insulting him for said use of a drum machine, saying his sense of music theory was awful even though Bob was willing to bet half the nobles couldn’t tell a diad from a triad. Or how Octavia was willing to work with two monsters… Until he got to somebody named Fancy Pants, and it was… actually pretty nice.
A few more reviews mainly just said they didn’t like the style of music, or didn’t like some of the topics, with some of them being far too ‘dark’ or too vulgar. Especially the songs that Bob specifically had written or had covered during the concert. Those, he could handle; some people won’t love everything he’ll ever make, after all.
It wasn’t much, but Fancy Pants mostly voiced how, while he couldn’t enjoy a lot of the rock songs that Bob and Luna played, he did love the swing music. He also acknowledged how hard it must’ve been to be performing on stage at Bob’s age, and how impressed he was… essentially Fancy Pants was just impressed with what Bob could do, and was incredibly surprised that Luna could sing so well. Fancy Pants wanted to see more of what Bob could do. That alone made the human smile just a little.
Surprisingly, somebody named Fleur De Lis said she really liked the rock style of music, and wanted to try and find where Bob lived so that she could hire him to play some at some of her parties. Bob, of course, decided not to mail anything to any nobles for the time being; he’d rather live his life for now before he got serious with any sort of business, especially one as a musician. He’s still riding high off of the money he's made and has no use for, so he had no need to start taking gigs just yet.
The door clicked open and three sets of tiny little hooves on hardwood made the human look up from his newspaper. Twilight and Spike had gone out for groceries, with bits that Bob literally had to make the unicorn take, and so Bob was alone in the library. “Hey Bob!” The human set down his newspaper to see… Three fillies, the Cutie Mark Crusaders to be exact. The three fillies chorused their greetings and beamed up with him huge smiles. “We have an idea for us to try out! Wanna hear it?”
“You know what?” The human grinned. “Alright,” the human set the newspaper on the table before hopping on the floor. Each filly got their ‘greetings ear scritches’ and whatnot. “So, what are we doing today?” He asked after giving Apple Bloom a last minute ear scritch.
“We were thinking…” Sweetie Belle started.
“That you looked a little lonely sometimes,” Apple Bloom added. That made Bob raise an eyebrow.
“And we still need our Cutie Marks…” Scootaloo finished.
“So we wanted to get our MATCHMAKER CUTIE MARKS!” Bob blinked a couple of times.
“Wot?” The poor kid looked a bit bewildered.
“We want to find you a special somepony!”
Bob raised an eyebrow before turning his head towards Azolf. The changeling had managed to cram himself into one of the few bookshelves in the library that was empty; a common habit from the changeling. The changeling slowly shook his head; the human was on his own. After all, three excitable fillies had enough excitement in them to make the changeling feel high, apparently, so Azolf couldn’t help if he wanted to.
That was a lie; Azolf just didn’t wanna get dragged into whatever the Crusaders could brew up.
The human’s shoulders drooped for just a moment. “Why do you girls want to get me hooked up with somebody?” Bob asked.
“Well, it’s Hearts and Hooves Day.” Bob looked at the calendar on the wall. While the calendar seemed to match the one most people on the North American continent use, there were a few differences. For instance, autumn and winter were towards the end of the year, with the dates for when both seasons would start and end being present on the calendar. Another thing, Spring and Summer were at the start.
Spring started in Prancuary, or the pony’s equivalent to January. Summer started in Hoofne, or June’s equivalent, no matter how poor that attempt at horseshoeing a pony related pun that month’s name was. Thanksgiving wasn’t present at all, and neither were several American holidays.
However, there is a Unification Day, which happens in Fily, or July. Hearth’s Warming happened the same day that Thanksgiving was supposed to happen, Neighvember Seventeenth, or November for any non-equine-creatures reading. Hearts and Hooves day, or the pony version of Valentine's day, was in March(no pony pun for March) as opposed to February, for whatever reason.
The human read the date… March Fourteenth.
“Why do you kiddos want to find me a date today?”
“Duh, it would be romantic,” Sweetie Belle said.
“And you’re a big pony, Bob. It has to be lonely for you on the day that’s all about your special somepony!” Apple Bloom added.
“And we could possibly get our Cutie Marks… No matter how sappy our marks are,” Scootaloo cringed at the idea of playing matchmaker. “Plus, you help us with homework and tutor us, so we figured we could return the favor.”
“Where’s Arrow?” Bob asked. The colt was very clearly not present despite being an official member of the Crusaders.
“Arrow’s pretty weird,” Scootaloo shrugged. “He said he couldn’t come crusading because ‘I wanna spend the day with my favorite mare in the world’ or whatever. He’s spending the day with his mother for some reason,” she waved a hoof. “It’s pretty… Why are you looking like that, Bob?” The pegasus asked.
“Well,” Bob was holding a hand up to his mouth. He had let out a very silent gasp; hearing how his little colt wanted nothing more to spend the holiday with his mom… That sounded absolutely adorable and a lot like quality mother and son snuggles… Bob chuckled at the idea before shrugging; he now knew what to do when Mother’s Day rolled around during Neigh(May). “Fuck, that sounds like something I woulda loved to do when I was eight, too.”
“Why would anypony do that?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“To a young boy, or colt, your mother’s your most important person in your life. She brought you into the world, and she’ll love you more than anything. If I ever even knew my mother, I would’ve done just what Arrow’s doing right now…” The human shook his head before taking a deep breath. “So, how are you three going to hook me up with somebody?”
“We had a few ponies in mind,” Scootaloo said. The human raised an eyebrow and kept it raised when he was brought up to Rainbow Dash and left with her. The fillies had hidden in a bush a ways away, but probably close to hear the human and cyan pegasus talk to each other.
“So Scootaloo and her friends wanted us to date?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Yeah, apparently. The Crusaders want us to go on a date or something. They’ve got a list of ponies, and Scoots was very forward with who she wanted me to swing at first. Because apparently you’re her favorite pegasus, which is understandable, and I’m her favorite human.” The human shrugged. “Aren’t you into mares?”
“Well… sorta.” Rainbow Dash rubbed the back of her head. “It’s pretty common, especially in mare dominated towns, to have mare only relationships. I personally wouldn’t mind if I had a coltfriend or a marefriend…” she hummed. “Wait, wouldn't dating be really weird for us? You’re only sixteen and all.”
“Man, fuck if I know. I read a law book, and as long as a foal is over thirteen and has their mark, they can consent, but are usually discouraged from consenting to any random stranger they meet. Since I’m not a pony, if I’m close to being physically mature, or am physically mature, by law I would be an adult. I’m only sixteen and, in the country I was from, eighteen is when you’re an adult. Same case in a lot of other countries actually. Luna and Celestia just don’t want me to date either of them until I’m a little older and had ‘seen the world’ or whatever,” Bob shrugged. “How old are you, anyways??”
“I’m twenty,” Rainbow answered.
“...But ponies aren’t considered full adults until twenty five?” The mare nodded. “I guess it’s kinda like humans, in a sense. Humans aren’t considered fully mature until twenty five, but by law, you’re an adult at eighteen. I guess ponies generally consider themselves adults at eighteen?” The pegasus nodded again. “I guess… It wouldn’t be too weird to me; my school had fourteen to twenty year olds. It wasn’t uncommon for there to be sixteen year olds that are dating twenty year old kids.” The human paused. “And I’m gonna be seventeen during Neighvember, so there’s that.”
“Meh, I was hoping to actually get to know you, y’know,” the human raised an eyebrow. “You spend so much time in that library, that the rest of us think you just don’t want to do anything other than sit around.” The pegasus added. “Plus with you being a musician apparently, we also assume you’re trying to come up with your next big hit.”
“...Music’s a hobby that happens to be bringing in a shitload of bits, Dash. You guys just never stopped by so I assumed y’all had something better to do than hang out with me. After all, I am quite literally Twilight’s weird little brother that sometimes tags along on her adventures with y’all.”
“You’re not that weird, Bob,” the pair turn to the bush to see Scootaloo complain about the two of them not doing something other than stand around and talk. Apparently she expected them to be kissing by now. That got an eye roll from both mare and man. “I think you’re cool at least,” the pegasus looked around. “Don’t tell anyone I told you that.” The human nodded in agreement to that. Hearing some form of praise from the cyan mare was weird.
“Wanna just go to the park or walk around? I’m sure we can think of something to do as a ‘date’. We’ll really just be hanging out to appease those three,” Bob pointed at the bush. “I’m scared of what they’d do if I ran through their list of ponies and found nopony I loved on the spot.” Rainbow Dash couldn’t really argue with that logic, so the two did just that. They walked around town, with Bob making a quick pit stop at the library for some bits and his trusty, old acoustic guitar.
From there, the two went to an ice cream shop. After placing their order, Rainbow Dash pulled out a coin purse from a pocket on her left flank, just underneath the cutie mark. Bob never knew that was there, since Twilight usually just teleported things to her. And most of the ponies he hung out with happened to be very talented with magic, so they probably never used their literal butt pockets. “Hey,” Bob said, pulling his own coin purse out. “I thought I was paying.”
“But…” Rainbow Dash started. “The mare usually pays for the stallion on dates. That’s what Twilight said after reading a book on dating. Heck, it’s what my Mom did for my Dad. it’s… kinda common since mares usually outnumber stallions... By a lot.”
“On Earth, the guy pays to be a gentleman to their date. Though it gets a little odd with same sex relationships and whatnot…” The human sighed. “How about I pay? I know that you’re probably doing fine on bits, with you being the local weather captain and all, but I literally have ten thousand bits lying around in the storage closet of the library and I need something to do with them. If somehow, this makes us a legitimate couple, then we can take turns.”
The mare’s ears shot straight up before she eyed Bob somewhat closely “That sounds fair… wait, you said ten thousand bits?” Rainbow asked, her voiced raised slightly due to how impressed she was.
That got a nod out of Bob. “That’s just what I got from the concert up in Canterlot. That’s just from ticket sales by the way. I don’t know how much money I’ve got, but I’ve got tons and I wanna either donate all of it, or buy my own house eventually. Possibly in Canterlot so I could see Luna more often, but I also don’t wanna leave Ponyville behind.”
“Why’s that?” Rainbow Dash asked. “The stay in Ponyville bit. You could live anywhere you want with your bits!
“Well, I dunno how Canterlot would react to me moving in. At least Ponyville’s been treating me a lot better since the first concert. Hell, some mares still stop me on the street to give me a hug and tell me they’re sorry for the shitshow that was my first year in Equestria. Or to offer me candy like I’m a cute little colt that needs love and affection…” The human chuckled after placing enough bits to pay for the bill, and a couple dozen more into the tip jar. That got a nod out of the pegasus. “It’s nice, but it’s like every single mare in town, besides you and the rest of our friends, are trying to baby me. I also just like how quiet it is here. The city I grew up in was noisy as hell and had a small… oh I dunno, ten million humans in it. I’ve gotten used to the quiet and not very polluted air. Plus if I move, I can’t see Twilight all that often, and I use her as a teddy bear sometimes when I’m really feeling the need for affection.”
Rainbow snickered at that. That will certainly be used to tease the lavender unicorn later. “That… sounds like you and Twilight should be dating. Instead of you know, us dating.”
“Fuck that,” Bob said in a heartbeat. “She’s my adoptive sister. I don’t care how socially different Equestria is from America; I ain’t dating somebody that’s legally considered my sister, who I very much see as a sister.” The human paused. “Though Twilight’s whole family is a lot cuddlier and more touchy than my biological one. Like my brothers and I were super close, I loved my dad, but we usually never cuddled on the couch or anything like that. Shining Armor, despite everything I thought, is a huge cuddlebug. Hell, the only pony I know isn’t a super huge cuddle bug is you, Rainbow.”
“I’m not a fan of that touchy stuff,” the pegasus shrugged. “I wouldn’t say no to a hug, though. Nopony would say no to a hug…” Rainbow paused. “I usually tolerate hugs though,” her eyes shot to the left pretty quickly as she said that.
“I sure wouldn’t miss a hug from a pony. For how dangerous all of y’all are, you’re soft as hell. It’s like hugging a samoyed,” Rainbow Dash cocked an eyebrow while licking her cone, a nice three scoop of cookies and cream(Rainbow thought she would be paying, so she treated herself a bit). “Those are a dog breed from home, really fluffy snow dogs…” The human shook his head. “So, what do you wanna do after we eat this stuff? I’m sure you’d be as fun to watch as the Wonderbolts,” the human hummed.
And then chuckled when Rainbow Dash started gushing over the Wonderbolts. “Of course, I could put on a private show for you. May a Wonderbolt maybe in town one day and-”
“Holy, you get more excited than I do when I heard that Bo Burnham was performing in New York, he’s the dude that wrote a world on fire, the greatest song in history.” Rainbow snickered at that. “But seriously, I do wanna see what stunt flying is like. I probably wouldn’t be able to fully appreciate how cool it is, especially since I don’t have wings, but I thought stunt jet fliers were pretty cool.”
“I’ll show you a few tricks,” the pegasus hummed before pointing at the guitar on his back. “Perhaps you should play something before that though, while the ice cream sits. I bet it would be cool.”
“Nah, you fly after the ice cream properly sits, then I come up with a song on the spot for ya. Then I sing that song. Sounds cool?”
“Yeah!” Rainbow grinned.
The two ended up going to the park, where several more ponies actually gathered to see the local bigshot. There were a few ponies actually whispering about how Bob and Rainbow Dash were actually together on Hearts and Hooves Day. Rainbow just did another summersault and started barrel rolling at Bob’s shouts of joy. The human himself had to admit that… Pony stunt flyers were simply cooler than jet flyers. Especially with how as Rainbow flew, she left the Rainbow’s tail, or a rainbow trail in the sky as she flew through on by. Rainbow came skidding to a halt in front of Bob, but didn’t exactly time her stop well. She stumbled until the human caught her and managed to not get toppled over; the pegasus managed to slow herself enough before she actually crashed into him.
“You good, Dash?” Bob asked. Rainbow pulled her face out of the human’s chest, before slowly looking up at him. The human looked genuinely concerned, which actually shocked the stuntmare. “You didn’t exactly have the most graceful landing. Didn’t sprain or twist anything?” Bob got on his knees and held one of Rainbow’s forelegs while she kept staring him over. Only then did she notice something. Nopony couldn’t exactly make them out, mostly due to the numerous amounts of scars that the human had accumulated throughout his time in the wild…
But the human actually had decent muscle tone. By no means was he a huge mass of muscle like Big Macintosh, but Bob did have a good amount of muscle on him. They were well toned, despite how the guy was never the strongest or most athletic person in the room. And while Bob was human, so he didn’t exactly strike Rainbow Dash as attractive, she didn’t mind wondering if Bob could actually hold her. To top it off, she was by no means hurt, yet Bob was checking her legs and wings for injuries at what he perceived wasn’t a smooth landing.
Truth be told, Rainbow Dash was perfectly fine; she could shrug off crashing into mountains. The gesture Bob was displaying was still touching even if Rainbow couldn’t admit it… Why are my cheeks feeling warm… were the pegasus’s thoughts before she hid her gasp under a groan.
“Come on Bob, you’ve had to see me have worse landings. I’m fine!”
“I just wanted to make sure,” Bob said. “Despite how much time we’ve been able to spend together, I do consider you guys good friends of mine.” The human couldn’t see Rainbow’s blush through her coat. After he had let Rainbow’s hoof go, he ruffled her mane, which felt… surprisingly good to the pegasus. Given how she was never one to worry about the state of her mane, Rainbow didn’t mind it either. “Well, I can safely say I wanna see another performance from you.” The pegasus chuckled a little at that. “Are you sure you’re alright? I figured by now that you would have eaten that praise up.”
“I’m good, I’m good. I just haven’t had my nap yet.” Rainbow insisted.
“Aighty.” The two of them soon found themselves sitting under a tree, with Rainbow sitting and facing the human. Ponies were still gathered around, mostly fans of Bob, who were more than happy to see their favorite, foreign artist perform. “Well, Dash. I said I would come up with a song for you on the spot, so forgive me if it sounds like shit.” The human strummed the guitar a couple of times before hitting in various ways to make it sound like a drum. He did this a couple more times, quickly working together a chord progression and a beat before playing the beat and the chords at the same time. The display in of itself seemed like a flex on the human’s part, but he had clearly lost himself long before he started playing. He had quickly lost himself while working the chords out with what he was looping. The crowd had grown considerably more as Rainbow found herself actually really enjoying the improvised theme song that Bob had worked out for her.
It was a bit messy and sloppy, as any improvised song would be. However, Bob either didn’t notice or rolled with it.
Twilight had stopped by, along with the rest of her friends. The most musically inclined pony, Rarity, stopped when Bob’s voice dropped two octaves out of the blue during the second chorus. “My word, Bob sure has improved, hasn’t he?” The alabaster unicorn asked the lavender unicorn.
“Well, Bob was talking about something called ‘subharmonics’ whatever the buck that meant. Bob said it was some weird cheat code to hit lower notes, and he had been trying to get it to do it for a while now,” Twilight smiled like a proud parent. “He clearly figured out how to do it without stopping his performance.”
“Twilight, Bob’s voice is currently deeper than Bic Mac’s,” Apple Jack pointed out. “And he’s supposed to be the ‘bass singer’ in the Pony Tones,” Apple Jack added as Bob’s voice quickly jumped back into its normal range. “That colt’s got a few tricks up his sleeves apparently.”
“Nevermind that dear,” Rarity waved with a hoof, even though she planned on asking Bob to teach Big Mac how to hit those incredibly deep notes. “Look at Dashie!” She gushed. “She’s clearly embarrassed and enthralled by our human’s little song.” By the time the song stopped, Bob made a whistle-like noise before coughing.
“I am not good at hitting high notes with my head voice,” the human coughed a couple of times. While Bob set the guitar aside and coughed his lungs up, Rainbow Dash crawled up in his lap before taking her afternoon nap. “I’m glad you could be of assistance, you useless equine,” Bob’s now raspy voice choked out before he grabbed the water bottle beside him and chugged it. The human chuckled, before lifting Dash’s left hind leg, that was dangling off his lap, and tucking it in for her.
There was at least one journalist in the crowd, judging by the pony running away with a camera strapped around their neck. “Looks like this is going in the papers,” Apple Jack snickered.
“Forget that,” Spike waved a claw. “I think Bob just found himself a special somepony on accident.”
“It sure does look like it, doesn’t it?” Rarity squealed. “I always thought Dashie was into mares!”
“Oh, I cannot wait to host their wedding reception!” Pinkie squealed. “I was hoping that Bob and Luna became a couple instead, but somenuggy had to do something stupid and toss this in from left field!” Pinkie bounced. “Well, back to the shipping board… Don’t tell Princess Cadance, or she will hunt me down!” Before anypony could question what the party pony just said, Pinkie ran off and disappeared, leaving nothing but confetti behind.
Bob and Rainbow Dash weren’t any wiser to the conversation. Bob just idly stroked the sleeping mare in his lap before taking a nap himself.
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Pinkie called you out Nugget. What will you do next hmm?
11795689
cry
Ah pinkie doing and saying pinkie things. Great chapter and great music choices
I have a couple songs that whenever I hear I get a story idea for but I don’t write, I did try my hand at writing in middle school though cringe. In collage now, anyways Perhaps you’d be willing to do something with some of the songs I have heard and thought of scenes for? Would love to see them get into a story since I won’t try my hand at writing again.also I think bob and rainbow would make a pretty cool couple all things considered. Anywho keep up the awesome work nugget! Loving your stories.Pinkie shouldn't you at least wait to plan a wedding after he has gone on a date. We don't know if he sees ponies as more than friends. He come a long way from being unable to trust ponies to having friends among them.
Okay, I just came across this sentence and couldn’t help but jump to the comment section before reading on:
Really, Bob’s shoulders? There are fillies in the room!!!
(Nope, couldn’t resist.
)
What do the princesses mean by seen the world anyway?
11796089
they wanna make sure bob’s a little older.
it’d be weird for a couple thousand year old princess to date a dude whp jusy turned 18.
just like it would be for a dude who just turned 18 to be dating a 30 year old.
too much room for manipulation
11796119
Fair point I mean the princesses could be nearing the end of their lifespans for all we know so you may be right
I swear at one point Cadance commented that Twilight might've had a thing for Bob. I assume that got forgotten with the whole "Twilight's family adopted Bob" thing?
I'll note that that is one thing I don't like about this story -- past conversations/character feelings seem to get forgotten occasionally. It's not the worst thing in the world, but it's a bit jarring sometimes.