Months after Jason Wright's invasion of Equestria, the Cutie Map summons the Elements of Harmony, Spike, and Princess Celestia to Griffonstone, where they meet an unexpected individual: a second human.
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She touched her own shoulder?
Also glad to see everyone getting together now. This should be interesting!
11682252
Fixed, thanks.
11682255
That was fast. Anyway thank you for the excellent chapter.
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You're welcome
Woo-whee!! Calling it now: everyone on that ship, as well as everyone else defending it, are going to have to go through the portal, leading to some delicious, delicious CHAOS!!!!!
And I thought the story was confusing before now it's going to be all confusing now it's going to be amazing
Wait, the Rainbow and Sunset here are human right? So how could Rainbows ears "droop" if their not pony like? Human ears cant do that.
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She’s in her ponyed up form.
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Ah ok, i missed that part.
So, you invented Atlantis to just do a crossover meet up and make the characters go 'woah' at each other? Eh... WAY too convenient.
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That’s how fictitious stories work…
11683329
The way you use the word 'fictitious' sounds like an excuse. Think about it. Gregory arrived in Griffonstone to conveniently find their lost relic and become their leader, rebuild their country, got a mansion, a girlfriend, a close circle of loyal friends, a dragon soul partner, and put on a pedestal over his disgraced heroes. Even though he has more allies than he reasonably should have due to being the obvious better choice than a country of apparent racists, his only setbacks are 110k word long 'banishment' which gave him even more allies, an ancient relic that literally came to him atop a mountain ALA Ten commandments to Moses, and a fever which granted him hitherto unknown powers. Now he gets to play the hero in front of more characters because there 'happens' to be a monster on the island near their cruise ship. He is naturally likeable, has barely struggled since the start of the story, and things are going his way all the time. He is definitely a mary sue now.
Lets go another chapter and seems things are still gray considering whats happening. After the conflic is resolved there is gonna be a lot of questioning from all the partys. The equestrians about this world, the EQG how could they do what they did and more and for the humans how did they ended here and how could they get back and maybe if they could cure Jason Cancer. Can´t wait the next chapter
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What you are saying is true, however, lots of people still enjoy the way this is being written (myself included). The Author does what he wants, and who’s to say he won’t throw a curveball in at some point in the near future. I personally believe that Gregory has Mary Sue traits as well, but the story itself is entertaining with all the lore. There are challenges here and there, the storm being one of them, but it’s obvious the author is building towards something.
This is an interesting development. They could try to get some human-world medical treatment for Jason. What if they had to use the mirror portal and Jason and Gregory returned to Equestria as Equestrians?
Right, because it couldn't have been due to the fact that they were an invading force that, from her perspective, attacked her, her friends, and her home completely unprovoked. Plus, I doubt doing all of that did the changelings any favors as far as their public image is concerned. Both before or after the attack.
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While IMO the lore of Atlantis is executed in a somewhat jank way & lackluster overall, I agree in that i still enjoy some parts of it too. But you have to realize that the lack of tension will underwhelm whatever the author has planned this all to build up into. By the time they will encounter the big problem, Gregory has all these allies, powers, & relics to call upon and fight the opposition. That victory will feel unearned because he has neither struggled or met any sort of resistance that matters for his character, nor are there any complications that challenge him and his relationships. Tartarus & the Atlanteans seemed like that sort of challenge, but it turned out to be a place where got hidden powers, and met friendlies who made for easy allies and conveniently gave his group a way out to meet more allies over on the EqG side of the mirror. Going forward, any future curveball will seem like a left field twist that stymies what little momentum it has going at best, & a deus ex that serves to save them from an inescapable rut at worst. Because really, that's what his hidden powers and the Gjallarhorn are, deus exes in his pocket. And that disappoints me, because as I still find things to enjoy in this story on a chapter-to-chapter basis, yet I look towards its future and feel no anticipation or excitement for what it has in store.
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I get where you are coming from. I guess it's up to the author what happens next, and hopefully the next bit will continue to be interesting.
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It probably will be, but I just can't shake that it will be lesser and dragged down for the big lack of tension the overarching story is missing and the easy setups he's done for Greg, such as allies, powers, and such.
i took a long break from this site since most of the stories were dead came back and saw tons of chapters for this book and binged them perfect as usual i see hope you doing well cant wait for more
11717324
Thank you, and I'm doing alright. I'm actually co-writing another Endingverse story on here with someone else and that's taking some attention away from this one. Hopefully when the other one is done I'll focus more on my personal stories.
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oooh which one id like to check it out
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https://www.fimfiction.net/story/536407/an-alternative-beginning
There’s a prequel you should read first though.
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List of references in order of appearance:
Star Wars
Doctor Who (Episode names: Rise of the Cybermen, The Age of Steel)
Doki Doki Literature Club (Space Classroom from Act 3)
Game of Thrones (Red Keep)
Daenerys appears on the horizon
ooh i just thought of something, so when passing through the mirror, characters change species right? is that gonna cause problems when they head back through?
also i like to think when they pass through to equestria girls world, Gregory and Jason just stayed aesthetically neutral human shape, so absolutely monstrous by Equestria Girls standards
After reading through this story, I’m not entirely sure how I feel about it. Part of me likes it, another part was pretty fed up with everything that’s happened to this point.
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Sorry for the late reply. Also, thanks for slogging thru that, even if it wasn't meant for you. That was more an impassioned breakdown rant for the author to read that doubled as a way for me to digest/process what I felt what didn't go well for the story.
Also, I beg to differ.
Last I recall of Jethro from Cloaked Heart (I stopped at the point where he magically got wings, ugh), he barely faced any sort of consequence or challenge to settling into his new life in Equestria. Everypony was just so eager to help him find his place, he was mentally given the ability to speak in Zecora's native tongue which won him her affection, his house was transported with him complete with modern amenities, and he was a charitable saint to a stranger, who likely came under his care too. Everything was handed to him, really, and everything he's done only makes him likeable.
On the other hand, Gregory did work to get his current position as chancellor, but all the difficulties are swept under a rug and we only see unhindered progress from his POV. This makes all of his achievements feel so easy in spite of their apparent impact on foreign politics and the world in general. Meanwhile, the Mane 6 are the ones facing all the difficulty, struggles, negative emotions, and actual development. It's only when he gets banished to Tartarus he faces an actual set back. But then that turns out to be a blessing on a silver platter too, since he makes another ally with the Atlanteans. And when they escape after another power up, his group gets to play hero and impress more people to make their allies in the EqG side.
It's obvious Mobius Green has made improvements in his main characters. Jethro was an outright mary sue who was given everything, while Gregory is a mary sue in performance. But in both stories, he also commits the same mistake. He hands his characters and his close allies win after win that it is impossible for them to lose, all to the point any reader with standards looking for texture, nuance, and inertia to the plot will get sick of their winning and be left wanting by its straight yet stale progression.
It's not that his main characters are too strong, but they have been given all the cards to play with no strong opposition built up to stand against them. The author has written himself into a corner to the point that making them lose in spite of all the allies and resources they have would be dumb.
I would recommend Empty Horizons and its sequel as a counterpoint to what Mobius isn't getting right. Those stories have an ebb and flow in their writing that is infused with strong drama and emotion. After being thrust centuries into the future, Twilight and her group slowly find out what happens to Old Equestria, but the journey pushes them away from innocent ideals and forces them to kill, ultimately 'corrupting' Twilight. Meanwhile, in order to assist Twilight's efforts from the side, Rarity leads her group by lying about being a noble to get into politics, but in equal measure, everything standing in their way makes her question if the present Equestria is actually worth saving.
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Maybe if you had kept reading you would have seen the challenges had yet to begin at that point. No long after eris discord female counterpart broke out the h*ll in a handbasket because eris is meaner than a snake. Unfortunately thanks to old grudge between the dragons and changelings the human had to fight to get peace and both sides tried to pound him. He had to use his brains just to win. Now he is king of the dragons and is trying to restore their old kingdom.