Ponies Versus Starcraft

by ambion

Twilight vs Sexy New Legs (or lack thereof)

Twilight Sparkle was feeling less than confident. “Legs? What exactly do you mean by ‘legs?’ ”

The zealot that had brought up this auspicious topic stared at her glumly. A passing stalker sniggered.

“It’s just that...the other zealots and I have been talking...” Something in the tone of his voice (that being a voice telepathically transmitted to the unicorn, seeing as these guys have no mouth, but nevermind that) implied just how much he was squirming to say his point. A dude that had no qualms flinging himself into the most heated and definetly-gonna-die-but-screw-it battles could still have trouble with interpersonnel conflict.

Twilight could sympathise, though she approached the conundrum from the other direction. Still, zealots were zealots and Twilight Sparkle was Twilight (mother-fuckin’) Sparkle. A firm, fair hand (er...hoof) was what worked best here.

“Oh, yes, you mean the Charge upgrade,” she said. The zealot nodded wretchedly.

“Well...” she sucked the word in, like a reverse hiss. “200/200 is a looot of resources...”

The zealot muttered something psionically. “What was that?” Twilight asked.

*mutter mutter* “Blink stalkers.” *mutter mutter*

Twilight straightened herself up and stared the zealot in the eye. “That was a solid tactical investment.”

The zealot huffed. “Aren’t we a ‘solid tactical investment?’ ”

Twilight sighed. “Not at this time, no. We don’t have anything near the income Rarity has back at the main base, we all just have to pull together,” she said, trying to appeal to the zealot’s more noble nature. Inwardly she groaned. Since getting placed with the ‘toss she’d learned they could be so very irritating. They tended to get more ruffled feathers than a peacock in a tornado.

*Mutter mutter* “Unionise.” *mutter mutter*

Twilight huffed. “Right.” She pulled the zealot down to her height. “Walk with me,” she commanded.

“Could be running if-”

“Don’t be snotty, just do it.”

Grumbling, the zealot followed. Just outside the encampment were several sheer bluffs that sheltered them from both the weather and prying eyes. “Let’s do a little mental excercise, shall we?” The zealot nodded dumbly. “Great!”

She pointed up at various ledges in the rockface. “Let’s imagine, for a moment, that there is an enemy collossus there. Archons and sentries block the choke-points, and a void ray is using the high-ground advantage to strafe our pylons.”

“O...kay.” Twilight whistled. Two sentries, a beepin’ and a boopin’, attended her. With a quick word they conjured the relevant hallucinations and had them take the places on the highground Twilight had mentioned.

Twilight conjured a spell, focused it on the zealot and blasted him with a purple light. “There, for the next minute you have pretend-legs. Show me how you deal with the situation.”

Even without a mouth, the zealot managed the iconic ‘O’ expression (It’s the eyes that do it, really). He strode a few steps this way and that, revelling in his sudden speed.

“My life for Aiur!” he roared, and charged the winding chokepoint. Twilight’s forehead was thumped firmly with her hoof. She gestured to the nearer of the two sentries.

“Forecefield deployed,” it confirmed in the surprsingly cute voice they have (Play HotS and hear it), but none of this was relevant and the zealot careened headlong into the shimmering energy.

“Oof!” he grunted as the not-breath was not-knocked from him (again, no mouth...) He fell over on his back, groaning. Twilight leaned down over him.

“So you can see,” she said softly, “that upgrade just isn’t viable at this time.” In quite a rude fashion (though she hadn’t itended to be so) she blinked away, leaving the zealot to the bruises on his ego and the more mundane bruises on his body.

One of the sentries started to play what sounded suspiciously like the worlds’ smallest electro-violin.

Author's Note:

I'm quite a fan of charge-lots, truth be told.

Comments

[Smirkythread]

I thought she was gonna transform into an Archon, and not have legs.

[Midnight Loki]

If you charge zelots at me they learn the fear that characterizes those who fight tanks.