A Human and his Totally Normal Wolf
Before Octavia left, she said that she would be available to perform in a concert with the human, in Canterlot, by the start of summer. As it stands, she has enough gigs to keep her booked until then, which Bob really didn’t mind. Apparently she had to play at a wedding for some royals in a couple weeks, so that could mean anything from Princess Celestia, or somebody in the Royal Family. Either way, what Octavia was doing, Bob thought that simply wasn’t his problem. Twilight, being there as Bob’s ‘manager’ for the meeting with DJ Pon3, which was just a stage name, go figure, wanted to go spend the day with her friends. She left Bob to his own devices, which was fine by him.
Bob was nose deep in a notebook, having just written a song to poke fun of Octavia lyrically. Bob also knew that writing the sheet music out for the song would take longer, so he set that off to the side for now. Since he had nothing to do, he figured he’d watch over the library until Twilight came back, even if she said he didn’t have to; he lived on her dime, and it didn’t exactly sit right with him. No matter how often he was told it wasn’t that big of a deal.
Twilight gets a stipend check from Princess Celestia, which is around… a hundred bits a month. Since the library was owned by Ponyville, and the rent was being paid by the Princess in question, that left all of the bits from that stipend for food. There were three people living in the library, and one of those people primarily ate gems even though he could eat other things. Those gems took a major cut out of the check, and that really only left them fifty bits to spend on food. Bob, on the other hand, had at least four thousand bits lying around.
In other words, Bob was rich. Not very rich, but he had enough money to keep Twilight, himself, and Spike afloat for years.
After a while of sitting around, Bob heard the doggy door to the library flap a few times. He got out of his chair to see what was happening… only to get tackled by a familiarly sized canine. Bob laughed as Balto stood upright, using the human as a crutch, as he was licked and tickled by the puppy. Despite the dire wolf being… well, a puppy, he was still as big as some of the larger dog breeds Bob had heard of, while being nothing but fluff, muscle, and bone. Bob giggled and slowly lowered himself to the ground as Balto worked out his initial burst of energy, and the two of them sat there, cuddling in the middle of the library.
Eventually the two of them broke apart, so Bob could make food for himself. Despite Balto being full, when the human offered to cook something for the wolf, the moment he sat down Balto was right next to him. “What’s up bud?” Bob said, looking up from his plate of spaghetti, that was left over from. The wolf started sniffing at the plate. “I just asked you if you wanted to eat anything!” Bob chuckled as he put a finger on the wolf’s muzzle. “One fork full, okay?” The canine nodded and was given the forkfull. Balto’s eyes widened as he literally wolfed down his bite.
“No bud, you can’t have the rest of my bowl; I need the food and you apparently just ate something.” The wolf gave a canine-esk shrug before laying on top of the human’s feet and dozing off. “Mother fucker, now I’m stuck here,” Bob chuckled as he dug into his meal.
The next day, Balto was lounging on the floor, while his owner was using him as a pillow while the two of them were idly reading. Twilight, Spike and the rest of the elements were playing a board game. The six mares had wanted to go on a picnic… until Rainbow remembered that she had scheduled a massive thunderstorm at eleven in the morning.
By twelve, there was a thunderstorm.
“Bob, c’mon and join in with us!” Twilight said, having set up a monopony board. Bob set his book down and shrugged. “Well?”
“Alrighty,” Bob walked over to the table, and Balto followed suit. Thanks to the table being made for ponies, the dire wolf found no problem sitting next to Bob. “So, what’s this game called?” Bob asked as he stared as Bob was handed a bunch of fake bits.
“You roll the dice using this cup,” Twilight set the cup on the table. “Since rolling dice with hooves is a bit hard, you go around the board and buy properties. Whenever somepony lands on a property that you own, they pay you one of the game tokens. When you run out-”
“Oh shit…” Bob paused and looked Twilight in the eyes. “This sounds almost exactly like a game I played with my family…” Bob looked over the board. “Looks almost exactly like it, even if the names are different too.” Bob took a deep breath. “Sorry about cutting you off, this is just… so eerily similar. The name, the board, the rules… you can buy houses and hotels, right?”
“Cottages and houses, cottages are cheaper, and you can put four on a property. You get a house when you try to put a fifth cottages on your property.”
“...Holy shit…” Bob chuckled. “Ah, back home we have a game very similar to this called Monopoly. Or if you played this with your friends or family, the friendship breaker…” Everypony looked wide eyed at that nickname. “It’s a joke. You’d be shocked at how competitive my family got over playing this game…” The human brought a hand up to his eyes as he wiped away a few tears, and Balto quickly nuzzled his cheek. “Sorry, seeing this brings a lot of memories…” Bob closed his eyes and giggled to himself. “Okay, I’m good now. Let’s play this.”
“Bob, if this game makes you sad, we don’t gotta play this,” Apple Jack said. “I found this ol’ game in the attic, and figured this would be perfect for our little indoor picnic. The last thing I want to do is-”
“Apple Jack… As much as even I hate to admit it, unless somebody can send me back home, my family is long gone. I won’t forget them; how could I? I also know that that life is long behind me now. I probably won’t see Dad, or my brothers again…” Bob took a deep breath. “I don’t forget, but I can move on. C’mon, let’s just play and have some laughs… I would rather have memories of us sitting around and laughing at this table, than the only memory of us all sitting here being when you all thought of me as a monster.” Bob picked up the dice and stuck them in the cup. “Any of you wanna go first?”
“I’ll go,” Spike took the cup and gave it a good shake before letting the dice roll…
Four hours later, the storm was still going on, and the game was… forgotten about. Fluttershy was hiding under her cushion. Spike was being pinned down by Pinkie, Rainbow and Apple Jack were yelling at each other. Rarity was yelling at Twilight after she had gotten bankrupted, and somehow Balto managed to start playing the game as well, and was pinning Bob down for the sake of pinning him down. Twilight was technically winning.
After the ponies, dragon, and human had gotten over their initial competitiveness, they threw the Monopony game into the fireplace and all agreed to not play it ever again.
“I see why your family called this game the friendship breaker,” Rarity shivered. “I can’t believe I acted so barbaric over a board game.”
“I just don’t know why my own wolf pinned me down,” Bob chuckled. “Or how the hell he figured out how to play Monopony, but I know I shouldn’t question this stuff. I stopped questioning stuff when I watched Luna raise the Moon.”
“Perhaps we should find something more relaxing to spend the day,” Twilight said as she combed her mane back into place.” Twilight let out a deep breath. An idea popped in her head as she looked deviously at Bob. “How about Karaoke?” She asked.
“How the heck are we gonna do that?”
“Well… with Harmony Magic, anypony, when they hear music, can usually pick up on lyrics. So perhaps you could play a song on your guitar, and everypony gives a shot at singing it. After we all have a turn, you actually sing what the lyrics are.” Bob raised an eyebrow. “It would be nice to hear you play, and-” a blue flash made everypony jump… except Bob.
“Howdy Luna,” Bob casually waved.
“Greetings. I heard there was an inside picnic?”
“Princess Luna!” Twilight bowed. “When did you…”
“Luna found out how to spy on me,” Bob shrugged. “And I let her, mostly because if I end up getting stuck somewhere, she can just teleport to me and get me out of trouble…” Luna nuzzled him. “And she shows up at night, since she figured out that there’s actually a guest bedroom in the library, just to nuzzle me before I go to sleep.” Rarity opened her mouth. “No, Luna and I aren’t dating.”
Rarity reeled back, “What? I was about to say that sounds adorable!”
“So, may I participate? My duties… have been interrupted.”
“Luna… tell the truth.”
“I admit that I have been flipping my sleep schedule around so that I am awake during the day. As I can’t do anything efficiently for one reason or another, such as having to prep my own meals. The paperwork stacks, I have no castle staff that are willing to actually help me get simple tasks such as bringing just a bowl of soup up to my room, and suddenly it’s my fault that I can’t get through as much as Celestia does. Or that I can’t get as many ponies in my court when nopony shows up. Seeing as I am not appreciated, since Celestia only sees me to try and get information on Bob, I figured I can be a bit more lax with my duties; no matter how much I get done, I still get compared to how much my sister gets done in a day.
“So I am here now, because not being yelled at over numbers on a budget is not fun.” The Lunar Princess looked at Bob and clapped her hooves. “A little, private performance for the picnic?” She hummed. “No, you are getting ready to do a bizarre thing called karaoke. I should know this given that I was watching this little picnic from Bob’s eyes…” she chuckled. Luna sighed when Bob’s new pet suddenly chose to lay in his lap, taking her usual preferred spot whenever the two of them were in each other’s presence… That is her human dammit!
“So Bob, what are you going to play first?” Twilight asked. Bob smirked and plucked a couple notes before diving right into a song.
A week after the indoor picnic, Bob was heading out to an actual picnic with his dire wolf. Today, there was to be another picnic to make up for last week, since it rained all of last week because it’s spring and it’s the rainy season or something. Bob didn’t really care. He was running a tad bit late since he wanted to bake some blueberry muffins for the picnic. Well, blueberry muffins and one blueberry cupcake because Pinkie wanted to see if Bob could make a good cupcake or not.
“Howdy everybody,” Bob waved as he came up upon his group of friends… Well, Twilight’s group of friends. Bob wasn’t super sure how the other six actually perceived him still. “I brought muffins-” Pinkie’s tongue managed to reach all the way from where she was sitting, to the tray. “And the cupcake that Pinkie just ate.”
“Oooh, that is a good cupcake! Who knew that you’d be almost as good at making cupcakes as I am?” Pinkie asked.
“almost?” Bob asked.
“You didn’t put enough sugar in it, duh!”
“...If I put sugar in it and another human being ate it, they probably… wait, you’re a horse, a mini horse, but a horse. You probably could stomach that.” Bob chuckled as he sat down. Balto laid down behind him, eying the muffins. Bob took one of the eight muffins and handed it to the wolf. Everypony gave him an odd look. “What?”
“You’re spending a lot of time with that dire wolf. Ever since you got him, now that you don’t have a concert to worry about, you’re always with Balto,” Rarity pointed out. “And feeding him a bunch of food meant for ponies.”
“Lemme guess, you think my wolf and I are dating now?” Bob asked sarcastically. “I used to do this all the time with my dog back home. Every single day, I at least interacted with my dog. Patted him on the head, scratched him, and walked him. Sometimes sneak him a piece of bacon too. I dunno how you ponies interact with your pets, namely Apple Jack since she actually has a dog, but I try to at least spend some time with my dog before I ended up here…” Bob patted Balto on the head as the wolf gently took the muffin from Bob and swallowed it in one bite. “Since I really don’t have school, or anything to do, yeah, I’m gonna spend some time with my wolf. If this world is anything like mine, I’m assuming my wolf won’t live forever, so I’m spending a good chunk of time with him.”
“Dire wolves can live up to sixteen years,” Twilight pointed out. “That’s in the wild. He can probably live a lot longer with you taking care of him, Bob.”
“Oh…” Bob smiled. “Ah… fuck,” he patted Balto on the head again. “That’s a long time,” the human chuckled. “Well, there’s a morbid human saying about having a pet that I’m not gonna say. I would rather not accidentally nose dive into something depressing.” The human leaned back to find Balto had moved to act as a backrest for the human. The seven began to chat and happily ate their meals… Until the sound of footsteps made Bob jump. He brought his hands up the moment he shot to his feet… to see Spike.
“You’re still jumpy, Bob,” Twilight pointed out. “We gotta work that out if you.”
“Can’t teach an old dog new tricks Twi,” Bob chuckled as he calmed himself down.
Twilight quickly turned her attention to Spike. “Is something wrong, Spike?” As Spike tried to catch his breath, he was forced onto his butt when he burped up a letter. For some reason, it was a wedding in Canterlot. As Twilight went over the duties of each of her friends. Bob, himself was put in charge of playing the violin during the wedding, and to help play in the orchestra for the reception. “Who’s getting married, though?”
“I was… supposed to give you this first,” Spike chuckled nervously.
“Princess Celestia invites you to the wedding of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and… my brother!” Twilight looked a little shocked at that. “Who the buck is Princess Mi Amore Cadenza?”
“Ooo,” Bob whistled. “Shining Armor didn’t even tell me or Twilight…” Bob rubbed the back of his neck. “Given that it’s only mildly important, I’m surprised he didn’t tell anyone that he was even in a relationship with anybody.” For some reason, Balto was now on high alert, watching as Twilight was having a bit of a fit over how she wasn’t even told, by her brother, about the wedding. “Uh… Twilight,” Bob said reading the letter over. “How many Princesses are there?”
“Three. There’s Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, and then there’s Cadance.”
“Did you notice how… touchy your brother and Cadance were on Hearth’s Warming, or shocked that Cadance was with your brother instead of with her aunts?”
“No. Cadance always spent Hearth’s Warming with my family, since she was my foal sitter… and she and my brother were always good friends…”
“Twilight,” the human said with a small smirk. “Cadance literally held mistletoe over the two of them so that they could kiss. I think they’re a wee bit closer than just best buddies,” Bob also pointed at the letter again. “I also don’t think your brother would be marrying a griffin, or whoever the fuck. There’s a solid chance that he is marrying a Pony Princess. Cadenza sounds a lot like Cadance. I think I know who Cadenza is.”
“And. Just. Who. Is. That, Bob?” Twilight almost growled.
“Twilight, that Princess Mi Amore Cadenza is probably Cadance. How did you not know they were dating?”
“Because Shining Armor never told-wait, you think he’s marrying Cadance?”
“Yeah. Those two were all over each other while I was at your parents’ house.:”
“AND SHINING ARMOR DIDN”T BUCKING TELL ME!” Twilight took a deep breath. “It’s fine. Everything’s fine. The wedding starts in a week, so we have plenty of time to prepare. C’mon girls, and Bob, let’s go get ready to head to Canterlot… I have so many words for that stallion when I see him!” Twilight promptly grabbed Bob and Spike, and started marching towards the library. Balto looked at the other mares, did a very pony-like shrug, before trotting off after his human.
“Did that wolf just bucking shrug?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“It did. That was pony-like and everything.” Pinkie shrugged. “Maybe he’s as smart as a pony. Maybe the author wanted to add something that wasn’t as it seems. You never know. I know that Balto really likes Bob, so I know nothing bad can happen to him!”
Speaking of, Bob was in his room packing a suitcase. He had packed his guitar. He figured he wouldn’t be needing much else other than that, besides maybe the violin, but given how prone he was to messing up the violin when playing it live, he decided to not take that. Besides, he could play something nice… which is why he was bringing the electric guitar instead of the acoustic guitar; he still wanted to play something badass at the wedding. In fact, ever since he met Cadance, he figured he could write a song for her and play it whenever he got the chance, to the alicorn.
He had always wanted to write a shitty love song, so meeting Cadance was a good excuse to write a shitty love song.
“Bob,” the human jumped. “You can’t go to the wedding,” he looked around. The only other creature in the room, besides Bob, was Balto. “Look at the bed, Bob.” The human slowly turned to see Balto sitting on his haunches, on Bob’s bed. “What?” The canine titled his head. “I’m still the cute, loveable Balto that you know and love; I could always talk.” Bob shrugged and went back to packing. “You aren’t shocked by this?”
“I got over my initial shock of animals talking when I got blasted by a talking, motherfucking unicorn. I was more or less expecting you to start talking at some point with how… almost human your mannerisms are. You figured out how to play a board game, you do almost human-like shrugs, and you listen in on conversations with way more focus than any dog, or wolf, should.” Bob set the guitar in its case. “So why shouldn’t I go to the wedding?”
“Because Bob, something big is happening in Canterlot, where the wedding’s taking place. It won’t end well for you if you go.”
“But… Cadance and Shining Armor are getting married; they’re like… my third and fifth favorite ponies respectively. I gotta go support them and celebrate with them.”
“I know you want to, but trust me… I don’t want you to get hurt, alright?”
“I’m going, Balto. I’ll see ya when I get back home. You can keep yourself fed, right?”
“I can… but are you sure you want to go, even with this warning? I really don’t want you to get hurt, Bob!”
“I’ll be fine. I’ll have Twilight, who’s really good with magic and Luna to keep me safe. Aside from when I’m at the wedding, I don’t think I’ll be straying too far from either of them.”
“...Fine. Don’t get killed or I’ll find you and bite you.”
“How would you do that if I’m dead?”
“I can… buck you, Bob.” The human chuckled and hugged the canine. “Please just come back in one piece if you can. I don’t want to lose you.”
“If there’s one thing we humans can do, it’s survive. I’ll be fine.” Bob kissed Balto on the forehead. “Don’t eat anypony while I’m out!” Bob walked out the bedroom door while the canine sat and watched through the window as Twilight, Spike, and Bob met up with their friends and started heading towards the train station. He stared intently at them, as his eyes blinked and revealed light blue, bug-like eyes.
“I’m going to make sure you stay safe.” Balto hopped down from the window and scurried out of the library. He locked the doggy door and started trotting towards the train station.
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He just out right told you.
Also, we can rule out the theory that Balto was the queen.
But now it raises the chance of it being a certain future king.
The thing about Twilight is she has never been known for noticing the obvious.
11775292
Twilight's picture is right there when you look at the definition of Naïve in the dictionary.
I'm still not 100% sure it Chrysalis as Balto, but I'm sure it's a changeling. And I'm very sure that Balto wants to keep his food source very safe.
11775417
Don't forget about Kevin. You know the changeling from the Slice of Life episode that has the only non-changeling name.
11775415
More like oblivious. She never really notices things around. Like when mare do well was happening she was so caught up in her little plan she couldn't even see how much rainbow was hurting because of it. Maybe rainbow in the episode was getting a bit of an ego but to take every opportunity to show her up was the wrong way to handle it. The costumes were unnecessary for their goal and they should taken her away from the crowd to talk with her. Though how well twilight will handle the wedding incident is beyond me.
11775292
And even when she does notice the obvious, it’s not necessarily in a helpful way. The upcoming wedding was a great example of that right in canon: Cadance doesn’t act at all like Twilight remembers? Well, she must clearly be nonspecifically “EVIL!!!” now because mere impostors aren’t a thing in Equestria or something...
11775881
Yeah remember when she got the owl. She might have not done it intentionally but she was kinda playing favorites considering spike was busting his butt in order to impress her and show her that he was still useful but no matter how he tried the owl not only ruined every attempt but she didn't even appreciate it enough to notice what was happening. She just assumed spike would understand even though he immediately tried to make excuses for why they didn't the owl for another assistant which was a clear sign he didn't understand. Plus for a night assistant that owl was doing a lot of work during the day which stopped spike from doing his and made it harder on him.
"He had always wanted to write a shitty love long, so meeting Cadance was a good excuse to write a shitty love song."
what
12/18/23
*Duct tapes the 4th wall for the hundredth of times*
God dammit pinkie if you don't stop, the wall will crumble.