Man in a Pony’s World

by Nugget27

School Life

It had been nearly a week since Bob had first come to Ponyville. His time was mostly spent working for Apple Jack, or doing tasks for Twilight or her friends. Sometimes he’d be allowed to just stay home… if he foalsat the Cutie Mark Crusaders for the day. Of course, Bob was more than willing to oblige for that one day of the week where he just played the Crusaders and kept them from burning the library down. Twilight would give Bob questionnaires everyday, so she could better understand him, as she said. Whenever Bob had free time, he would play the guitar that he got on Apple Jack’s farm. One day, out of the week though, he had to go to Rarity’s place for the day.

Bob was holding perfectly still as Rarity was testing a smaller version of a shirt that the fashionista said she’d sell to minotaurs. She also had the human try out six or seven pairs of pants, which ranged from sweatpants to basketball shorts. She made tank tops, t-shirts, dress shirts, and even a baseball cap. Bob, despite his own reservations, held still and did as the unicorn asked… Mostly out of fear. He expected to get zapped by a spell if he didn’t. Also because Sweetie Belle was there. So, once he was told that he was allowed to keep all the clothes he had to try on, he stared down at his newly acquired shirts, a hoodie, and pairs of pants in silence.

“Bob? Is something the matter with those clothes? They’re a little less personalized or stylized because those were meant-”

“No. How do I repay you, Rarity? How do I pay you for these clothes? I’m in debt, and I don’t have a job beyond whatever you or your friends choose to give me any day over this year,” his voice cracked.

“Nonsense! You don’t need to pay me back. Think of it like this; you get some hours simply for taking my offer, and then being so compliant despite how much you didn’t enjoy having to hold still for so long. So all these clothes are a bonus-why are you so close, now Bob?” The Bob in question had set his clothes on a nearby stool, and was now towering over the alabaster unicorn. He knelt down so that they were eye to eye, and gave Rarity the biggest hug that he could. Rarity squeaked at the sudden contact, but she didn’t back away.

She had to admit, when Bob started stroking her neck, that it felt good.

“Thank you,” Bob whispered. “If you need me for anything, outside of whatever odd job you want me to do, I’ll be there for you.” They remained like that for a few moments.

“So Rarity, can we keep him?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“I already agreed to letting him foalsit you and your friends should the need ever arise, Sweetie Belle. I still find it hard to believe that…”

“I did what I did?” Bob finally let Rarity go. “Because… I’m not proud of it. I did it because I didn’t wanna die,” he sat down and allowed Sweetie Belle to climb into his lap. “Again, Rarity, if I could, I would’ve rather read a book, practice a new song, just… anything else.” The human leaned back a bit.

“Well, Bob,” Rarity offered a hoof. “I’m sure the two of us being friends wouldn’t be too bad; you could use some, and I can never have enough friends.”

“Can I scratch your back?”

“Well, if I let you, which I probably will. I’ve heard from Fluttershy how nice those paws of yours are for scratching, and I’ve seen first hoof, with Pinkie Pie asking for a belly rub, how good they are at making a mare feel special.” She batted her eyelashes, which made Bob snicker a little.

Bob raised an eyebrow. With how Rarity acts… He was not expecting that. “Rarity, you make it sound like my hands do a thing that I shouldn’t say around little fillies.”

The fashionista smirked. “Well, Bob… Perhaps we should talk in private one day.”

“What the hay are you two talking about?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“Politics,” Bob immediately said. “Did you know Celestia has to make a choice on a bill that decides whether or not a tomato is a fruit or vegetable?”

“But it’s a fruit!” Sweetie Belle squeaked. Both Bob and Rarity both giggled behind a hand and hoof.

“I think you and I will get along nicely, Rarity.”

Later that week, Bob was working on Apple Jack’s farm, choosing to only work in his tattered shorts, so as to not get any of his new clothes dirty. Currently, he was struggling to keep up with Apple Jack’s pace, as he had to take baskets of freshly picked apples, and carry them to a cart so they could be sorted into various purposes such as baked goods, to be sold as is, or to be tossed out if there’s a bad apple in the pile. This would be fine if they hadn’t left the wagon at the start of the row they were harvesting. So while Apple Jack could clear three trees in thirty seconds, it took Bob four minutes to grab a basket, walk it all the way over to the wagon, place the basket beside the wagon so they could use it later, and then come back for the next basket.

Basically, the entire row of apple trees were done being harvested, but it was taking Bob forever to move all their produce to the wagon. Apple Jack sat around by the wagon, tapping her hoof while the human was struggling along. “C’mon Bob! Me and Big Mac would’ve been done by now!” She stomped. “What’s taking you so long? It didn’t take you this long to clear out a cellar full of stuff that was heavier than a basket of apples.”

“...I had the sled to make moving all that stuff easier, Apple Jack. I’m a bit of a wimp, a bit lacking in muscle mass and all that. Tell me to do something that involves my brain? I can do that. Ask me to lift weights? I’ll probably crumple over and die. Humans are thinkers, not fighters, and if we do fight, we use things we thought of and made. We don’t go and punch a bear in the face if it’s trying to eat us, no, we shoot that son of a bitch with an assault rifle.” Bob grunted as he turned to finally get to the last twelve baskets of the harvest. As he moved them, Apple Jack got more and more infuriated as it took him a while.

Bob was lifting with his back the whole time, so that was going to definitely hurt later in life. Upon getting the last basket, Bob spun on his heel, only to yelp. “Fu-” Bob stopped himself, before groaning. “Great…” He limped over to Apple Jack, who was looking up. “I got the last basket,” he grunted, before falling to check out his newly aching ankle.

“Well, you got done before lunch at least,” Apple Jack shook her head. “With how slow you were, I don’t even know if I should get you lunch,” she stopped being angry when she saw Bob take off his left shoe to look over his injured foot. “...What in the hay did you get hurt on?” She got closer to look at it. “Why is your ankle bent like that?”

“You telling me to hurry up, made me try and hurry up. I spun with something heavy in my arms and twisted my ankle,” the human grunted. “My entire body hurts like hell, Apple Jack, this is just one extra thing to add to the long list of injuries I’ve picked up while living in a ponies’ world. But as a wise man once said. ‘If you don’t get shot with a handgun, you’ll probably be in debt by a couple thousand dollars, or you’ll hate life.’”

“Who the heck told you that?” Apple Jack asked.

“My Dad after my dog got hit by a bus,” Bob put his shoe on and got to his feet, and nearly fell over, only to stop himself. “So I guess I’ll go back to Twilight’s place if I’m not getting lunch, since I did what you told me to do today, which was to help you get through this row, so you can sell them after lunch.” The human tested his aching foot out and hissed and cringed at the pain. “Mmm, pain. That feels good.” He put the shoe back on and used the nearby wagon to pick himself off the ground.

AJ’s ears perked up as what the human had said finally sunk in. “Ah shoot! Bob, look, I… I didn’t notice just how hard I was pushing you. Let me get you something to eat and we’ll get you checked out at the hospital,” Apple Jack stepped forward and reached out with a hoof, only for the human to take a step back and nearly fall again. “You can barely walk, let me-”

“Let you watch as I limp back to Twilight’s library. I’ll be fine, eventually.” Bob hissed as he braced himself, before letting go of the wagon to do as he had said. His ankle hurt like a motherfucker, but he didn’t want to even look at the farm pony.

“Bob, you need help. Get on my darn back and- Hey! Get back here!”

“So you can berate me for being slow while complaining about wasting lunch on a shitty slave? Face it, Apple Jack, you mainly put up with me and only think I’m not that much of a threat anymore, and I’ll try to get along with you ponies, but I’m really just a slave that’s paying his debt back to you guys. And like with any slave, their owners aren’t too happy when the slave isn’t meeting expectations.” Bob said, never turning back as he started limping towards the gate to the property. “See ya, I guess.” And… Bob’s voice actually cracked a bit, probably the pain, but it sounded as though…Bob did let his shoulders slag as he told her about being nothing more than a slave. She sighed and pulled her hat down.

Upon reaching the library a few hours and falling on his face several times, Bob opened the door and walked in. Twilight, and the rest of her friends, save Apple Jack, were happily chatting around a table over what looked like lunch and a card game. They only noticed him after he closed the door, and had limped over to the couch and dropped onto it. “Hey Bob! Did you eat at Apple Jack’s before coming home?”

“Yeah, her food’s awesome.” Bob lied. “Had a great time working too, got to learn a thing or two about how to harvest apples,” he sighed. “I feel like I got hit by a school bus, though.”

“Why did you limp over to the couch?” Rainbow asked. “Usually that means something’s wrong.”

“I, a city boy, worked on a farm and lifted stuff since the sun rose to twelve in the afternoon, Rainbow. I’m not built for hard labor.”

“Your ankle looks like Mr. Bear’s after he twisted it while catching fish.” Fluttershy commented.

“And you’ve never seen every angle that a human ankle can bend and twist. This is normal,” Bob lied. “So what the heck were you guys doing? Aside from having lunch.” He noted that the plates were entirely clean; they weren't even used.

“We were getting ready to head out, and wanted to wait for you,” Twilight said. “I wanted to make sure you ate something in case you somehow escaped Apple Jack’s hospitality,” Bob chuckled at that. “But it looks like you didn’t.”

“And you all suddenly have plans, as usual, to head out somewhere as soon as I come back from working with one of y’all,” Bob pointed out. “And you take Spike with ya and don’t let me tag along,” he got up. “Well, I’m going to take a shower and wonder why I haven’t hung myself yet, and take a nap or something.”

Twilight’s eyes widened. “Wait, hang yourself?”

“Yeah. Shoulda done that once I realized I’m in a magical, talking horse filled, land.” Bob looked at Twilight’s curious expression. “It’s a term humans use sometimes. Hanging a human by the neck’s a good way to kill them.” The unicorn’s sudden curiosity turned into sudden concern.

“Why do you want to kill yourself?!” She shouted, pinning him back to the couch. “Is something wrong and you didn’t tell me? I told you that you could come to me if you had problems, and I’ll help you with them!” She shouted. “What happened?”

“I was born, that’s a starting point of what went wrong in my life. I’m pretty sure I’ll get killed if I break the terms and conditions of me staying alive in Equestrian borders, so there’s that.” Bob tried to push Twilight off of him, but as it turns out, a miniature horse can be heavy when they want to be. “There’s also a sense of crippling loneliness-”

“We could get you a pet,” Fluttershy suggested.

“...I don’t think I want another pet,” the human shook his head. “Look, let’s just forget that I said I wanna die, and pretend that it never happened… I mean, if I die, what’s one less person in the world?” He asked.

“Bob, that is a terrible line of thinking!” Twilight shouted.

Pinkamina Diane Pie immediately knew what to do, she grabbed Twilight, moved her out the way and crawled into Bob’s lap. “I know how to make you think happy thoughts! C’mon! Rub my belly! I know it makes you happier when you rub a pony’s belly! And it would be super, totally awesome if you did, because then you’d smile!” Bob did as she said and gave a fake smile, before pushing Pinkie off of his lap. She deflated a little. “Bob, are you alright? I know a real smile when I see one, and that was not a real smile.”

The human seemingly ignored the question and was already getting up. “I’m going to go shower. Go enjoy whatever the heck y’all were about to do, and I’ll take care of the dishes while you’re out, Twilight.” Before anyone could protest or stop him, Bob went upstairs to clean himself of all the dirt. The five mares stared up at where Bob had disappeared to, and all began giving each other looks.

“...Maybe we should do something to cheer Bob up,” Twilight said.

“Perhaps we can discuss this over lunch?” Rarity hummed. The five agreed. With that, they all had left, and for a Hayburger. Their musings on what could’ve possibly ruined the human’s mood in a heartbeat, led to solutions. Somewhere, Twilight mentioned how Bob was technically still a child. Rarity brought up how Bob absolutely loved foals, and then it went back to how Bob could use an education if he was going to live with ponies for the next year at the very least. Shortly after, the mares had gotten their food, ate and chatted about other topics and split up for the day.

Twilight made sure to go find Ms. Cherilee to ask about enrolling Bob into school.

The next day, Bob was woken up at the crack of dawn, by an excited, purple unicorn. “Hey,” he said. His usually deep voice was even deeper as his vocal chords got used to being used again. “Did Apple Jack need me to work for her again?” Twilight simply shook her head, her smile never faltered. “Are you happy because Celestia heard of my terrible performance as a slave and demands I get executed?”

“Oh no! Execution is illegal in Equestria. At worst you would get banished… If Celestia didn’t want you to be in the country. I just have a surprise for you!”

“Oh boy. Is it a noose?”

“No, I enrolled you in a school!”

“...What?” Bob started rubbing his eyes, his tired brain not fully comprehending what Twilight had said to him. So, after a quick breakfast, Bob slowly limped, because his foot still hurt a bit, after a purple horse while he groggily tried to make himself less tired with a paper cup full of sugar with some coffee in it.

“So everyday you’re at school it’ll count towards your community service, since I’ll be sending you here everyday. Every Tuesday, Thursday, your afternoons will be spent helping me or one of my friends. This way, you’ll be able to socialize with your classmates and help you make friends! Since today is a Monday, you can have the afternoon off to make friends!” Twilight stopped outside of a fence that had encompassed a fairly large, red building that looked like a generic, red schoolhouse you’d see in a movie that took place when schoolhouses existed.

There was a sizable yard with a bunch of playground equipment, fillies and colts and adult ponies who were dropping those foals off at school for the day. After all the other children went inside the school building, a few stragglers remained, until they were called inside a dark pink mare, who happily greeted Twilight and Bob, despite giving the human a weary look for a brief moment.

“Welcome! Twilight when you said you had a foal you’d like to enroll into my school, I didn’t expect you to want to enroll… your pet human,” she said. “However, if he wants to learn, he can, and is more than welcome at my school as long as he hurts nopony.”

Bob, having finished his coffee and deposited it in a nearby trash can tilted his head. “Why am I being enrolled in school?”

“You’ve got to have some foundation of education, and if nothing else, it’ll help you socialize!” Twilight said with a smile.

“…What if I am allergic to…” Bob sighed. “Nevermind,” he turned to Ms. Cheerilee. “You’re my new teacher, right?” The mare nodded, and backed away slightly when Bob offered his hand. “…Okay then, so much for first impressions,” he shrugged. “I’m sure by the end of the first week we’ll be best friends.” Bob’s voice dragged on ‘best friends’, and it had… a note of sarcasm in there. “I’m sure I’ll be sitting off to the side, away from the rest of class?”

“No. That could harm your education by singling you out!” Cheerilee shook her head. “Look,” she offered her hoof but was shocked when Bob didn’t take it. “Didn’t you want a hoof shake?”

“You didn’t want one five seconds ago,” Bob raised an eyebrow before shrugging. “Are we gonna get the school day over with?” Twilight and Cheerilee dumbly nodded. The unicorn had gone out, likely to go about her day while Cheerilee led Bob inside the building. The amount of whispers and pointing really made Bob grin; he was going to hate this experience.

“Good morning class!” The class droned back a greeting to their teacher. “Today, we have a new student. He’s a bit different, but I hope you all accept him the same! Bob, would you stand in front of the class and introduce yourself… Oh, you already are standing at the front of the class. Introduce yourself, tell us your special talent, if you have one, or what you like doing if you don’t have one yet!” Bob raised an eyebrow before remembering cutie marks… Those marked a specific talent that a pony excelled at from what Twilight Sparkle had said. Bob chuckled slightly; at least Cheerilee was trying to treat him like a normal foal.

Maybe the teacher wasn’t that

“I like playing the guitar, I guess. I can also kinda play the piano and the drums. I can’t have a special talent, since I’m not a pony,” Bob shrugged. “I guess my name is Bob,” he added.

“Oh!” Sweetie Belle raised her hoof from the back of class. “We have a piano in the corner of the room, maybe Bob could play that and show off his special talent?” She asked. She pointed at the back of class to… a piano. Cheerilee hummed. Usually, she would only ever use it to help the class practice for a few songs in an upcoming play that her students were to put on for the town. But if her new student was willing…

“Bob, would you like to show the class your talent? I don’t have a guitar on standby, but I do have the piano.”

“...I guess I can do that.” The mare led her new student around the class, towards the back. All the foals in the room had spun around from their seats to keep their eyes on the strange, new creature. “Say, I heard Twilight telling me about a holiday that’s coming up, something called Nightmare Night…” Bob chuckled. “I suppose… I can play something to fit the theme of the upcoming holiday. This is a tale of a ghost ship, the one they call The Shadow.” Bob’s performance, once again, like when he sang from Twilight and her friends during their little picnic, wasn’t perfect. His voice cracked here and there, stuttered a couple of times, but kept on.

The colts and fillies in the crowd watched and listened with intrigue as they listened to the story that the song was telling. As it drew to the end, some of them, Cheerilee included, gasped. “None can tame the one the sailors call the shadow…” Bob let the note hang for a moment before taking a deep breath. “God, I hate singing in public. It makes me feel like I’m in some crappy musical for children,” he chuckled. “How was the song?”

“It sucked!” Diamond Tiara raised her hoof. “I bet I could sing that song better and play it better than you can!”

“Go for it,” Bob sat up from the piano and took a step back. “Because that would be fun to listen to,” he smirked as Diamond Tiara’s eyes widened.

“I can get my butler-”

“Your butler isn’t you, now is it? C’mon, play the song for our classmates. They look very excited for you to show off for us.”

“Fine!” The spoiled little filly stomped around her desk and over to Bob and the piano. She stared at it after sitting on the piano stool. She placed her hoof on a spot. She played the entire wrong note. She kept on playing and… began singing the song off key. Bob crossed his arms.

“Kid, you can stop now, you’ve made everyone’s ears bleed enough,” the human lifted Diamond Tiara up, who immediately started demanding to be put down. “Uh… Sorry about having you embarrass yourself in front of the whole class?”

“My performance was still better-”

“Kid, you didn’t even play a single, correct note, or a single chord. I may not be the best piano player, but I know just playing dyads isn’t all there is to a song. You played E and F, and G and A together. There’s notes that don’t go together, and that’s two of sets of them. Just ignore how those aren’t even notes used in the song together,” Bob shrugged. “Though we aren’t here to discuss who’s a better pianist, or singer, or whatever.” The human stepped back from the piano. “So do I just choose an empty seat?” Bob asked Cheerilee.

“Yes, for today, can you sit at the front of the class? I don't usually have assigned seats usually, but for you I’ll make an exception simply so I can see how you work. After today, you can just choose your seat, though do know that first come is first serve most of the time.” When he sat down, the teacher got close to the human. “I’m just going to warn you about Diamond Tiara, since I won’t be giving you a hard time about embarrassing her; that filly needs to be humbled. However, watch out, she will probably try and make fun of you, or she will tell her family about you and they will do something. Just… be careful, alright?”

“I’ll be fine. If I get chased out of another town for being human, that’s not too big of a deal.” Bob went to take his seat… and actually enjoyed himself. Math and Equish(or English for you non-ponies) were kinda boring, but history class immediately took the teen’s interests. On top of that, Cheerilee made sure there was tons of class participation so that Bob got some entertainment as some foals, who weren’t expecting to be called on, struggled with answering a multiplication question. Unfortunately the history section of the day only lasted an hour as math and language obviously took priority for the latest generation of foals to learn.

Of course, the teacher noticed Bob not taking notes at some point throughout the math portion of the day, so she called him up to answer a bunch of questions she wrote on the board. “Maybe this… they’re all correct.”

“Yeah, basic math. I was still going to school before I ended up in Equestria. I was learning about basic level algebra; be lucky you aren’t teaching your students that yet. Some kids back home still complain about there being letters alongside numbers on math homework,” Bob chuckled. “Here, let me write an equation that I’m used to seeing,” Bob proceeded to write down a simple algebra equation. It was pretty simple, 3X+4=16. He then proceeded to walk the class through how to figure out what the X was, and felt a small smile on his face. “Man, when students aren’t screaming all day, teaching does have some merit; it’s fu-freaking fun.” He chuckled.

Class ended pretty soon after that, as there were really only three subjects to teach. Bob had learnt that every tuesday and thursday, history was taken out for a special subject such as music, or to prepare an upcoming play that was for a huge festival that happened a week before Nightmare Night, which happened to be the anniversary of when Nightmare Moon was initially defeated and sent to the moon. Then recess came around, which was more or less… Lunch time combined with dismissal. Since it was supposed to serve as a gap between the morning class that Bob was a part of, and the afternoon class.

So, Bob walked back to the library before anypony could stop him; he didn’t want to deal with Diamond Tiara who was waiting by the school gates for him. She called him names, yelled at him, anything to get the human’s attention, but he ignored her. He made it back to Twilight's library without a hitch and helped Spike clean and reorganize the library.

Author's Note:

I would say it would be very hard for Diamond Tiara to bully Bob for two reasons:

Bob’s been through worse than being called stupid.

Bob is also older than most of his classmates, Diamond Tiara included.

And Apple Jack just soured the connection she had just formed with Bob. How will she make it up to him? Will she be able to make it up to him? Twilight remains oblivious to what is happening to Bob and his emotions. How will that affect the human? Wait and see!