When Spitfire finally got to Ponyville, she landed right outside on the outskirts, trying not to be detected. But then, as she slowly walked into town, she realized that nopony recognized her without her Wonderbolts costume on anyway. Well, almost nopony.
"Is that Spitfire?" a very fan-girlish squeal almost yelled. Spitfire immediately ducked her head to avoid detection. This wasn't the first time that this had happened. She then found the source of the voice and rushed over to shush her. Who else would it be but the rainbow maned pegasus herself, Rainbow Dash.
"Hey would you keep it down!" Spitfire said, shushing her.
"Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh, I am so sorry!" said Rainbow Dash, clearly apologizing.
"Listen, it's ok, I'm kind of in a pickle here. Would you help me out if I treat you to lunch?" Rainbow Dash then froze, her mouth agape. 'I'm going to have lunch with a Wonderbolt!' Rainbow Dash thought.
"O..oh yeah, of course," said Rainbow, suddenly snapping out of her trance.
"Ok, good," said Spitfire, the relief showing on her face. As the two mares walked over to the cafe and found a table, Spitfire started her story.
"So I guess I have a bit of explaining to do.... huh?" Spitfire said sarcastically
"I guess you do. For one, why are you in Ponyville?"
"Well... Let me start from the beginning... A couple days ago, I talked to my boss about recruiting you."
"Mmme?" Rainbow asked, not being able to control her mind.
"Well yes, I thought that you were a very talented mare." Spitfire said, a deadpan expression on her face.
"O..o..ok, w...well..then please continue" Rainbow said, stumbling over her words.
"Well anyways, he said no because he's a sexist jack-flank, and then I quit" Said Spitfire, very calmly.
"Wait, you quit because your boss wouldn't hire me?" Rainbow interrupted.
"Well yeah, that and he's been really sexist to me all these years. I'm just done with it, but long story short, I'm homeless and I came to Ponyville to look for a job as the new weathermare, and hopefully find a place to stay. You think you can help?" asked Spitfire.
"Well... I mean.... you could stay with me..." said Rainbow Dash, with a voice almost mimicking that of Fluttershy's.
"What was that?" Spitfire asked to the blushing Rainbow Dash.
"Well, you could stay with me. I kind of live in a big house and don't have much company..." said a nervous Rainbow Dash, and said nervousness must have been evident on her face, because Spitfire responded with a comforting smile and...
"I would love to Rainbow Dash. Well that's one problem solved." Spitfire said with a sigh.
"So how would you like to come to me to the mayor's office?" asked Spitfire.
"That would be so cool!" said Rainbow, adding, "Come on, I'll show you where it is."
And the two of them set off to find the mayor's office and get Spitfire that job...
Wow I feel like a jack ass! I wrote this yesterday, thought I posted it, but I didn't!
minor spelling error it's "sexist" godd story keep it up.
Spelling error. Company, not compony. Unless you planned a little pun in there..
101677 SHE SAID COMPANY!!! WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP DOING THIS SAYING THERES A SPELLING MISTAKE WHEN THERES NOT!!!!
Good Story
im reading it to fast Longer chapters please?
on to the next chapter
127627 If true, you a lucky batard
I just listed the things to make Rainbow Act like Fluttershy. This was one of them
Still to short, but the Idea is fantastic
Hmm. Personally, this moves WAY too fast for my liking.
Try to drag things out a bit. Talk more about about how the ponies are feeling, instead of just what's happening, and moving to the next event. Basically, <800 words, we've gone to ponyville, gotten Spitty a job, moved in, and spent the night already. It seems like something new is happening with every sentence. The double spacing isn't leaving much to be desired as well. These events should have taken at least 6,000. That is a lot of ground to cover. If this is going to be a romance story, you should offer us more insight into how the ponies are feeling. That's what it's all about.
I think you've got an excellent storyLINE going...the concept is stellar. However, your delivery is turning me off pretty hard. I understand that every writer is different in their own styles and deliverance, but this story is way too rushed. I'm having trouble connecting with your characters. Give me more perspective into their feelings! And for the love of Celestia, please slow down the story! It's whizzing by!
I leave this comment with all due respect, I'm not intending to come across as offensive, or trolling in anyway, I hope this helps you, even a little bit.