Octavia as a filly, meets vinyl, and vinyl teaches her how to read music. Overall, vinyl impacts her life more than she ever thought possible.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 27th Sep, 2012
- offline last seen Oct 6th, 2012
CloudsOfMana
I run many facebook pages, but own www.facebook.com/poniesiloveponies
CloudsOfMana
Joined 27th Sep, 2012 ·
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FIRST
K. I'm going to try doing what others have done.
Idea- Good. It's not been overused like some of the other ideas. (Not that I've seen at least.)
Presentation;(Grammar not included)- Semi-well done. Some of the areas could've been made longer, to add more to the story. But overall it's fairly well established.
Grammar- Average. There's a lot of little mistakes in here that distract from the story. I didn't spot anything major that immediately calls for the panic button. You've also managed to avoid the dreaded WoT (wall of text). I applaud that. Do you have a PR'r? That would help with the grammar, as well as giving you a person to tell you what's working/ what's not.
Overall- A little above average. Good for a new author.
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Sorry if I'm sounding harsh/inconsiderate here. I'm not here to be the "ihateditbecauseit'snotabsolutelyperfect" person. But I've found that being straight with an author makes a whole lota more difference than sugar-coating it. Is this your first story? If so, then even more props to you. I've seen first stories (not on this site though) that were absolutely incomprehensible.
It's not perfect, and there's room for improvement, but overall is a great story.
-Listener
First note- very first fanfic ever
Second note- I did this on my phone ;.;
And lastly, I didn't so much go for perfection, I rushed it :P
I will follow up on listeners thing. Your grammar was a near match to mine when I first attempted to write fanfiction. Overall, the story was nice in its own respects. I would complain about the massive walls of text but you use your phone. I was wondering what you were doing with that thing. Anyways, good work. Nice one shot indeed, kind sir.