Rogue Storms

Summer Sin Celebration126 stories ·256 members

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AJ Aficionado

AJ Aficionado #1 · Aug 6th, 2023 · · ·

The "My Little Dashie" guy wrote my Summer Sin request. What a timeline! And hey, don't worry so much about being late. I've always been more about giving than receiving when it comes to this particular event. If I got no story at all, I wouldn't mind. As for the standards you failed to live up to, maybe I can help you out with some editing. But before I start reading, a sincere thanks for writing Roseluck as your partner for Fluttershy. I've been working with Roseluck ever since 2014 and she's always been my muse. I'm really honored you considered my tastes when writing this story. Quite thoughtful of you.

Rogue Everfree Storm's Won't Ever be the Same

I'm not sure why you added a possessive apostrophe here. This may turn out to be a play on words but this is most likely a typo.

Apologies for the tardiness on this fic! Also the ending being... not as up to par as I wanted it. I had this originally done the day before my deadline, but when I went to post it during lunch at work I noticed the gdoc version on my phone wasn't complete. Issue was I had been working on it on my tablet at my father's house, so I had to go get it and pray it would sync once I turned it on.
Nope. I lost well over 2k words of work, mostly the sex scene. I fought all day to write what I had originally, and sadly it just doesn't feel like it's right. I'll try to come back to it one day and make it better, but I needed to at least get this out there.

This is why I do all my writing from a PC. I trust cords, not wireless signals and they haven't let me down in my nine years of doing this.

The Flower Sisters were the most notorious of these ponies; Daisy being the most extreme, followed by Lilly, and lastly Roseluck, whom was, strangely, the middle sister, and had grown the most mature of the three.

Canon spelling is Lily.

Do you usually write in short paragraphs? I see where a lot of them could be bolted together to form larger ones. Just a thought.

It wasn’t as obvious to themselves as it was everypony else, but by happenchance one day Fluttershy needed help with some of her flowers, and Roseluck needed help with their guard cat. So they saw each other a lot for several days in a row.

I think you meant happenstance but you seem to be playing with a whimsical third-person narrator. Maybe this was intended. I'm sorry to admit I don't know your style particularly well.

Then one day, the flowers were back to normal and so was the cat, but the two continued to meet up for lunch and chat. That eventually led to them sharing breakfast at Fluttershy’s, or Dinner with Roseluck’s sisters.

Dinner shouldn't be capitalized.

It was Lilly, the gossip of the three, who asked the faitful question.

Faithful. Also, I'd connect this paragraph with the next one just so the said tag can be connected with its associated quote.

“What was that?” Roseluck asked.
“Oh… oh my, probably another rogue storm cloud from the Everfree.”
“Another?”
“Yes, they happen from time to time.”
“And… you live with that?”

This is a minor nitpick but if the Everfree has a rogue effect on weather - a common headcanon among bronies - wouldn't the storm affect the entire town? Ponyville isn't as large as New York as far as we know, just a small town outside of Canterlot.

“OH MY GOODNESS OH MY GOOMMMMFFF?”

Do ponies have gods?

derpicdn.net/img/view/2018/8/15/1807299.png

Anyway, that's all I was able to find as far as typos. And again, don't feel too bad about posting late. I'm just happy you produced anything at all for me. It was a pleasure getting to know you a little better through your writing.

new55

new55 #2 · Aug 7th, 2023 · · ·

That was a good story.

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