Ponies Versus Starcraft

by ambion

Rarity vs Additional Pylons

Dear Madame Rarity,

I have journeyed through the darkness between the most distant stars. I have beheld the births of negative-suns and borne witness to the entropy of entire realities...

...and yet all that was as a dream to the greater nightmare I beheld when Sweetie Belle said “What does this flashing button do?” in the midst of warp travel.

Somepony is in need of a talking to regarding respecting other people’s things, with a clear emphasis that Star Relics are not toys. It will take longer than expected to return your sister to you. In the meantime, please establish a forward base.

I do not think I will have time to foal sit again.
Ever.

Sincerely yours -

Rarity huffed daintily as she read the letter. She was not at all pleased with Sweetie Belle. In part for putting a sour point in her friendship with the Prelate, but mostly because this was a dusty, barren wasteland of rocks and grit that stretched unto the horizon whichever way she looked. And she’d have to be here all the longer for it.

She tried to walk in a manner which involved not touching the ground and breathing in a manner that didn’t involve her touching the dry air, grumbling under her breath all the while.

Indeed, as she drifted through the landscape, she considered the absurdity that even Applejack was leaps and bounds an improvement to the dirtiness here. At least her dirt had the self respect to be dirt, not at all like this dreary dust. When this was over she’d lock herself in the spa for a week.

She cast her gem finding spell with a moment’s focus. She was, after all, looking to establish a base. A promising purple glow lit up in the distance on the far side of a craggy hill and it took entirely all too many minutes of dreadful drudgery just to get there.

‘There’ happened to be an extensive outcropping of luminescent blue minerals, strewn across the ground in a rough crescent. Nested at the centre of the curve was a structure, like a large pyramid of yellow metal, made up of arcs and graceful curves. It was like somepony had tried to make a pyramid that looked fabulous enough for the catwalk.

And by the massive glowing gem floating serenely at the apex, they had. Oh, they had indeed. It wasn’t just a building. It was architecture.

Rarity’s eyes lit up and she ran to the polished gleam of the nexus, but hesitated mid stride.

“Not too fast, you don’t want to seem too eager- but not too slow! - you don’t want to look disinterested...”

Between the accelerations and decelerations, she averaged out at the correct speed. The nexus dominated her view, and she drank in the sight of it like a tall cool drink.

As she stalked around the shining nexus appraisingly, she found a group of mostly round little things, identical to one another and made of the self same metal as the structure. They hovered and wobbled on the spot as if floating on an invisible sea.

She looked to the nearest and it turned to her with a single, central sapphire that regarded her mechanically.

Meoooouuu?

It sounded like a kitty wired to an amp and resonated in low frequencies that tickled the brain. It’s polish gleamed and the ocular gem lit up.

“Well aren’t you just the sweetest thing out here?” she cooed to it in a babying voice and hugged it in her hooves.

Moowoaaau

Coming a bit back to her senses she set the little probe down and patted it sweetly. “I don’t suppose you’d be a dear and help a lady in distress by, ahem, ‘establishing a base,’ would you?”

Uuuoowaaauu

The probe and its fellows floated to the nearest patches of minerals and began harvesting them with little beams of purple light. they swept up and down, and after two passes what had been part of the formation reappeared as a small floating piece of crystal.

Rarity, for her sake, was quite pleased with the process. The lights were stylish, but not gaudily so, and there was none of that awful digging business involved. When the pieces were brought to the nexus they disappeared and the cycle began anew.

Shading herself in an arch of the nexus, Rarity watched them drift back and forth for a few passes and grew bored.

“I appreciate the work, but it is going ever so slightly slow. Are there anymore of you sweet little things around- Oh my!”

A sudden whisper of machinery and electricity came from within the building. She’d taken a few steps away and considered it suspiciously, but the little workers hadn’t changed at all. Before she could decide what the sound meant, a sixth probe, identical in every way to the others appeared. It immediately set to work, and the whirring sound continued.

Soon enough a seventh and an eighth followed. The steady stream of minerals was pleasing, but with so many just lying there, going to absolute waste in this atrocious locale... it’d be a crime not to harvest them.

Ninth and tenth came out just fine, but then...

YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS

Rarity blinked.

YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS

She looked around, but nothing was speaking. The impression just hit her, out of thin air. Whatever it was, it was pushy.

YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS

“Now listen here, whatever you are! It is entirely rude to go about demanding anything. Do I look like a construction pony? I don’t care what you think you are, but you will use your common courtesy, or did your mother teach you nothing?”

YOU MUST... WOULD YOU... CONSTRUCT... ADDITIONAL... PYLONS?

Rarity glared. Since there wasn’t anything to glare at, she glared in general. “I’m waiting,” she said sharply.

PYLONS...PYLLLLOOOO....PYYYYY....PYLEEENsss...PYLEANS....PLEASE?

“Please what?”

If the communication had a voice, and that voice had a head, it would have been slick with sweat and sporting a deeply furrowed brow of struggling concentration.

WOULD YOU MMMM- YOU PLEASE CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS?

“And just whom are you addressing?”

WOULD YOU PLEASE CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS, MISS RARITY?

And just like that, Rarity was warm and sociable again. “Oh, of course dear, anything for a disembodied voice that has its manners about it.”

Then Rarity batted her eyelashes and pouted. The probes continued their back and forth dance of harvesting.

“Do tell me one teensy little thing, if you would... What’s a pylon?”

FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU-

Comments

[megazerik]

Prelate? wait.....Zeratul as a foal-sitter cracks me up! and so does rarity's little tirade. hialrious. mustache for you

[Lazygamer313]

well well, this is highly amusing. im intrigued

[Elitrino]

PHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH!!!! THE END!!!!

FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUU!!xD

[Rotorix]

The executor is unhappy with politeness.

[KillerSteel]

Oh God, the Protoss must get a collective headache whenever Zealot Rarity's in the field.

[Oreon]

3194725 somone needs to edit that meme into a zealot format.

[Marsara]

“Do tell me one teensy little thing, if you would... What’s a pylon?”

I WILL TELL YOU WHAT A PYLON IS!!! IN STYLE!!!

[Blaze Song]

2568101

The poor Executor.. I bet Tasidar had to ask Rarity to be just a little less harsh to to poor guy