Chapter 1
When she sensed an opportunity, the Mare on the Moon desperately gathered all her strength to teleport out of that desolate rock that she once controlled in the past. After multiple botched spells, she smiled wickedly as she felt the spell complete just barely. A familiar sensation of displacement later, she collapsed onto the ground, gasping as she breathed in the fresh air. Finally, she was back in Equestria.
...No. Something about the air smelled off. The ground she was lying on glowed with arcane light. She realized she had just teleported onto an arcane circle in a large room, designed to lure her in and trap her. And lo and behold, in front of her stood her despicable sister, her eyes wide in surprise, surrounded by guards in weird uniforms.
I should have expected this, she thought. With her magic reserves dangerously low, she knew what was going to happen, and she wasn't planning on going down like this. She won't give her the victory so easily.
Before anyone could lift a hoof, Nightmare lowered her horn and charged through the first door she laid her eyes on. Ponies yelped as they moved out to avoid getting skewered, and the door broke out of its hinges as the pitch-black alicorn ran out of the room. Celestia and her guards soon tried to follow, urging her to wait. As Nightmare ran through the halls of the building, various contraptions lining its walls, the guards in the building barely made an effort to hold her down. All they did was move out of her way and say inane things like "Please, you shouldn't be running, your Highness!", or "Please, calm down!". ...Did that one just bow to her? What has the royal guard come to? It looks like, in her absence, even the royal guard has fallen into a new level of incompetence. This was ridiculous, even for Celestia.
After a minute of galloping, Nightmare managed to find what seemed like an exit—a set of large double doors that led to a wide terrace outside. Not the ground floor, but no matter. I'm pretty sure my wings still work. With that, she burst open the doors, shut them behind her, and stared out at the beautiful night sky, her majestic wings spread wide open for flight. She then skidded to a halt as she noticed something very off. In front of the building lay a sea of well-dressed ponies, with some pegasi perched upon the nearby clouds in the sky. The crowd filled every inch of space around the building's perimeter as far as her eyes could see, with an occasional griffon, zebra, and other species mixed in.
The crowd immediately became deathly quiet as they noticed the large armored alicorn burst through the terrace doors. With their eyes wide, they stared at her as if she were a ghost. Nightmare stared back at them with her own wide eyes, trying to make sense of it. Did the entirety of the country's nobles gather here to mock my capture? To congratulate their puppet princess as they hold a ball right here? This was getting ridiculous. There were so many things that she didn't get. For one, she didn't know of any non-pony nobles in Equestria. She knew many of them were wearing dresses, but in styles that she was unfamiliar with. What were the zebras doing here? Just how long have I been trapped on the moon? With no time to dally, she prepared to send out a message to them before she took off.
"I assume all of you gathered to see the end of me." She straightened up and began speaking in her booming royal Canterlot voice. "Put in chains, dragged to the dungeons perhaps? WELL TOO BAD!" She slammed her armored hoof against the floor, making her audience flinch. She may have been depleted of magic, but she needed to make a strong stance, a show of confidence that she was ready to take on anything. As she focused on her speech, the Princess of the Night failed to realize the double doors behind her were already open.
"I am Nightmare Moon, and I have returned to resume my rightful rule on the throne of Equestria! Let me be clear again, little ponies. I shall never condone the existence of pathetic excuses for nobles who think they can get away with everything! And as long as any of you covetous leeches continue to gorge yourselves on the downtrodden, or dare try to manipulate my sister with your lies and misdirection, I can assure you..."
The jaws of the audience started to drop, and with a smile, the dark alicorn took a step closer to the edge of the terrace.
"...with absolute certainty..." And for dramatic effect, she spread her impressive wingspan to its fullest.
"...that the night will last... FOREVER!" Nightmare Moon let out her best evil laugh she had over a millennium, bearing her fangs out wide, relishing the feeling of scaring all those cowardly nobles to death. As she finished her intimidation with a satisfied smile on her face, she felt she had made her point well. Why, she could already feel them cower-
A deafening thunder of cheers erupted from the audience below, scaring the daylights out of her. Ponies were whistling, yelling, and stomping their hooves in joy. Shocked at their unexpected reaction, Nightmare wondered if they were mocking her. This puzzled her further because, at a closer look, she could tell that those ponies were not faking it. She saw genuine happiness, excitement, adoration, and in some cases, tears in their eyes.
Behind her, standing in the open doorway to the terrace, stood Princess Celestia, smiling with her crew of medical team and observatory personnel. Her thousand years of pain and longing were finally over. She had worried immensely whether the thousand years of confinement on the moon had scarred her sister's body and mind. But it seemed like Luna's vigorous body was back in one piece, with her brave and resolute personality intact, ready to protect what she held dear. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she thanked Harmony for safely bringing back what she had been missing for the longest time. Now, Celestia did not fear the prophecy. The future is not set in stone, and neither are prophecies. If Luna needed her utmost love and support, she would be there for her. If Nightmare Moon demanded retribution for the crimes against her, she would take the punishment. Regardless of her future, she would gladly accept it. After all, she knew her final act of atonement was yet to come, and with that complete, she knew Equestria would be safe.
On the terrace, Nightmare Moon stood still with a stunned expression, being continuously covered in irritating, clicking flashes of light from the crowd. She did her best to keep her cool, trying to comprehend the situation. Seeing the rotten nobles do something other than jeer or ignore her for once was a nice change of pace. But still, her head was only filled with one thought.
Just what in Tartarus is going on?!
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What?! No! You can't leave it like this.
That's not the end, it's the beginning!
I want to know what happens! Please!
I truly wish to see this continued from here. the premise and build up are amazing I just hope that this reaches a satisfying conclusion!
I have so many questions...
A masterpiece in its own, but this cliffhanger is soooo annoying
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I'm surprised to see this story getting a better reception that I had expected, thank you for enjoying it! I personally would like to see this story play out more before concluding, but im not a good writer and It unironically took me like 16 hours + figuring out the narrative direction for weeks to write a measly 2500 words 😭😭
I guess I could open this up as incomplete and write more chapters with anything on my mind. But I was afraid of making a dead fic with quality issues that stopped in the middle with no proper conclusion, or a fic that tormented readers by uploading like once in a year. If I figure out a more detailed direction for this story with a lot more spare time, I'll add more chapters to this, I promise.
this is such a good idea
Oh, that is such a nice idea behind this neat little piece of worldbuilding 😀
Positively inspiring! Well done
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I don’t think it needs to go on forever, just one or two more chapters where she reunites with Celestia would be really neat.
I'm mixed.
On the one hand, the idea of Celestia using the carrot instead of the stick upon NMM's return is intriguing, all Luna wanted was respect and praise for her dilligent, difficult work. On the other hand you've made Luna TOO perfect, too "right", narratively speaking that is. This is also more an outline than an actual story as well.
I like this. It is a great idea. You executed it well and left us wanting more.
If you don't feel like your writing skills are good enough to continue it, don't worry. They will improve, but don't be a perfectionist. If you wait until then, you'll never write it.
Just put a disclaimer on it that you're learning and experimenting and you might not finish it. I don't like to read unfinished stories, because in this medium you get disappointed when they don't get finished. If you put the disclaimer on it, you're letting people knowingly take that chance and it could be likely. Learn and most importantly have fun.
Homie really said 'skill issue.' 💀
while I like the idea, I feel like it is putting way too much blame on Celestia, and since it is not a comedy or parody, it is meant to be taken somewhat seriously. I can't agree with this.
While Luna was ignored and she did suffer, at the end she is still responsible for her own actions. To punish Celestia for everything is not right, nor justified.
To put it bluntly: Luna's actions is not justified compared to what happened to her. She didn't get enough attention and thus she went full traitor.
And if we go with the idea that Nightmare Moon is Luna being possessed, then this makes even less sense. Celestia shouldn't entertain the entity possessing Luna, nor give in to its power, but rather cleanse Luna from it.
This is a lovely fic! I too have wondered what would have happend if Celestia didn't hide Luna from history (heck, I'm currently writing a fic about that right now lol) and the way you executed the story is quite solid! It may be quite short, but in that short time you manage to concisely tell a fun narrative.
You say you have skill issues, but the quality of this story is quite high mate!
I'll be leaving a favourite and tracking the story if you ever wish to continue it
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Thanks for the feedback and encouragement! I like reading fics on this site but I really didn't expect to write one. This one was just stuck in my head for weeks so I ended up putting this thing together mostly just to clear out my mind. Never thought I'd be haunted by a pony AU idea.
I know I expected it to be difficult but it still turned out more complicated than I thought.(mfw grammarly doesn't fix all my writing problems
) But at the same time, I definitely had some fun trying to make this thing work!
memecreator.org/static/images/memes/5577753.jpg
(Thank you everyone for giving my story a try!)
Oh come on! You can't just end it here! I need to see what happens next! This is a fantastic story idea and you should really consider exploring it further with a sequel. Great work on this one.
I LOVE IT!!
Are you planning a sequel? Because this has potential and its a fantastic work!
as the world's leading nightmare moon simp i approve
The only bad part of this is THAT THERE IS NOT ENOUGH.
I
NEED
MORE!!!
THIS is how you end it!? No! There needs to be more to this! You can't just leave it all on a cliffhanger or without resolving Nightmare Moon's feelings about what's going on.
What they said. Great story, you should keep going.
Yeah does feel like there should be one more chapter, her getting explanation that she loved then her getting overwhelmed by her adorning public to the point she slowly transforms back into luna with out realising
Nightmare Moon did nothing wrong.
A bunch of people say Celestia had no choice but in all honesty if she had just done nothing actually there is an option because the night wouldn't have lasted forever weather nightmare wanted it or not you know why because regular ponies can raise the sun and the moon by themselves they don't need an alicorn to do it so it might have taken a lot but eternal night was never gonna happen, not a smart move Celestia.
Celestia has the theology of I can't have it nobody can.
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Celestia believes that if she can't have it nobody else can.
Sounds like a good entrance.
Scaring the daylight out of Nightmare Moon?!
That's quite a feat! (And I should remember that line.)
Nightmare Moon: "No more cake for you!"
: "What?! You can't-"
: *breaks down in tears*
Nightmare Moon: "Also, you will watch me eating Moon Pie every morning!"
Good story!
I enjoyed reading it.
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If that is your fear don't start a new story.
Instead continue this story line by opening a separate sequel, leaving this one completed.
I would really Like to see more of this story. (like, track, [just in case] and follow)
Hey, if this is your first story, I'd say you're already in the top quartile for this site. Some grammar polishing and a few other revisions, and you'd really have something good. If you're feeling strapped for ideas, maybe give ChatGPT a try?
Honestly, I kind of want to see more of this, if you are so inclined.
Interesting. Kind of reminds me of a similar story, but on her return NMM showed up in front of her celebrating ponies completely emaciated and weak from the lack of everything on the moon, yet wasn't allowed to die despite the lack of food, air, and water.
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Like this person said, YOU CAN'T LEAVE US HANGING, DUDEE! PLS DON'T ABANDON THIS TO THE DEPTHS
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Oh, that's good! Take your time, dude, I can't wait for more chapters!
Have you considered a sequel at all because this could be a very interesting and unique au set up?
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Fixed!
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I'm considering adding more chapters to this, and maybe a short sequel but that's if I figure out a more detailed narrative and conclusion that's not overtly bad. I'm currently busy preparing for a work related certificate, so I don't have much time to sit down and focus my mind on writing. Progress is slow unfortunately, and I can't tell how long it's going to take.
Nightmare Moon struggling to comprehend adulation will always make you want to chuckle.