Months after Jason Wright's invasion of Equestria, the Cutie Map summons the Elements of Harmony, Spike, and Princess Celestia to Griffonstone, where they meet an unexpected individual: a second human.
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Still patiently waiting for Jason Wright to have his talk with this world's Discord, and probably have a moment when he pulls out a gun and points it at him to prevent another problem from happening.
Thank you very much for the much needed context. This had answered so many questions. Though I wonder where we can go from here.. Are all these magical beings going to have to go to the school to get back to Equestria?
I imagine their appearance will cause quite the stir among humans.
Backstory time good to get to know more of Celeste and Selene history cant wait to see whats next. Maybe i the next chapter we would see how the rest of the crew are handling the interactions with this other wordly creatures as well as the human 7 interaction with Rarity and Lady and how they would react to watching Spike as a dragon
I get that this was foreshadowed for some time. But it feels like you didn't lay enough ground work to make it compelling.
Tho really, the issues root much deeper ever since you chose to banish Gregory & company.
Even though the Novans did initially save them from the dangers of Tartarus, there wasn't much reason to care about them, since A) there was neither a good enough hook in their rescue itself or a central figure/detail to be intrigued about, B) their own foreshdow from the Dragons was also undersold & felt negligible, & C) Tartarus itself is equally as mysterious yet just as underdeveloped as the Novans themselves. See, there just wasn't enough pull or gravitas to wonder about. The box to tick in Tartarus was to survive & get out. But it was handed to them along with so many gains & cards to stack in Greg's favor so to speak.
We go through all that, end up on the other side at EqG land, & now Celeste is doing a story time about her long & sad backstory...
Yeah, you're doing a power fantasy again. Though unlike a Cloaked Heart where Jethro gains most of the power, mah dude Greg here is getting a bit of power with so many allies & resources leaning heavily in his favor. Different nuances, same pitfall.
But I digress. Celeste telling all this instead of some other physical more staged vector to reveal exposition takes away a lot of the impact & payoff. When we are told these things instead of discovering them along with the characters, that's spoonfeeding. And you've been doing that for the really important bits for a while now.
Still, while i do admit the arrest of the nobility was exciting to read & a breath of fresh air last chapter, i bet you totally forgot about the two other perps who orchestrated Greg & co's banishment in the first place. Because Celestia personally knowing the crazy leader & focusing her outburst on him seemed important, yet that thread has been sidelined since. Just like how Ms. Guilty Slutty Thrillseeker who is supposed to be with the vanguard group has been sidelined & quiet for a good long while now (because the only thing she ever seems to say whenever she comes up & talks is about how meat rod injection wasn't enough for her anymore & signed up for suicidal merc work to fill the cold void in her clam.)
Honestly, the 1st half of this story is still pretty great. Lots of excellent writing there. Still one-sided & distasteful given the sharp contrast of 'pony bad, every other creature good' overtones you were implying. Gee, I wonder where that came from?...
There was a VERY compelling focus on the intrigue of how the Mane 6 + Celestia were coping with reality & how they were going to reconcile with their sins. Their mental anguish & physical journey all juxtaposed against Greg's POV of how Jason's own story SHOULD have been & the glorious build up of Griffonstone from a slum to a jewel city--all of that painting a picture of two branching yet closely related circumstances which are virtually parallel timelines side by side that invoke themes of deep regret, self-reflection, & learning from past mistakes. Like looking thru the Mirror of Erised, and seeing a version of yourself happier & more fulfilled! These were very clear prosaic, poetic, & thematic throughlines you had going--you were pulling heartstrings back then like a lyre!
Now, after a somewhat hacknyed yet well-executed plot device banishment + slogging thru early 150k words of excessive romping around and gaining allies, powers, & mcguffins left & right which feels less crucial, more accessory, & power snowballing; seemingly in spite of all the personal, emotional, character-driven writing you did for the 1st 200k words, we're yet another ramshackle chapter into this clumsy syncretic attempt to explain how ponies & important characters have human dopplegangers & EqG has been somehow connected to Equestria all along...
All that is to say, you're ignoring all the strong substantial groundwork you've already done & trying to justify this story's fanfic canon against the show's canon by superficially hogtying multiple plot elements across the show & forcing them into agreement with far-fetched explanations.
So, let's have a closer look at one big fetch of a wrench you just introduced.
Weird wording when talking about one's own species aside, she's spelling it out right here. It's not just them four alone--three since Kathleen is dead, confirmation that Chrysalis has been alive for just as long--it's affecting all of them. Yet if Celeste, Selene, & Kane Fox are long lived too but tied to their counterparts who are functionally immortal, how are you gonna explain that an entire town of +1000 y.o. people are mirroring the Mane 6 & other ponies who have only been alive for a few decades on average? Who were the EqG Mane 6 & townies before they became the pony reflections they are now? Why hasn't a new Chrysalis counterpart come up yet? Clear inconsistency here, which is a more obvious sign of you floundering with the details. Is it gonna be some twisted samsara curse that conveniently makes those people turn into human versions of ponies who were just born over & over, and somehow other Chrysalis glitched out from the queue? Don't. Please don't.
...
So yeah... Excuse the rant and forgive me if i feel deflated for thinking this story has been in steady decline since chapter 26. Because you geniunely had me from the start & for a long time up until the Nor'wester. But i still like this story enough to not drop it and point this all out. Please consider that at the very least. Even if you don't plan to adjust or course correct how messy & cobbled the present plot has become.